So, already, I've gotten my four required reviews. That was fast. There won't be any more scenes AS descriptive as that, but they (obviously) do continue doing it… yeah. Anyway, here's chapter ten for you.
CHAPTER TEN: TrappedSpring came, with its mildness and reviving atmosphere. Flowers were reborn and started to grow again. The world seemed revitalized and fresh, and the hope of new beginnings hung in the air. Even the city was beautiful.
As softly and quickly as it had come, spring soon gave way to the heat and fantastical aroma of summer. Everything was at its peak, and the youthful feelings all around were contagious to even the eldest of elders. According to the ancient work, the Oziad, summer was the season of romance. This seemed to be true, for in the crowds it was not hard to pick out lovers holding hands or subtly interlocking a finger or two. Outside of restaurants, at tables shaded by umbrellas, lovers looked at each other adoringly. And even for the lovers who were afraid to leave the comfort of their homes because they would be scorned, love bloomed like a flower that would never wilt.
Peacefully, as the morning dew was beginning to lift, Madikien slept, with Elphaba sleeping contentedly in his arms. The room had changed some in the last few months; Elphaba's clothes were folded neatly on a shelf (though one of her dresses was on the floor) and her oils were placed next to them, lined up by how much each bottle had left. The rest of Elphaba's things, very scant and scarce, could be found in various parts of the room. There was now a table on one side of the room, having been moved from Elphaba's room, seeing as neither of them ventured into her room very often. They left the door between the rooms open, however, because the cat occasionally darted through his room. At the moment, the cat, having tired of searching for mice, was creeping around Madikien's room in search of its mistress, wanting milk.
"Elphaba, damn it!" The cat had pounced on the bed, disregarding the presence of Madikien, and scratched him as it landed. "That damned cat…"
She sat up, startled, and grabbed the cat. "Malky, there are enough mice in my room," she told the cat, "Shoo!" It ignored her waving it away and purred at her. She ran a hand along its back. "I see, you want milk, don't you?"
"I can't believe your going to actually give that thing milk, the damned cat attacked me. Its ferocious."
"Maybe Malky has a jealousy issue." She cradled the cat in her arms.
"It's out to get me." He could almost swear it winked at him.
"Or maybe Malky isn't the one with a jealousy issue." She kissed him lightly and got up to place a bowl of milk in the corner of her own room. To Madikien's delight, the cat followed her but did not return with her when she came back into the room.
"I don't want that thing in here anymore."
"What am I supposed to do? Close the door and leave it in there all alone?"
"It won't be alone; it has the mice and rats."
"Stop saying 'it'. You're the one who constantly pestered me about not naming 'it'." She slid back into bed.
"What kind of name is Malky, anyway?"
She threw a pillow at him. "Well, Malky is a better name than 'it'."
"I don't know about that."
She threw another pillow at him.
"Now you have no more pillows. How are you going to sleep?"
"Stop talking and I'll be able to sleep just fine." She rested her head against his chest and closed her eyes.
He put her two pillows back where they belonged; she didn't move and he didn't mind. "Are you planning on sleeping all day?"
"Just another hour." She mumbled, falling asleep.
Later, when they were both awake, the cat crept back into the room. Elphaba noticed this out of the corner of her eye as she was reading, but Madikien didn't see it right away. He was relaxed on a chair with his feet propped up on the table and she was on the other side of the room with her book, curled in her favorite spot on the bed, for it had the best reading light. The cat leapt onto the bed and crawled into her lap, pawing at her book. She moved it away, making a shooing gesture with her arm, pointing it back in the direction of her room. Whether or not the cat understood, she didn't know, but it didn't obey. It left her but stole further into the room, towards Madikien. Elphaba tried not to laugh audibly when the cat leapt up onto the table, rubbing its ears against his feet and purring.
In alarm, he shot up, falling out of the chair. This caused Elphaba to lose control of her laughter. "That wasn't funny," he muttered, climbing back into the chair.
She was still laughing, and the cat had stretched itself out comfortably on the table (almost smiling, Madikien suspected). After a few moments, when her laughter had subsided, he glared at her. "What? I didn't do anything!"
"I know that. But this evil little demon is yours and it's out to get me."
"Be grateful that the other evil little demons around here aren't out to get you."
"They never were. I never got bitten. Only you."
"You just wanted me to get bitten to death by a bunch of possessed rats and mice."
"Of course not, love. I simply meant to point out that they rarely come in here; it seems to be your room that they like. That isn't such a problem for you now." He snatched the cat off of the table and placed it in the other room, almost dropping it when it began to hiss at him. When he moved to close the door, Elphaba insisted that he leave it open.
"Would you please let Malky wander? For me?" She faked a pout.
He sighed. "You know the answer to that. As usual, I let you have what you want. But at least try to keep it from wandering in here too much, I don't care how."
"Fine. You know what? You can shut it in there at night so we don't have a repeat of this morning's incident. But only at night. Is that good enough for you?"
"Better than nothing." He glanced out the window when he saw the cat slink back into the room. "Hey, look. I think it's getting dark."
"Nice try. The sun has barely begun to set and we haven't even eaten dinner, my dear."
"Hungry?"
She pretended to be irritated and rolled her eyes. "I'm not arguing. It is summer, after all, and the sun does set pretty late in these months."
"Right. It can't be earlier than seven."
"Fine. We'll eat. But the cat stays in here until both of us decide to go to bed."
"In my mind, it's always time to go to bed." He sat down next to her on the bed and pulled at her dress playfully.
"Madikien!"
"What? I can't help it!"
"You can and you will."
"Not when you're around. Believe me, baby, if you were me and could make love to someone as beautiful as you every night, you'd be acting the same way." He brought his lips to her neck.
"Stop the flattery." She pushed him away kindly, not angry. "Not now. Dinner."
"After dinner…?"
"You need to learn to control yourself." She glared at him, trying desperately to be serious.
"I don't see why." He slid his hands around her waist.
"We're going to starve if you don't stop this." She threatened.
"I won't starve. All I'm craving for is you."
"What is it, a full moon tonight?"
"Why do you ask?" He pushed her gently onto the bed beneath him and kissed her, slipping his arms around her back to unfasten her dress.
She broke the kiss, cheeks flushed. "You're behaving like an animal, darling."
"That could be fun…"
"Madikien, stop it!" She was laughing.
He pulled back a little and gave her a disappointed look, going for a guilt trip.
She ignored it. "Thank you." She got up, picked up the cat, put it in her room and closed the door. "We are going to eat dinner now. But if you can control yourself a little, we'll have plenty of time left for dessert."
"How much time is plenty of time? Dessert is my favorite part of dinner, after all, and it seems I just can't get enough of it; especially recently."
"Eat." She sat down at the table and grabbed a piece of wheat bread. "We have all night for dessert."
They never even got around to clearing the table.
When it finally did begin to get actually dark, they were comfortably in bed, with a few drops of sweat still trickling down their bodies, and Elphaba was more than ready to fall asleep. As he absentmindedly ran his thumb and forefinger along her cheek, wiping away a drop of sweat, Madikien looked into her eyes. "I love you."
"Madikien…"
"No, love. I mean it. I do." He kissed the top of her head. "I love you."
But she couldn't repeat those words. She looked away from him and brushed his hands away from her face.
"Did I say something wrong?"
She thought for a moment. "No." His arm went back around her and she kissed him, finding yet another way to avoid saying those dreaded three little words. After a moment, she looked at him curiously. "Do you really?"
"Do I really what? Love you? Yes."
"Are you sure?"
He laughed and kissed her. "I love you. I love your sarcasm. I love the way you give in to me without really giving in. I love your mind. I love your skin. I love your body. I love just being near you. Hell, I even love that damned cat if it makes you happy. I love going to sleep knowing you're asleep right next to me. I love the fact that you don't complain about eating almost nothing but bread. I love how stubborn you are. I love it when you refuse help because you have to do everything possible yourself. I love your strength and willpower. I love everything about you. Absolutely everything." She looked up at him a little weakly and smiled. He tightened the arm around her and let her settle in to sleep, curled next to him the way she always fell asleep. And then he whispered one more time, "I love you," he paused a moment before adding, "and I always will."
He awoke when the sky was still dark. The moon was setting but there was no sign of the sun. At first, he couldn't figure out why he'd woken up at such a strange hour, but then he noticed Elphaba shivering as she slept in his arms. She couldn't be cold, they were both covered in the blanket and the air wasn't even cold to begin with. Was she having a nightmare? Somehow, he didn't think she had nightmares. And if she did, he doubted they would actually instill any fear in her. He nudged her.
She didn't stop shivering when she opened her eyes wearily. "What?" Her voice was hoarse.
"Are you feeling okay?"
"I'm fine." She muttered, rolling over.
"I don't think so, Elle." He reached for her, noting that her hands were clammy.
"I was more than fine a few hours ago; I'm fine now. This is probably just some random case of the shakes that'll be over in a few minutes. Stop worrying. If it bothers you, I can sleep in my own room tonight."
"You're not getting out of bed and you certainly aren't leaving the room. I won't let you. And I doubt that you could if you tried, not in this shape."
Resentful of his last comment, she tried to pull herself up with her hands and swing out of the bed. Before he could even move to stop her, all she'd succeeded in doing was collapsing back onto her arms. Still, she refused to give in. "I'm just a little tired. I'll be fine."
"Would you please just admit that you're sick and let someone else take care of you for once?"
"No, because I'm not sick."
Gently, he pulled her over to him and placed a hand softly on her forehead. "Believe me, love, you are sick."
"It's hot outside. Of course I'm a little warm." She turned away from him and closed her eyes.
"Will you listen to me?"
She shook her head.
"Well, then answer this: how is it that you're shivering like mad, you're burning up, your hands are clammy and your voice doesn't sound even remotely normal, and yet you still tell me that you're not sick."
She tugged at the blanket.
He got up, got a little more light and then sat on the edge of the bed, looking at her. "You can't just ignore it; you'll get worse. I refuse to watch you put yourself through more pain than you should go through."
She didn't have the energy to argue, but she tried and protested anyway. "If I am sick, then you're going to get sick, too. I should be in my room." Something about the tone of her voice made it sound as if she was determined to actually get up, but she didn't even try.
"Stay in bed."
"I'm beginning to see that I have no other choice."
"It took you long enough."
"I wasn't sick a few hours ago…"
"Shhh, I know." He got up and poured her a glass of milk. "Drink this. Do you need anything?"
"No. There's not much to do except sit back and wait for a few weeks until I get better."
"You've been sick like this before, haven't you?"
"Twice. Once when I was very little and again two years before I went to Shiz."
"You said it lasted weeks?"
She winced. "Three weeks to a month."
Her hair was sticking to her forehead from sweat – sweat that he knew was from the sickness and couldn't possibly be from making love, because that had been hours ago, not only moments, the way sleep made it seem. He wiped her forehead with the blanket. "Are you sure there's nothing that helps?"
"I would've told you already if there was."
"Then the best thing you can do right now is sleep." He wrapped the blanket around her. "I'll be right here if you need anything."
"But you don't have to - "
"But I will. Go to sleep."
"Thank you."
"I love you. Now for the last time, baby, get some sleep."
Whether out of sleepy emotion or a very hazy delirium, she opened her mouth to tell him that she loved him, too. But he hushed her again, so she did as she was told and fell asleep.
A week later, still sick, Elphaba lay awake in bed, watching Madikien move around the room. She was envious; she wanted to be up and moving about, too. "You go, please. Tell Yackle I'm sick. One of us has to go." This had been her main argument in the last few days, they were both supposed to report in that day. Madikien knew she only nagged at it so much because she was too weak to have a real argument.
"As I said, I'm not leaving you here like this."
"I'm fine. It's not as if I'm deathly ill."
"But you slip in and out of that stage quite easily. Who knows how long it'll be before your fever runs up again? Besides, I'm a bit tired myself."
"If you didn't stay up half the night watching over me and actually got some sleep, you wouldn't be so damned tired. I don't need to be watched every minute of every day, you know."
"You shivered so much last night, baby, that you almost fell off the bed, and would have if I hadn't noticed and stopped you. And twice this past week you've woken up, very confused and completely delirious. Oh, and let's not forget that if your fever keeps running up so dangerously high – which, by the way, happens at least once every twenty-four hours or so – and someone doesn't take care of you the right way, it could kill you."
"You are overreacting. I'm not going to just die on you."
"I'm not overreacting and you know that just as well as I do. When you've been sick like this before, how many people took care of you? How long were you left alone?"
When she'd been very young, Nanny had cared for her when she was ill, all too happy to grumble about Frex's faults to something that could hear her, even though she'd been an infant. In the years before Shiz, Nanny and Nessa had always been around. Nessa couldn't go anywhere and Nanny had to look after Nessa. Madikien was right, even in her moments of delirium she could've known that much. She couldn't do well on her own at the moment, but she hated confessing to needing anyone. "I don't remember. I was sick; everything's a bit cloudy. But I'm fine right now."
"Love, you can't even get around unless you crawl."
"But I'm not dying."
"Not now. But it's too unpredictable; it's not consistent. I'm staying and that's the final word." He handed her a glass of milk and some crackers.
She gulped down the milk but refused the crackers. "I don't feel very hungry just now."
"Eat them anyway." He knew that Elphaba had always been very bony and thin, but she was worse than just thin. Even when she was wrapped tightly in a blanket, he could swear it was possible to count her ribs without straining his eyes.
"But I'm not feeling well."
"I don't care. You have to eat."
Knowing he wasn't going to back off, she munched on the crackers resentfully. "I feel like an infant right now."
"You're sick. I don't care how old you are, when you're this sick, someone has to take care of you."
"And you're the one stuck with me."
"I don't have to take care of you, you know."
"But you are taking care of me. And you're doing this by yourself and you're worn out. I feel guilty; you'd be fine if you didn't have to take care of me." She reached for his hand.
He took her hand in both of his and played idly with her fingers. "You need to worry about yourself, not me. There's nothing to feel guilty about. People get sick; it's not in human control." Glancing out the window, he motioned to Elphaba to keep down. "It's Jansied. Shit. He'll kill me if he sees you." He called out the window, "Jansied, wait right there. I'll be out in a minute." Turning back to Elphaba, he said, "I'm not going anywhere. But I have to tell him that and if he comes inside… well, you know. I'll leave the window open; let me know if anything is severely wrong, all right?"
"All right."
He climbed out the window. "I can't go in today."
"And why in Oz not?" Jansied demanded.
"She's sick – very sick. I don't want to leave her alone for so long."
"She'll live, come on!"
"No. Listen to me, bring Yackle back here and then I'll go with you."
Jansied muttered and obscenity. "Fine."
As soon as Jansied was out of sight, Madikien hopped in the window, careful not to land too close to Elphaba. "Find something to argue with me about in that solution."
She smiled at him meekly.
He felt her forehead again. Giving her a worried look, he said, "You're burning up even more. This must be hell for you."
"At least I can sleep through it. But you have it worse because you have no choice."
"Stop feeling guilty, it's making me feel guilty." He took her hand again and watched her until there was a noise at the window.
"There had better be an easier way to get in there." Yackle's face appeared.
"Not in this room." He glanced around. "There's a door at the bottom of the stairs in her room. I've never bothered with it. Is the door on your left locked?"
Yackle tried the door. "Yes."
"One moment." He dashed through the other room, which looked thoroughly uninhabited except for the cat. He went down the stairs (and passed a few dead mice – Malky's doing), fumbled with the lock and yanked on the door. It probably hadn't been used for at least a year or two and it was stuck. It only opened after he'd kicked it aggressively for the third time.
Malky pranced down the stairs, receiving a pat on the head and purring when Yackle said, "Good cat."
"That's what it wants you to think." Madikien said under his breath.
"Where is she?" The old woman turned to him.
He led her up the stairs. "She's in my… she's in the other room." It had just hit him that Elphaba was in his bed, the sheets on which there were a few questionable stains. Neither of them had given that much thought, it seemed. Bracing himself for the questions, he entered the room with Yackle.
But all she said was, "You go and report in. Jansied is waiting for you. I'll stay with her until you return."
He was hesitant about leaving his lover to face the bombardment of questions by herself, especially because she was ill. But Yackle shot him a look, so he mouthed "I love you" to Elphaba and left.
When he was gone, Yackle sat at the edge of the bed. "Well, it's about time."
"Not now." Elphaba struggled with the blanket.
"I'm not scolding you, dearie. All I'm saying is that you've done just about all you needed to do and sacrificed a lot. Tell me, was it any good?"
"Was what any good?"
"The sex, dearie."
"Just because you're old and can't get any doesn't mean you have a right to the details of my sex life." Elphaba said bitterly.
"So it was good. Good for you."
"Did I say that?"
"No. But I can tell from how defensive you are that it was."
"Right. Just keep thinking that."
"So it wasn't any good?"
"Ugh! I didn't say that!"
"I'm just teasing you, dearie. But that's not important. Tell me you've got information for me."
Elphaba didn't know what to say. Yeah, sure, I overhead these suspicious conversations months ago that I should have told you about before…That obviously wouldn't pass. She'd made the choice not to say anything and she knew it wouldn't look very "dedicated" if she backed down and said something now. It was probably best for her to just forget to mention that again. She hadn't really heard anything that sounded all that important, anyway. "Well, no. As far as I can tell, there is no information to be getting."
"As far as you can tell? What's beyond your ability to tell?"
"When he's not here…"
"You're supposed to follow him."
"I did," she lied, yet again, "once. Nothing."
Yackle looked at her skeptically. "That was once. Follow him again. Are you sure you're not neglecting to tell me of anything he's done that was the slightest bit suspicious?"
Elphaba shook her head, only then noticing how badly it ached. She brought a hand to her head. Her brain felt like it was simply putty, being jumbled around and reshaped every minute. "Do you have to keep nagging me? I'm a little ill, if you couldn't tell." She closed her eyes for a moment.
The old woman looked unconvinced, but she left it alone. She looked at Elphaba, who was still holding her head as if she were about to self-destruct. "How long have you been like this?"
"Too long. I don't know. I can't keep track of time very well." She groaned, shivering violently.
Yackle reached to feel Elphaba's forehead. "I'm going to assume you're not contagious."
"I'm not contagious." Elphaba confirmed.
"That's what I thought, seeing as Madikien doesn't have it and you two have been exchanging more bodily fluids than just saliva."
Before Elphaba could react to Yackle's obviously vulgar statement, she was thrown into a loud coughing spell.
"You sound awful," the old woman observed.
"I know that."
"How sick do you feel?"
"I feel like someone has thrown me into a lake."
Yackle fumbled through her coat pockets for a bottle of dark liquid and poured some into a glass. "Drink this."
Elphaba sat up and cautiously sipped the liquid. "What is it?"
"It'll help you sleep. But it won't kick in for another hour."
"Thank you…" She wasn't quite sure yet if she should be thankful.
The two women made idle conversation for the next half hour, though Elphaba couldn't remember for the life of her what it was about. Yackle got up when Madikien entered through the window.
"It's best I get going now." Yackle grinned at Elphaba. "And dearie, I'm impressed with your progress on that assignment. To be honest, I wasn't sure you'd follow through, at least not take it as far as you did. Report in when you feel better. I want real information." She turned to Madikien. "Take care of her, we need her. You look tired, both of you. I'll leave this." She placed the bottle of liquid on the table. "Feel better."
Madikien sat down on the bed. "What was that about?"
"You don't want to know." And she was telling the truth.
"Did she get angry with you about us?"
"Not really."
"It probably wasn't the best idea to leave you in my bed…"
"Don't worry about it. She doesn't care."
"Did she say anything about it?"
"Not directly. She made a few subtle…" She was coughing again.
He waited for her to stop coughing before saying, "You still don't sound too good. Are you feeling any better?"
She looked at him pathetically.
"I'll take that to mean no." He pulled the blanket, damp with sweat, away from her and tossed it to the side. He grabbed the blanket at the foot of the bed, which he'd taken from Elphaba's room, and tossed it to her. "Not any worse, I hope?"
"Just the same."
"Well, that could be a good thing." He noticed the bottle half full of murky liquid on the table. "What in the name of Oz…?"
"I don't know. She said it'd help me sleep better." Elphaba groaned and lay back in the bed. "I don't think it will work. I can't sleep when my head is pounding this way." She thrashed uncomfortably in the blanket.
He kissed her forehead, but pulled back immediately. Alarmed, he felt for her temperature. "Not again." It came as no surprise that she was shaking. "Baby, you're feverish."
All he got in response was a coughing fit.
"I don't believe this could possibly be as hellish for me as it must be for you." Just then she abruptly stopped shaking, and he realized she'd gone unconscious. "Elphaba? Damn it… Come on." He grabbed a towel and poured on it a little of the coldest liquid he could find (excluding water, of course), which turned out to be Yackle's mysterious sleep remedy and he placed it on her forehead. She'd been weak at times, but she hadn't once slipped into unconsciousness before. Her breathing was slow, but constant, and there was nothing for him to do but replace the towel every once in a while and wait for her to regain consciousness –which he assumed she would.
Nothing happened.
And nothing happened.
For seven agonizing hours, she didn't wake, she didn't move, she didn't flinch, she only breathed. He was struggling to stay awake when, in the middle of the night, she twitched a little and opened her eyes.
She coughed and murmured. "Madikien?"
He jumped. "Are you all right?"
"A little thirsty."
He handed her a glass of milk. "Has that happened before? Because if it has, it would've been nice of you to warn me that you might go unconscious."
Her eyes narrowed at the bottle of dark liquid on the table. "No, it hasn't happened before. Never." She tore the towel from her forehead and flung it off of the bed. "Help me sleep better? I was lucky it didn't permanently put me to sleep." She muttered darkly.
"Do you really think that stuff caused you to black out?"
"Yes. I… I can't even remember what happened after I'd swallowed a few drops. I don't think it was intended to hurt me, whatever it was." And she remembered how disbelieving Yackle had looked, and then she knew what it had been meant for. "It was meant to make me talk." Elphaba stopped with a disturbing realization. Yackle thought she was hiding something. Her head was spinning. Well, she was hiding something. Ever conversation she'd overheard between Madikien and Jansied… Was it obvious? Why did she keep hiding everything? Why hadn't she said something before?
She looked at Madikien, suddenly feeling very weak and discovering that she was still quite sick. "Oh, this isn't good. This is definitely not good." And she wasn't sure if she meant the fact that she hadn't said anything to Yackle before or if she meant the reason why she hadn't said anything to Yackle before (the reason staring at her, worried). Agitated, she placed her head in her hands. She was betraying someone either way.
"Elphaba…" He put his arms around her, confused and concerned.
Silently, she thanked him for holding her without even needing to know why. "Don't ask. Please, just don't ask." She felt as if everything within her was about to collapse and she buried her face in his shoulder. Even she couldn't handle so much at that moment, not when she was feeling so ill. "I'm sorry."
"For what?"
"For falling apart like this." And for whatever else I may do…
"This hardly qualifies as falling apart, Elle."
"It does to me."
"And what's a complete mental breakdown, then? A tear? Do you ever cry?"
"I've only cried once, and I was a baby. Crying hurts too much. Tears are just water with salt."
He shook his head in incredulity. "Well, anyway, love, you're still sick. You're allowed to… fall apart, if you want to call it that. I love you."
You weren't supposed to love me…
When she looked into his eyes, she saw the reflection of an expression that, just for that millisecond of a moment, was crossing her face. She looked terrified. Well, she was terrified. But, in that short time, she'd lost herself for an instant; her face had shown too much, and only then was she aware of how trapped she really was. It uncovered something beyond that face, something disturbingly and fearfully broken and alone. Behind her eyes, she huddled in a corner like a caged animal (or Animal, if it may be), crouched in the dark, pretending not to feel forlorn or afraid and wishing, wanting, needing to be taken care of. Almost caught off balance, she bowed her head, hoping he hadn't seen what she'd seen in her eyes.
But he had seen it. And when she lifted her head again, he reexamined her face only to find that her expression was blank. That look had been there, though; he was sure of it. As strange as it seemed, he'd never thought that she could feel frightened. He wondered what could possibly be horrifying enough to scare her and he couldn't think of anything. His mind filled with questions and curiosity, not to mention unease. He wondered what she was so afraid of. Then he caught himself and wondered who she was so afraid of. Who in Oz could instill so much fear in someone so unconcerned with worry, so unafraid? Not knowing if there was anything better to do, he held her close and let her fall asleep in his arms.
Little did he know that the answer to all of his questions, what had made his lover so afraid, was right there with him; for it was Elphaba herself.