She wouldn't allow them to discuss it for the rest of the day. "I promise we'll talk tomorrow," she said.
He'd taken a minute to answer, for he'd still been recovering from the initial shock. "I will never understand you, love."
"I don't know what I need to say, that's all. And I don't think it's quite sunk in yet, at least not for you. Sleep on it."
"You're sleeping with me. I don't want you out of my sight. Hell, you can have the bed and I'll sleep in a chair if you wish, but I can't leave you alone." Suddenly she seemed critically fragile and he didn't want to think about anything happening to her. When she fell asleep, he watched her, unable to decipher his emotions. After some time, he gave up and let his waking mind rest while his sleeping mind continued to work through this new development.
She was already up and moving around when he woke up the next morning. "Am I allowed to say something now?" He asked, settling near the fire on the floor.
"One minute." She finished what she was doing and sat next to him. "Now you may."
"I'm not the first to know, am I?"
"I…"
"Yackle knows. You went to see her two days ago. That woman notices everything. She had to have said something."
"Well, you've worked a little too hard on that assignment, haven't you?"
"She knows." Elphaba told him, hearing the old woman's voice in her head. "She offered me a drink… I took it, since she was drinking from the same jug she poured mine from."
"Good idea. Better be careful around her. Did she yell?"
Again, she remembered Yackle's words…
"Next time you come in here, you're meeting with a doctor; I believe I know of one or two that wouldn't say anything. And dearie, you should've been counting the days. I would've thought you were careful enough to do that. But there's nothing to do about it now. I think you can use it to your advantage. When you're like this, he can't betray you. This is the time to dig for information. Do it."
"She was a bit disappointed in me, but she isn't furious or anything."
"And how are you supposed to help the campaign?"
"Oh, I'm not sure. I don't know if I can."
"I have so much to ask and say right now." He took both of her hands. "How long have you known, anyway?"
"I couldn't be sure. A little while ago, though, I pretty much knew."
"This is what you couldn't explain to me?"
"I didn't know how to tell you. I didn't know how you'd react or what you'd think. As a matter of fact, I still don't know what you think."
"Neither do I."
"It complicates things a lot. How are we supposed to continue hiding that we're together? It'll become difficult. And though Yackle knows, so it's fine for me, I don't think you want certain people finding out."
"Jansied would pull me out of here without thinking twice."
She looked at him, worried. "What are you going to do? Maybe it would be better for you if you left."
"At a time like this? I wouldn't leave you at all, but now? That's possibly the worst thing I've heard you say."
"All I meant was that it'd make things worse for you if Jansied found out." Especially if Yackle's right, she thought.
"I'll worry about that when it happens. I'm not leaving you." He squeezed her hands as if to indicate such. "We'll figure out what to do eventually. How far along are you?"
A little ashamed, she said. "That's a good question. I can estimate, but I really don't know. Maybe I could narrow the gap more if we weren't so… active. But I guess just because we're a little young, and restless, and curious…"
"And in love."
"And, well, you know what I'm getting at. Because of that, it's hard to tell."
He nodded solemnly. "Why didn't we stop to think that this could happen?"
"We didn't exactly want to stop."
"One of us should have known better."
"We both knew better. But that doesn't mean we used the best judgment. And I'm the one who should've known better, I wasn't being careful. Hell, how was I supposed to be? We don't even know one day from another. Oh, no…"
"What is it, baby?"
"We need to find out what day it is the next time we get the chance. And we need a calendar. I'd like to know how far along I am before I start losing track of time and, just so you know, we're not letting this happen again."
"Agreed. I believe you still haven't given me an estimate of how far along you think you are."
"Somewhere between three and three and a half months."
Madikien looked at her again. She had filled out a little, but most people would just assume she'd gained weight. Truth be told, if a person who hadn't ever met her before were to see her at that moment, they wouldn't even give it a second thought; they'd probably say she looked to be about average weight. However, for someone normally so thin, he could see an obvious change in her body. And it worried him. "This could be dangerous for you…"
"It's always dangerous, darling."
"But especially for you. You're pretty tall, love, but otherwise, you're too small, too slim. Maybe you're not physically ready for it. Your body is normally so thin. It can't possibly handle this."
"I'm not going to break like glass." She said offhandedly.
"If you say so." He thought for a few minutes, sitting there in silence. "This is going to change things." That seemed to sum everything up.
"Too much change. I don't want this." Elphaba didn't want this as a part of her life. Then again, she hadn't wanted Madikien in her life when this had all started, either, and now she didn't want anything else. But he didn't get in the way of everything else she wanted to do; this was different. He was right, in away, that she wasn't ready. She had too much to do and having one person who loved her was more than enough. Her mind balked at the idea of having a child. It wouldn't just get in the way of her work, it'd get in the way of her privacy, it'd get in the way of her emotions, hell, it'd just get in the way. In a fury, she kicked the table. "Damn it! I don't want this!"
He tried to coax her. "Elle, it'll be fine. Yes, things will be different, but it's not going to ruin everything."
"How about my life? I can't do anything for the campaign because I'm not going to be physically able much longer. And even after that, I'll have to stay home and take care of it. I can't do that. I can't be a mother."
"It won't turn out as badly as you think, I promise."
"I was perfectly content living the way we were. We had our own time, alone. We won't anymore."
"I'll still love you. That will never change."
"But it will. I like being alone with you where we can do whatever we want whenever we want. Life was so easy…" She groaned. It was sad to realize that she resented a child that wasn't even born.
"You'll feel differently in time. Besides, I hate to say this, love, but there's nothing to do now." He wondered how he could reassure her this way when he was uneasy about the situation too. "I love you."
"Maybe we can give it up, send it to an orphanage?"
"No! I lived in an orphanage for six years, remember? That's probably worse than living on the streets. I will not do that to a child."
She closed her eyes, moving uncomfortably back to lean on the wall and hugging her aching stomach. "What am I going to do?"
"I hope you meant to say 'we'. You're not alone. I'm not leaving you."
"I am alone. You said earlier that either one of us could walk out on the other no strings attached. Well, you're wrong. At least for me. You can still walk away. This is physically part of me. I have no choice."
But he knew his options. And for all rights and purposes, he was not fond of the idea of her having a child. But he did love her and he would stay. "We will find a solution, I…" As he glanced at her and out the window again, he did a double take. "Elle, baby, you're bleeding."
She seemed to take this in slowly, as if she was on a ten second delay.
"Elphaba? Are you okay? Did you hurt yourself?"
Swallowing her instinctive fear, she looked down at her dress. Open mouthed, her eyes widened. A small cry escaped from her throat and she caught her breath. "Go. Now. Find Yackle."
"Why?"
"Just go. Tell her I'm physically unwell." She didn't know if he'd realized what was going on yet, so she didn't specify. "She'll have to contact someone before she gets on her way, and she might take a bit longer to get here, but that's all right. I'll be in my room. No more questions, please."
It had suddenly dawned on him what could be happening. "You'll be fine?"
"I don't know, but I'll have less of a chance of being fine if you don't go now!"
Throwing her one more glance, he pulled himself out the window. He ran to the shelter, making it there in less than two minutes. When he came in, he was wheezing heavily.
Haladean, Yackle's right hand man, it seemed, approached him the moment he entered.
Madikien cut him off before the man had even said anything. "I need to find Yackle. Now."
"She'll be out in a minute. Right now she's having a very important discussion with some very important people." Haladean gestured towards the "wall" with the room beyond it.
"I don't care. It's an emergency."
"You better hope so if you're going to make me pull her out of a meeting like this. That woman will not be happy when she gets out here."
"I said I don't care. Please. Just get her."
The elder man shook his head, but went and brought Yackle back with him to the entrance.
"What in Oz is going on?" The old woman asked, irritated.
Madikien had just noticed how many people were in the room. "Come outside. I'll tell you then." He practically dragged her out of the shelter. "Elphaba isn't well. She's bleeding."
"A little blood?"
"Not a massive amount of blood, but not a little blood, either."
For a moment, it seemed as if a smile crept across that wrinkled face, but it was gone when he looked again. "Go back to her. I'll be there as soon as I can. I have to get in touch with someone."
Elphaba was in her room, watching the cat as she was curled up in pain. "She's coming," he told her. He moved towards her, reaching a hand out.
"Get out of this room, please."
"Not until she gets here. And maybe even then I shouldn't leave the room, considering what happened to you the last time the old bitch tried to give you medical 'help'."
She brought her dress to her eyes – drying a tear. "I don't want you in here. You don't need to be in here. You don't need to see this. I'm begging you, Madikien, please, just listen to me."
When he saw how freely tears were dropping from her eyes, he was alarmed. She was really suffering. "Elphaba…"
"No! Out!"
"If you want it that way. Yackle will be here soon." He couldn't help but ask her one more question. "How long am I going to be forced to sit in my room not knowing how you're doing?"
"I don't know. Hours. Days. I have no idea, Madikien, please…" She was sobbing now, which finally convinced him to leave the room.
Twenty minutes later he heard voices on the other side of the door. He was more than relieved to hear Elphaba's voice among them. Cautiously, he moved nearer to the door. He didn't plan on entering, just listening. When the door opened and almost hit him, he jumped.
Yackle closed the door behind her. "Hear anything good?"
"What's going on?"
"Sit down." The old woman took the chair across from the one he took. "Now, what was it you wanted?"
"You know what I wanted. What is going on?"
"It might not be anything other than a little out of the norm. Wedietta doesn't know yet."
"Who?"
"Do you really think I know what to do to help her?"
"You had no problem 'trying to help her' before."
"I heard some interesting facts from that. Don't worry, nothing bad. Only intimate little details."
"What could be going on?" He refused to let her bait him into forgetting about the calamity continuing in the other room.
"Fine. I just thought you'd be curious to know how well you…"
He was much more curious about other things at the moment. "She'll tell me what she wants to tell me and that's enough. I don't need anything from you. Tell me what's going on, or what could be going on."
Just then, the door opened and a short, plump woman who couldn't be more than thirty-five gestured to Yackle to return to Elphaba's room. The door was shut swiftly behind them.
He was lying on his back in the bed, trying to discern what was going on by listening to the voices through the wall. It had been hours. Yackle's voice drifted out of the room. "Perhaps this was meant to happen. It's how you wanted it, isn't it? I know it hurts, but believe me; it would have hurt worse had you carried it to term. I guess something up there, or, perhaps, down there, knew what you wanted."
When Yackle finally entered his room, he said, "Are you going to tell me what's going on now, or should I close my eyes and not waste my breath?"
"She'll be fine."
"She will be fine. Is she fine now?"
"Fine is a very vague word."
"What happened?"
Yackle seemed almost empathetic for a split second or two. "It's common. A lot of pregnancies result in miscarriage."
"She lost it."
"Maybe it's better that way. It wasn't the best time for her to be pregnant, anyway." She looked at him pointedly.
"What?"
"If you think I don't know it was yours, you're incredibly ignorant. As if it wasn't obvious enough, you're forgetting that I did learn some very intimate details. Therefore, I can figure things out, no matter how old I am. I may be an old woman, but I am not stupid."
"You still shouldn't assume anything."
"I don't assume, I know."
Fed up with her implications, he asked, "How is she?"
"Obviously she went through some pain. And she didn't naturally get rid of all of it."
"I don't know if I want to understand what you mean."
"There was still some fetal tissue left…"
"And?"
"You're not going to want to hear about this."
"I want to know what happened."
"It's hazardous to leave that tissue in her, it's unhealthy. Are you sure you want to hear this?"
"Yes. Go on."
"Some tissue had to be scraped out of the womb."
He winced.
"I told you that you wouldn't want to hear it. Do me a favor, leave her be for two months or so."
"Leave her be? As in, pretend she doesn't exist?"
"No. Unless that's the only way you won't touch her. She's going to bleed for a while longer and she might not want to be around anyone anyway. I assume you'll understand that?"
"I'm not an insensitive bastard."
"Fooled me. Oh, two more things. One, there were some… complications from this entire ordeal. There was a fair amount of blood and she didn't react well to the sight of it. Unfortunately for her, she had very bad timing, because she tried wrenching away while the dead tissue was being removed. She's got a cut, but it'll heal and scar over. It's not severe or anything and it shouldn't cause her any discomfort as long as you don't touch her for a while, as I told you. I'm only telling you this because I know how intimate the two of you are. Aside from that, it's almost seems like it never happened, at least physically. Two, make sure you tell her that I left her this," she removed some paper from her bag. "Farewell. Let's not have an incident like this one again." And then she was gone.
He looked down at what Yackle had left for Elphaba. It was a calendar. Flipping through the pages, he found that Yackle had circled what day it was. He knew not to bring it to Elphaba that moment, she probably didn't want to see or talk to anyone just then, especially him, seeing as he was half the reason that terrible mess had happened. After a while, he snuck into her room quietly to leave it for her.
Even asleep, she looked like the epitome of discomfort. She'd fallen asleep on her side; her bloodstained dress had been thrown on the floor. The room looked as if someone had been murdered and the body had been removed. There wasn't very much blood, but it was spread everywhere. At her feet, the cat was scratching its ear against the bedpost. When it saw him, it climbed over to the headboard and nestled itself in Elphaba's arms, purring and giving him a smug, contented look. He ignored it. Since when would he stoop so low to be jealous of a damned cat? Malky snubbed him and turned in a circle before sleeping.
She'd been crying, he could deduce that much from the towel she'd placed near her eyes. Her cheeks looked as if the tears had burned, and the skin around her eyes was red. This was partially his fault. He hadn't even considered that she'd end up like this; all he'd considered was the sex and the pleasure. Though, to give him credit, he'd considered her pleasure more than he'd considered his own. Looking at her, so frail and broken, guilt washed over him in a wave. His hands clenched in self-frustration and he dropped the calendar on the bed next to her. There were spots of blood on the towel near her thighs and it made him grimace. The guilt continued to ambush him in tidal waves. After a moment, he couldn't bear looking at her in so much pain, and he left the room.
In his own bed, he lay on his back, watching a spider crawl across the ceiling. He grabbed the blanket and pulled it over himself, suddenly realizing that it was early autumn. It was early autumn and, except for the previous night (which didn't really count because he'd spent most of the time awake and watching her, anyway), he'd slept alone for at least a month. But somehow, tonight, it seemed as if the bed were colder and emptier than ever.
A/N: Unfortunately, this is why it's different from every other pregnant Elphie story. Sad, isn't it? Well, she can't have given birth because she says to Nanny, later, when asked if Liir is her son, that she doesn't think she's ever given birth.