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From Elphaba to Fae: The Lost Years

CHAPTER THIRTEEN: Vampires and Wizards

The fire was blazing, a fusion of yellow, orange and blue. It was warm inside the cozy little room, though it was below freezing outside. Winter had begun. Snow had fallen, but it wasn't the mass of pretty white designs that normally come to mind when one thinks of the word "snow". Slush covered the streets of Oz and day-by-day, more mud mixed with snow. This was not one of the more beautiful Ozian winters.

He looked away from the fireplace when he heard footsteps near the closet doorway. After too many weeks of sulking, it seemed, Elphaba had finally decided to come out of hiding. She was wearing woolen knee socks beneath her skirt and was wrapped in a sweater, loose around her shoulders. As usual, she was thin and fragile-looking.

"I guess it's time for another awkward conversation now, huh?" She was biting her lip, apparently expecting to be rejected.

"It does appear to be that way. Sit down." He got off of the bed and pulled two chairs near the fire. "You're going first this time. I've begun too many of these uncomfortable little chats to count."

"Are we still…?" She trailed off, her hand motions telling him that she couldn't find the right word.

"If you're asking if I still love you, then the answer is yes. Well, unless you've become a completely different person between now and the last time we had a real discussion."

"Not completely different, no." She hugged herself, whether from remembering what she'd gone through or from the cold, he couldn't tell.

"Look, baby, everything that happened, that was disastrous. But you know it wasn't anyone's fault, right?" He placed a hand on her shoulder.

She shook her head. "No. Don't you remember? I lost it. And it seemed like I started bleeding only minutes after I said I didn't want it. I never wanted that to happen, though. 'Be careful what you wish for', right?"

"Elle, no. That type of thing happens all of the time. It wasn't your fault. You don't control that, not mentally."

"Funny things happen when people, even non-magic people, actually, are in stressful situations. I can control that, to a degree. But I just wanted my life back; I didn't want to lose the baby. I didn't want it, but it was there. I would've dealt with it. But my body decided to deal with it for me. And it hurt. I can't even begin to tell you how much it hurt. Well, I got what I deserved, didn't I?"

"You didn't deserve that. No one does." He squeezed her shoulder softly.

"But I did. I didn't even give it a chance and it wasn't even born yet… and now, it never will be."

"Have you been thinking that the whole time?"

She nodded. "It only makes sense."

Suddenly he got the feeling that she hadn't come up with this theory herself. Only then did he remember what he'd heard Yackle say to her the day that the entire mess had happened. This had been planted in her head. He told her, "You can't keep feeling guilty for everything. When you were sick, you felt guilty. When you were three months in, you felt guilty. And now you feel guilty yet again, because something didn't coincide with everything else and things went wrong. That is not your fault. There's no logic to that, none."

She hugged him. "You're sweet, but you're lying. Or maybe you don't want to believe that it was my fault."

"Maybe I know for a fact that it wasn't your fault. You only started noticeably bleeding after you said that; you'd probably been bleeding lightly for some time before that. It was out of your control."

"You can't prove that. Madikien, I swear I could feel it when it started to happen. It didn't start until after I began complaining about it all. When I said all that, I just meant I wished it hadn't happened."

"I know."

"And now that I'm no longer physically unable to work and I can do what I want with my life without complication, you'd think I'd be happy. But now I wish that had never happened, not just the getting pregnant part, but the losing it part, too. If I had to choose between going through that again or just living with it, I'd live with it."

"Listen, it's not anyone's fault. Bad things happen and sometimes they're beyond the threshold of human control. We were careless and at least now we know better. If we're going to blame anyone, it's both of us, not just you."

She was quiet, staring into the fire. There was silence for a long time until the door creaked open a little further as the cat wandered in. Malky came between their two chairs and clawed at Elphaba to be picked up. Elphaba brushed the cat away, but it stayed between the chairs, anyway. After a moment, Malky did the same to Madikien, who picked the cat up, bemused to see it begging him. Once on Madikien's lap, the cat hissed and scratched at him and climbed its way into Elphaba's lap.

"Get it out of here."

Elphaba shooed the cat away and sighed. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For moping around in my room for so long and not even speaking to you."

"You have nothing to be sorry for. After that… disaster, it's perfectly understandable that you'd be upset and need some time to yourself."

"We haven't spoken more than a few words in over two weeks." She looked at him. "How can you still love me after that?"

"It's not as if I can just stop. What do you think I can do, say, 'self, she's not talking to me right now, I mustn't love her anymore' and clap my hands? Elphaba, it's not that easy. Both of us messed up, but you're the only one who had to take penance for it. After everything that happened, baby, you could've had all of the time in Oz if you needed it."

She dropped her gaze and stared at her hands, shivering. After some time, she spoke again. "Damn, I hate winter."

Tentatively, he moved his chair, closing the gap between their chairs. He grabbed her hand and intertwined their fingers. "I love you."

For one weak moment she looked up at him and said, "Hold me?"

He granted her this request. "Always."

She closed her eyes and smiled a little (it was the first time he'd seen her smile since… he didn't even know how long ago). Then she blinked and wondered aloud. "Why are you able to tolerate me?"

"It's not as difficult as you think it is, love."

Shifting a little, she nuzzled against him. "You've done so much for me."

"I don't think I've done as much as I should have."

Laughing, she shook her head. "You're very wrong."

"If you're happy, then I don't care."

Softly, she reached and rested a hand on the back of his neck. "You can kiss me, you know."

Jokingly, he asked, "Why do I have to start everything?"

"I'm lazy. What can I say?"

"But you're the one who knows all of the rules."

"There aren't many to begin with, darling. I'll let you know before you break one. And number one, I'm uncomfortable on these damned chairs, can we move please?"

"Where will you be more comfortable?"

"The bed."

He looked at her. "Maybe that's not a good idea. If I kiss you when we're on that bed, we'll end up…"

"It's safe right now, I'd know."

"That isn't the only thing that worries me. You worry me."

"Would I be telling you it was okay if I didn't want to?"

"But I don't know what might hurt you now that didn't before."

"There's nothing. The entire experience was painful, but not in that way. Now, are we getting off these chairs or not?"

"As you wish." Since he was already holding her, he simply carried her to the bed, letting her down gently.

"Thank you, that saved about three steps."

"Didn't you say you were lazy?" He moved next to her and slid a hand onto her waist. "I was just tying to be considerate." When he kissed her neck, he noted that her skin was soft; he barely remembered this, it had been so long.

"Very considerate." She swung her legs around to get more comfortable. "I've missed this."

"Not nearly as much as I have. I might need to rediscover every part of your body a million times over. My memory seems to have failed me." He'd already gotten both of them halfway undressed. Reaching around her waist to untie her skirt, he mumbled, "I hate this skirt, you know."

"And that's why I wear it."

"Correction: that's why you wore it. But now it's gone." He balled up the skirt in one hand and tossed it across the room.

"Like magic. But can you do it when you're concentrating on other things?" She kissed him.

"Easily. Just a snap of my fingers and… poof."

Pulling him beneath the blanket with her, she murmured, "You'll have to teach me that one of these days."

He inched a hand below her waist.

Suddenly she felt a ghostly ache near her stomach and she closed her eyes, seeing nothing but red and a glint of metal. "No!" She pushed his hand away. "Not with your hands. I know I sound crazy, but the only thing I can see when you do that is an awful amount of blood and the edge of that hellish tool…"

Immediately, he pulled his hands away from her, hearing Yackle's voice in his head, some tissue had to be scraped out… "You don't sound crazy at all, my love. Maybe we shouldn't be doing this right now."

"No. It's just that, I promise. Do whatever else you want anywhere you want, just don't touch me below the waist with your hands. I must sound so peculiar saying that, but it's not easy to explain. Please, believe me when I tell you it's only that and nothing more."

"It's all right, baby. Are you sure there's nothing else?"

"Well, one more thing."

"What?"

"No more silly questions."

He kissed her neck again, playfully nibbling at it. "I feel like a vampire."

"Better be careful, then. There might be some garlic mixed in with your breakfast tomorrow morning."

"But if I'm a vampire, I can't have breakfast. It'll be daylight by then."

"I almost forgot that vampires can't live during the days. Five hours until dawn, my dear. If you are a vampire, then we'd both better become nocturnal."

"It's a good thing I'm not a vampire, then, because I wouldn't want to leave you alone all day long."

"What? You think I'd have another lover?"

"It only makes sense, someone so beautiful as you, having no one to satisfy you during the day."

"I guess a vampire would have to be able to satisfy a lover twice as much as normal during the nights so she'd be contented and wouldn't go wandering when the day broke."

"Hmmm." He wrapped one arm all the way around her waist and lifted her a little. "Maybe I should be a vampire, then." Bringing their bodies together, he began to love her, slowly. "But only at nights. During the days, I'm a day vampire."

When the day had come, neither one of them had quite woken up. Madikien squinted in the sunlight, stretching out his arms, forgetting that Elphaba's head was resting on one of them.

"I don't care if you wake up before me, but when I've fallen asleep so close to you, I'd appreciate some sort of warning, or at least a little caution with sudden movements." She sat up and looked at him. "You are so careless."

"Ha! Last night I was certainly not careless."

"And I appreciate that." She kissed his cheek. "I don't feel like getting up today. There's nothing I have to do except feed the cat and eat a meal or two. I could just go back to bed right after breakfast."

"Would I be allowed to join you?"

"Sometimes I wonder what else goes on in your head aside from thoughts of sex. If anything else actually goes on in your head, that is." Grabbing his pillow, she laid back again.

"A lot of other things go on in my head." He protested. "Why do you think that all I think about is sex? It's not."

"Most of the time it is."

"No. Most of the time, I'm thinking about how much I love you."

"And depending on how you connote that, it's still thinking about sex." She propped her head up on her hand, gazing at him.

"You know what I think?"

"What?"

"You probably think about sex just as much, if not more, than I do."

"Is that what you fantasize about?"

"My fantasies aren't nearly that boring, Elle. And you do a lot more than think in them, believe me."

"And you have just proven my point, thank you."

"I give up arguing with you." He sat back against the headboard.

"I was wondering how long it would take you to learn that lesson."

"At least I don't have too much left to learn. I know all of your rules, I know your past, I know where your worst weak spot is…"

"Oh, really?"

He bent and kissed her neck, sucking on it lightly.

Moaning softly, she muttered, "I hate you."

"I love you." He stopped kissing her neck. "And I actually feel like I can say that I know you."

"Better than I know you, surprisingly enough."

He didn't say anything; he gazed out the window. "Elle, if I turned out to have told you one piece of information that, um, wasn't exactly true, how angry would you be?"

"Not as angry as I will be if you don't tell me where you're going with this. Madikien, I live with you. I don't think anything you've hidden can be all that bad."

"What if it went all the way back to the beginning of all of this?"

Elphaba began to feel as if she knew what he was going to say. Hurriedly, she told him, "You don't have to tell me at all. That was then, this is now. I don't care."

"But I do. I can't keep lying to you like this. Listen to me, all right? Before I tell you this, I want you to know that you matter more to me than any piece of this other situation and I'd gladly give it up if you asked."

"Let's talk about this later." Desperately, she reached for him, trying to tease him, distract him, so he would want her and she could keep him from saying what she feared he'd say for as long as possible.

"No. See, Elphaba, all this time you've felt so guilty for so many millions of things. I'm guilty of one and that tops them all."

"Madikien, don't tell me this. I don't need to know. Just don't say it."

And then he saw her eyes. "You know."

"I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about!"

He stood, "Oh, but you do. You've known all along, haven't you? You didn't trust me at first; you kept giving me those suspicious looks. You suspected exactly what I was up to."

"Please, no. Don't do this."

"What Jansied and I were arguing about, where I went when I told you he and I were going out for a drink even though there was never a single drop of alcohol or anything on my breath when I returned. This entire time, you knew."

"You haven't said whatever it is you want to say yet, please don't say it. If you don't say it we can pretend we never had this conversation and - "

"I've been an agent for the Wizard this whole time."

She shook her head. "No. No. You're lying." A childish instinct, she covered her ears, protecting herself from what she'd already heard.

"Why didn't you say anything before?"

Bringing her hands away from her ears in defeat, she said, "I couldn't prove it. And after some time, I just figured you wouldn't lie to me like this." She got off the bed, his bed.

"I didn't want to lie to you, baby."

"That's bullshit. How could you do this? After you went on and on about me trusting you…"

"Elphaba, I'll give it up. I'll quit."

"No." Her eyes burned into his. "It's way too late for that, now. I don't even want to know how much information and plans you've given up."

"None. That's why Jansied was so mad at me, because we weren't finding anything. And that's because I wasn't looking."

Her voice sounded small, "And neither was I."

But he didn't understand the full meaning of her words, so he disregarded it. "I've gotten in so many arguments and even a fist fight or two because I didn't want to give anything up."

"You could have quit a long time ago. We've been together for quite some time now. But you're only confessing this now? That doesn't sound right to me."

"If I quit, I'd have to run away, to the most barren places in Oz, even somewhere outside of Oz. I wasn't going to go without you and I didn't want to ask you to come with me. It's an unfair position to put you in. But at this point, I'm not happy working for the Wizard. It's the wrong side to be on and I see that now."

"You still could've at least told me before. Maybe then I could've gotten Yackle on our side and she'd find some way for you to go into hiding. But now that's not going to happen. Madikien, I trusted you, I let you in, and all this time you were lying."

"I didn't tell you before because I thought you'd snap at me and not even give me the chance…"

"Well, look what's happening now! You had me wanting and needing you from long before I slept with you. And that… How could you make love to me with that on your conscience? I can't believe I fell for this."

"Because making love to you wasn't lying, baby. I loved you. I still love you."

"And I believed that, too. I guess I'm not as clever as I thought I was."

"You knew the whole time!"

"I suspected it. But I never got any proof, so I told myself, and Yackle, that you were innocent."

"And Yackle?"

"Of course Yackle suspected you! And after she figured out what was going on between us, she asked me to spy on you, to follow you. I didn't because I trusted you. Because I cared about you. And this is what I get in return? I told myself not to fall for anyone no matter what they say, because in the end, all that results is lies and hurt. Well, I guess I was right." She was lying through her teeth about Yackle, but at that moment, she didn't feel particularly guilty lying to him.

"And I told myself not to fall in love with you. A person's mind and a person's heart don't communicate very well. Elle, listen to me. I've told you, I care more about you than about any stupid work I have to do."

"You broke through my defenses and I sat back and watched that happen. You wore me down. No. Even after all of that, you lied to me. Madikien, you didn't even have enough of a conscience to tell me this when I was pregnant! Do you have any idea how much you've betrayed me?"

"I was going to tell you when you were a little further along."

"And what good would that have done? I wouldn't have been able to leave you then, because of the baby." She paused. "And that's exactly why you didn't tell me when you first found out, isn't it?"

"You were already hormonal. I wasn't going to risk it. Elphaba, please. I'm sorry I didn't tell you before, but I thought it was for the best. I'm not leaning towards the wrong side, I've purposely made sure that nothing gets out."

But Elphaba still had fury dancing in her eyes. They stood there, her looking up slightly to meet his eyes. Anger threatened between them, the tension thicker than ever. In this snug little room, the fire still glowing, the air was cold and bitter.

"Baby, don't be so angry with me. Don't you see that I'm helping your side? If I weren't on this job and someone else had been in my place, the entire campaign would fall to pieces and most of the organization would be dead right now… including you."

"You never told me. I don't care what you did to help or how you feel, you never told me. How can you tell me that you love me when you've been hiding one of your biggest secrets from me?"

"It doesn't make a difference in the scheme of this relationship. If we forgot the Wizard or the campaign even existed right now, we wouldn't just walk away from each other. You shouldn't be so irritated, I'm only helping."

"It still would've been nice to know you were working for the other side!"

"I don't care about what side I'm working for and which side I'm not working for, I care about you. This is ridiculous. There's no reason for you to get so worked up over this." He was getting agitated, too.

"And there's no reason to have hidden this from me for so long. I can understand why you didn't tell me in the beginning, but this is far, far from the beginning. It's been years since the beginning, as a matter of fact. You're lucky I haven't stormed out of here and turned you in to Yackle."

"Why do you always have to be so damned unreasonable?"

"So now I'm unreasonable again? How am I being unreasonable? I feel betrayed. You've been so close to me and so good to me, but all that time you were hiding one thing."

"You're making a bigger deal out of this than it has to be."

"No. You've been lying to me since the moment I first spoke with you. You're not even trying to understand the sort of situation you put me in."

"It's not a very difficult situation! What don't you get about all of this?"

"What don't I get? Ugh. Damn you, Madikien, just forget it. I don't know why I'm even trying to make you understand." She didn't walk away; she simply glared at him.

And then, simultaneously, they realized how peculiar this all seemed. There they were, two lovers arguing over something that shouldn't have come between them, face to face, neither of them wearing anything at all. Madikien couldn't have cared less, and Elphaba, in all her rage, had forgotten her self-consciousness when she'd stood up and gotten out of bed. She thought about backing away and he thought about doing the same, but she didn't move and neither did he. Neither of them knew who moved first, but their lips met and the next thing they knew, they were on the bed, pawing at each other like animals, making love with an almost carnal passion.

When they were able to let go of each other, much time later, Elphaba was still sweating a little, as was Madikien, as she curled herself next to him and lay on her side. She loved the way that their bodies fit just like so, as if they were two pieces of one puzzle. Glancing at him, she said, "Wow."

"That just about sums it up. I love you. And as well as I thought I knew you, I didn't know you had that much… vigor? Energy? I don't know."

"That was… so… so… it was better than amazing. But I'm still a little mad at you."

"Will you forgive me if I tell you how much I love you?"

"I'll have to think about that."

"Take your time."

"You don't care how long I'm mad at you?"

"Not at all." He smiled at her.

"Why not?"

"It's so much better when we're angry. I think I'll have to piss you off and start these fights a lot more often."

A/N: How many of you knew he was on the other side? (Just curious) How many of you think you know how this'll end? Tell me what you think will happen. I'm just curious to know how good I am at not giving it away, though it's kind of obvious a little bit because we know that this is in the five years before Fiyero, and something has to play out. However, it could end in many different ways. Tell me what you think! Thanks.

Galindafied – is it possible you have a Fiyeraba complex? (That means you love Elphie and Yero being together so much that it's difficult to accept her being with anyone else) I sort of have one, too. It was so hard for me to write this story originally. Why don't you like Madikien? I love him. Then again, I created him, so… Anyway, he's not going to hurt her. He loves her. He would never do anything to hurt her. The problem in this story is that the two of them can't be together. Especially after the info you found out in this past chapter up there.