Reshki's Notes: Short chapter, seeing as it's the penultimate one, and seeing as I'm posting the next one directly after it. Just a lot of Tyson-angst.

Disclaimer: Beyblade and the characters used are not mine.

Warnings: Erm…shonen-ai thoughts. No actual kissing until next chapter…

Chapter Eleven:

Of Love and Cold Water

It was like the whole world was grey. The dark, wet tar of the roads blurred into the cold, flat monotony of the sidewalks, until everything was just one great, big, stupid old blur of emptiness.

I was running so fast I thought my head might explode, my feet slamming into the rain-wet ground, blood thudding through me. I slipped a couple times, but pushed myself straight back up and kept on going. I didn't even know where I was headed. I was just so completely freaked out that I couldn't stop running. I was dead scared that Kai was going to come after me, and…and…do…what?

You know, I had no clue.

What kind of reaction is that, anyway? Just…staring? And…gaping?

Well, he is Kai, after all.

I kept running. It was raining, hard, the drops tearing down through the silver mist and slamming into me. My legs were trembling, and my chest was burning, my throat raw. The wind drove its fingers into my eyes with a cool, chemical sting, and tears splattered down my cheeks before being washed away by the rain. I was sobbing as I ran, gulping down these huge, scratchy breaths of air that made me shudder, until my entire body felt bruised and aching, heavy and slow and fumbling with exhaustion. I kept on and on going, though; it was like I couldn't stop.

Ok, I think we should just get something straight here: I'm not a quitter. If I start something, I finish it, and I don't back down from challenges. I just don't. Thing is, running off like that – that hadn't been quitting. There was no way I could ever face him again after that. It's not something you can understand unless you've been in love. I mean, it's like, you have to keep that person safe, no matter what the cost; every other stupid thing doesn't matter, especially not yourself.

If Kai would really and truly be happiest with me out of his life, then fine. No more Tyson hanging around getting on his nerves. The only reason I ever did, anyway, was 'cause I figured I could maybe make him feel a little better. There've been a lot of times when I thought that maybe he actually did like having me around. I mean, he smiles when he's with me, right? And he hardly ever smiles around anyone else…I guess I just figured maybe I had meant something to him, once upon a time.

But now that I'd gone and screwed up big-time, if he didn't want me around him anymore, then I guess I could understand why. I mean, if I were straight, I guess I wouldn't exactly be all thrilled to have my best guy friend start hitting on me. It would totally jeopardise the friendship, which would suck. After all Kai had done for me, I couldn't start freaking him out like that. I just couldn't. Not him.

So I kept running.

You know, I wasn't cold, despite the rain: I felt like I was being heated from within by this filmy, feverish warmth that throbbed in my blood and thrashed against my temples. My hands were clenched so tightly that I could feel my nails biting my palms, pressing little half-moons of discomfort into my skin. I was totally drenched by now, my skin sticky and clammy, the droplets flowing down me everywhere. I was almost completely blind: my eyes swollen with tears and squeezed tight against the driving rain, the world obscured by a grey, misty haze. My lip was bleeding slightly where I had chewed it open; I could taste blood on my tongue, bitter and watery. Yuck. I hate the taste of blood. It tastes of cruelty, and makes me want to throw up.

My foot slipped, and with this weird, almost slow-motion swoop, I hit the ground, hard, my palm smacking against the gritty sidewalk. My breath was knocked out of me, and I lay there for a long while, my cheek pressed to the ground, feeling weak and shaky. The rain was falling thicker than ever now, the drops ashen and sticky, striking against my skin so hard that it felt like I was being bruised, then rolling down my arms slowly and smoothly. The only sounds in the whole world were the hissing, sighing sounds of the rain, and the cold, persistent thudding of my heart against my ribs. Slowly, I sat up, and drew my knees up to my chest, and cuddled up into myself, hunching my shoulders up against the rain. I was still crying. I didn't think I was ever going to be able to stop crying.

OK, so really not a good day.

Just then, I needed a friend. I really wanted to go home, back to the dojo, but I knew that Kai would be there, sulking in some random corner, as always. I just needed to talk to someone – anyone who wasn't going to spend the rest of his life thinking I was some kind of freakshow stalker. Kenny, or Maxie, or Hil, or Rei – heck, I'd even have been glad to see Daichi right about then.

But I was all alone.

Huddled there on the corner of the sidewalk, my chin resting on my knees, hiccoughing painfully every now and then, shivering like crazy, you know what I felt like? I felt like a wet, miserable blob on a wet, miserable street in a wet, miserable world.

I sniffed. This was not getting me anywhere. It sucked, and it was one of the worst things that had ever happened to me, but I knew that moping around was not going to help much. Besides…what would Kai think if he saw me here, crying like some little kid? I wasn't a hyperactive thirteen-year-old anymore. I was practically eighteen, and you know, I'd started to realise that I could do stuff for myself – and, way more importantly, that I could do stuff for other people.

Like letting them go and get on with their lives, if I really loved them, and if they just didn't love me.

Kai…oh, man. I only have to hear his name, and immediately all I can think about is proving myself better than him. What? He just annoys me so much, and pisses me off so much, that I want to make him see that I actually can do things right, that I am just as good as him – and yet at the same time, it's like I know I can't ever be like him. He's the best blader I've ever known, and there's not a lot you can say after that. It's like, you look at him, and all you can see is strength, is this insane, massive, limitless power. I'm telling you, there are no words that can say how much I look up to him.

Heh, and if I like irritating him? So what? It's fun. Just 'cause he's so gifted it doesn't mean he has to act like he's the only person in the whole universe.

But, really, in the end, I do…admire him, and respect him, and…love him. For his strength, and his loyalty, and for that soft, sad little smile of his, and for all the things we've been through together, and for all the times he's saved my neck, and for all the times I've wanted to half kill him, and for…everything.

In a lot of ways, all I ever wanted was to be accepted by him. He's my role model, my inspiration, someone who keeps me going, keeps me strong. I'd always wanted him to think that about me, too. I…I wanted to be the reason he kept going. That sounds kind of weird, I know, but…I wanted to be the one he depended on. I wanted to be able to help him. I wanted him to trust me enough to be able to talk to me about anything. I wanted to be his Tyson, the way he was my Kai.

I…just really wanted him to love me, too.

But I was not going to act like some little wimp because of what had happened. I was not going to give him the chance to call me weak – not now, not ever. I'd spent half the time I'd known him trying to get him to talk more, trying to make sure that he was OK, and even though I knew I was never going to be able to stop worrying about him, even though I knew that I was never going to be happy again until I knew that he was safe, I figured that by now, I could trust him to look after himself.

I hoped.

I was going to be strong for him, I told myself. I was going to go back home, and…and…well, basically, it was his call. If he didn't want to speak to me ever again, then I could do that. If he wanted to act like none of it had ever happened, then I could do that, too. If he wanted, in some totally impossible way, to still be friends with me after this – yeah, right, very funny – then I could even do that.

I didn't care if it meant spending every single stupid day with him and never, ever being able to touch him; I didn't care if it meant that every time I looked at him I would have to be reminded of this. I could do it. I knew I could, because it was for him.

Just about everything I ever did was for him – for Kai.

So I swallowed, hard, and screwed my eyes up tight, holding back the tears that were already pooling behind the lids, hot and red and choking. I clenched my fists, and let one hand slip to the small holster strapped to my arm, giving Dragoon a quick, tight squeeze. Still keeping my eyes closed, I lifted my face up to the sky, letting the hard, heavy droplets slam into my face, snaking down through my hair, tingling against my scalp.

In a weird way, I could almost feel the wind moving before it actually blew; I could almost sense the massive, open expanse of the sky above me, feel the soft, swirling softness of the clouds massing and drifting. I've felt that kind of thing before - like when there's a storm, and you can just about taste the sheer, crushing weight of the thunder, feel the lightning darting out between the clouds like this giant, white-hot, sizzling sting of exhilaration. Hey, I like thunderstorms. Big deal. It's 'cause of Dragoon, I guess.

And right then, I knew that I could get through this. I still had my friends – I was always going to have my friends – and I still had blading. I had Dragoon. Not like any of it was ever going to be the same without Kai, but I'd get through it – for him.

So I opened my eyes. Every few seconds more tears would run down my face, and I couldn't stop them. There's no law against crying, right? So I got up, and tried to smile. I didn't manage it.

You know why?

'Cause standing right there in the rain, his nose in the air, his arms crossed, was Kai.

If you haven't seen my profile yet, you should know that I'm leaving after this fic is done – for many stupid little reasons that basically add up to me being completely random, and proud of it. I'll still appreciate any reviews though…and will still hint shamelessly to get them…heh, heh…(gazes hopefully at readers)