Author's Note: This is my version of 'Gee, Officer Krupke' from West Side Story. Of course the Transformers here belong to Hasbro and the song belongs to whoever wrote, composed and performed it. Oh, yeah, to äKristalShaga: I am writing the Hound Dog -one. At least I try to write it and, if it turns out good, I'll post it here. I'm writing it into the form of a story, so it'll be a little longer than these others and there'll be a lot more action and dialogue than before.

Gee, Officer Soundwave

SUNG BY

The Decepticons

RIFF: Starscream

ACTION: Ramjet

A-RAB: Skywarp

SNOWBOY: Dirge

TIGER: Thundercracker

JOYBOY: Astrotrain

BABY JOHN: Thrust

MOUTHPIECE: Blitzwing

ICE: Frenzy

OFFICER KRUPKE: Soundwave

LIEUTENANT SCHRANK: Megatron

STARSCREAM (spoken)

See 'em Bots. They believe everything they hear 'bout us cruddy D-Cons. So that's what we give 'em; somethin' to believe in.

THUNDERCRACKER (spoken) (walks up to Starscream)
(imitating Soundwave)
Hey, you!

STARSCREAM (spoken, innocently) (points his hands at himself)
Who, me, Officer Soundwave?

THUNDERCRACKER (spoken) (points his 'fake-nightstick' at Starscream)
(as Soundwave)
Yeah, you! Gimme one good reason
For not draggin' ya down to the
Stationhouse, ya punk. (hits Starscream on the head with the 'nightstick'... Starscream drops on his knees)

STARSCREAM (sings)
Dear kindly Sergeant Soundwave,
Ya gotta understand--
It's just our bringin' upke (raises his hands up)
That gets us outta hand.
Our mothers all are junkies, (makes a face)
Our fathers all are drunks. (makes another face)
Golly Moses -- natcherly we're punks. (stands up)

ALL
Gee, Officer Soundwave, we're very upset;
We never had the love that every
Child oughta get.
We ain't no delinquents,
We're misunderstood.
Deep down inside us there is good!

STARSCREAM
There is good!

ALL
There is good, there is good,
There is untapped good.
Like inside, the worse of us is good. (they laugh and dance in circles)

THUNDERCRACKER (imitating Soundwave)
That's a touchin' good story. (fake-wipes his optics)

STARSCREAM (points his arm up)
Lemme tell it to the world!

THUNDERCRACKER (imitating Soundwave) (hits Starscream on the head again)
Just tell it to the Judge.

STARSCREAM (to Dirge) (does the raspberry... ?)
Dear kindly Judge, your Honor,
My parents treat me rough. (hits his leg)
With all their marijuana,
They won't give me a puff.
They didn't wanna have me,
But somehow I was had. (makes the 'Oh God, why me?' -pose)
Leapin' lizards --that's why I'm so bad! (puts his face on his hands and starts fake pouting)

DIRGE (imitating a Judge)
Right! (draws Thundercracker close to his face)
Officer Soundwave, you're really a square; (makes a square with his hands)
This boy don't need a judge, he
Needs a analysis's care!
It's just his neurosis that oughta be curbed-- (circles hand around Starscream's head)
He's psychologically disturbed. (turns upside down on the table, with his feet and arms facing the sky.. starts clapping his hands together, arms still straight)

STARSCREAM
I'm disturbed! (points his hand at Dirge's head)

ALL
We're disturbed, we're disturbed,
We're the most disturbed,
Like we're psychologically disturbed. (they start going wakko, Starscream turns around and around, pretending to be a screaming maniac... which is quite close to the truth... XD)

DIRGE (still acting part of Judge)(spoken) (hits the table with the gavel two times)
Hear ye, Hear ye! In the opinion
Of this court, this child is
Depraved on account he ain't had a normal home.

STARSCREAM (spoken)
Hey, I'm depraved on account I'm deprived! (Dirge takes TC's 'nightstick' and hits Starscream on the head with it)

DIRGE (as judge - spoken)
So take him to a headshrinker. (points) You!

RAMJET (spoken) (points his hands at himself)

Who, me? (the other D-Cons take him to the next place) (puts glasses on... sorry, couldn't resist... XD)

STARSCREAM (to Ramjet)(sings)
My Daddy beats my Mommy,
My Mommy clobbers me,
My Grandpa is a Commie,
My Grandma pushes tea. (starts to get up)
My sister wears a moustache, (makes a 'moustache-twirl' with his fingers)
My brother wears a dress.
Goodness Gracious, that's why I'm a mess! (spreads his arms wide and does a 'backwards-handstand' on the bench)

RAMJET (as psychiatrist, German accent)
Yes! (gets up)
Officer Soundwave, he shouldn't be here. (slaps Thundercracker in the face)
This boy don't need a couch, he needs
A useful career. (Starscream gets on his stomach and Ramjet sits on his back)
Society's played him a terrible trick, (pats Starscream on the head)
Und sociologically he's sick! (Starscream bolts up and Ramjet bounces off with his hand up in 'explanation-style')

STARSCREAM (points his finger at his head)
I am sick!

ALL
We are sick, we are sick,
We are sick sick sick
Like we're sociologically sick! (they go wakko again, with Starscream doing a handstand and jumping... he falls on his stomach and turns around to be on his back... Ramjet places his foot on his stomach)

RAMJET (speaks as psychiatrist, German accent)
In my opinion, this child does not need
To have his head shrunk at all. (emphasizes this by bringing his hands together)
Juvenile delinquency is purely a
Social disease. (points his finger up)

STARSCREAM (spoken)
Hey, I got a social disease! (Ramjet takes the 'nightstick' and hits Starscream on the head)

RAMJET (spoken as psychiatrist, German accent)
So take him to a social worker!

(spoken)

Which way?

RAMJET (spoken as psychiatrist, German accent)

That way. (points behind him, where Skywarp's getting ready)

STARSCREAM (to Skywarp)(sings) (with his hands cupped on Skywarp's face)
Dear kindly social worker,
They tell me get a job,
Like be a soda-jerker, (Skywarp's picking Starscream's hands off with fake repulsion)
Which means like be a slob. (Starscream 'spits' in Skywarp's optic, who wipes it)
It's not I'm anti-social,
I'm only anti-work. (yells this fully in Skywarp's face)
Gloryosky, that's why I'm a jerk! (wipes his hands on Skywarp)

SKYWARP (as social worker)
Eek! (hits Starscream on the chest, who backflips down on the street)
Officer Soundwave, you've done it again. (shakes his hand at Thundercracker)
This boy don't need a job, he needs a
Year in the pen. (slaps Starscream on the face, Starscream does a face)
It ain't just a question of misunderstood; (he takes Starscream 'behind the bars')
Deep down inside him, he's no good! (he slaps Starscream's hand)

STARSCREAM
I'm no good! (he slaps his own hand)

ALL (slapping each other's hands)
We're no good, we're no good,
We're no earthly good,
Like the best of us is no damn good! (they still slap each other... Starscream is taken out of the 'cage' and somebody grabs him and he makes a strange face again... gasps his breath... ?)

DIRGE
The trouble is he's lazy. (hits Starscream on the head with the 'nightstick')

ASTROTRAIN
The trouble is he drinks (hits Starscream on the head with the 'nightstick')

THRUST
The trouble is he's crazy. (hits Starscream on the head with the 'nightstick')

SKYWARP
The trouble is he stinks, (hits Starscream on the head with the 'nightstick')

BLITZWING
The trouble is he's growing. (hits Starscream on the head with the 'nightstick')

RAMJET
The trouble is he's grown! (hits Starscream on the head with the 'nightstick')

ALL
Soundwave, we got troubles of our own! (they toss Starscream into Thundercracker's arms) (the others get down on their knees)
Gee, Officer Soundwave,
We're down on our knees.

STARSCREAM (sings)

'Cause no one wants a fella with
A social disease. (Thundercracker drops Starscream on the ground and dusts his arms)

ALL
Gee, Officer Soundwave,
What are we to do? (Starscream jumps up, takes the 'nightstick' from under TC's arm)
Gee, Officer Soundwave -- (Starscream hits TC on the head with the 'nightstick)
Frag you! (Thundercracker falls down on his back, fake unconscious)

(Megatron, Soundwave and the rest of the D-Cons are in a corner laughing their heads off)