Chapter 7
pain

What the fuck am I doing? I can't believe I am about to ask her. Stupid Quistis and Selphie. They snuck up on me as I was entering my room and cornered me like savage predators.

'You should ask Rinoa to come with us, it will be so much fun!'

'Besides, she is just here by herself now.'

'Squall it's not safe for her to be out here on her own, at least invite her come with us.'

'Blah blah blah, blah blah.'

Alright, so I forgot what else they said to me.

The constant nagging continued for at least five more minutes. I didn't even get a word in. When Selphie and Quistis corner you, you have no choice but to submit to their will. It's was easier for me to just nod my head in agreement, only I didn't really know what I was agreeing to. So in short, I agreed to ask Rinoa if she would want to come with us without even second-guessing the idea myself.

So here I am, standing in a puddle, about to ask her.

"What are you doing tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow? Probably trying to make arrangements for leaving Balamb. I mean there is no point in me staying here since I won't be surfing…" she said as if the realization had just occurred to her.

"Oh…yeah…I guess there really is no point then," I said with my gaze cast towards the floor. Of course she would want to leave. She won't want spend time with a bunch of hoodlums from Esthar, Squall. Don't drag her down too. She has a life and a career.

"Yeah…wait, why do you ask?" she inquired with her head tilted slightly to one side and her hair cascading over her shoulder.

"It's nothing, don't worry about it," I said brusquely while turning to walk away. I almost got away too until I felt a hand grab my upper arm.

"Woah! Hold on there!" Riona said. She had reached out for me with her free hand while the other balanced the tipsy bag of ice on her knuckles.

I turned around to find Rinoa concentrating all of her efforts on keeping the bag of ice upright. The bag seemed to have a mind of its own. It lunged closer to her body. Rinoa brought her wrist closer to her stomach to cradle the bag, only, it quickly changed directions and slithered off of her swollen knuckles and down onto the floor. The bag quickly turned into her enemy as she stood there vexed by her vain attempts at keeping the ice on her knuckles. She slowly released my arm and began a slow decent towards the floor.

"I got it," I sighed. My movements were much quicker than hers as I scooped up the liberated bag of ice and held it out for her. She glared at the bag and reluctantly swiped it from me, placing it back onto her swollen knuckles.

"Thanks," she mumbled. An uncomfortable silence settled in between us.

Fucking uncomfortable silences…well I'm not saying shit. I've said all that I needed to. If she wants to drag this out, then fine. I don't have to justify my reasoning. So I changed my mind, big fucking deal! Just say goodbye and good riddance and leave, Squall, before she has a chance to stop you. Do it now!

"You wouldn't have asked if it was just nothing," she said.

Fuck.

"Well you're leaving anyway so it doesn't matter," I said rather curtly with my eyes narrowed as I was starting to get annoyed.

"I didn't say that it was set in stone that I was leaving. I mean, I have no plans for tomorrow if that is what you're asking," she said with a hint of confusion.

"Look, you have a life and a successful career so just forget that I mentioned it. Just forget that you even met us and go back to your esteemed fucking life," I spat out in a harsh tone. That did it.

"Excuse me? In case you hadn't noticed Squall, but I just tanked my career by firing my manager. My so-called relationship with Connor is dead and will now be published on the front page of every publication. I am going to be hounded by the press every single time I step outside; in fact, I am probably going to be bombarded by the local Balambian press tomorrow. My life is played out on the covers of magazines Squall, its not fucking esteemed!" she spoke behind clenched teeth in a seething manner. Her grasp of the bag of ice increased tenfold. She paused for a moment to quell her anger. She gets riled up quite easily, this could be fun.

"Do you honestly think that I am better off than any of you?" she asked in a calmer tone.

"Yes," I said without thinking. Well, it is the truth.

My answer caught her off guard. She pulled her head back slightly to stare up at me. After a moment she looked away and shook her head.

"Everyone puts me up on some sort of pedestal. I don't understand it. I'm no different from anyone else." She began to fiddle with the bag of ice. "That's why I didn't tell you or the others who I was, well not exactly anyway. I was kind of hoping that no one would recognize me as Rinoa Heartilly, the pro surfer. But you guys were different, you didn't care that I am or was a 'celebrity,' Hyne I hate that term."

She paused and looked back up at me. Her hair had fallen around her face. She used her free hand to tuck her long strands of raven colored hair behind her ears.

"I guess that I was wrong," she said as almost a whisper with a sad smile. At that moment I made the mistake of looking into her eyes. They were no longer full of warmth and excitement from earlier at the bar, they were now full of sadness and pain. I couldn't tare myself away from her.

Why do I feel like I have just killed a puppy? It's called guilt you moron. Well, that didn't take long Squall. Way to come off as an inconsiderate bastard.

"Look, in all honesty you are better off than us, but, that's just because you don't know anything about our history. Just trust me on that one. I…ugh…didn't come here to pick a fight with you. At least it wasn't at the top of my to-do list for tonight." At this she raised her eyebrows in question.

"Really, I didn't," I said while holding my arms up in my defense. She looked at me with utter disbelief all over her face.

"Fine, believe what you want. Just for that, you don't get to know what I was going to ask."

"Just tell me Squall," she said. I could tell that she was starting to get aggravated. An idea suddenly hit me.

I stood as if in careful thought and rubbed my chin with my forefinger and thumb.

"No, I don't think that you would be able to handle it," I said condescendingly.

"Handle what?" she asked in a threatening tone.

"This," I said while digging in my pocket and pulling out the folded up map.

"That?" she scoffed, "well I knocked Connor out, saved your ass, and managed to break some girl's ugly nose tonight, I think that I can handle a piece of paper."

"It's not just a piece of paper, it's a map," I smugly corrected her.

"It's the SAME THING!"

"Hey, will you two please be quiet! People are trying to sleep around here!" whined the occupant of room eleven who stuck his chubby balding head out of the door to scold us. Rinoa scowled at the man. Her eyes darted back towards me. Her free hand lunged towards me and clasped the front of my shirt like a hawk impaling a rat with its razor sharp talons. The bag of ice once again slipped off her knuckles with her movement.

"And you surf with that balance?" I asked in all seriousness.

She muttered a few choice words while dragging me into her room and slamming the door shut, leaving the melting bag of ice in the hallway.

"Look you ungrateful piece of shit, you ask me what I am doing tomorrow, refuse to tell me why you asked in the first place, and then get offended by the fact that I told you that I might be leaving! No normal person would do that Squall!" she exclaimed while pacing around her room.

"I'm not ungrateful, I did thank you."

"Not the point! You…grrrr…you infuriate me!" She started to pace around her room while shaking her head and clinching her good fist. "…wait a minute…unless…" she stopped pacing and slowly turned to face me. A sick and twisted smile began to from on her lips. She took a couple steps in my direction and I backed up into the door, suddenly feeling very small. Her face lit as if an epiphany had just occurred to her.

"…unless…you want me to stay…"

Bells and whistles began going off in my mind. Shit, she is on to you. Change your tactics, this isn't working! Mayday! Mayday! I narrowed my eyes. How dare she accuse me of wanting her to stay!

"You really want to know, fine! I was going to invite you to come with us to this secret beach. I don't give a flying fuck whether or not you come. It's just that Quistis and Selphie begged me to ask you. Frankly I think that you would be more of a burden and an annoyance than anything else."

Her smile immediately dropped and she began to scowl again.

"An annoyance huh? Well just for that I'm staying, and I'm also accepting Quistis' and Selphie's invitation. So there!" she said and stuck out her tongue at me.

"Fine. Whatever. Just meet us at the eatery across the street from Sumet's tomorrow morning. If you're lucky, we'll still be there," I said with my statement full of contempt.

"Fine. I will!" she shouted

"Fine."

"Fine!"

"You already said that."

"Fine…er, okay then!"

"Is that all you got?"

"…you can leave now," she said in a threatening tone.

"Gladly."

And with that, I left her room and walked out into the hallway. I ran a hand through my hair and let out a sigh of relief as I opened the door to my room. Entering my room, I shook my head and let out a chuckle. Who ever said reverse psychology never worked? Satisfied with my little performance, I began to ready myself for a much-needed night of restful sleep.

I pulled my shirt off over my head and my Greiver necklace fell back against my chest. Rolling my shirt up into a ball, I tossed it on top of my pack. I kicked my sandals off and stripped down into my boxers. I turned off the light and let my eyes adjust to the total darkness encompassing the room. I retraced my steps to the bed carefully as not to run into anything, or step on anything. With my arms outstretched feeling around for the bed, my fingers came into contact with the familiar cloth material.

I slowly crawled into the bed and leaned back to rest my head on the pillow. I shut my eyes and immediately began to drift off to sleep.

Sometime during the middle of the night…

Falling pots and pans awake me from my slumber. My eyes shoot open and I sit up in bed clutching my stuffed cactaur as the noises continue. The shattering of glass sends a chill down my back. I immediately lay back down and pull my covers over my head and curl up on my side in an attempt to hide. I squeeze my eyes tightly shut, hoping the noises will stop and that the monsters will go away. I hear loud thuds and scuffling sounds coming from downstairs. My breathing quickens as I pull my pillow out from underneath me and force it over my head trying to drown out the noises. The noises abruptly stop and I hold my breath as I slowly open my eyes, hoping that is the end of it.

"Stop…please stop! I beg you!"

I slowly lower my covers as I lift my head, instantly recognizing the anguished voice.

"Mom?" I whisper.

I slowly get out of my bed with my arms squeezing Jack to my chest and creep over to my bedroom door. I turn the handle and cautiously open it. Soft light floods into my room from the staircase directly across the hall. Poking my head out I look down the hall towards mom's room, her door is wide open.

"P-pl-please s-stop…I…have ch-children," she cried out.

"Oh don't worry you're gonna like this. I won't hurt you…I promise." said a sadistic male voice, one I did not recognize.

Fear gripped my throat, seemingly cutting off my air supply. I starting gasping for air as if I some unseen force was holding me under water. The realization soon hits me that this is not just a nightmare, in fact I will not be waking up from this one. Mom will not be at my bedside holding me in her arms telling me that everything is going to be just fine, hushing my cries and stroking my hair. The monsters this time are real.

A surge of chills runs through my body as I hear muffled cries and more scuffling sounds. A scream is let out but quickly muffled by a cursing and angry man. The hairs on the back of my neck stand up at the sound. I look down towards the other end of the hall and notice that Ellone's door is still closed.

While crushing Jack into my chest I begin to approach the top of the stairs. I hold my breath with each step I take and silently pray to Hyne to keep me safe. At the top step I reach out and clasp the banister for support. I slide one foot down towards the top of the first step like one easing into a hot bath, but quickly pull it back as the sound of a loud slap resonates up the staircase.

"Damn it woman, you'll shut up if you don't want anything to happen to those kids of yours!" the angry man yells out in a rage.

My eyes widen upon hearing the threat. My lips start to quiver and I try to cry out to no avail. My mouth is so dry that no sound comes, only pathetic whimpers. I take a gulp and steady my shaking hand on the banister. I begin to pray a prayer that Sis taught me, one that she says will keep me safe from the monsters.

"Angel of Hyne my guardian being, to whom Hyne's love commits me here, ever this day be at my side, to light, to guard, to rule, and guide."

I say it so quietly that the words barely leave my mouth. I repeat it over and over as I begin to descend the stairs. On the third step the kitchen floor comes into view. Shattered glass, porcelain, papers, forks, and knives litter the floor as if a tornado had just ripped through and left utter devastation in its path. A long shadow is cast across the floor. I can just barely make it out, but it looks like a man on his knees with an arm raised above his head. In his hand he holds something pointed. His arm swings downward and I hear a sickening crack. I wince and begin saying the prayer faster in hopes that Hyne will hear me.

I take another step down on the stairs and freeze. Just below the first floor ceiling I see my mother's head and shoulders come into my view. She is almost unrecognizable to me. Her face is bloodied and covered with bruises. Her hair is matted with blood and clings to her face. Streams of the crimson liquid trickle down the side of her face. One of her eyes is nearly swollen shut. Her lips are quivering as she cries out in pain. I want to run away, to run back into my room and wake up from this nightmare. Only my legs are no longer listening to my brain's screaming instructions to run back up the stairs. As much as I don't want to, I take another step down.

'Angel of Hyne…my gaurdian being…'

The shadow of the man now turns into flesh. He is wearing all black with a black ski mask covering his face. He sits atop of my mother pawing at her body and ripping her nightgown to shreds. In one hand he holds large hunting knife.

'…to whom Hyne's love…commits me here…'

I still am unable to stop myself from continuing down the stairs. As soon as the bottom of my foot reaches the top of the next stair, a loud ear-piercing creaking sound resonates throughout the staircase and into the kitchen.

'…ever this day…be at my side…'

As if electrocuted by the stair below me, I retract my foot and stand frozen in fear. The man quickly stops what he is doing and looks over in my direction. My mother too looks over to the staircase.

"Squall…I…I-ahh"

Before she is able to finish a cold steel blade is slashed across her throat. Blood seeps out and begins to pool around her head. I want to run, to scream, to do anything, but I can't. I am frozen in my spot. Jack suddenly falls from my grasp and bounds down the rest of the stairs. Two wet tears trace their way down my cheeks. The man's attention is once again cast in my direction. He stands up and begins to walk over to the stairs.

'…to light…to guard…'

I am so frozen in my fear, I still cannot move. He approaches the stairs, stepping on Jack while on his way.

'…to rule…and…'

He begins climbing the stairs. My fear still roots me in my stagnant position. He pauses right in front of me. I look up at him and he begins to laugh while slowly raising the knife above his head.

'…guide…'

His arm forcefully swings downward in my direction. Before I even register the movement, the serrated blades rip into my flesh.

My eyes shoot open and I sit straight up in bed. I gasp for breath and my bangs fly into my face. I try in vain to calm myself. Lately the dreams were becoming longer and more detailed. After a few moments I brought a hand up to my face and traced the scar that ran from my forehead to just below my left eye. This scar has become a constant reminder of the pain that I caused…her pain.

so there you have it. sorry it took a while. i just want to quickly thank my readers and my two lonely reviewers. i am very humbled by the amount of hits this story is getting and shocked that people are actually taking an interest. hope youve enjoyed it so far.
ciao