"How the hell would I know? You act like I was born here!" objected Molly.
"Well you are very queer so sometimes it makes me think."
"Well I'm glad something does."
"Now see here I don't like being insulted..." But Alice didn't finish her sentence because what they saw was a catipillar sitting ontop a mushroom smoking away at something in it's pipe. Here comes the creepy part folks, the caterpillar saw Molly and Alice the whole time, and he just deiceded to stare at them. Then he finally spoke, "Who are you?"
"I-I hardly know, sir. I know who I was when I got up this morning, but I must have changed several times since then." sighed Alice.
"Explain yourself!" snapped the caterpillar.
"Yes, please explain yourself! I thought you were Alice! Have you been lying to me this whole time and now your telling the truth to this faggot of a caterpillar!" yelled Molly.
But Alice seemed to ignore Molly, which she does quite often so she continued talking to the caterpillar.
"Well I can't explain myself sir, because I'm not myself you see."
"No I don't see," said Molly and the caterpillar at the same time.
"Being so many different sizes in one day is so confusing," sighed Alice.
"It is not," said the caterpillar.
"Well perhaps your feelings are differ-" started Alice but Molly cut her off, "Look who cares! Alice, if that's your real name, we can't understand you, and Caterpillar...lay off the drugs, your voice is sounding a little to sleepy."
"Why! How insulting!" argued Alice, but the Caterpillar didn't really listen to what Molly said but he replied back to her anyways, "Why?"
"Why what! Why you have to lay off the drugs! Because it's bad for you, even if you are just a stupid caterpillar."
At this the caterpillar turned red so Molly whispered to Alice and said, "I think we should back away slowly.." so Molly and Alice did just that, soon the caterpillar was out of sight. Then they heard him call to them, "Wait come back! I have something very important to tell you!" So Molly and Alice came back.
"Keep your temper," it said.
"that's all you had to fucking tell us? And you say this right after you turned red with angry! Eat your own words bitch!" yelled Molly and then she stomped off into the grass.
Then the caterpillar turned to Alice and said, "What hieght would you like to be?"
"Well a bit taller I supposed, being three inches is such a horrible hight you see." The caterpillar was so offended because he was three inches," it is a very good hight!"
"Right..."
"One side will make you taller the other will make you shorter."
"One side or what?"
"The mushroom!" Then alice grabbed both sides of the mushroom and started walking off and she bumped into MOlly.
"Oh, hello again Molly."
"OH hello 'Alice' or so you say! Why don't you go hang out with your new best friend Mr. Caterpillar!"
"That was his name? I don't remember him saying that...anyway I don't like him...he says why to much."
"Oh, okay then, were straight right?"
"Well I supposed since were not crooked."
"Um...nevermind kid." Alice was just about to bit into the mushroom when Molly yelled out, "Noo! Don't eat that! That's a fucking fungus! Drop it Alice."
"Oh alright..." Alice dropped it and then Molly picked it up knowing that it would make her grow so she bit a little tiny piece of it and then she accidently dropped it and Alice picked it up and bit some to, now they are both nine inches.
"Damn it Alice, you were supposed to stay down there while I'd be up here!"
"What?"
"Nothing...Look a house! How lovly." Molly and Alice hung back as they saw a footman come running up to the house holding a letter.
"Holy shit it's a fish out of water!" yelled Molly.
"What? Oh yes..." The footman was a fish but Alice was so used to this odd world that she barly noticed.
The footman knocked on the door and another footman this time a frog came out and the fish said, "A letter for the Duchess." As he handed over the large letter. "It's an invitation from the Queen to play croquet."
Molly leaned over and whispered to Alice, "Whats the point of the letter if the damn fish just told the frog what it said?" But Alice wasn't listening, she was to busy watching the fish and frog. "Talking to you is like talking to a damn log," sighed Molly.
Then the fish-footman left leavning the frog-footman alone by the closed door, holding the oversized envelope and staring stupidly into the sky. So Alice started walking over to the lonley frog and Molly reluctently followed. THen Alice got scared of the frog so she deicded to knock on the door instead.
"There's no use in knocking," said the frog, "Gor two reasons, first, because I am on the same side of the door you are, so I can't let you in. Second, because they are making so much noise inside, no one could possibly hear you."
They heard tons of things being thrown inside and a baby crying.
"CHILD ABUSE CHILD ABUSE!" yelled Molly for she heard a baby crying then the frog looked at her weird so Molly then said, "Um...frog abuse? Possible?.." she thought maybe it was the frog's baby crying in there.
"Please, then, how am I to get in?" asked Alice.
"Why do you want to get in his house so bad anyway, Alice?" asked Molly.
"Frog-footman?"
""There might be some sense in your knocking, if we had the door between us. If you were inside, for instance, you might knock and then I'd let you out-" But MOlly cut him off, "Okay your absolutely no help! I'll just see if the door's unlocked." Of course it was so Molly and Alice entered the house.
They room was a kitchen and it was full of smoke there was a cook cooking and the Duchess who was holding the crying baby.
"I KNEW THERE WAS CHILD ABUSE GOING ON IN HERE!" yelled Molly, then the cook and Duchess looked at her...then a moment later the cook threw a spoon right in the middle of Molly's forhead, "Okay shutting up..."
"Why, theres to much pepper in that soup!" objected Alice. The poor baby was sneezing and howling. The only two things not sneezing were the cook and a cat that was ltying on the floor, grinning from ear to ear.
"Ewe what a fugly cat!" snapped Molly.
"Would you tell me, please, why your cat grins like that?" asked Alice, she always askes the stupid questions.
"It's a Cheshire cat, that's why," said the Duchess.
"Well that's a stupid answer," sighed MOlly and then another spoon came flying right at her, "OWNCH! MOLLY ABUSE MOLLY ABUSE!" This time the cook was holding a knife so Molly shutted right up.
"I didn't know that Cheshire cats grinned, in fact I didn't know that cats could grin," replied Alice.
"they all can, and most of 'em do."
"I don't know of any that do."
"You don't know much, and that's a fact." After hearing that Molly started laughing her ass off! It looked like she was having a heart attack or something, from laughing and rollling and sneezing from the pepper. Then suddenly the cook started throwing everything in reach towards Molly.
"Oh please watch what you're doing!" Alice pleaded. Molly looked shocked that Alice would say something like this for her, but then Alice continued, "for the babies sake!" The cook stopped throwing things, partly because he had nothing left to throw.
Some how Alice and the Duchess started talking about time and the earth and alice mentioned how the earth spins on an axis and then the duchess yelled, "Speaking of axes, OFF WITH HER HEAD!"
"Yeah! I second that motion!" yelled Molly. Alice quickly glanced at the cook but he didn't move.
"What? You'll throw everything possible at me? But you wont take orders to kill this girls from the duchess!" cried Molly, at that she was hit with a frying pan.
"Well don't mind me," said the Duchess as she handed Alice the baby, "you take him, I mut get ready to play croquest with the Queen."
"How could she have known that? The frog never sent her the message?"
"What an odd little thing," said Alice talking about the baby. "If I don't take this baby with me their sure to kill it..." After the baby heard that he started to snort and snort and then he turned into a pig!
"HOLY SHIT! I knew there was something weird about you Alice! You study black magic don't you!"
"I don't know what that is, but I say we get out of here." So Molly and Alice left the house and started walking into the woods. They saw that Cheshire cat in the trees infront of them, but Molly didn't notice it.
"Cheshire cat," began Alice timidly, talking to the cat.
"Holy shit, I didn't even see it there!"
"Which way should we go from here?" Alice asked the cat.
"That depends a good deal on where you want to go," the cat replied.
"I don't much care where..."
"Then it doesn't matter which way you go."
"Wow, he has a good point you know," said Molly.
"Well, what sort of people are around here?"
"In that direction," the cat said, waving his front right paw, "Lives the Hatter. In that direction," waving his left paw, "Lives the March Hare. You could visit either one. They're both mad. Completely insane."
"Woh that's creepy..."trailed off Molly.
"But I don't want to meet any mad people," Alice remarked.
"Oh, you can't help that, were all mad here. I'm mad your mad."
"How do you know I'm mad?"
"Because everyone can see that sweetie..."began Molly.
"You must be mad, or you wouldn't have come here, that makes that girl standing behind you mad also."
"Hey!...actually I must be mad if I'm arguing with a cat...that grins!"
"Will you be playing croquet with the Queen today?"
"I would like to very much, but I haven't been invited."
"So we weren't really invited to any of the other places we've been today so why start now?" cut in Molly.
"You'll see me there," said the cat then he vanished into thin air.
Alice and Molly started walking in the direction of the March Hare and then the cat reappeared.
"What became of the baby?"
"It turned into a pig," answered Alice.
"I thought it might." Then the cat vanished again.
"YOU GUYS AREN'T CREEPED OUT BY THAT?" yelled Molly. But they kept on walking. Then the cat reappeard, "I'm sorry, did you say fig or pig?"
"Pig, and I wish you would stop appearing and disappearing it sure makes one dizzy."
"As you wish." Then the cat dissapered bit by bit, the last part to go was his grin which stayed for quite some time.
"I've often seen a cat without a grin, but a grin without a cat? It must be the strangest thing I've ever seen in my life!"
"WHAT! I think the baby turning into the damn pig was the strangest thing I've ever seen!" yelled Molly. Soon MOlly and Alice approached a house that looked like a hare...er...rabbit.
To Be Continued...