I have no clue why the entire story was underlined but I think it had something to do with the forward slashes! So, I'm reposting this and hoping that
A: I don't lose the reviews and
B: That it works better this time!
Thanks to Chuquita for pointing it out!
AN: Thank god I don't have to do any public humiliations! Thank you, everyone, for such wonderful support, even by those who felt a little squeamish. And from now on, I'll tack a warning onto the story. I just wanted it to be a surprise and if was serious shonen-ai, I would have put up warnings. I think warnings are generally silly things. IT WAS JUST A KISS, GODSDAMMIT!
Brolly: rushes to rub shoulders
Ahem. Now onto replies.
PLEASE READ THE SECOND AUTHOR NOTE AT THE BOTTOM!
Guybrush: That should grab their attention. I know they just read their reply then skim over the story.
Brolly: True, true.
Zogeta: It's so nice to see you two agreeing on something.
Spruceton Spook: Ah, glad you stuck around. I admit, most people either love it or get squeamish about it, but that's to be expected. I get squeamish around some hetro stuff but hey, that's life, innit? It is quite a gushy chapter, but I think it turned out okay. Don't worry, no one is going to get hurt…maybe…possibly…
Brolly: No spoilers!
Chuquita: Glad to hear your Java is working! Such a lovely long review.
The eye story is moving slower than I'd like it to, but I hope to get going on it. I have about twelve running fics (all of which but one are Goku and Vegeta centred) so I don't make good progress on any of them. sheepish grin But my editor/best friend sporks me nicely about it. Love Hina is weird sometimes, and I find the 'abuse Keitaro' premise getting stretched. I really Motoko though, as well as Su. Comparing manga and anime, both are quite different but neither is better than the other. However, Yu-gi-Oh! Manga is a thousand times better than the series! And I like the series too…now I'm reading FAKE which is full of glorious shonen-ai goodness. drools
Brolly: wipes up string of drool
Ah, where was I?
I look forward to Goku discovering the 'difference' and maybe he'll offer to be uke anyway. Its in his nature, but if he's having Veggie-sandwich dreams, maybe he's ambivalent in the situation.
Everyone's in on the secret, but Goku…I'm so cruel to the poor man sometimes. glances at Kakarot in corner sulking I'll make it up to you, promise. The next story all the angst will centre on you and Vegeta will swoop in and save the day!
Kakarot: brightens I can live with that.
You should come see the chaos going down at the HQ! click on the group madness thread and see what Gutterball did to me! Meanie…
Thanks for staying with the story, and your hunch might just be right!
PS: I'm really, really amazed at the size of your chapters! Fifteen or so pages is very long for me!
John Perry: Wow! In spite of the shonen-ai misgivings, you still gave me a ten! Fantastic! Thank you! Just to clarify, I only do shonen-ai, not yaoi. Yaoi is a full-on relationship and often sex, whereas I do the relationship and build-up, no sex, so sortof yaoi but no lemons from me. I'm glad you still liked the chapter. Strangely enough, its only the male readers who get antsy about boy love. Girls just loooove it. Well, most of us. But I will heed the advice about yaoi events. I just hate breaking the fourth wall with a bigass sign.
J-Girl: Glad you liked the shonen-ai! Next chapter, coming right up! And ten points for spotting it coming! I even removed a whole lot of clues before I posted too!
M-Python-Girl: Ah, but have faith in me and what I will do. I will try to minimize all damage to the characters wherever possible.
Chaos-Bardock: Well, here's half a flame. I can't imagine the relationship withering up by the end of that chapter so sorry, but there's another three chapters to go with hints. Deal with it.
Nitara: As before, no comment on the Veggie death, but I have chocolate cookies! Would you like one?
Omnimalevolent: squints a bit Hey, it does look like euthanasia! Sorry about the false alarm. I left out the signs because A) I think it destroys fourth wall B) For a kiss, I think its unnecessary and C) there are worse things out there to warn people about. Heh, but I did want the shonen-ai to blindside everyone. I'm evil like that.
Yeah, Goku was pretty direct about Bulma's wrinkles at the end of Dbz…notice how Vegeta just stood there and watched. It was nice to see him in a leather jacket though. Chichi's younger than Bulma though, although I'm not sure by how much. Hard to tell, innit?
Lenora: Aw, no, that ain't true! You've been a LR (loyal reviewer) for well over two years now, I'm sure! I'm sorry to neglect you, it wasn't intentional! Heh, and I love having shonen-ai fans. At least there are some people I don't have to explain myself to, eh? hands Kakarot tissues There, there. And hold on to those. You might need them later. Um, for sinus troubles, as such.
SLB0288: Wow! Thank you so much! Of course you may add this to your collection and thank you for such support! This story gets updated every Sunday, so hang around that time for more. I hope to hear from you again!
Clarobell: Dude, I've got you saved as a contact! Sure, maybe I'll send you a sneak preview of the next story…If you like it, I'll need sporking to keep me on track. Well, who says Bulma and Chichi will ever find out?
Yami Persephone: looks at gnawed ankle Nope, still four tendons to go. But hey, I'll send you what I have so far and you can throw bunnies at it. I've hit a desert with that one, sadly. perks up but I know that you can save it!
I also like some sort of development between the two. I love PWP (Plot? What plot? Or Porn Without Purpose) but it gets empty after a while. I also like my fics with a twist of shonen-ai! I can write hetro, and easily enough…but there's much to be said for the coupling of Goku and his Prince, ne? Amazingly enough, I got fewer reviews as a het writer than a shonen-ai one! You'll see what will happen with the wives…have faith, young grasshopper.
BlackDragonSoul: I'm always happy to oblige, boys! Lauren, could you get me some digital pics of those two? Please?
Wildgirlxyz3: Hey, the first girl to NOT like boy on boy! shrugs Well, to each their own. Don't worry, I don't go overboard with it at all…there isn't much time to in three chapters. And I don't really see your review as a flame…sorta…more like a disgruntlement. Thanks for reading though! cheesy smile
… Interesting screen name. Well, I'll finish updating this story soon but I don't think I'll ever stop putting stuff up. Hope to see you again!
And in closing from me:
Brolly: You know, I don't think anyone reads these things at all.
Nope, I don't think so either. But I will say one thing: maybe I'm being pigheaded about warning signs, but I don't like to break fourth wall. So, from now on, I'll use forward slashes to indicate ah, intimate scenes.
Anyway, its been a disgustingly long, horrible day at work. I'm going to send a few emails and then I'm going to sleep like a ton of bricks.
Have a fantastic week, and I'm still looking for offers to help me with the side-story to this! No one offered last week…maybe that's because NO ONE READS THE SECOND AUTHOR NOTE!
Sigh.
With Insanity,
Zogeta, Brolly and Guybrush
Chapter Fifteen:
Sunset
Kakarot and I spent that day together, and it felt right. I love Bulma…but I love Kakarot more…in a different way. The dichotomy hurts but I can't deny it any more than I can deny my race. We went home and fetched our wives and the rest of the Saiyans. We decided to spend a week sleeping in the royal palace. Everyone but Kakarot understands the meaning behind my request.
I want to take my final breath here.
Earth has been my home, and I have died to protect it. But this…this is my birthplace, the world that has been home to generation upon generation of Saiyans.
Eight days have passed, and I know the end is coming very soon. If not tonight, then tomorrow. Kakarot wants to wait before telling the others about our discovery, and, with a heavy heart, I agree. My heart doesn't beat properly anymore, and it's not just because of Kakarot. It stutters, it holds its breath; sometimes it works overtime and thunks awkwardly.
I've sorted out all my affairs, have written a will and various letters. I've just finished Kakarot's and placed it in its envelope. That done, I rest my head on my arms and simply berate myself.
I'm going to break Kakarot's spirit. I'm going to tear my son apart and shake Bulma. I'm hurting those I care about, and the circumstances are beyond my control. But my time has come; I've cheated Death so many times.
There were battles I never should have survived. Tortures that should have killed me. Losses that should have broken me. But I kept going, and now…of all things, I'm waiting for my heart to give out. Should I warn Kakarot? Should I have told him? Should I tell him now and face his pain? Watch him blame himself for wearing me down because of his training?
I'm a coward.
I can't bear to see Kakarot hurt. Knowing the blow I must deal him…to bring such an abrupt stop to our happiness, can I really tell him that this might be the last night of my life?
But…I need to make sure he doesn't follow me into death. Pushing my chair back, I go to find him. I can sense him at the top of one of the spires, and he's alone. I stroll, I dawdle…anything to stall this. But the stairs disappear below me without my permission and I find myself behind Kakarot. He's leaning against the battlements, tail flicking behind him.
"Hey, Vegeta."
His tone, overlaid with fondness, nearly does me in. I'm going to languish in Otherworld without him. Two months ago, I barely paid attention to this man. And now, I can't be without him. I stand beside him, feel his tail wrap over mine and pull me closer. He plants a kiss on my ear, nibbling a little before drawing back.
"What brings you up here? Saving the Saiyan in distress at the top of the tower?"
I snort and he grins. I look out over the sea, watch it crash onto the shore. The sound is calming, and we are comfortable together. I begin to approach my subject.
"Kakarot, will you promise me something?"
He turns to look at me, eyebrows slightly drawn in apprehension at my serious tone. He nods slowly. "If it is within reason, then of course."
Here goes.
"Will you promise me that, no matter what happens, no matter how hard things get, promise me that you won't abandon this world and your duty as its protector. Please, Kakarot."
His face lifts, obviously relieved. "Oh, is that it? I thought you were going to ask me to never tell the others about us, or something like that. I promise, Vegeta. I'll always keep up my training and make sure I keep us all safe."
He draws me into his embrace and kisses my forehead. "Now stop looking so worried, my prince. It should be just about time for dinner. I know that Bulma and Chichi have been frolicking in the royal kitchens now that they've figured out how everything works, so we can enjoy a huge feast!"
I scrunch my eyes shut and nod into his t-shirt. If only it weren't the last time we could eat together, the last time to do everything.
This last day of my life is turning out to be the hardest one ever; I've never been good with goodbyes.
I feel like a man awaiting execution. Everyone at dinner is lively, trying to forget the dying man's worries. I know that they're just trying to make me feel better, and I appreciate their attempts. After dinner we laze on the beach around a fire, exchanging memories. Kakarot and I stay apart, sitting with our wives. I'll find a way to say my goodbye to him in such a way that he feels that there was some closure, even if he doesn't realise it now.
The others tire, and say goodnight, as they have all the nights we've been here. Trunks has that same, anxious look: will daddy go tonight? Or will he come down for breakfast? He hugs me tightly, and something in my response clues him in to my suspicions; this will be the last time. He clings, buries his face in my neck. I stroke his back, hold him close.
Be brave, Trunks. We'll see each other again someday…until then, you must take care of your mother. You made me proud, son, each and every day. I'll always be with you in spirit; take strength from that.
He nods, and slides down to his feet. He looks up at me, biting back tears and being brave. I ruffle his hair, one last time. The others seem to understand, and Kakarot's eyebrows lift when everyone gives me a last goodbye in their own way. Finally, they all leave, and I pull Kakarot into a nearby room, shutting the door behind us. He pulls me up for a goodnight kiss, and my heart, the stupid, ineffectual thing that it is, breaks one more time.
SHONEN BIT
Last time, Kakarot. Last time we'll be together for a long time.
He wraps his arms around me, hugs me, whispers silly nothings into my ear. Tells me how much he adores me, and I assure him, tell him that he'll always be a part of my spirit. I want to fall to my knees and tell him that I'm sorry for what I'm about to do. I want to beg his forgiveness for my pride over the years, for being too blind to see what we had waiting for us. But I can't do that to him. Either way, we're both going to lose this battle.
All I can do is ease the blow.
I hold him close, try to prove to him how much he means to me. I kiss his mouth, his eyes, his nose, his forehead. He purrs, wraps our tails together. He doesn't understand my motivations, but he understands my desire. After a while, we separate. We can't arouse suspicion, even at this late stage.
END SHONEN BIT
He walks me to my room, licks my nose in his playful manner, then turns the corner to go to his room. I take a deep breath and walk into the room. Bulma is under the covers, giving me that look.
On this last night, I am more than willing to leave her a parting gift.
BBBBBBulma
The hours fly and the minutes drag like a tail-pipe end. Vegeta is at my back, his arms wrapped around me. His breathing is unsteady, and I don't have to see his face to know that it is contorting in pain. He said that he thinks tonight is the last night.
It's been hard to watch this happen. To watch my proud, wonderful husband become crippled by his weak heart. But, despite his physical pains, he's stayed strong enough to train Trunks and Goku. I supported him; not much else I could do. Once Vegeta has his mind set, it'll take a wish from Shenron to change it. It's just best to agree and help.
The breathing hitches and the thumps of his heart at my back slow. My eyes close as his heart skips a few beats…and fails to start up again. Nothing but the silence I have been dreading for so many years. Tears leak out as I turn to look at him, his face relaxed, the pain leaving him for the last time. I bury my face into his chest, my shoulders shaking with my sobs. He's gone…
Vegeta, my life love, my source of strength, my everything…he's gone.
I feel his spirit leave his body; it brushes against me, warm and reassuring.
I'm never gone…
After all these years, after all the waiting, I felt his heart beat for the last time. At least I was there when he died. I'm grateful that when this beautiful creature left my life, at least I was there to see him off.
His body begins to fade, and I find comfort in that. He'll go to Heaven, he'll wait for us.
Blue…I'm always here in your heart…
But I don't know if I can wait for my turn to die.
His body gone, I curl up into a ball, and cry until there's nothing but the emptiness left behind.
KGKGKGK
Another wonderful day on Vegeta-sei! Maybe Vegeta and I can go explore the north area today! I trot down to breakfast and enter the huge kitchen, my stomach rumbling in anticipation. Everyone's there; I'm always the last to get out of bed.
But no one is smiling, or even speaking. Bulma is holding Trunks on her lap, their blue eyes bloodshot. Goten and Gohan stand quietly to the side, and Chichi looks subdued. I look at all of them, suddenly feeling the nerves in my spine ripple.
I cast around for Vegeta's ki, but its not there. I frown, concentrate harder, but yield nothing. Bulma looks up, tears quietly running down her cheeks.
"He's gone, Goku. Vegeta…died."
My world stops, my heart freezes. I couldn't have heard right. Vegeta can't just be dead…it…it just doesn't make sense…
"His heart gave out and he passed away in his sleep," Bulma tries to explain. I shake my head. Lies! It has to be a lie! Some elaborate joke or prank! Saiyans don't die outside of battle!
"It…it isn't true…you're l-lying to me…"
I back up into a wall, then slide down, too lost to hold myself up. They aren't lying…they wouldn't joke about something like this. My hands shake uncontrollably, my heart thumps too hard and I want to scream. How! How can this possibly be happening!
I stumble to my feet and run, run out of the palace, run away to a special spot we had. I crash through foliage, not caring about torn clothes or skin as I try to outrun the horrible truth I just heard. Tears streak down my face, I stumble and fall hard, and I stay down.
No Vegeta to pick me back up. Oh gods, I can't believe he's gone…just gone, so suddenly. He wasn't sick! He didn't take pills or rest or cough or anything!
How could you, Vegeta? How could you die on me!
I sob, I try to cry out the pain, the bleeding, aching rip in my soul that no amount of consolation could possibly fill. My Prince is gone! My mentor, my friend, the man who made me happier than I ever imagined...
Vegeta…how could you…
Do you think the ones we loved are ever truly gone?
But Vegeta's gone…
Only in body, but your memories keep him here.
That quiet voice, it sounds so like Vegeta. It calms the thrashing storm that swallows my heart and silences the chaos of my mind. I don't know what it is, but I have never needed reassurance before like I do now.
He misses you too, you know that. He grieves for you as you do for him.
But…why didn't he ever tell me that something was wrong? I would have done everything in my power to make sure that he stayed longer…
Vegeta…I don't think I can make it without you.
"Yes, Kakarot. I take you as mine, if you will take me as yours."
Gods, kill me now…
The day passes, and I remain curled up on the rocky floor of the clearing I found. Moving requires more effort than I'm willing to expend. Maybe if I stay here, Vegeta will come back…he'll be able to find me if I don't move…
Come home, Vegeta…please…
"Dad?"
Gohan kneels beside me, rests a hand on my shoulder, rubs it and tries to offer some comfort. I've gone numb, both in body and spirit…I can't, won't remember the wonderful times I've had with Vegeta; it hurts too much to come back to reality. But I can't imagine not having him around…
I've known him for so long; ever since Gohan was six, and now he's twenty-one…I can't just get up and smile and pretend that Vegeta never barged into my life. Pretend I didn't feel more for him than friendship and act like we were just…colleagues. So many battles, against each other and together, and even when we weren't friends, we always knew the other was always up for a spar, and provided a constant in each other's life.
And then he died. Just died and left me here as the very last.
"Dad, come on…its getting dark, and you know how big the snakes are here. We've gotta get back to the palace."
"I don't care."
He squats on his heels, his hands dangling between his knees. "I know it hurts, Dad. I know what it feels like to lose someone. And as impossible as it sounds, you will get up and you will continue living. Vegeta wouldn't want you to give up on anything. And if you do quit…then all his training, all his faith in you was wasted."
I look up at my son, forced to grow wise because I once died…did it feel like this when I left him? How could he have forgiven me after going through this pain? And when I left Vegeta as the last Saiyan all those years ago, did he hurt like this? I want to grieve, I want to give up and let my home planet swallow me, but Gohan is right. Vegeta got up from his fall, and Gohan did too.
"Life will go on, Dad. And the wounds don't heal, but they do hurt less with time. Let Vegeta be a source of strength rather than one of despair, focus on what gives you hope, and then put your foot forward and walk."
I nod and sit up, my body stiff from being curled up on rocks. Gohan grabs my wrists and pulls me to my feet, lets me wrap my arms around his shoulders and lets me cry into his hair. He holds me up, knowing that my own legs feel entirely too weak to ever work again.