Disclaimer: I stand firm in my belief that Naruto belongs to Sasuke. Period.

The Underground Naruto Fanclub

by Apple Addiction

"Give up… dobe."

Naruto stiffened, then struggled to stand on shaking legs. He glared at the other boy menacingly. "Never, bastard," he charged at the black-haired boy with renewed vigour. "I'll pound you into the ground!"

Sasuke evaded the fist easily. Twisting around in midair, he swung a leg down but did not make contact as the other boy jumped back rapidly. He smirked and moved with unbelievable speed to stand behind the blonde boy. He ran a finger down the tense jaw line.

"Anywhere you wish to pound me into, dobe. I love it when you talk dirty," he breathed into the other's reddening ear, watching in satisfaction as the other's breath hitched. Taking this moment of hesitation, he flipped the blonde boy to the ground and swiftly tied him up with chakra-enforced strings. The blonde screamed his indignation.

Sasuke watched his handiwork idly. "Save the voice for later, dobe." He reached down and swung the struggling bundle onto his shoulders. "My house. I hope you're in the mood for bondage."

The video ended with Naruto's horrified yell of 'Sadistic bastard!' and Kakashi's single eye took in the mixed reactions of the other four shinobis.

Iruka would combust if he went any redder and he was just one minute short of wiping his eyes and nose on the table cloth. Itachi was looking immensely amused and Kakashi faintly caught the word 'threesome'. He shone with approval at the direction Itachi was heading. Neji could only be explained by frozen rage as waves of jealousy radiated off him. Gaara was in pretty much the same state, just with a lot more of killing intent.

Kakashi loved his life. It was so entertaining.

"Maa…" he said calmly, "just so long as you know what we're up agains-" He was interrupted when Iruka slammed his hands on the table and stood up suddenly. Kakashi took a step back at the flames blazing in the other's eyes.

"Everyone," he began passionately, "what we need is a battle plan. I had taken the liberty of appointing myself as the General Secretary of this club and have come up with a few of them." A stack of notes materialised in his hands and Kakashi winced at the thickness. "Please look through and feel free to give any feedback."

Neji silently wondered if this was the result of years of an academic career. Note to self: never become a teacher.

Gaara gazed impassively at his copy of the notes. Itachi glanced disinterestedly at the trees and Kakashi's hand reached for his Icha Icha Paradise. Iruka felt a vein popping. He gave a twitchy smile. "If only you would open to the first page…"

Neji took pity on his former sensei and did as was told. "Plan 1: Operation Irritate Uchiha – Phase I," he read out aloud. Interesting. Itachi quirked an eyebrow at the academy teacher. "Isn't the name a little general? I'm also an Uchiha."

Iruka smiled apologetically at the other man. "Gomen, Itachi-san. I did this when I wasn't aware that you were joining us." Kakashi silently marvelled at the teacher's efficiency.

"Maa… I think it's alright. The name doesn't really matter, so long as we know what we're doing." Kakashi offered generously. Itachi pouted and Gaara crossed his arms over his chest. "I like the name." Itachi glared at him. Neji glanced up at them. "I'm fine with it too." Itachi glared at him.

For the next few moments, Itachi glared alternately at the two stoic boys, who were totally unfazed. Outside, the owls hooted and an occasional breeze ruffled their hair.

Finally, "Fine." Itachi surrendered in a self-sacrificial voice.

Secretly, Kakashi was terribly disappointed with the peace resolution and lack of action but it did not show in his cheerful tone. "Good, now that's solved, I think we can start fleshing out the details."

Five heads bent in unison over the table. A dark scheme was brewing and the rumbling of the thunder was heard in the distance.

"Kakashi, is that your stomach?"

"Ah ha ha, how very perceptive, Iruka-sensei."

Author's Notes:

Thanks everyone for your review! I really really appreciate them a lot.

Phox VS Frawg: I'm very sorry but an OC is really not in my league. Besides, I positively suck at writing OC, I can't develop an original character for nuts. :(

Master Elora Dannan: Lolx, I can't stop laughing when I read your review. It really cracked me up.

Thanks to Road Kill Roko, Phox VS Frawg, Uke Love Azamiko, Morbid Dreamer, Delinka, Hell's Sorrow, wes.lane, Anime-Dudette and Master Elora Dannan for your wonderful reviews.

Please don't forget to leave a review! It'll really brighten up my day!