I notice that some people have me on their favorites but haven't reviewed. And this upsets me. You do not want to make the authoress angry, I assure you. To those who did review, thank you and here's your acknowledgements.

Icicle1321- That I will.
SuicidalKitsune – Glad ya like it.
PatrioticPuppy – I was toying with the idea but you enforced it. Thank you!
keosis-chan – Oh PLEASE do!
chibikuro rose-sama – No question of that.
Eds Lover – Somehow he's hotter as a whore, ne?
hovalady – Thank you!
syao9 – Updating soon
Neo Diji - -grins-


Chapter 3: Devious Military Officers

Ed took her hand and said seriously. "Winry, there's something I need to tell you." Winry looked at him surprised, "What is it, Ed?" Looking back, Ed thought he was being pretty insensitive. At that time he didn't care about Winry; he just wanted to get back at Mustang. "I think I'm in love with you," he said. And he leaned towards her and kissed her right on the lips. To say Winry was surprised was an understatement. She couldn't have been more surprised unless she saw her grandmother wearing Al's armor and chugging a high caffeine drink on a sunny Sunday morning.

Ed & Winry: What!

Me: Hey, who controls the keys here?

Ed & Winry: -sullenly- You. . .

Me: That's right.

Ed: -mumbling- Crazy bitch. . .

Me: -vein-

Ed: -cowers-

Winry's lips are very soft.

Oh no! How can I tell him now?

Fuckin'. . .Little brat!

Winry pulled away from him and looked at him sadly. "Oh Ed." She lowered her head and ran from the room. Ed watched her go then he turned to look at Mustang. The Colonel was standing stock-still and his jaw had dropped. Ed licked his lips and put a finger to one. "She's got cherry lip-gloss. Tasty." He grinned and turned away. Mustang, once again, was furious. "How can you date a girl taller than you!" he shouted at him. But Ed was too gone to here.

Mustang took his seat and put her hand over his eyes. "Damn. Sometimes Fullmetal is such a bitch. He won't get away with this. C'mon Roy, think."

Ed meanwhile had lost sight of Winry. "Boy, that was harsh." That big jerk had it comin'. Always making fun of my height. I hope Winry's okay though. He really couldn't find her. Al was gone too. He shrugged it off and went to the Central Library and didn't return for the rest of the day.

For the rest of the day, no one went near the Flame Alchemist. His very aura burned as much as his alchemy flame. Only Hawkeye got close and he was unresponsive to her. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he noted that she seemed very upset by this but was too mad to care.

He'd been musing over the Fullmetal Alchemist for so long and he'd had enough. If that little punk think he'd get away with toying with him, he was sorely mistaken. No one fucks with the Flame goddamn Alchemist. Ed had to be taught a lesson. If he thought he could mess with the Colonel's heart, well the Colonel could do it right back. And later that night when a slightly intoxicated Hawkeye stumbling toward him, he got a brilliant and somewhat sick idea.

"Lieutenant Hawkeye, now let me guess what you've been up to." Hawkeye giggled. Roy's eye twitched at that. She hadn't laughed in such a way since long ago. "I just had a drink, is all," she said smiling. Her words were slurred and Mustang sighed. "Just one?" She nodded, staggering toward him. "That's right. Only one," and she collapsed into his arms. He sighed again, holding her close. "Forgive me, Riza," he whispered and lifted her into his arms.

Stage 1

He was heading for his office, which was fortunately on a route past Ed's room. As he walked by, he kicked the door rather violently. Some sort of shuffling could be heard and just as a measure of precaution, Roy kicked the door again. "Dammit," Ed cursed loudly.

Stage 2

Right outside his office, Mustang quickly scrawled a small transmutation circle on the doorframe at approximately Ed's height. He then walked in and left the door ajar and waited for the bite.

Stage 3

Ed stuck his head out the door and watched Mustang take Hawkeye down the hall. He didn't like this at all. If the Colonel thought that he'd get laid tonight, then Ed made it part of his agenda to stop that. He followed quietly.

Mustang set Hawkeye in a sitting position on his desk and gently patted her face. "Hey. Hey Riza, wake up," he said gently. Slowly, her eyes opened and she looked at him curiously. "Uh... Roy?" He smiled at her and she smiled back. " Roy," she said affectionately and kissed him.

Ed stopped outside the door and looked inside. When he saw Hawkeye and Mustang kissing, his breath caught. To stop himself from moving he grabbed onto the doorframe. Mustang didn't miss any of this. Hook, line, and sinker, he thought, triumphantly.

The second Ed's hand passed over the transmutation circle Roy had created, he froze. As in, he was unable to move.

What in the hell? What's going on? He struggled to remove his hand, to no avail. His mouth didn't move when he tried to shout. The young alchemist looked at the circle beneath his fingers and gave an inaudible gasp. Izumi-sensei taught me about that mark. It's not alchemy, it's more like some kind of magic spell. It's nothing like a dangerous human transmutation or a taboo. It's called a zira.

The zira manipulates an alchemist's power. The more power an alchemist has the more effective the spell would me. The alchemic energies that flow throughout my body have been completely shot by the zira.

And now this bastard's making me watch. . .

Mustang seemed to know of Ed's thought and grinned over Hawkeye's shoulder. He kissed her back, deeply. Ed's attempts to shut his eyes were in vain. They were frozen open as well. Mustang smiled and rubbed the back of Riza's neck then he reached up and pulled her hair free.

Ed gave a silent growl. I'm. Going. To. Kill him. Riza closed her eyes and nuzzled his neck softly. "Thank you, Roy." Mustang opened one eye and looked at Ed. His eyes were devoid of all cockiness. It was a look that said to Ed, 'Don't fuck with me.' Roy closed his eyes again and Ed was able to move.

He turned away and sped to his room and spent hours wondering why his heart hurt so much before falling into a restless sleep.

The next morning in passing, the two alchemists had very different reactions. Ed diverted his gaze when he saw Mustang and the Colonel simply stared ahead behind his mask of cool indifference. Ed didn't even know how he should feel. Sure Mustang was a ruthless bastard for doing that but Ed couldn't help feeling that he deserved it.

Ed went through the day, avoiding Mustang whenever he could. He finally found himself on the headquarter stairs accompanied by Hawkeye's loyal companion, Black Hayate, who was no longer a puppy. "I wonder why I feel so badly," he thought, scratching Hayate behind the ears. The dog whined appreciatively.

"Fullmetal."

The voice sent unexplainable shivers up his spine. Of course, it was our lovely Colonel. "What," he said quietly. "Hopefully, you have now learned that you cannot mess with me and withdraw unscathed." Ed patted Hayate's head and nodded slowly not meeting Mustang's eyes. "Surely such a little pest couldn't have posed much of a threat anyway." Ed's eye twitched, "You better quit making fun of my height."

Mustang's voice was weighed with amusement. "Or you'll do what exactly? Besides, I'm making fun of your absence of height." Ed, for once, controlled his anger. Now he ignored the Colonel. Mustang smirked. "Good. It would appear that you and Black Hayate are not so different."

The fact that he'd just been called a short was common so Ed didn't bother to rant. But the fact that he'd been called a dog set him off. By the time he realized the insult the Colonel was gone and Ed was short of siccing Hayate on the Colonel. Hell, he'd even do it himself. Show Mustang how much of a dog he could be. An image of himself gnawing on Mustang's leg briefly crossed his mind. It was then Ed knew he couldn't let the Colonel win. "C'mon Hayate," Ed said rising to his feet. "We've got some scavenging to do."

If anyone in HQ had been paying attention they would have seen a black, red, and gold blur speeding through the hallways. Ed peered around the corner of Mustang's office and grinned. He was nowhere around. A grin spread across the young alchemist's face. "Okay Hayate." He held up his hand, indicating the white glove. "Go and find it, boy." Hayate nodded and trotted into the office. He sniffed around the Colonel's drawer and within seconds had brought Ed about eight different pairs of ignition cloth gloves.

Ed, whose grin now resembled something to that of a crazed maniac's, took the gloves and patted Hayate appreciatively. "Good boy." And he snuck away to await a time when Mustang could be caught extremely off-guard. He was going to win.

Or get flamed trying.

IMPORTANT: THE NEXT CHAPTER HAS SHOUNEN-AI! So please don't give up on me, the next chapter will have been worth a wait. I'm SORRY SORRY SORRY but I can't give you a preview or else it'll ruin it for you. But TRUST ME, you won't want to miss the next chapter.