Wow. . .So happy to know you all are sticking with me. Thanks all:

Icicle1321 – Just a harmless threat. Or is it. . .
PatrioticPuppy – That's kinda how it'll go.
keosis-chan – Thanks for your concern
rikuslovelyalchemistwriter – Loyal reviewer, I salute thee.
xxFaiaxx - -grins-
puffin – Will do.
Neo Diji – I thank you for your wonderful review.
tastyfacewash – On the way.
Eds Lover – Prepare to love me eternally then.
Garen Ruy Maxwell - Thanks!
Suicidal Kitsune – Yes, yay us!
Ellia-FMA-Addict – Thankies!
Jade Cade – You shall be knighted as one of the loyally weird.

Chapter 5: Women Troubles

When Ed awoke the next morning, Mustang was gone. Which was good for him because he didn't know how he could look the Colonel in the face after the night before. He sighed and ran a hand over his stomach, wondering if last night wasn't just a dream. He sighed and rose to his feet, figuring he'd have to face the Colonel sooner of later. He showered quickly, shivering as he felt and remembered all the places Mustang had touched and sighed, leaning against the shower wall.

If I don't see him now, I may explode, Ed thought randomly. There was an unexplainable tug at Ed's heart and he thought about how to approach the situation. He figured it should be tackled head-on. So with seriousness and determination etched all over his face, he walked into the Colonel's office without knocking. Said Colonel was sleeping on the couch, a newspaper over his chest. Ed raised an eyebrow then smiled. He shut the door behind him, knelt by Mustang, and gently kissed him on the neck.

Colonel Mustang's eyes opened a little to register what was going on, then closed again. "I'm having a dream. One filled with sexy, blonde, short alchemists." A vein popped in Ed's forehead. "Who're you calling a little shorty you wouldn't be able to see outside of a dream, you moron!" Mustang sighed and turned away, his back to him. "Fullmetal Alchemist," he said, as though pedaling an item for sale. "Wakes you up with a bang."

Ed sighed and leaned on him. " Roy. Why don't you start calling me Ed?" Mustang opened his eyes and looked at him. "I called you Ed last night." Ed smiled at him and planted a soft kiss on his lips. In response, Roy rose to a sitting position and Ed joined him on the couch. Mind you, their lips haven't broken contact. The younger alchemist leaned into him and pressed their lips together harder, tongues wrestling briefly.

Mustang broke away a little. "Compromising position, wouldn't you say?" Ed lowered his head onto the Colonel's chest. "Yes, I'd say so." They smiled at each other before someone knocked on the door. Immediately, the two broke apart as though they each had the plague. "Colonel Mustang," Winry's timid voice sounded out as she opened the door. "I was wondering if you knew where Ed- Oh hi, Ed." Al stood behind her.

Ed smiled, crossing his arms. "Hey Winry. What's up?" She lowered her head a little. "I've been thinking about what you said. . .And I figure me and Al have something to tell you to." Ed's interest was peaked, "What is it?" Winry took a deep breath and said lowly, "Al and I are in love."

Ed was surprised but said calmly. "Oh really? How long has that been going on?" Winry looked embarrassed, "Not long. I was going to tell you that day before but you kind of got the jump on me." Ed's face broke out into a smile. "Well I'm very happy for you two!"

"Really, brother?"

The teen nodded, "Yep." Winry was surprised once again, and Armstrong wasn't even in a skirt this time. "But Ed what about what you said to me?" He shrugged, "It's okay now. I found someone else to take up my love." He said and smiled back at Mustang. Her blue eyes went wide, "You mean...you...and Colonel Mustang?" Ed shrugged again, "Yeah, that's right. In fact, when I said that I wasn't thinking straight. I just wanted to make him jealous." Winry's surprise suddenly turned to fury in a little less than a second.

"You were using me to make him jealous? Edward, you are the biggest jerk I've ever met in my life! I can't believe you would do something so very low and dirty. I can't even- How could you- What were you-?" At a loss for words, Winry did what came naturally and withdrew her wrench. Immediately, Ed clapped his hands together to block the Tool of Death but Winry was too quick for him. The wrench landed squarely in the middle of his head.

She swung again and struck him hard across the cheek, snapping his head to the side. Then she brought it back and backhanded him with the wrench. Ed then chose to fall and play dead. Like he had much of a choice. She brought up the wrench once more before Ed held out his hand. "Winry! No more. Besides, if you think what I did was rotten you should have seen what Mustang did." Winry's defense lowered as did the wrench as she asked curiously, "What did he do?"

"He made out with Hawkeye while she was drunk and made me watch!"

Winry's eyes went wide. "No. Way." Mustang gazed emotionlessly at her, "Way." She looked back down at Ed, "You shouldn't try to pass the blame, Edward." She sighed and knelt by him "Ed, I can't believe you could be so insensitive," Winry scolded the nearly unconscious boy. "All you had to do was tell me how you felt. God, you're such a jerk!"

Al nodded agreeably behind her. She turned and pointed her wrench at Mustang now. "And you too should be ashamed of yourself. You shouldn't mistreat and use people for your own purposes." Mustang was unmoved. He'd been watching this argument for the past ten minutes and Winry's little threat did nothing to faze him. "Maybe you're right but the deed is now done. No amount of regret will change that." Her hands went to her hips. "Oh and you just sit there all cool and calm but there's no way you'll get away with what you did."

Mustang was torn between interest and amusement. "Oh really? And what do you plan to do about it?" She didn't have the authority to hit him with her wrench but she knew someone who could hit him and with a much more dangerous weapon. Winry glared at him and again raised her wrench with a triumphant grin on her face.

"I'm gonna tell Ms. Hawkeye!"

As soon as she saw, Mustang's mouth open and eyes widen with surprise, she turned and fled the room. Al lingered long enough to say, "Oh boy. You guys are both going to get it." And he followed after Winry. Roy rose to his feet and urgently shook Ed to a somewhat state of consciousness. "Ed. Ed, wake up."

"You take that milk or I'll put it somewhere unpleasant," he said menacingly to some imaginary villain who force-fed milk to short, crazed alchemists. Roy smacked him. "Ed, listen to me. Would Winry really tell?" The question need not be answered. At that exact moment, Winry had located the Lieutenant Hawkeye. She tiptoed and whispered quickly in her ear.

-blink blink-

With a deep breath, Hawkeye turned away and headed for the main PA system office. She flicked on the system and said calmly, "All alchemists at this time should quickly and urgently exit HQ in as little time as is humanly possible." Roy stopped shaking Ed and listened then balked as Hawkeye added. "Except for the Flame and Fullmetal Alchemist."

Roy made a dash for the door only to find it locked. Someone had pushed a chair under the knob. (Winry: Wonder who. . . .) "Hell," he muttered and turned to the windows. Someone had tightened the screws around the windows. (Winry: Wow. . .) He could see the alchemists milling out into the front field, curious as to what was going on. He furiously beat the windows but no one heard or noticed. Ed had finally realized what was going on. "Uh, Roy. Now would be a good time to leave."

"I agree," the Colonel said and burnt the door to ash. As soon as he and Ed hit the hallway, Mustang felt the barrel of a gun hit the back of his head. "Don't move," Hawkeye said calmly. Mustang did just the opposite; he ran for his life as did Ed. Hawkeye walked slowly after them, knowing there was no escape for the likes of those two alchemists. And rightfully so, as Winry suddenly appeared blocking their path with a wrench wielded as threateningly as Hawkeye's gun.

"Going somewhere boys," she asked with a sneer.

Ed cowered behind Mustang. The colonel, on the other hand, raised a gloved hand and pointed ready to snap fingers in Winry's direction. "I would hate to damage you, Winry. But I ask that you-" He was cut off as a stinging pain ran over the back of his hand.

Hawkeye had fired, completely destroying the transmutation on the back of his glove and making him unable to snap anyway. "That's one." She cocked the gun, "Wanna go for the other?" Mustang gulped then raised his hands in the air in defeat. Hawkeye approached him from behind and gently slipped her arm over his shoulder and rested her hand on his chest. A brief swell of jealousy started in Ed's chest but he willed away when he remembered his and Roy's stupid jealousy had landed them there in the first place.

Hawkeye raised her gun before Mustang's face. "See it? A Colt .38 automatic fitted with a silencer. Heavy but compatible and quite efficient I might add." Mustang was sweating now, "Riza wait. Let me-" He was silenced as she fired a shot, grazing his leg, dropping him to one knee. She fired again and he went down all the way. "You'll never get promoted with those actions," Mustang said through gritted teeth.

"On the contrary, Colonel Mustang, if I told the Fuhrer what has transpired, I would easily be promoted to Brigadier General simply for not killing you. While you would be busted down to Second Lieutenant faster than you can snap your fingers." She fired once more, grazing his left arm.

Slowly as not to be detected, Ed quietly clapped his hands together to transmute an escape but Winry saw him. "Oh no you don't," she cried, throwing her wrench and striking him in the head. And by the power of my fingers, it flew back into her hand like a boomerang and Ed was dead.

J/K. Let's just call him semi-alive.

"Ed," Mustang turned to the fallen alchemist but his head snapped back almost immediately as he was smacked with the muzzle of Hawkeye's gun. He felt some of his back teeth loosen. Hawkeye had a look of calm on her face and Mustang felt himself shrink under her eyes. "Uh, Riza..." She raised the gun again and he cowered like a baby.

And that is how the two were left, even as the other State Alchemists filed back into the building. "What happened to the Fullmetal and Flame," someone asked.

"Women," is all someone else replied.

DONE! I'll make one more chapter but don't wait up, I'm tired and at a writer's block.