Silently tears ran down his pale face, as he sat hunched over against the door.
He always said tomorrow was a new day and things would turn out okay. He always told him things would get better but now... now nothing would ever be okay ever again.
If there was one thing in this world John Constantine couldn't live without it was him. The boy he had fallen so hard for, the boy he had just lost due to his own careless stupidity.
Chas Kramer, a 20 year old kid he had never meant to have in his life. A boy who had forced his way in and hadn't let go...
Chas was dead. Gabriel had made sure of that and now he was so very much alone in this dark, silent apartment.
Already he was missing the goofy jokes, the whinny voice begging John to let him help...
What he would GIVE to have that time back, to have Chas in his arms... but he was gone, Chas was gone and he remained.
It just wasn't fair, he should have died when he was 15 years old but he was still here living on Lucifer's borrowed time.
His eye's were so blurry with unshed tears he couldn't even see 2 inches in front of him. His chest was tight, his throat raw... so this is what true loss felt like.
Over the years John had lost so many people close to him and recently so many more but Chas...
When they were together they didn't need words Chas would just 'look' at him and he would know. He would know exactly what Chas felt for him because he felt it too.
40 years it had taken John Constantine to fall in love and now it had been taken away from him, thrown carelessly aside before he had the time to realise just what Chas meant to him.
Running a hand carelessly through his tangled hair, John rises stumbling towards his bed where he falls.
Curling into a tight ball John cries, he cries 40 years worth of pain and misery, he cried for all the people who have been caught up in the twisted game God and Lucifer play, he cries for Chas Kramer, the kid who had so much to give but never the chance to give it but most of all he cries for himself. He cries for the love he had lost, he cries because the only change he ever had to share his feelings with another human being has been taken from him.
John Constantine cries himself to sleep and tomorrow everything won't be okay tomorrow isn't another day. It's just another 24 hours to mourn everything that might have been but never was.