Time Enough For Tears

by Rhiana Rae

Stephanie and Joe finally call it quits. Joe turns to Terry Gilman and Stephanie turns to Tastykakes. And Ranger. Another chapter in the life of the Bombshell Bounty Hunter. Written in the same format as the books.

9. Hurt Before

Chapter Nine- Hurt Before

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"Hurt Before" By: The Corrs

She's a girl in a world, she's moving as fast as she goes
Loves her mum and her dad, the only secure that she knows
But at night, she's alone, she's dreaming of somebody new
Her someone for to hold, she's praying the dream will come true

Show me the way - show me, show me how
Help me be brave - for love
Show me the way - show me, tell me how
What do you say

There's a pain in her heart, she's trying so hard to unwind
Makes her cry in the night, when visions so real make her blind
Wants to break through the fear
Erasing the scars from within
Start a new kind of being - she's down and she's praying again

Show me the way - show me, show me how
Help me be brave - for love
Show me the way - show me, tell me how
What do you say

You see she's -
Turning the key, unlocking the door
Embracing the roller coaster world
Stepping outside, with body and soul
Taking whatever future holds
Turning the key, unlocking the door
Embracing the roller coaster world
Take it in stride, you're just twenty-five
And you know we've all been hurt before
Yeah we've all been hurt before
No You're not alone...

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I struck me as odd that I felt safe with a man I now knew to have killed at least four people. In some morbid way it made me feel even safer around him. Maybe he'd killed more in the past, but they weren't the issue right now. And after what Vino and his goons did to me, and to Tank, I was having a hard time working up any real sorrow for their deaths.

And I didn't know what was going on with Ranger. I know his life doesn't allow for relationships. So what's he doing keeping watch over me and protecting me? Maybe that's all he can offer you right now, a little voice in my head whispered. Besides, he's always kept watch over me. Probably had no choice.

Well, that would make better sense, I told the voice. And who asked you anyway? Still, I thought about this for a moment. The last night we spent together had been different also, but I just assumed it was a weather thing. I decided he was being friendly. I had had a really bad week. And maybe he felt partially responsible for what happened to me, because he asked me to do the job for him.

No, that was ridiculous. I told him I would do it. If I stick my neck out, which he should be used to by now, it's my neck. Ah, but maybe he realizes he cares about you, the little voice said. I was beginning to get irritated with the little voice. So? I told the voice. And what if he did care? I cared about him too.

Stupid voice.

I had a cramp in my side from laying at an awkward angle, so I could only imagine how Ranger felt. I squirmed a little, trying to wiggle off the bed without Ranger knowing. A hand grabbed my elbow, and I yelped. "Just me, babe," he said, sitting up straight.

I put my feet to the floor and straightened, wincing as the cramp ran its course. "Have you been awake the whole time?" I asked, bending to stretch a little. The function was coming back to my limbs, and I didn't get tunnel vision when I stood up again.

"For awhile. Tank brought food," he said, indicating a white bag on the rolling table. There was a vase of flowers beside the bag.

I blinked. That meant he saw the cozy little scene with me and Ranger. Oh boy.

"And Morelli stopped by," he said. My heart stopped. That meant he saw the cozy little scene. A knot formed in my stomach, followed by a lump in my throat. "He left you some flowers," he said, nudging me toward the table.

There was a card attached. I forced myself to pick it up, opened it with numb fingers, and read silently. 'I hope you feel better, Cupcake. I'm sorry I wasn't there. Morelli.' Hmm. I set the card back down. The snitty part of my brain said, "Well, at least someone was," but that was kind of mean and underhanded. But then, so was making out with Terry Gilman in the middle of on-again. So it was justified.

I moved to the bag next and peeked inside. "Omigod!" I said, and snatched a package. Tastykakes!!! The first one was in my mouth the minute it touched air. I went over to Rex's aquarium and dropped a piece inside. He raced out of the soup can, twitched his little whiskers at me as if to say Hallelujah, shoved the Tastykake in his pouch, and went back to the soup can.

"Poor little guy," I said, finishing off the rest.

Ranger was giving me the bemused face when I turned back around. "Is Tank single?" I asked.

Ranger just smiled more.

"Too bad. I could marry him."

"Better get in line. He told me Lula flashed him."

Unh. I'd forgotten, mercifully, about that. Until now. "He had a bad day too," I said. There were more Tastykakes in the bag, and nestled tightly next to them was a big cup of coffee. It was pure ambrosia next to water. Who the hell wanted to drink water for fun? Besides Ranger. The man was hot, but we needed to talk about nutrition. Mine, more than likely, but denial's stock was up today.

"I want to go get out of this hospital," I said, crinkling the wrapper. "They give me the creeps."

"They're releasing you in the morning."

"I know," I huffed, trying to stifle a yawn. So much for drinking the ambrosia. Ranger smiled and pointed me to the bed. When I didn't go immediately, he pushed me. One step, and another, and just one more. Then he lifted up me up and deposited me on my back. The bed was still warm, and still smelled like Ranger. Yum. I yawned again. Okay, maybe I was still just a little tired.

"Go to sleep," he said, pulling the covers over me.

I closed my eyes. "But I'm not tired," I mumbled, and I passed out.

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There were voices in my room when I woke up. The light outside was dim, but I could tell it was morning. Only Jersey could develop such cheery smog so early. I blinked to focus my eyes and looked around.

My mother, Lula, Connie, Valerie, and Grandma Mazur were standing around, trying unsuccessfully to speak in hushed tones.

"Omigod!" Valerie said, spotting me first. "She's awake!"

I was barraged by a multitude of questions and more than a few 'why me's from my mother. "They're hiring at the feminine products plant," she said, looking hopeful.

"Mom, this doesn't happen all the time. I'm fine. Really. Just bumps and bruises." Actually, I wasn't fine. But bluffing works.

"We were so worried!" Valerie said. "This almost beats when that guy held the hot poker to your arm." Unh. My family…

"Where's Dad?" I asked.

"Your father is outside with the cab," she explained. Wow, that made me feel loved.

"Ranger said we only got five minutes," Grandma Mazur said. Her outfit was blinding. Pink paisley polyester pants with a bright red Christmas sweater. I almost groaned. Grandma was dressing like Lula. God help us. "He don't want us giving you too much excitement too soon." She winked at me. "Maybe he's saving that for later!"

My mother crossed herself and muttered something. I didn't want to know what it was.

Connie smiled at me. "Your picture is all over the paper," she said, showing me the front page. "They made you out to be 'an unstoppable force of feminine persistence.' I don't know what that means. The article's pretty flattering actually." There was a very large, very unflattering picture of me unconscious on the floor in my apartment, as I'd been when the police arrived. I looked like a train wreck. There was a gash on my forehead, and I could now positively identify the warm stuff that had been in my eye as blood. Eeek. My face was bruised, and my body was curled in on itself. I looked like I'd been run over by a Mack truck.

"Flattering," I said.

Lula sauntered over. Her spandex pants were Day-Glo yellow, and she wore a bright Orange top. "Hunh," she said. "I leave you alone for five minutes."

Their smiles were bright, but they looked like they hadn't slept much. It hit home all of a sudden just how lucky I was to have people who cared about me. I had to get out of this hospital. It was doing things to my emotional being.

"I get to go home today," I said, sounding bright.

My mother rolled her eyes. "That apartment of yours isn't safe," she said. "Now that Valerie and the kids have a house, you could move in with us."

I'd rather stick a needle in my eye. "Thanks, Mom. I'll think about that."

Grandma Mazur leaned in close to me. "That Ranger fella's been real protective about the whole thing. Wouldn't let any of us in to see you until you were awake and feeling better, even when the hospital said it was okay."

What?! He'd told me the hospital wouldn't allow visitors. I was thinking I didn't want to hear anymore. Ranger had once told me he was an opportunist. But that had only been in reference to being back in my bed. He'd already been there. This wouldn't further his case, except to make me like him more as a person, and a friend. I did a mental head slap, followed by an eye roll. I really needed to grow up. I had just lost the man I thought I was going to marry one day, and now Ranger was acting like, like….Well, something. I didn't want to put my finger on it.

"Maybe you'll get married," Mom said loudly, shocking everyone in the room into stunned silence. "What?" she said. "He's an attractive man."

"Mom, I don't think--"

"What?" Valerie demanded. "I married Albert, for God's sake. Why couldn't you marry Ranger?"

I didn't have an answer to that, myself. Connie saved me. "Ranger's not exactly the marrying type."

"Nonsense," my mother said. This, of course, was a preposterous statement to my mother. All men were the marrying type. You just had to whack them over the head with a club and drag them back to your cave. Then they could spend eternity watching tv and driving a cab to get out of the house.

"I think Connie's right," I said. "He doesn't want to get married." And I wasn't so sure I did either. Ranger and I didn't even have a relationship. Well, we had a working relationship, but as far as emotions went, Ranger had already told me that they weren't involved. So why is he being so protective? Shut up, you stupid voice! I thought.

"Well," my mother said, "maybe you should comb your hair anyway. Just in case." She handed me a mirror and a brush, and I almost screamed. Valerie saw my dilemma and took over. In a flash she had all the tangles out, and even though the curls were still out of control, at least it wasn't a rat's nest anymore.

"Thanks," I said. I sat up, and was extremely happy when there was no dizziness. I would definitely get to go home now.

Connie came up to me. "We would have brought flowers, but Lula got us stuck in the line at Cluck in a Bucket for an hour."

"I was starving!" Lula said, rubbing at a grease stain on the orange top.

Connie rolled her eyes. "Don't hurry in to work. Vinnie doesn't say so, but I do." And Connie was pretty much the boss anyway, so I figured I might take her up on it. She smiled. "We, on the other hand, have a lot of work to do. Lula has all this filing to catch up on…"

Lula looked like she might protest. "It's okay," I said. "I'm going home soon. And I won't be alone. You guys should definitely go ahead."

" You just want to keep all of Ranger to yourself. Hunh," Lula said. And they left.

Whew. Two down, two to go.

Grandma looked at the flowers Joe had sent. "Whoopee," she said. "I bet these came from a real florist."

"Would you take them to the house and give them some fresh water?" I asked. Any excuse to get them out of the room. It was like they were staring at me, reminding me of how it must have looked to Morelli to come in the room and see Ranger and I lying together. It must have been a pretty tender scene. Okay. So I was getting a little desperate. Maybe I just wanted to think it had been a tender scene. Really, all it had been was…friendly. Boy, there was a lot of friendly in the air lately.

I had to get out of here. I wanted out of the stuffy hospital air, and the stark white paint. I wanted my dirty, small, furniture-less apartment.

"We'll take them," Mom said. She patted my hand. "You just rest. Your father's in the car outside, idling. Couldn't find a good parking space." I did another mental eye roll. People in Jersey would camp out days in advance for a good parking spot.

She scooped up the vase of flowers and Grandma Mazur, and then they were gone, too.

I heaved a sigh and got out of the bed. My duffel bag was on the floor against the wall, where Ranger had left it. Inside I found all my toiletries. Thank god. I brushed my teeth, applied a little mascara, and couldn't resist trying to cover the black eye with some foundation. After about thirty minutes, I decided I'd done a pretty decent job. The darkest purple was still visible, but I no longer looked like a domestic abuse victim.

I found a pair of jeans, a black t-shirt, and a pair of those black boy short underwear that I bought at Victoria's secret. Ranger's hands had been on my underwear. I fanned myself.

My big CAT boots were in the bottom, and I shoved my feet into them. Okay. I was all dressed. You could hardly see my black eye. But the bruises on my arms were still big and angry. Still, you could hardly beat two out of three.

I flopped onto the bed, only feeling a dull ache from the bruises. There was nothing on tv, and I had nothing to do. I started pacing.

The door pushed open, and the round nurse bustled inside. "Up and at 'em, I see," she said, popping a thermometer in my mouth. While she waited she set a small tray on the bed beside me, peeled the bandage off my forehead, and studied it for a moment. "Well, this is healing nicely. It's all closed up. You may have a scar, dear." She tut-tutted, replaced it with a much smaller bit of gauze, and secured it with a strip of tape.

"Well, you're free to go," she said. "There are some papers for you to sign at the front desk, and you'll be on your way. That tall man is out there waiting for you. And just between you and me, he's a dish. He's got half my staff falling all over themselves."

"He has that effect," I said.

The nurse smiled and left.

Her words sank in suddenly. Omigod. Ranger had been standing outside. That meant he was probably there through the visit with my mother. And the getting married talk. Unh.

I looked at the big duffel bag and debated whether I should try and lift it or drag it down the hall. That would probably be painful to carry. Dragging sounded much better.

"There's smoke coming from your ears, babe," Ranger said, making me jump.

I put a hand to my heart. "You scared me." He smiled. "You have to stop using that ESP stuff. It gives me the creeps."

The smile widened. "Liar." He slung the duffel bag over his shoulder. Rex's cage was under his other arm. "Come on, Destructo."

I followed him to the office and stopped, took care of all the paperwork, and we were on our way. Out into the dim Jersey day.

Ranger's Porsche Turbo was in the fire lane. A cop was standing by, looking as though he might put a ticket on the windshield. He saw Ranger, and the ticket pad snapped closed. He nodded, and walked away.

"If that had been me, my car would be in an impound lot," I grumbled, as he threw my bag into the back seat. I took Rex's cage and put it on my lap.

We roared off to my apartment. Ranger slid into his zone, and I was left with my thoughts. Not good. My thoughts were disturbing. The bits of Ranger I'd seen since I was attacked were not consistent with the image I had compiled in my brain.

"What's going on?" I asked.

Ranger looked at me.

"I mean it. What's going on? You're acting strange. You never act like this."

The corner of his mouth tipped up. "How do you know how I act?"

"Because. Because, well, because…you've never acted this way before!" Lame answer. Try again. "You told me the hospital didn't allow visitors. I heard a different story this morning."

"You didn't need the extra trauma of your family at the moment," he said.

Oh. I thought about that. Okay, good explanation.

"I told you my lifestyle doesn't lend itself to relationships," Ranger said. "Only working ones. This one's working."

"Working as in profession, or working as in functioning."

He just smiled.

"It's a good thing you've got a nice ass," I said. This was not the first time I had used this line. He irritated me and turned me on all at once. How screwy was that?

We were both silent the rest of the way home. Ranger with that semi-smile riding on his face. Me with my thoughts. Again.

When we pulled into the parking lot, I glanced up at my apartment window. It was darkened, and a curl of panic went through my belly. Everything was okay. The apartment was clean. The police were done there. It was safe. But for how long?

The little voice was really getting old. And it was right. My apartment must be the easiest thing to break into since a plastic bag. People made a habit of it. Sometimes I think they break in just to take a number and be like 'Yeah, I broke into Stephanie Plum's apartment.'

"Babe," he said, touching my arm to get my attention. "Come on," he said, and got out. "It's now or never." He came around and took Rex's cage so I could get out, and handed it back when I closed the door. The bag was slung over his shoulder again, and we headed for the elevator.

"Never would be good," I grumbled, following along behind him.

Mrs. Bestler took one look at me and punched the button. She didn't even call out the floors. Wow. I must really look like hell.

When we got to my door Ranger extracted my keys from his deep dark jeans pocket. What I wouldn't give to be a mouse in there, I thought. I knew what it was like in that pocket. Whew. Hot flash.

I would have given it more thought but just then he pushed the door open. He went about his usual prowl through my apartment. I never got tired of seeing him check everything out. Mostly because it gave me time to check him out. At least I was honest.

I was still in the doorway. Did I really want to go back in here? I mean, there were more death cooties in this apartment now. People had died in here. Several, in fact. I don't know why it didn't weird me out before, but now it was seriously giving me the willies. This was almost worse than knowing my couch had death cooties.

Ranger turned around. "All clear." I didn't move. Probably I looked a little panicked because he walked across the room to me, picked me up and carried me across the threshold, inside.

A little thrill jumped in my chest, and my heart started beating madly. "Wow," I blurted out. "I feel like I just got married or something."

Omigod!!! I couldn't believe I just said that out loud. I clapped my hand over my mouth and gaped at Ranger, eyes wide. First my mother and now me! I needed to get my head examined.

"Are you trying to tell me something, babe?"

He set me down gently on my feet, still gaping at him. "I didn't mean to say that," I said, trying to cover up. "I just meant that…that…Shit. I meant something."

"That's what worries me," he said. And then kissed me, deeply. Yum.

When he finally let me go, I was puffing. "Okay," I said, pushing my hair out of my face and trying not to look as flustered as I felt. "I'm in my apartment." I looked around. The place was immaculate. "Wow. Very clean."

"You need to go to the station and give them your statement today," he said, making a pot of coffee. It occurred to me that he really knew his way around my kitchen. Didn't even have to open a single unnecessary drawer. Even I opened unnecessary drawers. The man was a wonder.

"Thanks for reminding me," I said, and sighed.

"I have to get to work," he said, setting the coffee to brew. I followed him to the door.

"Thank you," I said, suddenly feeling like a very big pain in the ass. Ranger was too old to have to baby-sit anyone.

He smiled at me. "All part of that working relationship," he said, giving me the almost-smile.

I sighed. "Yeah, but what kind of working?"

He leaned in and brushed my lips. "I'll check on you later," he said. And he was gone.

"Ass!" I yelled down the hallway. This got me the full two hundred watt grin.

I turned around and slammed my door.

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