A really long chapter (but the disclaimer's still the same). There just wasn't a good place to cut the action off. In honor of all this action (and a fight!), I can safely assure you that "Sabre Dance" performed by any classical group would be a good track for this chapter. Antony, Carole, Kolya, and Emilia are ALL mine (and Carole and Emilia are based on friends, so please don't steal!). Oh, and... all you need to know about this chapter: "I really doubt Companions call each other whores." - Mal.
Mal and Zoë went down to the cargo bay and waited until they heard the hiss that told them the fellow ship's airlock had taken hold of their own. Mal hit the big orange button that would open their own doors, and he and Zoë stood back as the doors opened. Mal had already stopped noticing the ponies' quiet chatter.
What they saw surprised them. Facing them was an extraordinarily polite-looking man with very tan olive skin and neatly combed dark hair. He was wearing clothes that reminded Mal vaguely of Simon's clothing when the doctor had first come aboard Serenity – neatly pressed pants, a crisp white shirt, and a natty bow tie (emerald green, of all colors) around his slender, tan neck. He was wearing half-moon glasses. When he opened his mouth and spoke, his voice was lightly accented, quiet, and polite. "Hello," he said, appearing a little puzzled, but that was probably due to the presence of space ponies. "I am Antony, emissary from the ship Stoïque."
"What's that?" Mal murmured to Zoë.
"It means 'stoic' in French, sir," Zoë murmured in return.
"I meant, what's an emissary?"
"Sir, speak to the boy or he'll think we've forgotten him."
"Oh. Right." Mal put a slapdash smile on his rugged face and said, "Well, greetings, Antony, I s'pose. I'm Captain Malcolm Reynolds and this is m' first mate Zoë, and this is m' ship, Serenity. And these, as you may have guessed, are space ponies. Not ours. They belong to Abeni Hedge, leader o' Spake's Fault. I'm sure y' have heard o' Spake's Fault. Great little place… o' nothin' much."
The emissary, or whatever he was, gave a polite smile, but it seemed to say, "Shut up, you fool"… politely, of course. There seemed to be nothing he couldn't do politely. "Well met," he answered. "My employer will be much glad to meet and assist you. It seems you were badly damaged in the firefight with the People's Resistance Front."
"Yes, it seems we were," Mal said, unconsciously falling into the boy's speech pattern. "And who, exactly, is your employer?"
Another polite smile. "Her name is Emilia Sage. She is well-known and well-loved throughout the verse, and friends are always willing to take her and those she calls friends in with open arms."
A horrible thought struck Mal. "Yer not… yer not… employed by the Alliance, are ya?"
"Would it matter if we were?" Antony asked, obviously trying to assert that it shouldn't.
"Yeah, it would. Just a little," Mal answered.
"Well, we are not," Antony replied, a slight frown creasing his polite-looking face. Then he gave his polite smile again. "My employer would be pleased to meet with you and provide you with any supplies you may need."
"Why didn't yer employer come?" Mal asked. "Is she always in th' habit of sendin' young uns t' do her work?"
"No, she is not," another accented voice, maybe even more polite than Antony's, broke into the conversation. Mal looked behind Antony to see a very regal-looking woman approaching. She was extraordinarily lovely, Mal noticed. Her face was smooth and clear, her complexion free of freckles or blemishes, except for one particularly well-placed and very pretty beauty mark just above her top lip. She held her head high and made direct eye contact with Mal and Zoë, which Mal knew spoke of high breeding. Her hair was golden and held up in a complicated hair-do that involved braids, twists, and knots. Her clothing rivaled Inara's for loveliness, what with its brocades, braids, rich fabrics, and end beauty in design, although Mal could plainly see they were of two completely different styles. "Antony is merely my emissary. I wanted to make sure you were not going to storm my ship."
"D' we look like we'd d' that?" Mal asked, a little in awe of her beauty.
"Why do you have a hold full of space ponies, Captain Reynolds?" the woman asked in return, a wry (but by no means any less lovely) smile coming easily to her lips.
"I told yer 'emissary,' we borrowed them at Spake's Fault. They's… uh… helpin' us on a job or two. Y' speak nice now t' the pretty lady, y'all."
"Greetings, honorable Mistress!" the ponies sang out in one voice.
The woman had finished crossing the expanse of floor between her and Mal and Zoë, and now she extended one slim hand to the captain. "Emilia Sage, Captain Reynolds. Registered Companion and captain of Stoïque."
"It means 'stoic,' sir," Zoë reminded him quietly.
"Oh, a Companion?" Mal asked, a goofy smile appearing on his face.
"Let me guess, Captain Reynolds," Emilia said, cutting off a remark before he could make it. "You're the kind who stoops to tacky whore jokes."
"Yes, he is," a voice said from behind Mal and Zoë. They turned to see Inara walking easily through the group of ponies, who moved aside as she stepped through as though she was Christ on a donkey coming into Bethlehem. Her regal eyes were focused on the newcomer's, and her face was holding an expression Mal had seen only a few times; it appeared as though she was a mask, trying not to crack. "He makes very good whore jokes, if you're in the mood for them. He's had a lot of practice, what with having his own Companion living on his ship."
"This is… uh… Emilia Sage," Mal informed Inara. To Emilia, he said, "She's not my Companion. I mean, she doesn't… I don't… use her. She just lives here."
"We've met," Inara said coolly, her eyes focused a mite angrily on Emilia's face.
"Well, Captain Reynolds, what supplies will you need?" Emilia asked, ignoring Inara. "My ship has business to attend to and I'd like to be on my way."
"Uh… well…"
"Kaylee would know, sir," Zoë suggested. She was trying very hard not to smile as her captain fell harder and harder into puppy love for the newer of the two Companions.
"Right. Kaylee!" Mal yelled into the hold.
A moment later, a grinning Kaylee appeared, followed by River. Simon had wiped off all the green goo, and Mal could see plainly the rash that covered the younger girl's skin. Kaylee had changed her coveralls, the last pair having gotten a little singed in the small (but perfectly effective) fire. "Yes, Cap'n?"
"Shiny!" River exclaimed suddenly, her eyes going large like a wee un at Christmas who had just seen the tree lit up at night.
"This is Miss Sage," Mal said, introducing the mechanic to the new Companion. "She's goin' t' give us some supplies and whatnot. What d' we need?"
Kaylee came closer, River following gracefully. Mal noticed the younger girl was wearing her boots for once. "Well, we need a catalyzer, some compression tubing, two buffer panels, a hank of 12-line wire, a few B-17 couplin's if ya have any… oh, and a new fire extinguisher!" To Mal, she commented, "We sorta used ours up puttin' out the fire in Nara's shuttle."
"There was a fire? On your ship? Isn't that dangerous?" Emilia asked, as though she was genuinely concerned.
"Nothin' t' worry about," Mal hurried to assure her. "Kaylee put it out right quick. Both of them. Right quick. Nothin' harmed."
"Well, cept Nara's shuttle," Kaylee reminded him. "And a good chunk o' the engine room…"
"River!" Zoë said suddenly, and everyone turned to regard the girl. "River, don't touch…"
"Cups and plates and forks and spoons, someone's dying and dying soon," the girl said fervently, her hand hovering above Emilia's well-clad shoulder as though she longed to touch its pretty fabrics, which were probably smooth and lovely.
"Don't mind her none," Mal said quickly. "She's no harm t' anyone."
"Less she knocks ya unconscious with a soup pot and takes yer guns," Kaylee murmured.
"What was that, dear?" Emilia asked, leaning closer to Kaylee.
"Nothin'!" Kaylee said with a bright smile. "She's downright harmless. She's so harmless, sometimes it's downright borin'…"
"That's enough, Kaylee," Zoë suggested.
"Right."
"River!" Simon's concerned voice echoed down into the cargo hold. Mal suppressed a groan. They were never going to finish negotiating if every single one of the crew members showed up to hold them back. "What are you doing? I told you not to move!"
"Look at the shiny!" River said to Simon, her eyes bright. "Look how shiny she is!"
"I'm sorry," Simon said as he came hurriedly towards his sister, who had planted her hand on Emilia's shoulder and was stroking the shiny, smooth, soft fabric gently. "I'll… I'm sorry. I don't know what got into her. She's not going to hurt you."
"I'm… not… worried about that," Emilia said, looking in horror at the younger girl's angry rash. "Is she… contagious?"
"Oh, no!" Kaylee hurried to inform the new Companion. She continued happily, "She got injected with a bad drug by a spy! Then Mal shot him. Then she had seizures, and then the spy got shot again, and then she got the rash."
"A spy?" The lovely Companion's face turned a polite smile into an expression of horror. "You were attacked by spies?"
"Just one!" Kaylee said cheerfully. "Once we shot him a couple a' times, he wasn't no fighter. Well, I say 'we,' but I mean the Cap'n and Zoë shot him, course."
"Kaylee, why don't you go… uh…"
"Check and make sure that's all we need," Zoë finished smoothly. "And I'm sure the good doctor will be kind enough to remove his sister."
"Cups and plates and…"
"We know," Simon said, interrupting River before she could finish the rhyme. "And forks and spoons. You've told us. More than once. But none of us have died yet, mei-mei."
"And if I have it my way, none of us will," Mal informed him.
"Have you seen? Have you seen how shiny she is?"
"I don't think the nice lady likes you touching her, River. I'm really sorry," Simon said to Emilia.
"Baubles! Bet she has loads of baubles," River stated. "Gold n silver n platinum n pewter n all strung up like Christmas lights in every imaginable color."
Emilia had to smile at the girl's innocence, but before she could say anything, Antony remarked, "Yes, she does. Many, many baubles."
"Why, Antony," Emilia said, not bothering to face him but speaking with a bite, "I had no idea you noticed. Or cared."
"Sorry, Mistress," Antony murmured in shame, bowing his head.
"If you're sure that's all you need," Emilia said, "Antony and Kolya can get those things for you quickly and we can both be on our ways." She turned to Antony. "Go get Kolya and get these things for our friends quickly."
"Would y' like a drink, Miss Sage?" Mal asked, trying to be polite. "Sorta as payment fer helpin' us out?"
"You think that's all you're paying me, Captain Reynolds?" Emilia questioned in response, her lovely lips turned into a smile as though she found something humorous. "Well, then, Captain, I think we both know that the goods will be staying with me unless you can come up with adequate payment."
"The sky's really shiny," River said suddenly, her face crinkled in confusion.
"What sky?" Kaylee asked. "We're inside, sweetie."
"And the ponies are shiny," River continued. "And Zoë, and Kaylee, and Simon! You're all shiny!"
"Why didn't she say I'm shiny?" Mal asked, only a little bit hurt.
Zoë had her own private moment of laughter before asking, "You, sir? Shiny?"
"I'd like one of your ponies," Emilia continued, as though she hadn't noticed the side conversation occurring.
"Well, now, can't do anythin' bout that. They don't belong t' me, ya see," Mal said. "As I already explained, they belong to Abeni Hedge…"
"Well, then, I suggest you wave her and inform her that you'd like to buy one. And then you'll give to me as payment."
"Me? Buy a pony? A space pony? No way in…"
"Captain Reynolds, I suggest you remember exactly what I'm doing to help you. From the list of things your mechanic just gave me, I know you're not going to get far without what I can give you. I'll repeat myself – wave Abeni Hedge, or whoever owns these ponies, and buy one. Or we'll be forced to leave and the deal will be off."
"See all the stars?" River asked. "Kaylee's wearing them!"
"Why is she still here?" Mal demanded.
"Why would you do such a thing?" someone asked angrily. Everyone turned to regard Inara, who had been the one speaking. "Are you really so hateful that you wouldn't help a fellow traveler in need? Have you forgotten everything we stand for?"
Emilia's calm demeanor didn't crack, not even under fire. "Everything we stand for, darling?"
"Companions."
"You're a Companion?"
"I believe it was stated that I am."
"Oh, I'm dreadfully sorry. It must have slipped my mind."
Another polite smile. Mal, although he was still head over heels for the new woman, was getting a mite tired of all the politeness. What they needed was…
"Hey, whores! No place I'd rather be… than with whores! We gettin' a new one, Mal?"
Yes, they needed Jayne. They needed Jayne like they needed a boil on their private parts, but he was nothing if impolite.
"Stars!" River exclaimed, giggling, throwing her hands into the air joyously. "All over! Stars everywhere!"
"What is the feng le girl talkin' bout now?" Jayne asked as he made his way through the ponies. "S'cuse me, Custard Pot."
"Anything fer you, honorable sir," Custard Pot replied.
"And who might you be?" Emilia asked.
"That's Jayne," Kaylee said, still beaming. "He's… uh… good with guns!"
"Until someone steals them from him," Zoë added quietly.
"Howdy," Jayne said, stepping forward. He moved to grab for Emilia's hand, presumably to kiss it (Inara hoped he had better manners than Falstaff Rizzly), but she had other thoughts and brought her hand to pat her already-perfect hair. "Mal? What's goin' on? You didn't get married gain, did ya?"
"Oh! You're married?"
"No!" Mal hurried to assure Emilia. "No. Not married."
Inara muttered, "Not that it would matter much."
"I don't like your tone," Emilia remarked crisply. "You should be more polite to your commanding officer."
"Well, I'm sorry. I don't like how you're treating my fellow crew members," Inara shot back.
"Nara has lots of stars," River continued. "Look how she sparkles! Like a jewel, she is."
"Shh, sweetie," Kaylee said. "Come here." She began to lead River away from the group and back through the ponies. When they reached the wagon hitched to Nancy, River gasped. Thinking his sister was having another seizure, Simon turned around hurriedly. But River said, "There's something on him!" She pointed to spy, who was immobile in the wagon.
"It's prob'ly the shroud o' death," Jayne said.
"It's got a heartbeat."
"Or a mouse," Jayne amended.
"You have rodents?" Emilia asked in horror.
"No! No rodents, not on Serenity," Mal assured her quickly.
"Hear it?" River bent her head closer to the spy. Kaylee grabbed the younger girl's shoulders and said, "Don't touch the dead guy! I mean, dead spy. Ha-ha! He's a dead guy, and a dead spy!"
"He's not dead, silly," River said. "Hear it?"
"Oh," Kaylee said suddenly, as though she understood what River meant. "Cap'n! Yer never gonna believe this!"
When Mal turned around, she was holding up a transmitter just like the one they'd found on River. "Wasn't that… didn't you destroy that?" Mal demanded.
"Yeah, I did. This is another one," Kaylee informed him. "Seems like our spy's been gettin' messages from the great beyond, too... great beyond meanin' the PRFO of course. And… he's not dead. I can see him breathin' clear as day."
Mal closed his eyes and said several colorful phrases in his head. It seemed a little bit of a mistake to swear in front of a Companion, though heaven knew he'd swore in front of Inara many, many times.
"Captain Reynolds, the clock is ticking. I'm due on Persephone in… in too little time."
Mal said, without opening his eyes, "Zoë, wave Abeni Hedge. See which one she doesn't want back. Kaylee, destroy that. Jayne, stop talking."
"But I -…" Jayne started.
"What'd I say?" Mal barked. "Doc, take yer moon brain sister and get her outa here a' fore she's bad fer business."
"Shiny, so shiny," River breathed. Mal turned around to look at the girl. Suddenly, a confused look came over her face, and she said, "Stop talking to me! Stop hurting me! Simon, I can't… I can't… where are you?"
"Right here, mei-mei," Simon hurried to assure her, going over to his sister.
"It's very dark in here," River said. Before anyone could catch her, her eyes closed and she sprawled on the floor, unconscious again.
"Well, shit," Jayne said. Simon looked as though he had been about to say the same thing and was grateful he hadn't.
"Jayne, what'd I say about talking? Are the rest of you just standin' round waitin' fer the next train?" Mal demanded.
Kaylee nodded hurriedly and crushed the transmitter with her boot. This time, no one volunteered to save the pieces.
"Miss Sage, I'll be more than happy t' wave Abeni," Zoë said, "but there's no tellin' whether or not she'll part with one o' her ponies. She's right fond o' them."
"I don't believe I was asking," Emilia said snootily.
"You are a horror!" Inara exclaimed.
"She say 'whore'?" Jayne asked. "Cause if she did, this is gonna get right interestin'."
"She said 'horror,' Jayne," Mal informed his mercenary quietly. "I really doubt Companions call each other whores."
"Oh. Well, this could still get interestin', I s'pose."
"Jayne? Could you… help me?" Simon asked. Jayne moved to help the doctor.
"Zoë, go wave Abeni," Mal repeated. "The faster y' do it, th' faster we can get outa here."
"Yes, sir," Zoë said, and left to use the screen.
Antony and another "emissary" reappeared, carrying the supplies Kaylee had asked for. The new manservant was slim like Antony, with reddish-brown curls and a Cupid's bow mouth. He smiled at the crew and spoke in an accented voice. His accent was different from both Antony and Emilia's. "You must be Captain Reynolds. I am Kolya."
"Pleased t' meet ya, Kolya," Mal said, proffering his hand. The manservant didn't take it, so Mal stuffed it into his armpit. The man merely glanced at him once more before saying, "Mistress, Carole would like to have a word with you when there's time."
Emilia smiled tightly. "There's never time."
"You are a disgrace!" Inara was still ranting, apparently, even though no one was paying attention. "You are no better than a cheap, two-bit, common… floozy!"
That got everybody's attention. Zoë, who had been returning, instantly put her hand on her gun. Jayne, carrying River, and Simon, on the stairs, turned to look at the usually gentle, friendly, polite, respectable Inara. Mal bit his lips trying not to laugh as he thought, "Well, Nara's either gonna die or she's gonna fly in this fight. She's gotta learn t' fight on her own. Not like she doesn't know how t' do that already or nothin'." It was followed by this thought: "Hopefully she wins. Winning's good," which was followed by, "Hope neither of them gets scratched up. Wouldn't want t' wreck the beauty none."
Emilia's beautiful, well-respected face that had probably pleased so many men throughout the verse turned ashen suddenly. She appeared not to know what to say in reply, and then she suddenly barked, "Sentite l'odore di come la parte postieriore di una mucca!"
Mal and Zoë looked at each other, confused; neither of them spoke Italian. It hadn't been standard for Browncoats to know Italian; it would never be useful for them. Apparently Inara did, because she answered sharply, "I stand by my previous statement… floozy."
"What's a floozy?" Mal whispered to Zoë.
"I believe she's callin' Miss Sage 'loose,'" Zoë whispered back. "By the way, Abeni said you can have Nancy."
"Have? As in, don't have t' pay?"
"Right on. She just wants a favor."
"Doesn't everybody," Mal muttered.
"But you don't have to pay on the favor fer awhile. It'll be good, we can get outa here."
A sudden crack! echoed across the hold. Mal, thinking something had broken or Jayne had started shooting, looked around quickly. It was neither of the two; Emilia had simply slapped Inara. "I am not a floozy, you common trash! If anything, I am better than you!"
Inara put her hand to her cheek and drew it away with a line of blood on it. "Why? Because you drive a fancy ship and speak Italian? I've got news for you, floozy, I can speak Italian too. And I could… probably drive a ship if the need arose," she finished, confused about the blood on her hand. "Did you… scratch me?"
"She doesn't fly th' ship," a voice said from behind Emilia, before the fight could progress anymore. "That's what I'm here fer. Do a right good job o' it, if I say so meself."
Emilia stepped back from Inara, as though embarrassed. Mal could not say why the Companion would feel embarrassed under the gaze of a woman who was obviously her pilot, but apparently she did. Upon second glance, he did as well. Embarrassed to be caught in such a compromising and silly position – two women fightin', and him doin' nothin' bout it. What was he, feng le?
"Y' must be Cap'n Reynolds," the pilot continued. She was shorter and chunkier than Emilia, with extremely curly reddish hair in a shoulder-length bob and deep, inquisitive brown eyes. She gave Mal a smile. "I'm Carole Trickey." She stepped through the airlock and shook Mal's hand. She had a firm grip. "The pilot o' Stoïque. Pleased t' meet ya." Carole gave Emilia a stern glance. "Trouble, Miss Emilia?"
"Not any longer, Carole," Emilia said with a sniff and a glance at Inara. Inara gazed coolly back, as though she was waiting for her turn to be the one slapping (and, apparently, scratching). "Anything wrong?"
"No, Miss Emilia. Just thought I'd check on ya. I've got th' 12-line wire ya asked fer." The pilot held out a hank of what Mal supposed was 12-line wire. "This gonna be enough?"
Mal looked at Kaylee, who nodded and said, "Should be."
"Kaylee, 'should be' and 'will be' are two different things. Nara, go get the Doc t' put somethin' on that."
Kaylee leaned forward and took the hank of wire from Carole. She undid the twist around it and unwound it. The wire fell to the floor in an extremely long line. Kaylee looked at it and nodded again. "This'll be long enough, Cap'n."
"Yer sure?"
"Sure like sunshine," Kaylee replied, and wound the wire up again, securing it with the twist.
"Then I believe we have a deal, Miss Sage," Mal said as politely as he could. "Abeni Hedge has been contacted and she's willin' t' part with Nancy."
At the mention of her name, Nancy looked up. "Yes, honorable sir?"
"Yer bein' given t' Miss Sage here," Mal explained, walking back towards her. "We'll unhitch ya from this cumbersome wagon and get ya all ready."
"Has my Mistress been contacted?" Nancy asked, a little worriedly. "She should know."
"I swear t' ya she has, Nancy. And yer goin' in t' good hands." Mal turned to give Emilia, Carole, Antony, and Kolya an evil glare. "And if'n they hurt ya, you jest bite em good n get yerself back t' Abeni."
"I promise you, Cap'n Reynolds," Carole said, "I will take very good care o' our new friend. Nancy, did ya say yer name was?"
Nancy nodded her big head. "Yes, honorable Miss."
"Aww, what a sweetheart!" Carole exclaimed. "I promise we'll be best friends!"
"Carole," Emilia said.
"Sorry, Miss Emilia. It's jest… have ya ever seen somethin' so… cute? N so beautiful? Bet she's gotta soul!"
"A pony with a soul? Now there's a good joke," Emilia said with her icy smile.
Mal moved to unhitch the wagon from the space pony. "Yer gonna have a good life, Nancy," Mal whispered.
"I know, honorable sir," Nancy said, and gave him an odd but perfectly effective space pony smile. She stepped forward and through the airlock.
"Well then, Captain Reynolds…" Emilia began, but she never got to finish her sentence. A piercing wail cut her off. Jayne came running out to the hold. "Doc says not t' worry."
"What in the ruttin' hell's goin' on? He killin' a kitty or somethin'?"
"Gorram crazy's dyin'… or somethin'."
"Didn't she already have her next t' death experience fer the year?" Mal demanded.
"Is someone hurt?" Emilia asked, immediately concerned.
"Why don't you take your goods and go?" Inara asked in response. "You got what you wanted. Now let us take care of our own, why don't you?"
"I just… we have a very good medic on our ship. He could…"
"We have a perfectly fine doctor."
"Ours was trained at…"
"He isn't her brother," Inara interrupted, firmly.
"Oh."
"We better help the Doc," Mal said. "Nice t' meet ya, Miss Sage. Hopefully we'll see ya gain if yer travelin' in this here verse."
"Nowhere else to go," Emilia said faintly. She watched as the captain, Zoë, Kaylee, and Inara moved quickly towards the infirmary and out of sight. Nancy, who was standing in Stoïque's cargo bay, said softly to Carole, "From my understandin' the girl's a mite tetched."
"Poor thing," Carole murmured. "Wish there was somethin' we could do."
"They won't accept Rupert's help. It's such a pity; he is such a genius."
"Then force it on em!" Carole exclaimed. "If a girl's in trouble, which, from that noise, she is, they're gonna need all the help they can get!"
"Good thinking, Carole," Emilia said. "Call Rupert."
Translations: feng le - loopy in the head