Okay... the disclaimer changed. Just kidding! Soundtrack suggestions: "Up Up Up" - Rose Falcon and "Happy Birthday" - Altered Images. Read on, and please review!

When River opened her eyes she was frightened. Her heart was racing. "Simon?" she asked, and her voice was raspy and frail.

Then suddenly she remembered what had happened and she let out a small wail of confusion and fear. She tried to sit up but found that she was tied to the bed with wide strips of fabric, which looked like some of Inara's shawls or wraps. She wailed again, and her friend Kaylee appeared. "River, sweetie? Can you hear me?"

"Your voice is loud," River said.

"Oh, xie-xie, ren ci Fo zu!" Kaylee exclaimed. "Simon, you'd better get in here!"

"Is there a party?" River asked.

"There might be," Kaylee said, smiling.

"A party for me?"

"There might be."

"And presents?"

"I could probably find you a present if you want one."

"Today's my birthday."

"Is it really?" Kaylee asked, happily surprised. "Simon didn't mention…"

"He forgets," she rasped.

Simon appeared in the doorway. "Simon forgets what, mei-mei? That today's your birthday?" To Kaylee, he asked, "Can she hear?"

"And ask questions like no other," Kaylee replied cheerily.

"Untie me, please," River said.

"What are you going to do when you get up?" Simon asked.

River thought. "Bathroom first. Then maybe… food? Oatmeal. It's always oatmeal."

Simon laughed. "Okay. Just wanted to make sure it didn't involve wrenches."

"Wrench: any of various hand or power tools, often having fixed or adjustable jaws, used for gripping, turning, or twisting objects such as nuts, bolts, or pipes." River considered that for a moment. "And sometimes smacking heads."

"Not anymore," Simon said sternly. "Wrenches are for…"

"I know. Gripping, turning, twisting. Kaylee does these things to the engine. Jayne does these things to stubborn bolts on doors he needs to get through. Get up now please?"

"Yes, yes," Simon agreed, and he and Kaylee went about untying the various shawls and wraps binding River to the infirmary bed. She sat up slowly. "Room. Spinny."

"It'll stop in a minute," Simon told her.

She waited, then swung her legs over the side of the bed and hopped down. She disappeared through the doors, moving a little drunkenly.

"Hey!" They heard Jayne's voice. "Yer up n bout again!"

"Soup pot bad. Sorry."

There was a pause. "Aww… it's all right. Didn't hurt me none. And now I've got this right shiny scar here… it'll get all the women. Women love scars."

"Not all," River replied, still in a whisper.

"Attention Serenity… uh… fam… folk," the captain's voice said over the intercom. "We're headin' fer Spake's Fault and should be in atmo in just under two hours. Once we're finished there, we're headin' fer Wanderlust, so's Miles can reunite with his love, Joan, which is right sweet."

"Simon?" Kaylee said.

Simon turned to look at her, and was broadsided into a kiss. "Mmmphh!" he said, but in a good way.

Translations: xie xie ren ci Fo zu - Thank you, merciful Buddha!