Telomeric: Since I couldn't have the last word last time, I'm going to have the first word this time...
Me: that doesn't make any sense... And what are you doing in my author's note?
Telomeric: Didn't you hear me? I'm getting the first word in.
Me: (Anime sweatdrop-) Whatever, on with the story...
Telomeric: Yes on with the story...
Me: Even if you get the last word in now, there's going to be a whole story after that. So you may want to save your efforts for a later time.
Telomeric: (-Pouting-) Fine.
Me: And now for the story.
MARY SUE CHAPTER NINE
Telomeric: Why is it all caps?
Me: This is not an MST, so StFU until the story is over, okay!
Telomeric: ...
Me: Good. Let's try this again.
MARY SUE CHAPTER NINE
(-Silence-)
Alicia sat between the two men, who glared at each other across her. Well, Norrington glared at Jack; while Jack just smirked. She sunk as low as she could in the ornamental chair, not wanting to be there. The tension was almost palpable, and Alicia wished she were back on the other side of the story; writing rather than participating. She sunk even lower, until, "Thump!" She slipped right out of the chair and whacked her head on the edge of the table and then the seat.
Both men's focus turned to her, sitting (once more) on the floor, rubbing her sore head. "Are you alright, miss?" The teen rolled her eyes; though whether from pain or sarcasm, even she couldn't tell. Jack just sat there laughing.
"Luv, you're right about one thing. You have no balance on the open sea." She gave him a sour look, which only succeeded in causing more laughter. "It's little wonder Anamaria found you near dead in the middle of the ocean." He became serious again; so quickly that she wondered if any of his emotions were even real. "What were you doing out there, anyway? We didn't see another ship for leagues. And, no offence, but you don't seem that good a swimmer."
As Jack was speaking, Norrington helped her back into her seat. She could see the curiosity on both of their faces. But what could she say? She didn't know how she got there herself. "I honestly don't know. One minute I was asleep in my own bed; the next, here I am, waking up on a ship. I wish I knew myself how I got here. The first step in retracing your steps is knowing what steps you've taken." Norrington was staring at her, his emotions unreadable. Jack seemed to take her story to heart; storing it away for a later time.
"Aye, that is true. But if all you want is to do is go back home, I'll be happy enough to give you a ride to any port you'd like." Jack seemed so... sane. "That is, unless you can't get to where you're from on a ship..." His cryptic comment stunned Alicia. Did he know that she's not from his century? Or was he just grasping at straws; making something up for the sake of shock value...
She was speechless. How could she respond? How did he expect her to react? Luckily, Norrington saved her from having to answer. "Perhaps you can leave her at Port Royal when you drop me off. I doubt she'd want to spend any longer than necessary on this... pirate ship. I'll make sure she gets safe passage home on a more appropriate vessel." Jack's laugh was not completely unexpected, though it still made her blush.
"What? Are you afraid I'd take advantage of such a sweet, innocent, little poppet?" Alicia's face felt like it might spontaneously combust. If only. Not only would I get away from this situation; but I'd also die a preternatural death. Her mind slipped from the present situation, to a more pleasant inner dialogue about paranormal and supernatural phenomenon. From SHC, her thought train moved on to Psychic Surgery. The idea of being able to fix organs without incisions made her think of Psychic Killers. Instead of healing without incisions, killing by removing organs... without leaving a single mark on the body...
Her thought train followed those tracks for quite a while. She completely forgot where she was; and even who she was with; in favour of the company of her random thoughts. Jack and Norrington's conversation went on without her. In fact, she not only left the conversation, but she left the world behind, as well; in favour of her own little fantasy world. Jack splashed her with some of the remaining hot water (which wasn't really that hot anymore) from the bucket she used while she was treating Anamaria. It wasn't until Jack snapped her out of it that she realized she was still on the Black Pearl. Her blush returned, full force. "So, where were you just now? Imagining our good friend Norrington usin' his tongue for something other than talkin?" He winked at her; that sexy, swoonable, suggestive, CJS smirk across his face. "Or perhaps, you had someone else in mind. Maybe you aren't really as respectable as the good Commodore here thinks, aye?" She was growing increasingly tired of blushing. Though, try as she might, she couldn't help it; not with the way Jack was talking.
It took her a moment before she could respond. When she could, she tried to sound as irritated as she could. "I assure you, I do not fancy you doing anything with my body." At the look of contentment on Norrington's face, she turned to him, adding "Either of you. Is that clear enough?" Norrington nodded; Jack looked at her as if she was some strange new species. "For you," She directed the conversation (as well as her posture) back to the pirate. "I wouldn't want to do anything with you for three reasons." She began ticking her reasons off on her fingers. "One: You reek of alcohol. I really hate alcohol. I never drink it and never will. Two: You're dirty. I don't mean the type of dirty that a good bathing would fix. I mean that you've been around so much, who knows what you've picked up. You could have more diseases than a research facility... That... works with diseases..." Jack was staring at her with a strange look on his face; as was Norrington. Their expressions made her defensive. "Do you know if the people you've been with were all clean? Have either of you heard of practicing safe sex?"
Both men held bemused expressions. "Well, miss... Abraham, was it? I can not speak for mister Sparrow here; however, I do not participate in sexual relations. Nor will I; until I am married." Norrington's voice held an air of... aristocracy. "Also, you seem to have forgotten your third reason." His comment confused Alicia for a moment.
"Oh! Yeah, that. My third reason's over there." She pointed towards the bed. Two pairs of eyes followed her gesture. Jack raised one of his eyebrows in curiosity. "Where I'm from, there are a lot of stories. Many of those stories are about Jack Sparrow and the Black Pearl. And a number of those... tales" She had to keep herself from using the term fanfics. "are about Jack and his first mate. There are a lot of people who think you and Ana are a... pairing. You know, you and Anamaria romantically involved... I wouldn't want to interfere with an OTP."
A DD—like smirk nearly slipped past her lips at their confusion. It's a shame I can't tell them the whole truth. But the Prime Directive clearly states that I cannot tell someone from the past about the future... Norrington voiced the question that the teen was sure was on both men's mind. "What does OTP mean? Is it some strange ranking system from your homeland?" At his words, Alicia was unable to keep her humour in. She couldn't help but laugh; that laugh that says 'I know something you don't know...'
Jack narrowed his eyes, looking at her warily. "That's no' what it means, is it? I'll take a stab at guessing the meaning... Obviously True Pair. Am I correct?" He looked back to his first mate, almost as if he were worried she was listening in. He didn't even wait for a response before continuing. "I don't know where you get your information; but it's wrong. Anamaria and I are not in any relationship. Besides, of course, the one between Captain and First Mate; and that of friends." His countenance appeared nervous, every time his gaze turned towards the unconscious pirate.
"Friends with benefits, perhaps?" Her hand went to her mouth. She hadn't meant to say that. The words were out before she could stop them. "I'm sorry... I meant that you and Anamaria had sex, even though you claim to just be friends." That was foolish of her; using a modern term... Makes me wish I'd done more research on the sixteenth and seventeenth centuries... Not that she could do anything about her temporal ineptitude at the present time. She'd just have to make due with what little she did know. The rest of her idiosyncrasies, she'd just have to pretend were due to being from another country.
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Telomeric: That was far too short for taking so long.
Fire Claw: And you helped how? I don't remember you doing anything more than adding an annoying distraction.
Me: Yeah! Your bothersome banter at the beginning of the chapter broke my concentration and ruined the flow of the story.
Netalak: I highly doubt that. You just were lazy and too busy with your new Mangazine.
Me: (-Extremely Happy-) Yeah... I love my Mangas and my Mangazines... (-Still happy, but now with some indignation-) But I just got it today! I've been procrastinating for way longer than a few measly hours.
Fire Claw: Procrastinating?
Me: I mean... Um... I meant I was busy for longer than the length of time I had my Mangazine.
Telomeric: Uh huh. Somehow I don't feel too convinced.
Me: Yeah? Well... You're still not helping either of us.
Fire Claw: Yes. You both are slackers. And as such, I believe disciplinary actions must be taken.
Sailor Moon: As the warrior of Love and Justice, I will punish you. (-Looks around-) Who needs to be punished?
Netalak: (-Burst out laughing-) That... That is just too much! HaHaHa... You brought in that sailor stupid? You've got to be kidding...
Sailor Moon: Hey! Who are you calling stupid?
Telomeric: Since you're the only one in a Sailor costume; I'd say you.
Sailor Moon: (-Looks down at her costume, then at everyone else-) Oh, so I am. (-Starts crying-) You're so meeeeaaaannnn...!
Fire Claw: (-Calmly, as if she were unfazed-) Do you mind doing something about this?
Me: (-Yelling to be heard over the whining-) What! Oh her! Yeah, hold on! (-Takes out a remote control.-) Here! (-Presses mute button-)
(-Sailor Moon continues to whine, tears still streaming from her eyes, but no sound is emitted.-)
Telomeric: (-Still yelling-) Thank you! (-Quieter-) Thank you.
Me: (-Blows the end of the remote like the barrel of a gun-) No problem.
Fire Claw: That's not what I meant. (-With a hint of distain-) She's soaking my fur in her tears.
Me: Whatever.
(-Sailor Moon disappears.-)
Fire Claw: (-Starts cleaning herself-) Thank you.
Me: Yeah. Um... (-Turns toward the reader-) None of the characters you recognise belong to me (unless, of course you recognise me from my other skits). The only people I own are myself, Alicia Abraham, and Dark Denizen.
Disclaimer: Oh, that was the disclaimer... I guess the only thing left to say is Read and Review.
Telomeric: Then can I still have the last word?
Me: (-Rolls eyes-)Fine... Whatever...
Telomeric: (-Smugly-)Thank you. The End.
(-Fire Claw opens her mouth to say something but at Telomeric's glare she shuts up with a smirk-)