a/n: Thanks again for all your feedback everybody. I love to hear what you think of the story. Helps me to keep on writing it. These next two chapters are taking a little longer to post – taking the time to rewrite it to try and make it really good.

October Sky - Heart to hearts are always hard for me to write I don't think I'm really good at them.

Rain – I like the Sun/Kate friendship too. I wanted to give Kate someone that she could have girl talk with. She spends a lot of time with the guys.

Sunny – You're right Sawyer is a great guy. I didn't want to write him evil or smarmy. Too many stories make him out to be this real jerk.

LostSugar – As always ur reviews are so enthusiastic. Glad you're liking the story.

Chapter 17

Kate made her way over to Sawyer's tent that he had reclaimed since the rafters had returned. She figured he'd be in there reading or sleeping and was surprised to find it empty. Looking around inside she smiled at how quickly he had made the space his own again. A couple of shirts he must have washed hanging in a corner and the glasses Sayid had made were laying on his chair.

"So, thinking about where you gonna store your luggage?" Sawyer's voice came from behind her.

Quickly turning around she found a wet-headed Sawyer standing there. Judging from the damp shirt sticking to his chest Kate guessed he must have been out swimming.

"Hi" She greeted. "Have a good swim?"

"It was okay." He threw his damp towel up on the pole next to his shirts. "Better if you had joined me, Freckles." He smiled showing off his dimples.

Kate shrugged her shoulders. "I haven't exactly been cleared for any real physical exertion."

Still smiling Sawyer placed his hands on her waist and pulled her closer to him. "That doesn't include all physical exertion, does it?" he said huskily and leaned in to kiss her neck. Kate put up her hands to stop him.

"What?" he asked gruffly. "Jack-o seriously didn't tell you something about this, did he?"

Pulling herself out of his embrace Kate shook her head. "I actually came here looking for you to talk about something."

"Oh yeah?" Sawyer reached out and pulled her back to him. "We can talk later." He leaned in again aiming for her neck. Again Kate stopped him.

"What!" He exasperated taking a step back.

"It's important." Kate explained.

"Fine, let's talk." He said with a hint of sarcasm in his voice.

Kate glanced behind him out to the beach and was glad to see their immediate area was mostly deserted. Most of the survivors were probably off working on some tasks or trying to figure out something to kill a couple of hours.

"So, am I gonna have to guess what the topic is?" he asked going over to his chair and sitting down.

Kate turned and followed him over sitting on an old ice cooler he kept nearby as a table. "Actually, I've been thinking about…"she cleared her throat. "About what's been going on between us."

"Oh yeah? This thing going on between us, huh?" He joked trying to ignore the serious look on her face. He thought she might be trying to bring up the argument they had before she got sick. Personally he just wanted to forget the fight and move on. Women always gotta talk about feelings, he thought to himself. Always trying to get a man to admit he's feeling bad or sad. Can't just leave things well enough alone. "Gonna take me up on the offer to share the tent?"

Kate gave him a weak smile but shook her head slowly. "No, that's not it."

Sawyer studied the young woman trying to figure out where this conversation was headed. After she had woken up he had tried to make amends for their previous argument making sure not to bring up the topic and trying to act like nothing had happened. She seemed to be okay with it at the time – at least going along with not mentioning anything about the fight. As he watched her he noticed she was fidgeting with her hands nervously. "So, what is it, Freckles?" he finally asked letting a serious tone into his voice. "What's so important?"

"Sawyer…" she said slowly glancing away when she spoke. "It's just….I…I've been thinking…"

"It's Doc, ain't it?" Sawyer suddenly said figuring all this fidgeting and fussing had to do with her and the doctor. "You finally decided to give the hero a shot?"

Kate looked over back at him taken by surprised by what he had just said. She hadn't expected him to bring Jack up at least not this early in the conversation. "This is about you and me, Sawyer, not Jack."

"Bull" Sawyer replied. "He has everything to do with this. He's always had everything to do with this. At least be honest Sunshine."

Kate looked back over at Sawyer's angry face and bit her bottom lip. He was asking for honesty but not really expecting her to give it. Hell, if she lied to him right now he would nod his head and let it go. He might know it's a lie, but he wouldn't push her…he wouldn't demand the truth. And they would go on…

"Sawyer, please. I want to talk about us." She started.

Sawyer looked her straight in the eye. "Us? There never really has been an 'us', has there? I mean, you were never really in this 100."

"That's not true!" She could feel herself choking up. "I care about you Sawyer."

"Ah-huh. But not enough to stick with me. We had a good ol' time but now you wanna move on with Doc. Isn't that what you wanna say?" he replied with a nasty tone. He wanted to make her mad wanted to push her to say it. Give him a reason to tell her to go to hell!

"So, that's all this was? A good ol' time?" Kate countered. "Just a roll in bed to kill time between naps?" She tried to look him straight in the eye but he looked down when he heard her words.

"You said it." He stated.

"I don't believe that." She replied blinking to keep back the unshed tears. She knew he'd be angry but he didn't think she would try and cheapen the relationship. "Before you left on the raft you said you were leaving because there was nothing worth staying for."

"And if I remember correctly, you didn't argue." Sawyer spit out flashing back to the night at the fire when he found Kate and essentially figured out that she putting her stock in she and Jack. He had been surprised when he returned and found her alone and wanting to start up something with him.

"Sawyer, please." She tried to reason with him. "That was a long time ago."

"Not that long ago." He continued. "So, what made you change your mind?"

"What?" she asked confused. "Change my mind about what?"

"About you and doctor not being together?" he replied. "You wake up from being sick and realize you still have feelings for him?"

Kate took a deep breath and pulled her hair tighter into the ponytail. Sawyer seemed to think he had everything already figured out. And maybe he did. Maybe he knew her better than she cared to admit. And after everything they had been through maybe she owed him honesty – even if she hurt him. Wasn't it better to tell him the truth and walk away then to try and make up some sort of fabricated story to spare him. Besides she was getting tired of lying. She had been doing it for so long about so many things in her life that sometimes it just seemed easier than dealing with feelings and emotions that came with the truth. She looked at Sawyer and saw the vulnerable little boy's face he rarely showed even to her. It was like a punch in the gut.

"I never meant to hurt you." She finally said softly brushing back the tear that fell.

"Famous last words." He spit out.

"Sawyer, look, this is more about you and me then about…anyone else." Kate tried to explain trying to keep Jack's name out of it. Besides, that wasn't a lie it wasn't like there was anything between her and Jack.

"Really?" he challenged. "And just what is about you and me that's wrong then?"

Taking a deep breath she looked around the tent before speaking again. "You and I are a lot alike."

"Yeah, so?"

"We've both had hard childhoods, experienced things that affected us and we've been able to relate to each other on a certain level."

Sawyer looked at her trying to catch her gaze, trying to get a better read on what she was trying to say. "Sounds like a 'but' coming up here."

She nodded. "But it's not enough. There needs to be other things that we bring to each other. Other things that we bring into this relationship, otherwise we'll only end up hurting each other in the end."

He couldn't understand what was so wrong about all of "this". It was good. They understood each other, they complimented each other and Sawyer had a connection with her he hadn't with any of the women he had met before. She was helping him deal with his demons and showing him that you didn't have to hide out all the time, you didn't have to be a loner. Now she was standing there telling him it wasn't real…it wasn't enough. Sawyer shook his head. "You're wrong." He stated flatly. "It's enough for me."

Kate looked over at Sawyer and saw the hurt forming in his eyes. She felt a new rush of tears building up knowing she was causing that hurt. "No, it isn't. It won't be." She tried to reach over to touch his hand but he pulled it away.

She sighed. "I can't be that person for you Sawyer." She finally said. "I can't be the one that 'fixes you' that makes you whole."

"Who said I was asking you to 'fix me' Sweetheart?" he replied angrily. "Whatever happened to just having a good time on this hell hole?"

"That's not enough for me!" Kate replied matching his tone. "I don't want to get to a point where I look at you and see resentment and disappointment instead of affection."

"Resentment and disappointment because you're with me instead of the Hero?" he retorted. "Let's just be honest here, Freckles, you want Jack. You've wanted him ever since we crashed on this stupid island.

Kate remained silent for the moment. She wasn't sure how to continue this since the last thing she had planned to do was get into an argument, stupid as that sounded now. She had wanted to talk it out but he was looking for a fight. She knew in her heart she couldn't deny what Sawyer was saying and still be honest the way he was asking her to be. And even if she tried to deny it he wouldn't believe her anyway.

"I don't want you to hate me." She finally said softly because she didn't know what else to say.

"What?" he asked surprised by her statement. "You don't want me to hate you? Oh, that's rich."

"You will." She insisted getting up and walking over to him. "If we continue this you will hate me."

"And why's that?"

"We accept each other warts and all." She stated.

"Yeah, and I can see how that would be bad for a relationship." He countered.

"It would, if we never challenge each other to grow, to become a better person. To demand they tell you the truth!" She explained. "We'll continue to lie, to cheat, to run away and one won't stop the other until one day when you wake up and feel empty and lonely inside."

"That's bullshit." Sawyer replied moving away from her further inside the tent.

"No, it's not." She turned and followed a couple of steps before stopping. "You're a good man, Sawyer. You're not the same redneck asshole that crashed on this island. Being around these people had changed you, made you less of an outsider. It's made you want to be part of something. I've seen it. Sayid has seen it and so has Sun, Claire, Michael…even Jack." She said noticing Sawyer make a face at the mention of the other man's name. "You're starting to care."

"Well, you're the one that pushed me to be less of an outsider, so I guess your theory about not challenging me to be a better person falls flat." He pointed out.

Kate took another step towards him and put her hand gently on his chest. She looked into his blue eyes that reflected a mixture of hurt and anger similar to what she had seen in her dream. "You did that." She replied.

Sawyer looked back at the woman standing in front of him thinking about how beautiful she looked and before he could think twice he bent down and pressed his lips to hers. Kate didn't pull away. Joyful he deepened the kiss only to notice that while she didn't pull away she didn't return the kiss…not like in the past. It was almost as if she was trying to show him physically what she had been telling him verbally all this time. He pulled back and broke off the kiss. He searched her eyes for an answer.

"I'm not the one for you." She repeated softly. The vulnerable little boy's face appeared again briefly and it pained her again that she was causing it.

"You mean, I'm not the one for you." He stated trying to keep the hurt from sounding in his voice.

Kate nodded her head her eyes watering up. "No." she whispered. "I'm sorry."

Sawyer looked down at Kate's face. He could see the emotion in her eyes when she answered him. She was struggling between not wanting to hurt him and not wanting to lie to him. Deep down he knew she was right. He had seen how Kate looked at Jack, how she had a deeper connection with him then the one she shared with Sawyer. A connection on a different level that Sawyer knew would eventually be too hard for Kate to fight. Slowly he nodded his head. "This is what you want?" he asked softly.

"I want us to still be friends." She sniffled back her unshed tears.

Sawyer turned away from her. There were those words that every man being dumped hated to hear. 'She wasn't serious' he thought 'to be friends and act like nothing happened? To watch her be happy with another man? And not just any man, but Jack?'

"Friends, huh, Freckles?" he said with his back still to her.

"Come on Sawyer, it's a small island." She replied. "It's not like we can avoid running into each other."

"And I'm just suppose to tip my hat and say 'how do' to the happy couple, huh?" he countered turning around. "Well, Sweetheart, don't hate me if I can't do that for now."

Kate's face flashed with sadness. She knew Sawyer's point was valid and knew asking to be friends had been a shot in the dark. He was angry and hurt and when Sawyer was hurt he lashed out. She just wanted him to know that he was still important to her, that he and his friendship meant something to her. She wanted him to know their time together hadn't been just some sort of distraction.

"I'm sorry you feel that way." She said softly. "Maybe you'll change your mind, later on." She added.

"Yeah, maybe." He shrugged his shoulders and moved to sit back in his usual reading chair picking up his book. His way of telling Kate he was done with the conversation.

She sighed and turned to leave. As she reached the opening of the tent Sawyer called out to her. "Hey, Freckles."

She turned and looked back at him. "Yeah?"

"Doc ever hurts you he's gonna have to answer to me." He stated holding her gaze for a couple of seconds before returning his attention to his book.

Kate's mouth turned up in a small smile before walking out. She knew that was the closest Sawyer would get to saying that eventually they could be friends again. Slowly she made her way back to her tent. She was drained and all she wanted to do was take nap.

Next Chapter: Now that Kate has made her choice how does she go about it? By avoiding Jack of course! But Fate has something else in mind. In other words Jack and Kate finally have their heart to heart.