Achilles Stew

James, Saraman, & Olga

Paris perceived his grandfather's screaming voice. The squeaky, rusty intonation led him to the royal kitchens. Actually, it was Hector yelling, it's just that Paris couldn't tell the difference. Hector and Paris seized Achilles from the principal dungeons and lobbed him into a boiling cauldron of water.

"Get me some vegetables, Paris!" ordered Hector. "I'm going to make Achilles Stew."

"Oh, my favourite!" said Paris, clapping with glee. Achilles swam to the top of the steaming pot and tried to pull himself up over the ledge. However, his grip slipped and he plunged back in, breaking the water beside a carrot. Though the vegetables were cooking nicely, Achilles wasn't really cooking at all. He was doing a great deal of swimming, however, using a noodle as, well, a noodle. It was keeping him afloat.

Hector heard a strange echoing noise from within the cauldron. "Please…I'm allergic to water." Then, he heard a gargling noise. "Help me! I'm drowning! Blub, blub, blub!"

"Liar!" When Hector turned to stir the Achilles Stew, he noticed that something was missing. It was Achilles!

":Muhahahahahahahaha:" laughed the evil, rummish man in the pink tutu. "You can't eat me! I'm too smart for you to eat!"

"Oh yeah?" challenged Agamemnon, entering the kitchen. "I'm too sexy for my shirt! I'm too sexy for my shirt!" He ripped his shirt off and his beer belly popped out.

"AHHHHHHH!" screamed Odysseus, looking through an omniscient telescope. "Mother!" He ran across the sea, back to Ithaca, to see his mother.

After Paris and Hector had shoved Achilles back into the pot, they added the spices.

"A little bit of salt and pepper; some seafood seasoning—"

"Seafood seasoning?" questioned Paris.

"Of course!" Hector replied. "Achilles is seafood; he came from the sea!"

"Oh…."

"Some poultry seasoning…"

"And he's also a chicken, I expect? Chicken of the sea? Do you have any tuna seasoning?"

"That goes with seafood seasoning. All right, some thyme, oregano, mint, tarragon, chives, basil, cardamom, cinnamon, and nutmeg. "

"Ew…why are you putting sweet spices in a savory soup?"

"I'll answer that if you tell me why you're so girly."

"I guess I didn't really want to know the answer that badly anyway."

Hector looked back in the stew, and his face fell. "Ack! Why did you distract me, Paris? Achilles has escaped us!"

Finis