Chapter Four (part two): In Which Megami Simplifies Things Immensely And Everyone is Afraid of Fangryphons
AN: Okay, we had to post this chapter in two parts because apparently hates Krissy. So we're not amazingly productive or anything. Sorry.
Disclaimer: Valdemar, Karal, Altra and all other trademark characters belong to Mercedes Lackey. We just stole—er, borrowed them for a little bit. Megami is copyrighted to Julie Heida and Krissy Rhyme. Attempts to steal her without permission (God knows why anyone would want to) will be met with The Spoon.
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The youngest Skan posed heroically while the two gryphons looked on in adoration. The male gryphon looked up at Skan with adoration in his eyes. "Did you really kill five hundred makaar at once?"
Skan stared down imperiously at him. "Of course. Would I lie to you?"
"Of course not!" Treyvan hastily assured him. "It's just so amazing!"
Skan preened. "You are forgiven."
"Oh thank you, Great Skandranon! Ruler of the Skies, Slayer of Makaar, Conqueror of, ah... Everything!"
"Are you talking about me?" inquired another Skan, casually waltzing up to the three gryphons.
"Of course!" the Treyvan replied, sounding confused.
"Of course what?" asked the third and final Skan, popping up behind the non-Skan gryphons.
"Ah... Of course you are the Ruler of the Skies?" Treyvan said, looking uneasily from one Skan to the next.
"What are you doing?" demanded the youngest Skan. "These are MY fangryphons! Get your own!"
"There aren't any others, genius." The eldest told him in a patronizing tone.
"I SMITE YOU!" Skan shouted in reply.
"Oooh, I'm so scared I could cry." The other Skan said Sarcastically.
"Well...Umm...gr!"
"There you are!" The goddess from the night before declared loudly, walking into the room with Karal and Altra straggling behind. "I've been looking all OVER for you three!"
"Why would you want us?" the middle Skan asked nervously, hiding behind the oldest. The goddess rolled her eyes.
"You three are so thick. Isn't it obvious?"
"Ah... no?" Young Skan said, backing away. She frowned.
"Fine. Guess."
"You... want to admire my beautiful black body?"
"Ew. No"
"I think it's a good idea," the female gryphon put in. The cat suddenly spoke up.
:Hydona. You...frighten me.:
The goddess nodded in agreement. "How 'bout if you two go somewhere else for a while. You can worship these dopes later."
Treyvan looked at her with big watery eyes. "But..." he protested, "They're the SKANDRANON!"
"Yes," the goddess agreed. "And I'm Megami, and whatever I say happens. And I say shoo." Treyvan promptly burst into tears. Karal got a pained look, and said something to the goddess in a disapproving tone. "Whaaaaaaaaaat? It's not my fault he's a baby." She protested, which only made Treyvan bawl louder.
"You made me fangryphon cry!" Skan accused her. Megami shrugged.
"Ummm...oops?"
"YOUR fangryphon! Don't you mean OUR fangryphon?" the middle Skan demanded.
"No. He was obviously admiring me the most."
"Was not!"
"Was too!"
"Was not!"
"Was too!"
"Was not!"
"PEOPLE!" Megami shouted. "SHUT UP!" The two arguing gryphons looked at her in surprise. Skan considered a moment, and then decided that the risk of losing an argument to himself was worse than the risk of angering the goddess.
"Was too!"
"Was not!"
"Was too!"
"Was not!"
"Was too!"
"Was not!"
"Was too!"
"Was not a thousand million gazillion times!"
"Was too infinity times!"
"Was not infinity plus one times!"
"You can't add to infinity!"
"Can so!"
"Cannot!"
"So!"
"Not!"
"So!"
"Not!"
"So!"
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"Ha! I win!" Skan turned to Megami. "So what did you want?" Megami rolled her eyes, but before she could say anything, Altra cut in.
:Has it occurred to you that Karal just might want to know what's going on:
"No. Should it have?" Megami replied with a confused look.
:Yes. Now why don't you do something about this:
"Such as...?"
:I don't know, you're the goddess! Make them speak Valdemaran or something: Altra replied testily, flicking his ears toward the Skans.
"Fine." Megami muttered, twitching her finger.
"No, really, that's quite alright," The oldest Skan assured her, backing away. A few seconds later, all three gryphons simultaneously realized that he had spoken in clicks and grunts, and the other two had understood. This caused them all to begin shrieking wildly and flapping around the room. They did this for about ten minutes, until the three gryphons to freeze mid shrieks. Megami considered them for a moment, then twitched another finger.
"Talk." she ordered.
"Why should I?" Middle Skan asked.
"Why should you what?" Karal wanted to know.
"Whoa!" Young Skan yelled. "DUDE! I just understood what you said! And what I said too! Wait. That doesn't make sense, does it?"
"Happy now?" Megami asked Altra, ignoring Skan completely.
"I am." Karal put in, giving all the gryphons a slightly odd look.
"Good. Now that we're done with that, you two can leave." The goddess said, glaring at Treyvan and Hydona, who were huddled in the corner, hoping to be forgotten.
"Or they could stay...?" Old Skan put in hopefully.
"Um, let's see here no." Megami replied. "Bye bye."
"Are you sure we couldn't stay just a little longer?" Treyvan sniffed through his tears.
"Yup. Sorry," Megami informed him, not sounding sorry at all. With one last look at their hero's beautiful body, Treyvan and Hydona made their sorrowful way out of the room.
"Was that really necessary?" Middle Skan asked, eyeing the door as if he wanted to leave with the other two. "They could have provided... emotional support."
"You never did tell us why you were looking for us," Old Skan added, as Skan nodded in agreement.
"She wasn't." Karal told them dryly. "She's been saying that in every room she's gone into. You three just proved more entertaining than anyone else so far."
"Oh, good. I'm sooo grateful you think we're entertaining." Skan drawled.
"I never said that!" Megami protested.
:You only complained about how boring everyone else was: Altra said dryly. Megami sniffed.
"Well, if you two would have taken me somewhere interesting in the first place, I wouldn't've had to." Karal looked pained.
"You!" Kero bellowed, stalking into the room.
"I have been dealing with people jumping out of trees, and hiding in the bathhouses, and trying to climb the palace walls, and who knows what else all day, and I bet anything that you are behind it! Now what do you have to say for yourself?" The three Skans all gave Megami interested looks.
"What?" Megami whined. "I made there pathetic existences a little more interesting. It made them happier! You can't yell at me for that!"
Kero stared at the goddess, then shook her head. "No, I suppose not, but I will tell you not to make anyone else's life 'more interesting'. And to fix what you've done already. Interesting weapon, by the way." she said, nodding at the spoon strapped onto Megami's back.
"It is, isn't it?" Megami replied cheerily. "It turns people into stuffed pandas."
"Why would you want to do something like that?" Skan demanded.
"It's fun! Would you like a demonstration? Yo! Altra! Get your fuzzy kitty butt over here!"
:Ohh, no.: The Firecat said, backing away and hiding behind Karal. :You're not getting me with that thing again. Do you remember how long it took to turn me back the last time:
"Yes," Megami said, somehow managing an innocent look and an evil grin at the same time. "Is there a problem with that?" She abruptly lunged at Altra, and chased him around the room a few times before cornering him behind a chair.
:Karaaaal: he moaned. :Heeeeelp meeeeee:
"Megami," Karal sighed. "I would really like you to not turn Altra into a stuffed panda."
"Are you sure?" Megami wanted to know.
"I think it would be fun," Middle Skan put in.
:Thank you so much.: the Cat said, glaring at him.
"Well why not?" Old Skan wanted to know.
"I'm sorry, but I don't really want to find out if I can see through the eyes of a stuffed panda. Besides, having your eyes run around the room while you stand still is just weird." Karal responded.
:Glad to know you care, Karal.: Altra sulked. :And you can stop that snickering.:
"Oh, fine." Megami sighed, lowering the spoon that had somehow appeared in her hand while she was chasing Altra. "You people are no fun at all."
"So sorry to disappoint you," Kero said dryly. "How did you happen to get such a... unique weapon?"
"Ooh! Ooh! I have a thing about that! Can I tell you? CanIcanIcanI?"
"Oookay," Karal said, giving her a weird look.
Megami got a slightly insane look on her face, then began. "Forged in the fiery deeps of Who-The-Hell-Knows-What-The-Damn-Place-Is-Called, its vengeful wrath leaves millions of aching heads and stuffed pandas in its wake, and all tremble when they hear its terrible scream."
"Whoa, whoa, where did you say it was forged?" Kero interjected.
Megami frowned. "It was forged in Who-The-Hell-Knows-What-The-Damn-Place-Is-Called," She told Kero. "Not to be confused with Whatever-The-Damn-Place-Is-Called, Who-Really-Cares-What-The-Damn-Place-Is-Called-Anyway, or Lets-Just-Burn-The-Damn-Place-To-The-Ground-And-Then-We-Won't-Have-To-Call-It-Anything. Those are all completely different. Now, as I was saying—"
"Who would give places names like that?" Skan protested.
"How the hell should I know?"
"Well you don't have to be so rude about it."
"No, that's the guy's name. How-The-Hell Should-I-Know."
"You people have the weirdest names," the middle Skan told me, shaking his head.
"No, not people," Megami informed him. "Gods. Goddesses. Sprites, imps, demons. A whole ton of other things. But not people. Never people."
"If you say so…" Middle Skan sounded skeptical.
"You know," Megami said thoughtfully. "It's really way too much trouble to go around calling you Old Skan, Middle Skan, and Young Skan."
"She has a point," Kero informed them. "It would be much simpler if you all had separate names."
"And that," Megami said triumphantly. "Is exactly my point! From now on, you" she pointed to Old Skan. "Will be known as Skan. You" she pointed at Middle Skan. "Are Dra, and you" she gestured at Young Skan. "Can be Non."
"What!" Non yelled, as Dra looked rather unsure and Skan nodded in satisfaction.
"Works for me." Skan said.
"NO!" Non yelled. "I refuse to be called by that stupid idea! It's horrendous! I hate it! I won't stand for it! I'll sue!"
"Who's Sue?" Dra asked curiously. "And what are you doing to her?"
"I'm not exactly sure," Non admitted. "But Megami said it, so it must make sense."
"That," Kero informed him, "Is the weirdest piece of logic I have ever heard. Since when does what Megami says make sense?"
"What's that supposed to mean?" Megami demanded, then out of nowhere: "I'm really tired. Which is weird, because I only got up, like, three hours ago." And she disappeared off to bed.
--
THE END.
ROCKS FALL.
EVERYONE DIES.
Seriously though, don't be sitting on the edge of your seats waiting for the next update.