Chapter Six: In Which Megami Multiplies
AN: Holy schmoley, a chapter? Is the world ending?
Disclaimer: Valdemar, Karal, Altra and all other trademark characters belong to Mercedes Lackey. We just stole—er, borrowed them for a little bit. Megami is copyrighted to Julie Heida and Krissy Rhyme. Attempts to steal her without permission (God knows why anyone would want to) will be met with The Spoon.
--
BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!"
Thump.
Crash.
Thumpthumpthumpthumpthump.
"God DAMN!"
Thump.
"Shit."
"Megami? Are you all right?" Karal called from his room, sounding worried.
"Yeah." I called back. Or at least, that's what I tried to say. It came out as more of 'Ymgh' because half of my face was smushed against the floor. The very cold floor, I might add. I guess I didn't sound so very convincing, because my door opened and Karal -- plus Altra -- padded in.
"Are you sure?" he asked. Then: "Oh. My."
To give you a description of what he saw: I was sprawled halfway on the floor, half of my face resting on the cold granite. The other half of my body was still on my bed, twisted in such a way that my knees were facing the ceiling. My covers had somehow managed to wrap themselves up in this mess so that most of them were on the floor with me.
"Hi." I mumbled, blinking a bit stupidly. I'm not a morning person. So sue me.
:Do I want to know what happened: Altra asked.
"Well, basically someone turned my alarm on-" I gestured vaguely at the clock, "So when it went off I nearly jumped outta my skin, and hit my head on the canopy. Soo, then I tried to pick up the alarm clock to turn it off, 'cept I forgot I had moved the table with it a few more feet away, so I fell off my bed. Then I managed to drag myself far enough to grab onto the table, but I was too heavy so I tipped it over. My lamp fell over an' broke, my crap fell off my table and onto me and THEN the frickin' alarm clock decided to fall on my head."
"Oh. I... see." Karal looked disgustingly awake and cheerful for this unholy hour of the morning.
"Have I ever mentioned that I hate mornings?" I mumbled, getting up. "Because I really, really hate mornings."
:Yes, I do believe so.: responded Altra, in a way that made me want to smack him.
"Go jump off a cliff." I retorted sharply. "You too, Karal."
"Me? Why?"
"Because you're too damn awake for this time of the morning. And if you don't want to get turned into a frog or something, I suggest you leave."
:Well excuse us, miss cheerful.: Altra said sarcastically as they walked out. Oh mortals that cat gets on my nerves sometimes. But what the hey. I called myself some coffee, gulped it down, and called some more. About fifteen or sixteen cups later I was sufficiently awake—and wired. I bounced into Karal's room cheerfully.
"GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD MOOOOOOOORNIIIING!" I shouted, running around the small table in the middle of the room
CRASH!
THUMP!
Tinkle, tinkle, tinkle...
"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPS!" I whooped, bouncing around energetically in a circle.
"Megami?" Karal poked his head out of his new closet, Altra's eyes peering out from below.
"Yeeeeeeeeeeeees? Whachawant?" I sang while attempting to do flips and utterly failing.
"Are you... sure you're all right?"
"Yeesiree, I'm fiiiiiiiiineanddandy!"
CRASH!
"Ow! Whydyaask?" He hesitated.
"You seem a bit more... lively then usual."
"Me? Noooooooooooo, I'mjustspifferiffic! AbsolutelygreatandHAPPY!" I said, hanging upside down from the lamp on the ceiling.
Whump.
"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!" I yelled happily, waving my arms and legs around, "Thatwuzfuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun!"
"Megami?" asked Karal hoarsely, "Could you please... GET OFF ME?"
"Shuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuure." I slurred drunkenly, and then, deciding I liked that word, did it again. "SHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURE!" I giggled insanely. Karal poked me in the side. I giggled hysterically for a while, rolling around on the floor. I stopped, decided it was fun, and did it again. This continued for another candlemark or so. Somehow, Karal had managed to wiggle out from underneath me and was currently huddled in a corner, whilst I was lying on the floor slurring random things and giggling. I sat up.
"Gimme!" I yelled. "I! NeedaDONUT!" happy with this, I repeated it few times. "DODODODONUT!" I started waving my arms making every kind of donut appear so I could choose.
:WHAT ARE YOU DOING: yelled Altra, buried under a three foot layer of donuts. I dived into the pastries, pulled him out, and promptly shoved a cream filled long john in his face.
"Donut!" I exclaimed happily, waving it tantalizingly in front of his face. "NUMMY! EAT!" Altra paled visibly, which looked very interesting, considering he was a cat at the time.
:Ah, no. I'm not really hun—:
"Eaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat ittttttt..." I replied, shoving the donut up his nose.
:Nonono. Noooooooo donuts for the kitty.: Altra pleaded.
"Eeaat!" I gurgled happily. "Eat! Eatiteatiteatit!" Altra muttered something incomprehensible about coffee and me, which made me drop the long john immediately.
"COFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" I squealed, squeezing him tightly. "GIVEMECOFFEE!"
:I don't have any: Altra wailed pathetically. However, this did not convince me whatsoever that Altra had coffee and was hiding it from me.
"GIVEIT!" I shouted, turning the cat upside down and shaking him enthusiastically. "GIVEITYOUEVILCOFFEESTEALINGFIEND!"
:Kaaaaaaraaaaaaaaaaaaal: Altra moaned helplessly. :heeeeeeeeeeeeeleeeeeep meeeeeeeeeeeee: I continued shaking, trying to get at the coffee I knew was hidden somewhere in his fur. Maybe if he didn't have fur anymore... I waved my hand, and Altra's fur disappeared. This made Karal emit a strangled squawk and Altra moan piteously.
"Hey!" feeling slightly cheated, I glared at Altra. "WHERE. IS. THE. COFFEE?" I said, punctuating each word with a rough shake. Suddenly, I had an idea. "Niiiiiiiice kiiiiiity," I crooned, a crazed gleam in my eye, slowly creeping the hand that wasn't holding Altra closer and closer to his rumpus, " Niiiiiiiice, niiiiiiiiiiiiice kiiiiiiiiiiitieeeeeeee..."
:NONONONONONONONO: Altra yelled. :NO TOUCHÉ THE CAT'S BEHIND:
"Megami." Karal stated in a flat voice. "Please tell me that you're not trying to pull coffee out of Altra's butt." I thought for a moment.
"Nope!" I said happily. "I'm trying to pull it outta his ASS! ASSASSASSAAAAASS!" At this point, Altra wiggled furiously, managed to get away from me, and hid behind Karal. I was advancing menacingly on the two of them when someone knocked.
"Karal? Are you in there? It's Natoli, I - OH MY DEAR LORD!"
"Do yoouuu have my coffeeee?" I asked, slightly insanely. "Giiiive me the coooooffeee! GIMMENOW!"
:RAKMAKSADBI:
TWOCK!
Temporarily distracted, I had forgotten about Altra's jumping powers.
In a desperate attempt to save his life, he had managed to Fetch a large rock, and infuse it with a paralysis spell. Then he dropped it on my head. It hurt. A really, really lot. I decided to fall over.
"YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!" I screamed as I fell on the table I had knocked over earlier. Unfortunately, the paralysis spell decided to kick in right then, so I was frozen in a splatted position on top of the table.
:Comfy: Altra asked smugly.
:The edge of the table is digging into my boob and it hurts.: had also frozen my vocal chords.
:EW! EWEWEWEWEWWWWWWW! I so did not need to know that: Altra yelled in disgust. :Keep those kind of things to your self:
:You asked.: I pointed out.
:Shut up.:
:I'm full of donut.: I remarked randomly, right before a troop of Heralds -- lead by Natoli -- came rushing into the room. They surrounded me, glaring at the donuts, me, and everything else in the room.
:I suppose this means I can't have any more coffee.: I thought plaintively. The Heralds glared some more. Damn.
--
Elden came in, frowning. "Bad news. Kerowyn has the flu and won't be able to teach weapons training today."
"What about Alberich?" Talia asked.
"He's out with the Skans, briefing them on how to get around without attracting attention."
"Hmm… That is a problem. Who can we get to do it on such short notice?"
"I'll do it!" I jumped up eagerly, waving my hand back and forth. I would do anything I was so bored.
"What about Skif?" Talia asked. "He could do it; I'm pretty sure he's free."
"I'm free!"
Elden raised an eloquent eyebrow. "Do you remember the 'Genghis Khan' incident? Alberich would kill us slowly and painfully, with blunt objects." Talia winced.
"Guess not. Owen?"
"I can do it!"
"He's out on patrol."
"Jeri?"
"She's visiting her folks down in Rethwellan."
"I'm not visiting anyone! Well, except for you people, but that doesn't count!"
Talia sighed, shaking her head. "We'll have to call off the class then. I really wish we could find someone to do it, because missing weapons training is something we can't really afford."
"Me! Me! Pick Me!"
"I know, but there isn't anything we can really do. I'll go tell everyone."
"HELLOOOOO! ARE YOU PEOPLE DEAF! I CAN TEACH THE FRICKIN'CLASS, OKAY?" I glared at the Heralds, trying my best to emulate mother's Glare of Doom.
"Well Megami, why didn't you say so?" Talia said reproachfully. "It would have saved us a lot of trouble."
I resisted the urge to strangle both of them, but only by the barest of fractions.
--
"Um. Hi. I'm Megami, teenage goddess, and I'll be subbing for Kerowyn today. Any questions?"
A bunch of Herald trainees stared slack-jawed at me, looking like total idiots and I sniggered mentally. This was definitely going to be more fun then I thought it would be. This could even be…entertaining! All of mother's lessons had finally paid off.
Well, time to get down to business. "You." I pointed to a boy on the left, and he squeaked. "And you." I pointed to another boy next to him, who turned a lovely shade of green. "You two are going to spar against each other and, um…stuff. Stand on your heads until you can't feel your toes, and then run around barking like a cow."
"W-w-why?" One of them stuttered out, and then promptly tried to hide himself behind a girl in front of him.
"Because it'll get the astatically soviets in your brain pumping. Now GO!" Inwardly, I cackled. I didn't really think that they would do it, but hey, if they were I sure wasn't going to stop them.
After a bit of watching them make fools of themselves, I decided it was probably time to actually time to get started. I walked over to a wall with weapons hanging all over, trying to pick one to use. As I scanned across the wall I spotted two long thin poles; perfect for what I was going to do. I lifted one off, and attempted to do the same to the other.
Attempted.
The pole felt like it was stuck to the wall, and I tried in vain to pull it off.
"Stupidfrickin'peiceofshit—" I muttered under my breath, and tugged harder. Finally, I gave one big pull—And it broke it half.
I stared at the two pieces in my hands, trying frantically to think of something to do. I could always use a bit of magic and seal it back together, but then mother would know where I was, so that was out. What to do, what to do…?
"Miss Goddess-person-thing, are we going to start soon? Hamlin and Teri are going hoarse…"
"Uhhh…yeah, I'm coming!" I'll just have to play it cool, that's all… I thought. I walked over to where the trainees were standing and faced the two boys I had chosen. An: Megami? A Companion? I can see it now. 'Hi. I've chosen you now, so you're a Herald, which means you get to go and try to kill yourself repeatedly. Oh, yeah, and you get me, the big white horse who can't be disguised in any way, so evil people can always recognize you wherever you go. Any questions?' "Here." I tossed the unbroken pole to one of them, and handed the two pieces of the broken one to the other. "Now, um, try to whack each other with your sticky-things."
They stared at me.
"Did you hear me! Attack!"
The one with the whole stick gingerly took a swing at the other's knees.
"Nagh!" The boy cowered!
"No, no! You're supposed to attack him! Maim kill die and all that!"
He abruptly burst into tears.
"GAAAH!" I screamed in frustration.
Which only succeeded in making him cry harder.
I looked at the other trainee type people to see what they thought about all this.
They gave me looks of complete and utter loathing, much as if I had just killed a puppy right in front of them. "What?" I asked.
Someone in the back of the group muttered something about ear mites.
"That's what I thought."
They glared at me some more.
"ATTAAAAAAAACK!"
They attacked. Me.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" I proclaimed loudly, and ran away like a little girl.
"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR" They screamed, chasing me.
"I WAS JUST TRYING TO BE HELPFUL, YOU KNOW!"
They didn't seem to have any newfound appreciation.
Which was unfortunate.
Because they now started throwing things at me.
"DIE!"
"YAH!"
"RRRGGG!"
"OW!"
I fell over.
Onto something pointy.
"Glrk!" I commented in surprise.
"GRRR!" the trainees responded.
And then Skan appeared. "SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!" He screeched.
The trainees looked unsure of what they were supposed to do now. Skan made a threatening eating type of motion in their general direction, and they looked like they were very seriously considering running away.
Then Dra and Non came swooping down out of the sky in a blaze of glory! Or at least a blaze of something. I wasn't quite sure if it was glory or just the sun reflecting off of their egos.
:Back off.:
"Yeah!" I emphasized my agreement with Dra by shaking my very fearsome fist at the trainees. They scattered like a flock of sheep.
"HAH!" I yelled after them. "Yeah! That's what you get when you mess with ME!"
The three gryphons turned their attention on me, glaring all the while. Not that it was really possible for them to not glare, but that was beyond the point.
"Hi!" I said brightly.
:SEND. US. BACK.: said Dra.
"Oh."
:Yes, oh.: he replied sarcastically.
"Are you sure you want to go now?" I asked hopefully.
:YES.:
"Why?"
:Because I miss Zhaneel:
:And Amberdrake:
:And my kids:
"She can wait, can't she? They?"
:Wait, we have kids:
:Yes, we have kids! What else would we have:
:I - I can't think of anything to say to that.:
I began to creep away slowly, hoping they wouldn't notice.
:HOLD IT RIGHT THERE.:
"YA!"
Suddenly I had three large gryphons sqooshing me into the ground. Which was not a pretty thing. I tried to say something and ingested about a pound of dirt. :YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH: I screamed in Mindspeech instead.
:Shut up! Take us home:
:I CAN'T YOU IDIOTS:
:Why not:
:I...don't know how:
:I don't:
The Skans stared at me in a way that suggested they were seriously considering ripping my head off
:Whyyyyyyy does everyone haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate me: I moaned to myself.
More staring. Six pairs of extremely sharp talons dug into my back.
:Oooooooooww...: I commented.
:Figure it out, then.:
:I CAN'T when you're SITTING ON ME:
They got off.
I got up.
Glare, glare, glare went the Skans.
"Look, I tried this before, and all you got was noodles." I told them reasonably.
:And why was that, exactly:
"Because it didn't work!"
:Make it work:
"I tried that! You got talking food!"
Non made a noise of impatience. :It's not our fault you can't focus properly:
"I focus just fine!"
:Are you even hearing yourself? I don't think talking food and noodles qualify as "just fine".:
"...SO?"
:You're impossible.:
I beamed at them. "Thanks!"
Skan placed a not so friendly claw on my shoulder and squeezed. :You're welcome.: His beak was uncomfortably close to my face.
"I'll just go work on getting you back, shall I? In my room..."
:I don't think so.:
"Shit."
:You could at least try, you know:
"FINE!" I waved my hand in a "go home" sort of way.
POP!
"Uh." I said. "Um, well...it's sorta like home if you think about it."
They glared.
:It's a crater and it's not even in the right year:
"Yes, but it's the right place. That's better than I was doing before!"
Glare, glare, glare said the Skans, which I properly translated as 'yes, but you're an idiot.'
"Well what do you want me to do about it?"
:Something! Anything:
"FINE!" I waved again, and the entire Valdemaran court appeared in front of us. Non made a muffled screaming noise and went for the jugular. I ducked, which resulted in him landing squarely on my back instead of my neck.
Let's review this. Point a: One large male gryphon. Point b: My back. Point c: LARGE HEAVY MALE GRYPHON TRYING TO KILL ME. Needless to say, it was far from comfortable.
I screamed. Loudly.
Several people in the crowd cheered and one burst into tears of joy. I would have glared at them, but I was too busy screaming in pain.
"AUUUUUUUUUUGH!" I added for emphasis.
The cheering people began to look a bit unsure.
"I cannot believe this," said Karal.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH!" I screamed in agreement
"SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Non agreed.
"NON!" Karal said sharply. "Get off! You're not doing anyone any good by killing her. As much as we all might appreciate it."
:Hmmphgh.:
"If you get off she might be more inclined to send you home."
Non did not dignify this with a response, but got off anyway.
"Gee, thanks Karal. Thanks a lot." I commented as I brushed myself off. "Oh, and by the way, Non?" I pointed at him, causing him to turn into a platypus.
Non made a platypus type noise of anger, which somehow managed to promised painful revenge. Soon.
I patted him on the head.
He bit me. This seemed to happen a lot.
I yelled again, and Altra snickered at me.
This also seemed to happen a lot. I took a moment to briefly ponder why my life sucked so bad. I came to the conclusion that it was all the Skans' fault(s?), and decided to make their lives suck just as much as mine.
"SUFFER, MISERABLE WRETCHES!" I cackled more or less randomly in the abyss and did some sort of complicated magic type thing.
I felt little pieces of my personality separate from the rest of me and form their own bodies, and grinned. The complication level guaranteed that there would be at least thirty Megamis by the time I was done. That would show the bastards.
--
Karal felt vaguely nauseous. Not that this was particularly new or exciting, but he felt it deserved some attention nonetheless.
There were now seven Megamis standing around glaring at people, and more were still separating. And three others had run off, one screaming, one sticking her tongue out, and the third covering her bright red face with her hands.
"What just happened?" He asked Altra.
Altra made a sound of disgust. :You know how the Goddess has four aspects? Well Megami is splitting into hers.:
"...oh goodness gracious no."
:Yup. Only she's never done it before so no one knows how many she has or what they are.:
"..." Said Karal in abstract horror.
"EEEHEEEHEEEHEEE!" Shrieked the latest Megami, running up to Karal and giving him a hug.
"Aljdf!" Karal was not sure if humans were meant to make noises like that but it seemed appropriate at the moment.
"AWWWW!" The Megami squealed. "IT TALKS! You're just like a puppy!"
"I... am?" Karal asked, trying to find a way to escape. The sort-of-Megami squished him tightly in response.
Altra squinted at her. :What are you:
"KITTY!" She exclaimed happily. He hissed. She hugged him anyway.
While Karal had been hoping she would release him, this, he felt was not an improvement. He felt rather pathetic. Which was only marginally better than feeling squished.
"Glrk." He commented sadly.
"Awwww, is little puppy person sad?" The Megami Aspect squealed. "It must need another HUG!"
In a fit of desperation, Altra dug his claws into her shoulders and bit her on the face.
"OWIE!" She yelled. "BAD kitty!"
It was then that Natoli, lovely, intelligent, Megami-defeating Natoli appeared.
"What is that Megamithing doing?" She asked interestedly.
"AGUH." Said Karal.
"Ah." Natoli said as if this explained everything. "LOOK! A PUPPY!"
The Megami whipped her head around in excitement. "PUPPY!" She exclaimed happily and ran off in the other direction. Altra shook himself and looked at Natoli in undying gratitude.
"Thank you." Said Karal.
"No problem. Did you notice she stopped dividing?"
"No. Is that good or bad?"
"I really don't know. One of them is trying to shoot Skan and Dra, and ten of the others are watching and cheering her on."
"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!" A Megami popped out of nowhere!
"GAAH!" Karal yelled.
"ATTACK'D TO THE FAAAAAAAAAACE!" She proclaimed and ran off cackling.
"What was that, The Insane?"
:Probably.: said Altra. :But with Megami, who can tell:
Karal felt a strong urge to slump to the ground and cry for a while.
"Poor Karal." said Natoli soothingly, and gave him a hug.
"So what are we supposed to do about all of this?" He gestured at the scene around them, where one Megami was doing cartwheels while another advanced threateningly on a group of courtiers and a third chased pigeons being tossed into the air by a fourth. Karal only hoped that the pigeons had not recently been human.
Natoli looked considering. "Maybe we should find the real Megami." She suggested, remaining calm even as something pointy went hurtling past her ear.
:She'd probably be watching the Archer Megami try to kill the two Skans. She seemed upset with them for some reason...: Altra put in.
Off they went into the wild, Megami infested, blue yonder!
By following the sound of indignant squawks, they were able to find the group currently being entertained by Skan and Dra.
"Skan?"
"Heeeeeeeeeeeeelp meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" Skan moaned, flapping past them with a Megami close behind.
She looked particularly bent on destruction. Even more so than usual, which was slightly worrisome.
"Um, Megami?" Karal inquired. "Could you maybe not kill anyone please?"
"PHWROAR!" She said and danced a tribal dance of doom. And death. And other scary things that begin with 'D' like destruction and dirt and so on.
Karal took a step back, then realized that this would probably not accomplish anything, and stepped forward firmly.
"Er." He said. "Stop that, or I'm never going to...give you coffee again?" Karal decided that this statement was probably not firm enough to go with the previous step of firmness and revised it immediately. "Yes. Yes, I will definitely never give you coffee again."
The Megami stopped her tribal dance and stuck her nose in Karal's face. "CROOOOOOOFSHMICK!"
"Er." said Karal uncertainly.
Non squawked in the distance, and the Megami made several guttural noises and ran off towards the noise.
There was a pause.
"Well," said Natoli, "that certainly did not go as well as I hoped it would."
:Gee, you think: Altra asked her politely.
Natoli gave him the most withering glare that ever existed, somehow managing to imply that if he did not become helpful in the next thirty seconds he would probably die. Painfully. With a blunt instrument.
:But maybe the real Megami is over there somewhere: Altra continued brightly, starting off towards a group of screaming people and narrowly avoiding being squished by one of the large rocks that had stared hurling themselves through the air.
"Better." Natoli muttered, grabbed Karal, and stalked off after him.
Off they stalked! Through trials and tribulations and triplets of terrible Megamis!
Natoli ground her teeth together. It was perhaps the most frightening noise Karal had ever heard, and made several of the Megamis nearby stop what they were doing and cower in fear. That will probably be useful later, he thought hysterically, and then: Oh god I've lost my mind.
"ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY LISTEN UP!" Natoli yelled, making every Megami within hearing distance cower even more, except the one who was currently threatening a particularly obnoxious courtier with a large dull knife. "Now. Whichever of you is the real Megami or can help me find her, get your sorry little butt over hear right now," Natoli continued in a pleasant tone. It was the sort of tone that implied death was coming to those who weren't listening.
A Megami came forward timidly. "I'm supposed to be the Helpful one..." She said uncertainly.
"Good." snapped Natoli.
"...But I don't know where Megami would be."
"And why, exactly, is that?"
"Because I'm not the Smart one. And the Smart one probably wouldn't help you because when we're all in one body she doesn't get used much."
"Just...get her. Please."
The Helper gulped nervously and ran off in the direction of a small group of cowering Megamis.
Natoli made a noise that sounded remarkably like 'fnanrrufhrhgag'. Karal, for a lack of anything more comforting to do, held her hand. She didn't seem to mind. A few long minutes later, The Helper returned, another Megami in tow. What was presumably the Smart Megami was looking at them with a strange expression.
"What?" Natoli demanded. "You got a problem?"
"I'm sorry, I'm just not used to being...well, talked too. It's unusual."
"If you help us find the real Megami we'll talk to you more!" Karal told her hopefully.
The Smart Megami began to tear up. "R-really? You mean it?"
"Yes. Absolutely."
"I'LL DO IT!"
"Yaaaaaaaaaay!" Natoli cheered, at which the cowering Megamis evidently decided it was safe to stop cowering and began to make up for lost time.
Smart Megami made a sniffling noise and pulled herself together. "What can I do to help?"
:Tell us where Megami would be:
"Well. Huh." She suddenly pulled out a chalkboard seemingly from mid air and began to scribble rapidly. "Factoring in the time of separation..." She trailed into incomprehensible mutterings for a while, and then looked up. "I've got it!"
"Yes?" Prompted Natoli encouragingly.
"The Real Megami, does not, in fact, exist anymore."
Silence.
It extended.
For a very long time.
"What?"
"She doesn't exist?" the Smart One was looking a bit frightened.
"Could you explain a little more, please?" Natoli asked.
"When she split into us, the aspects, each portion of the Megami personality was made into a separate person, leaving none of the root Megami left."
"Ah." said Karal. He could feel a headache coming on. "And how can we make her, um...together again?"
"Well. Um..." The Smart One looked rather embarrassed. "I'm not sure you can."
"What." said Natoli. It was not a question.
"It would require the absolute cooperation of all the Aspects, most of whom are, by nature, uncooperative."
:That much is true.:
Natoli glared at the Firecat. "You could try saying something useful once in a while you know."
He considered this gravely. :Shakalabbits.:
"I fail to see how this helps."
:Well, it made me feel better.:
Natoli gave him a look that suggested that he might want to do something that made her feel better if he valued all his limbs.
:I...could...maybe call them all over:
"Fine. And get them to agree to do whatever to go away again."
:Er.: said Altra. :Heh heh. Well see. OH MOST ILLUSTRIOUSLY UGLY AND SMELLY DEMI GODDESS! PLEASE GO AS FAR AWAY FROM ME AS POSSIBLE:
"Himisterfunnycatwhachawantustodothatfor?Heyyou'rereallyfunnylookinghowcomethegirlovertherelooksre
allymadhowcomeshe'ssomadmaybeyoushoulddosomethingtomakeherfeelbetterlikegiveheracookiecookiesma
keeveryonefeelbetterlikewheni'mreallydepressedijusteatacookieandifeelbetterexceptinevergetdepressedbeca
usetheresTheGothforthatandsomeoneelsetooiforgetbuttheywon'tletmegivethemcookiesan..." said a Megami, popping up beside Altra.
"Wagh!" Said Karal in surprise. Sometimes it was a pain seeing through the eyes of a someone who was the favorite torturing object of goddesses. Altra moaned.
"I'll kill you." said another one. "Lovely, lovely blood. Mhneee hee eheee heee."
"Now Murderess," Another put in coaxingly. "You have to find the love! Peace. Flowers are much prettier without blood on them."
"Shut up, Serenity."
"Has that been prophesized?" Asked yet another Megami.
"KITTY!"
"Kill it."
"Murdereeeeeeeeeeeess!" wailed a very small child in brightly colored socks. "You're a meanie poo head!"
"Get over it. I could kill you, too."
"Maturiiiiiiiiiiiiiity, make her stop!"
"Yes dear."
"I...oh dear." said Karal. "What on earth are we supposed to do now?"
--
And now, an ACTUAL CONVERSATION had between Krissy and Julie while writing this story.
Krissy: man, i don't know if anyone else finds the story amusing
Krissy: but i sure do
Krissy: i'm sitting here cracking up right now
Julie: heh.
Julie: i laugh at you
Krissy: it's FUNNY
Krissy: mostly because we're so laaaaaaaaaaaame
Julie: yeah
Julie: that part greatly amuses me
Krissy: ...you mean the whole thing?
Julie: no, the part where we're stupid
Julie: kay yeah, the whole thing.
Krissy: it's so true
Next update will appear whenever!