Chapter Seven: In Which Everyone Cries, and Megami is Grounded

AN: HOLY SHIT MONKEYS, BATMAN! We have actually come to the end of the story. That's right, folks, this is the last chapter of actual plot (or what passes for plot, anyway). There will be on final chapter after this, filled with what we couldn't put in the story—yes, even we have standards, although they are mostly non-existent and prefer frolicking in fields of green than actually hanging around when we write.

Disclaimer: Valdemar, Karal, Altra and all other trademark characters belong to Mercedes Lackey. We just stole—er, borrowed them for a little bit. Megami is copyrighted to Julie Heida and Krissy Rhyme. Attempts to steal her without permission (God knows why anyone would want to) will be met with The Spoon.

--

Murderess prowled around restlessly while the Archer cheerfully tried to make one of the Skans into a pincushion. The Goth was hiding somewhere in the shadows, making sarcastic comments and death threats, Child running around shrieking like, well, a child and the Priestess was staring at a blank wall. If anyone asked her what she was doing, she would turn at look and him or her, and say in a monotone: "It has been prophesied." Usually the questioner would back away at this point, and go run and hide behind one of Megami's other forms. Not that this helped.

Karal had a headache.

So far all attempts to get the various aspects to cooperate had failed spectacularly and had so far set three people, six rocks, and Altra on fire. This was not including the various things The Pyro had burned, which had thankfully thus far been inanimate, with the exception of a small rabbit who had chosen a very unfortunate time to come out of it's burrow. One of the younger Megamis was currently sobbing over the charred remains of its body.

Natoli had entirely given up on the Megamis and gone to go punch a brick wall for a while. Or the closest to a brick wall she could find in the middle of the Dhorisha plains.

"What are we going to do?" Kerowyn asked.

:Kill them all: Altra suggested brightly, his fur still smoldering.

"No." said Karal.

:Oh. Phooey:

"Well, what do you suggest then?" Demanded Kerowyn, gesturing angrily. "None of them will even stay still long enough for us to do anything."

"We could..." Karal trailed off, at a loss for anything to suggest.

"Exactly."

"Well, killing them isn't even practical!" Karal protested. "Do goddesses even die?"

:...no.: Altra admitted. :What's your point:

"Trying to kill them wouldn't accomplish anything!"

:It'd make me feel better.:

"But that's not the point! The point is to get them... consolidated. And to get them out of here."

Kerowyn pinched her nose, trying to ward off an oncoming headache. "Where's Selenay?" she asked. "And Darren? I know we're in the middle of nowhere, but she's still my queen, dammit, and I'd feel better if I knew where she was."

"I think they're somewhere over there..." Karal gestured vaguely in the direction Altra had last seen someone who might have been the Queen. Indeed, there was a small cluster of people who generally accompanied her standing a few yards away; seeing as nothing was being accomplished anyway, Kero decided to go over to join them.

"Hello, Selenay. Caryo."

"Oh, hello Kero."

"I don't suppose you know how to fix this, do you?"

"No. We've been trying."

Kerowyn slumped. "Ye gods and little monkeys. This certainly is a mess."

Caryo gave her a look that said an idiot could have figured that out.

"I don't see you coming up with any brilliant ideas," she snapped.

Caryo's look now said quite clearly that she was busy helping her Chosen. Kerowyn told herself quite firmly that she was not, under any circumstances, going to argue with a horse (even if it was a Companion).

"Where's Darren, then?"

Selenay looked particularly distressed at this. "He went to go see if he could convince the Megamis to at least stop killing people."

"What on earth possessed him to do that?"

"I don't know! He went off muttering something about donkeys and spoons and such!"

"The man is obviously off his rocker." This statement caused Selenay to look a bit more put out.

Kerowyn sighed. Everyone was, understandably, a tad emotionally unstable at the moment, and insulting

Darren wouldn't improve anything except maybe her own mood. She tried valiantly to keep this in mind. "So what do we do now?"

"Hello Mother." Elspeth popped up behind Selenay, smiling.

"Hello Elspeth, I don't suppose you have any ideas for getting rid of these goddesses?"

"Hmm. Well, yes. But I don't think you'll like it."

--THIRTY SECONDS LATER--

"WHAT?"

"I did tell you that you wouldn't like it, you know." Elspeth said mildly.

"Yes but..." Selenay trailed off weakly.

Her daughter shrugged. "To get rid of Megami, you have to do something like Megami would do. It's fairly simple."

"Besides" Kero put in. "Nothing else has worked. We've tried all the logical ways, why not try something completely illogical?"

"Fine. Go collect everyone, then."

Elspeth gave a little nod and set off, stopping to talk to people and point in the direction of her mother as she went.

--

WHAM!

A MEGAMI FELL OUT OF THE SKY!

People screamed!

There was mass chaos!

In short, it was a pretty typical occurrence in the life of Karal.

Karal sighed. "I really, really need you to stand over there, sir." He said to a young man, gesturing. "We need every one to cooperate if this is going to work." Elspeth, in her infinite kindness, had explained her plan to Karal and asked him to help with getting everyone together.

Sometimes, Karal was not very fond of Elspeth.

He pointed another person over to the growing group surrounding the queen. "Fanfnals?" Said the man. Or what he said as far as Karal could tell anyway. He appeared to be drunk. Karal briefly wondered where he had gotten the alcohol, and then decided it really didn't matter. "Sir. Please."

"Wassat?" The man demanded.

:Should I claw him: Altra asked, looking far to eager. :I could, you know. I'm really quite good at it.:

"No," Karal told him regretfully. "He might cry, and it's to soon for that."

:Phooey.:

At this point, the man Karal had been trying to round up fell over. Again.

"Whosabuggrit" He muttered from the ground. Kerowyn, in a fit of spasmodic rage, picked him up and threw him in the general direction of the mob, who began to cheer wildly and dance around the body. "Arhghfhd!" She muttered, and stamped off. Altra seemed satisfied with this, and he and Karal went on to the next person.

"Hello." said Karal.

The person stared at him

This seemed to happen a great deal more than Karal would have liked, and he patiently began to explain the need for the man to move. Again. The man stared at him some more, and then ambled off--but in the wrong direction.

"Sir!" Karal flailed his arms frantically. "Sir, you need to go that way!"

He was ignored.

"...Altra?"

:What do you think I can do about it:

"Bite him."

:Much as I would like to, I don't see what it would accomplish.:

"Nothing, but it will make me feel better."

Altra considered this. :Okay then.: He launched himself at the uncooperative man, who yelled "YARGLEBLARGLE!" and went down like a stone. Karal smiled in satisfaction and moved on to the next person. Things continued in this manner for some time, until everyone was gathered in a group near the Queen.

Elspeth rubbed her hands together. "Everyone ready?"

There was some noncommittal mumbling.

"Fantastic."

"Well. Let's begin."

"Begin what?" asked a man testily.

Elspeth glared. "It."

"Yes, but what is it?"

"You'll see."

"See WHAT?"

"What it is."

"BUT WHAT IS IT?"

"That's what you're going to find out!"

"ARGH!" said the man.

Elspeth gave him a little smile. "Okay. Now, when I start—"

"WHAT'S THAT?"

"It's a DUCK." said Kerowyn. "Now shut up and listen to Elspeth."

"But Elspeth's not talking! She's busy glowing!"

"Augh! Start crying!"

--

A nearby bard plucked at the strings of his lute, and then began to sing. "Ahem, now--A RIVER OF TEAAAAAAAAARS CAME AND WASHED THEM AWAAAAAAAAAAY

IT WAS SO SAAAAAAAD

THAT THEY COULDN'T STAY ANOTHER DAAAAAAAAAAY

OH WHAAAAAAAAAAAT WILL WE DOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

WITHOUT THOSE CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAZY GODDESSES MAKING SUCH A STOOOOOOOO!

What did they do that was so BAAAAAAAAAAD?

BESIDES ALL THAT STUFF LIKE, OOOOOOOOOOOH

CHICKENS SQUAWKING

AND VEGTABLES TAAAAALKING

AND PEOPLE DYING

AND CHILDREN CRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYING!

OOOOOH WHAT A FATEFUL DAY

THE MEGAMIS WILL GO AWAY

AND ALL THE PEOPLE CRIED

ON THE DAY THAT LAVAN DIED."

Karal wondered why the bard was singing about someone named Lavan. He also wondered why the Bard was the only one not crying.

"Less thinking, more tears!" sobbed Kerowyn. Karal obligingly cried as hard as he could.

"I think it's working!" someone said. Karal looked up. There was indeed, a river of tears forming.

The plan, for those of you in the dark--i.e. everyone--went something like this: Elspeth would do her magic mojo, causing the entire Valdemaran court to cry a river of tears, which would wash the Megamis away. It was not the clever, brilliant plan that many had hoped for, but it worked, which was more important than things like, oh, logic. Because really, who uses logic these days?

The bard warbled on.

The people cried on.

And the Megamis washed away.

Eventually, Elspeth let everyone stop crying, and a group of people who have already been in this story headed over in the direction the Megamis had gone. Just to be sure.

"Well," one of them said hopefully. "It looks like they're all gone."

"But are they gone for good?" Another asked worriedly.

"That's a good question."

"I wonder if anyone has an answer."

"Probably not."

And they wandered away.

--

I woke up. I was somehow one person again. This made me very angry, mostly because I just felt like being angry. I decided to swear revenge on the jerkfaces who had done this to me. Which meant, more or less, everyone in the world. Good. I should do something to them. Like... Burn them! Yes! Burn everything!

I set to it at once, burning the first thing I could see: a rock. I pointed at it, telling it to burn. It didn't.
So I blew it up instead. "HAHAHAHA!" I laughed triumphantly, and set upon the next helpless object.
It was another rock. There didn't seem to be much else around here. Okay, I decided, maybe not so much with the burning of the world, seeing as there wasn't really anything very burn-able lying around. But I could still do something else. Something evil. Something cruel. Something like... Platypuses!

"HO HO HO!" I cackled, waved my hands, and poof! All the people of the world were transformed into platypuses! My evil plan was complete!

And then my mom showed up.

"MEGAMI."

"Eep."

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING EXACTLY?"

"...Nothing!"

"MEGAMI."

Shit. Maybe if I put everything back now she would think she was imagining things! My mother was never a very reasonable person. I decided to try it.

"HAHAHA!" I laughed hysterically. "WHY, WHATEVER ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, MOTHER? SEE, EVERYTHING IS NORMAL!" I could feel her glaring at me, though I still couldn't see her. "ER." I said. Panic had made me extra loud for some reason. "I just though I'd visit for a little peace and quiet?" I tried.

"SINCE WHEN HAVE YOU EVER LIKE PEACE AND QUIET?" she boomed.

I eeped again.

"MEGAMI, DO YOU KNOW WHAT I JUST FOUND IN MY TAPESTRY?"

"Er...no?"

"DON'T LIE TO ME, YOUNG LADY."

I decided to try an old standard. "I didn't do it, I swear!"

"I FIND THAT RATHER DOUBTFUL, SEEING AS THE CHAOS THREAD TOLD ME YOU WOVE IT IN."

"Oh, um..." I pummeled my brain for another tactic. "What chaos thread?"

"NICE TRY. MAYBE YOU WOULD LIKE TO EXPLAIN WHY THERE ARE INSANITY THREADS THERE INSTEAD?"

I drew a complete blank on this one. "Maybe not?"

"I DIDN'T THINK SO. WE'RE LEAVING NOW. AND OH, BY THE WAY--YOU'RE GROUNDED."

"Shit."

--

Deep inside wherever the heck Megami and her mom lived, the two insanity threads started up a conversation.

Well, that was entertaining, said one.

Indeed The other answered.

Well, it's time to leave now, I think.

Yes. We have other places to be.

And then they were gone.

--

THE END.

OR IS IT?

…

Yeah, it is.