Happy Birthday XSeabiscuitX! This chapter is for you!

Chapter 16: Who I Truly Am

The sun was rising, casting soft glows of pink and yellow across the sky. It had been almost four days since Zuko and Katara had been swept overboard, and the Avatar and Zuko's crew had agreed to a temporary alliance. Now, Captain Zethan's ship came into the view of Zuko's, and a sailor ran inside to tell Iroh.

The crew of Zuko's ship filed out onto the deck, along with Anzha, Sokka, and Aang. Iroh placed a reassuring hand on Aang's shoulder, and Aang held his staff near by his side. He didn't care what anyone said. He was about to meet the Fire Lord, his greatest enemy, the one he was supposed to defeat in less than a week, for the comet was days away.

The huge ship drifted to the side of the smaller, and boards were lain out, connecting the two. Sokka was tense, one hand ready to grasp his boomerang. Of the Avatar's companions, only Anzha was relaxed, her arms crossed on her chest, her eyes tense, but trusting. They all looked towards the boarding planks, and the Fire Lord appeared, alone.

When the Fire Lord stepped onto their deck, Iroh stepped forward to greet him, Aang by his side. Every fire-bender save Anzha bowed to him.

Iroh smiled at his brother, who returned it. Aang stood up straight, but he still only came to the Fire Lord's chest. But he looked up and tried to look intimidating. The Fire Lord met his gaze but said nothing.

"You are the Avatar?"

"I am."

Then, to everyone's utter shock, the Fire Lord knelt before Aang and bowed his head so his whole body was lower than Aang's stomach.

"I want to offer you, here and now, a offering of peace. I was raised to war, and I now understand that it is wrong. No nation should rule another. Please consider my proposition."

Aang's face softened and he smiled.

"I'm not the greatest warrior in the world. Hey, I'm only twelve, and I don't know everything, but I know peace is what this world needs. I accept."

The Fire Lord's relief showed in his whole body, and Aang took his hands and stood him up.

"I know, Avatar, that this is only the first step of many. I..."

"Right now, we need to find Zuko and Katara." The Fire Lord smiled weakly.

"I agree."

Sokka came forward. "I don't trust you Fire Lord, but if you truly want peace, I am by your side. I am Sokka of the Southern Water Tribe. Katara is my sister." The Fire Lord nodded, acknowledging his statement, but his gaze turned to Anzha, who looked sad.

"I knew you couldn't be bad for long, Daddy Ozai." She hadn't called that childhood endearment in years, and in an instant, it made nearly everything in Ozai's life all right again. Suddenly, a lady came up and joined the group on Zuko's ship. Anzha yelped excitedly.

"Momma!" She rushed into Natalani's arms, which clutched her close.

"Oh my baby, my sweet Anzha."

Turning from the sweet reunion, Ozai looked to Iroh. "How's the search for Zuko?"

The crew returned to its business, and Iroh, Anzha, Natalani, Sokka, and Ozai turned to the cluster of islands behind the ship. "We've searched several islands, but there are many, some uncharted in these waters. We'll continue our search, but we know Zhao won't stay away for long."

Ozai frowned. "You're right Iroh, but I know Zhao's plan. He needs to get the Avatar to a specific set of coordinates in Earth Kingdom waters by the end of this week. That, and kill myself, you, and Zuko. Then he will reign in the new all-powerful Fire Nation."

Iroh nodded, the old general in him waking up. "Knowing our enemy's plan helps greatly. I have no doubt that Zhao knows that Zuko is still alive, and he's waiting for us to find him and kill us all at the same time."

Ozai nodded, and Iroh looked at him. "Zuko no doubt still believes that you are dead."

"All the more reason to find him." All eyes turned to Natalani, who was holding Anzha with one arm. Anzha sighed.

"You all want to find him, and you think that will be all. If Zuko does not come to terms, there will be no hope for him. And if he chooses wrong, our hands or Zhao's will make no difference."

Her bleak words dampened the mood considerably, and as Zethan's ship drew away, Zuko's ship moved off towards the next island, a faint flicker of hope in the distance.

Katara was resting; the sun's light no longer her alarm clock, for the hut she and Zuko had inhabited was still dark. She clutched the book to her chest. She hadn't let it go since she'd first picked it up.

She opened the book's worn cover, and the first paragraph leaped up at her.

'I am a simple warrior from the Southern Water Tribe, and I have two children, names Sokka and Katara. My wife was killed by the Fire Nation, and it is for her I fight. I fight for love, and I fight for home. In this book, I will record the accounts of my battles, so if we lose this war, someone will know what happened to us.'

She looked up into Zuko's inquiring eyes, tears leaping into her own.

"Zuko, this journal belongs to my father."

She'd then read most of the entries aloud, and was surprised when Zuko knew of several of the battles. They'd then gone outside, astonished to find the sun was setting. Zuko dammed the nearby stream, and a pool of water built up. They used it for bathing mostly, and the waterfall that supplied the pool and diminished stream for drinking water. In the huts, they'd found a blanket, which Zuko gave to her, saying he had no trouble keeping warm. The next day had been uneventful, mostly consisting of Zuko training and Katara gathering fruit.

Later, after a simple breakfast and a bit of training on Zuko's part, Katara had decided to wash their clothes the best she could. So she had the blanket wrapped around her, and Zuko was wearing a pair of pants he'd found one of the huts that fit reasonably well. Katara was less self-conscious around Zuko than before. If she felt herself getting embarrassed, she just kept thinking of their first night on the island. Underclothes were thin and usually light-colored, and they'd both been soaking wet, so it was as good as being naked. It also helped that Zuko was hardly self-conscious at all.

Zuko absolutely hated the pair of pants he had to wear. They were too loose, and they were coarse. But Katara had insisted that he wear something while she washed their clothes. He couldn't figure out why. It didn't bother him to walk around naked. Now he was just bored, flicking a small flame at the water every time it stopped steaming.

Katara looked up and glared at him, and he returned it. He simply was not in the greatest mood.

Iroh was sitting in a chair, sipping some Ginseng tea with Anzha when a shout was heard. The two ran to the front of the ship where a sailor had pulled something up from the water. Ozai and Aang were there as well.

It was a piece of Fire Nation armor, too small to belong to a grown man.

Later that evening, after a simple supper of fruit and some dried meat strips they'd found in the huts, Zuko settled down by the stream to meditate. Katara sat near him, streaming the water as he meditated.

Thoughts coursed through his mind, never slowing. Thoughts of his father, of his ship, of his uncle, of Anzha, and none of them were good, each one laced with worry. As he sank deeper into his mind, they all formulated into one. How had Zhao tapped the Source?

He'd lost the sense of self that was now familiar. The sun that was his Source was just in front of him, and his consciousness danced around it. This was as far as he'd ever gone. He'd never felt any closer to the Source, never contacted it. And then something occurred to him.

Was it possible to go inside?

He moved up next to the flaming sun. If he'd been in physical form, he'd have a hand against the boiling substance. It felt firm, unyielding, and simply scorching. It would consume him if he entered it. Closing what would've been his eyes, he slipped inside.

Katara looked up from her water ball when she felt the overall temperature increase several degrees. She looked over at Zuko; his face was contorted in concentration. That was strange, he always looked relaxed when he meditated. She began to gasp for breath as the temperature soared again. The dry heat burned her lungs and she crawled to Zuko. She placed a hand on his and screamed, clutching the hand back to her. Looking down at it, most of the skin was burned off and it was turning a fiery red.

Expectations have changed so sporadically for you over the past few years. You've changed so much you barely know who you are.

I need to know what's wrong with Zhao.

How can you know what troubles others when you will not tend to your own heart? You could be many things.

I'm not worried about me.

Yes you are. I see it everyday, when you meditate. All your problems boil down to the fact that you have no idea who you are and who you want to be.

Shut up.

Aang wants you to be, simply, a good person. Ozai wants you to be ruthless and manipulative. Iroh and Anzha want you to be who you want to be. But who do you want to be?

SHUT UP!

You can become whatever you want to be. Why don't we take a look at what would've happened if you hadn't spoken out that day?

What?

But even as he spoke, the scene around him changed from one of endless light to a forest meadow. He was standing on a hill, the familiar weight of his armor on his shoulders, and his hands clasped behind his back. Before him was a burning Earth Nation village. He watched as women and children were murdered before his eyes, and he didn't care. It was, after all, on his order. It was raining. Looking into a nearby puddle, he had no scar, but what he saw was as good as one. His eyes were cold and calculating. His lips turned up in a permanent smirk. He looked up and away from the puddle, sense coming back to him.

No!

Alright. Let's try what would happen if your despair ruled all.

The scene changed again, this time to his room on the ship. There was a rope tied to a ceiling beam. He was tying the end of it around his neck.

I'd never do that!

No doubt your temper needs some work.

Now Zuko was facing the wall on his ship, meditating. His uncle came in. "You shouldn't torture the poor boy." "He shouldn't have tried to escape." "He's just a child."

Zuko stood and spun around, sending a huge fireball at Iroh. "I don't need your guidance!" The retired general never had a chance and the fireball consumed him.

No! Uncle!

The scene changed over and over, each image more horrifying. First he killed an simple earth-bender, then Katara, and then he killed Anzha. Each time he screamed for it to stop.

Katara fell away from Zuko, her burned hand clutched to her chest. He was screaming now. She was scared. Sweat rolled down both their faces, and as she watched, his shirt began to burn.

"Zuko!" She shouted, but he didn't respond. She could barely make herself heard above his screams. Did he want to kill her? Did he realize he was putting her in danger? But, then it hit her. Zuko was not in control at this moment.

CHOOSE CHILD OF FIRE! WHICH LIFE DO YOU WANT?

Zuko was clutching his head, screaming and writhing on the ground. Most of his shirt was gone now, and the flames were starting on his pants. Katara knew that she had to do something before he burned the forest down. Ripping her shirt, she wrapped her hands. Careful not to touch his skin, she got his pants off before they could burn. Even as he twisted and turned, she took the blanket and hooked it under his arms. Holding onto the blanket, she managed to drag him into the water. It steamed as he entered, and his underclothes were beginning to burn. Katara sat down hard in the water, holding his head above the stream. She bended the water around them, keeping a pool over and around Zuko, even as it steamed away.

Zuko felt like he was going insane. The images were a blur now, he could make out his face and Zhao's, Zhao saying something like he was proud, proud of Zuko. And then it changed again, and Anzha was lying dead at his feet. Finally, it all stopped. The stark whiteness was there once more.

I've shown you all the things you could be. What do you want?

To Zuko it seemed like there was some hidden meaning behind the statement. He had to think.

Katara held the steaming boy close to her. His body heat had dimmed so he was tangible, and she stroked his head worriedly. The fact that he was completely naked hadn't registered in her mind yet.

The Source waited patiently for him, saying nothing. And finally, he figured it out.

You can't change me, can you?

No.

And you didn't show me all the things I could be, did you?

No.

You showed me all the things I didn't want to be.

Yes.

And by doing so, you showed me exactly what I want to be.

Yes. And who do you want to be?

I want to be me.

Good job.

The water had stopped steaming. Zuko's body had returned to his normal temperature. Katara's mind realized his state, and she tied the blanket around his waist. She hooked her arms underneath his and dragged him out of the water. She held him close, and wondered what had happened.

I might not be able to update anytime soon, so I decided not to leave you with a cliffie.