Just Another Love Song
Beat 3: Give it Up

It's a little weird to have someone over since no one but me has ever been in my apartment before now. I give Hiro the grand tour of the place, which doesn't take very long. Like I said, it's not that big but it's comfy and it's home. Along the way I explain when I got it and why. I'm not surprised when Hiro forces me to tell him how many times I've had to use the place in the last six months and I know he's pissed. Not just at Yuki for kicking me out that many times, but at me for not at least calling him. And for not telling him I even got my own place.

We get back to the living room and the tension caused by my new revelation is thick enough to choke on. I knew Hiro would have to find out about my apartment eventually, and I knew he wouldn't like that I kept it from him. But I guess I never really thought about how to explain it to him.

"I'm sorry Hiro. I just never thought it was that important." I say after a few minutes of silence.

"Not that important? Shuichi, you've always come to me before and suddenly just stopped. You let me think everything was fine when it wasn't. Did you think you couldn't talk to me anymore because I was married? We're supposed to be best friends damn it!"

"And we are Hiro. But I just… I realized I was relying on you too much. I wanted…no, I needed to be able to handle my problems myself for a while, grow up a little y'know? It's not that I didn't trust you anymore and yeah, part of me didn't want to interfere with you and Ayaka, but it's more than that."

He sighed slightly and I could see some of the anger leaving. He never could stay mad at me for long.

"I wish you'd have told me about this sooner. What if something had happened? No one would of known where to find you!"

Actually, I hadn't even thought about that. I guess that's why we're such good friends. We kind of think of what the other one doesn't. The next step under a married couple we use to joke.

"Well, I've always been an impulse shopper…"

He slugs my shoulder lightly. "Idiot."

I grin. Nope, never could stay mad at me. I watch Hiro, as he looks around a bit closer.

"You've really got this place decked out like home."

I shrug. "Well, it is home. Now."

I can feel Hiro's eyes on me as I take a drink of tea.

"What do you mean by that? Did you and Yuki…"

I nod. "For the most part. When he kicked me out Friday, I decided enough was enough."

"So you're not going back?"

"Nope."

"Really?"

"Really."

"Really really?"

I feel my eye twitch. "Yes Hiro. Really, really."

"Really, really, really?"

I slug him with a couch pillow and he starts laughing. I feel a bit lighter than I did this weekend. I may not be able to get love from Yuki, but I still need human interaction of some kind. Maybe I should have told Hiro sooner. At least he could have come over some of those times and horsed around with me. We keep trading punches and laughs until we're out of breath and Hiro sits up to look at me.

"You know. You don't seem too put off by all this."

I sigh. "Yeah. Sometimes I think maybe…maybe I haven't been in love with Yuki for a while now. Maybe I just didn't want to let go. I just couldn't give up."

Hiro snakes his arm around my shoulder and rests his head on mine. "When was the last time you cried over him Shuichi?"

I lean into the embrace and think for a few minutes. "About six months ago I think."

Hiro's arm tightens around me and his voice drops low. "I think it's about time you did."

And that's when the dam breaks.

I feel like shit after crying for two hours straight, but at least Hiro doesn't mind his shirt being wet. I'd been holding everything in, holding everything back for so long I let myself believe I didn't care anymore. I did care, it did still hurt; I just didn't want it to anymore. But I still stick by what I said to Hiro. I really don't think I love Yuki anymore. At least, not like I use to.

The entire situation is just too confusing. I was so sure, so positive before and now I only know one thing: I can't go back to the way things were. Whether or not I love Yuki is something I'm going to have to figure out for myself. In the mean time, I think it'll be a good chance for him to do the same about me. So I decide to stick by my decision. Hiro thinks it's a good choice and offers to spend the night. Having some company will definitely help so we rent some movies, order a pizza, and settle in for a night of goofing off, enough though we have to work tomorrow.

Hiro called Ayaka to let her know where he was, while I made kissy noises in the background and acted like a total jackass. I could hear her laughing on the other side even while Hiro was giving me dirty 'shut the hell up' looks. So I didn't stop until he hung up. Which, of course, ended up in another pillow fight. The whole night we acted like high school students again and it felt pretty good. No worries, no cares, nothing but two good friends and a lot of good memories.

We crawled into our respective sleeping places around midnight and I fell asleep almost instantly.

Sometimes it's good to just be a kid again.