Just Another Love Song
Beat 6: Truce

I do manage to wake up. Only the last week is not a dream like I'd hope. Actually I'm not quite sure where I'm at when I open my eyes. It's not my apartment and it's not Yuki's. So…

"Ahh, you're up."

I blink a few more times before the hazy figure coming towards my bed becomes clear.

"Mr. Seguchi?"

He smiles and hands me a glass of water, which I'm more than glad to take.

"With everything that's happened, I doubt you even noticed you were getting sick. You must really learn to take better care of yourself."

"Sick?"

Tohma nods. "You had a pretty high fever last night. I had a doctor examine you. You're at my place, by the way. I'm sure you were wondering."

Ahh, yes. Last night when I cried myself to sleep in Tohma's arms, I remember now. That was beyond weird. Maybe the last three years have softened him up? Or maybe I'm just too valuable to lose right now.

"I've already called K and informed him that you shall be having next week off. Bad Luck hasn't had a proper break in a while. I think it's time you all got some rest."

I smile a little. "Thank you Mr. Seguchi."

"Please, call me Tohma. After three years it seems silly to hang on to such formalities."

I nod. "Only if you'll call me Shuichi."

He smiles. "Very well, Shuichi. I won't fight this demand from you."

I grin. I must be delusional or the fever hasn't left yet. Either way, a truce with Tohma is all right by me.

"Now, get some rest. You can stay here as long as you like or go home. It's your choice. But I do hope you'll stay at least until your fever has gone down."

"Thank you, Tohma. I appreciate it."

"Not at all. Are you hungry?"

My stomach takes the opportunity to answer for me, giving a loud growl that makes Tohma laugh softly.

"I'll take that as a yes."

He heads towards the door, stopping once he reaches it to turn back to face me.

"Oh yes. Shuichi?"

"Yes?"

"You are not now, nor have you ever been, worthless."

I feel my mouth drop open as he leaves the room.

That was unexpected.

I actually have a pretty good idea as to why Tohma is acting the way he is. Yuki must be feeling guilty due to the things I said to him the other day and Tohma thinks we're better off together. So, he must be buttering me up in order to convince me to go back to Yuki.

Because, after all, what's best for Yuki is all that matters. Right?

It's the only logical thing I can think of right now. In three years Tohma has never, never done or said anything that could be even slightly mistaken as affection towards me. Is it any wonder I'm questioning his motives right now? I don't really care anymore. Right now I'm trying to figure out if what I said to Tohma last night was true or if it was just fever-induced ramblings. God I must be preoccupied to not realize I was sick. Of course, there was the whole sleeping until mid-afternoon thing, but I didn't even think about it. I was a bit stiff yesterday, come to think of it.

I really should start taking better care of myself. It's doesn't do good to want to be independent if you self-destruct a week into it.

By theafternoon Mika's been in here more times than I can count. Fortunately, the two of us have become a bit close in the past three years, so it hasn't been awkward having her fussing over me a bit. She likes to dote on people and I like the attention. We'd be closer if our ideas of what's best for Yuki didn't clash every once in awhile. But our feelings towards Yukiare what eventually caused us to become friends in the first place, so it's all right. I think she was yelling on the phone to him earlier. Something about 'not taking proper care of' something and 'driving' someone 'to the point of being physically sick.'

Dense as I may be sometimes, I can fill in the blanks with my name.

Actually, I found it ironic since a few years ago she was practically saying the same thing to me about Yuki. It's rather weird how things change without you realizing it. I must have fallen asleep at some point, since when I open my eyes nextit's night out. I glance at the clock by the bed and see it's almost midnight. I guess I'm staying the night then. It's a little late to be asking for a ride and too far to just walk. I sigh and get up to go to the bathroom.

God this place is huge! I think I'm lost now.

I see a set of stairs, which I know I didn't pass on my way to the bathroom. But there's a light on down there so I figure I'll pass some time and see if anyone's up. When I reach the bottom, I can just hear the voices coming from a room close by. Making my way over towards the doorway, I can finally make out who they are and what they're saying.

"You know I never approved of this relationship Eiri. But after three years even I must admit defeat. Shuichi has never given up on you and we can all see the difference he's made. He loves you Eiri, even now when he's questioning that fact, he still loves you. And he's a good man despite that. I'm only sorry that it took so long for me to see how much he really cares about you."

"Then why did he leave?"

I have to admit I'm a bit shocked. Not because Yuki's here, it's only natural that he'd go to Tohma to talk to. Well, eventually. More than likely Tohma brought him here to talk. What shocks me is Tohma. I guess I was wrong. He wasn't just trying to get us back together.

"This is up to you and Shuichi to figure out, Eiri. If you love him, and I know you do, then try to work this out. This is the first time he's ever wavered; show him you want this relationship to work just as much as he does."

"What if he-"

"When you ran Eiri, Shuichi followed. And every time he got you back. Now he's running and it's your turn to follow. It's all up to you now."

The two were silent for a few minutes, no doubt Yuki was thinking about what he was going to do next. I realized I should probably go back upstairs before they found me out and quietly crept away. It took a few minutes to relocate the bedroom I was using, but I finally managed. Everything looked so different at night. I didn't have this problem getting around this afternoon.

I had just gotten comfortable, having decided to put off thinking until the morning when I might hopefully feel better, when the door opened. I kept my eyes shut and feigned sleep, figuring it was Tohma or Mika doing a quick check up. I almost jumped when voices started whispering back and forth.

"I told you he was asleep."

"I know. I just wanted to see him."

I could hear someone coming closer and fought tooth and nail with myself not to open my eyes. I felt a hand cup my cheek and immediately knew it was Yuki. I leaned into the touch involuntarily; a small smile making it's way onto my lips before I could even think about it. Tohma's voice came from the other side of the bed. No doubt he wasn't comfortable with the thought of me possibly waking up while Yuki was touching me. He had promised earlier that he wouldn't force me to do anything and he wouldn't make me see Yuki unless I wanted to. I hadn't believe him then, but now I can't help but see he was being truthful.

"Eiri." He whispered. "We should go before he wakes up."

There was a pause, but Yuki's hand never left. Instead, he started to slowly stroke up and down my cheek lightly. Strange, but it felt really good to have him touch me. Maybe I do still love him. I seem to be jumping back and forth between loving him and hating him now. Might as well just go with what works at the moment.

"I do this every night." Yuki says softly. "Just watch him sleep. He always leans into my hand like that. Like he knows it's me."

"Eiri…"

"I don't know why I can't be who he wants me to be…"

"Eiri. Shuichi doesn't want you to be anything other than yourself."

I hear Yuki snort before he can stop himself. Both men are quiet for a few moments before they realize I'm not 'waking up'.

"Being myself is what pushed him away in the first place."

"But is the way you act really you, Eiri? Look at yourself right now. Tender, gentle, and loving. When he's awake you're cold as ice. Which are you? Which is the real you?"

The hand leaves and I want to whimper in protest. It's been over a week and even though I'm confused, I can readily admit that I do miss Yuki. I'm not sure about anything else concerning him, but I do miss him.

"I don't know." he says softly.

"Then figure that out, Eiri. Figure out who you really are. You need to as much as for Shuichi as you do for yourself."

Nothing else is said and I hear the two of them leave quietly. I have no idea what's going to happen next, not after a conversation like that.

But I can't help but feeling like I want to find out.