Just Another Love Song
Beat 11: Home

When things go really, really wrong there's only one possible person to go to.

Mom.

Sure I've always gone to Hiro and usually I'd have no problem going to him now, but somehow I just felt this overwhelming need to talk to my mom on this one.

She did marry my dad and from what I understand he wasn't exactly easy to put up with before he died.

Maybe I'd have an easier time with Yuki if I could remember putting up with him too.

Oh well.

My voice came back today, finally. I sat around the rest of the day yesterday, ignoring about twenty phone calls and opting instead to stay either in the bathroom submerged in hot water or lying in bed like a dead man. I think it helped somewhat. My throat's a little scratchy, but I feel a lot better than I have been, so I wasn't worried about making the trip out here while feeling utterly miserable.

Well I do, but it's not because of the cold.

Fortunately for me I have plenty of money, so getting a cab to drive me to the outskirts of Tokyo isn't hard. It's been a long time since I've had to take a cab this far though, so paying for it made me cringe.

Literally. Damn rip-off artists.

After the smiling con drives off, I stare up at the simple white house I grew up in - all right that I kind of grew up in. Mom bought it and moved to suburbia right after Maiko graduated high school.

Damn, come to think of it, I didn't grow up here at all. Creepy how you forget things like that.

Thankfully I don't have to deal with my sister now that she's off in Kyoto at college. I love her to death but Maiko is so fixated on Yuki and his books that I sometimes doubt that she can look at our relationship objectively. Most of the time she usually just says that I need to start 'being a man' and stop 'whining' about everything. I think she just likes to think of her brother dating her favorite author.

But I was a whiner, so I can't really say that for sure.

The sound of the front door opening snaps me out of my musings and I then realize that I've probably been standing here staring at my mom's house long enough that one of those creepy neighborhood watch ladies called her up and told her. I doubt they see some pink-haired kid staring at someone's house everyday, so I can't really blame them.

"Shuichi?"

I grin. I call her all the time, but it's always great to actually see her and talk to her in person. I should really get out here more often.

It doesn't take long for her to hustle me into the house, after nearly suffocating me with a hug and slathering my face with kisses, and I just have to poke around a little bit. Mom loves to redecorate and I haven't had a visit yet were I haven't found something new lying around. And I'm pretty sure that rack of Bad Luck CDs wasn't here the last time I stopped by.

I turn around and raise an eyebrow at her. "I thought singing was a waste of time?"

Mom smiles and shrugs her shoulders. "I'm only human and a mom wanting what's best for her children. You seemed to figure that out for yourself, though."

I can't help but snort. "Yeah well, all those little prodding conversation about being a 'nice successful business man with a nice little wife and children' talks were a bit wasted."

She grins and turns to the kitchen. We like teasing each other about different things like that. Mostly how she was wrong to discourage me from singing when I now make more money than most successful businessmen she can name off.

"Speaking of love interests, how's that boyfriend of yours?"

I follow her voice into the kitchen and sit down at the small table therein. I know mom was shocked, to say the least, to find out I was in love with another man but she's been nothing but supportive ever since. She's only met Yuki a few times and it's sad to say he didn't make the best impression with his attitude. But mom's long since stopped trying to tell me what to do.

"Given up and decided to give me grandchildren yet?"

I roll my eyes. But she does like to gently nudge every now and then.

"Actually I needed to ask you something."

"Oh?" she turns around and walks to the table, handing me a cup of tea as she sits down across from me. "What's that, snuggums?"

Snuggums. I almost forgot about that cute little nickname. Ugh.

"Um. Well…" Man, I came all this way to ask her this and now I can't get the damn words out of my mouth!

"You look like a pinball machine on 'tilt' Shuichi, spit it out already."

Geez, thanks mom.

"How do you know if you're really in love?"

There. Hope she's happy now.

I watch as she waves her hand like I just asked her about the weather. "Word association."

I blink. Rapidly. "Excuse me?"

She smiles, that odd motherly 'I know something and you're about to find out just how much more experienced I am' grin that always makes me wish I hadn't asked. She smiled like that when I asked where babies come from.

"It's easy, like a game. I say a word and you say the first thing that pops into your head."

Oh. Duh.

"Okay."

"Guitar."

Well that's easy. "Hiro."

"You can't think about it Shuichi, just say the first thing you think of. I'll go faster as we go."

I nod and she starts over.

"Strawberry."

"Pocky."

"Ryuichi."

"Idol."

"Hiro."

"Friend."

"Cold."

"Yuki."

"Boss."

"Tohma."

"Bastard."

"Yuki."

"Pervert."

"Tatsuha."

"Spring."

"Flower."

"Love."

"Yuki."

She stops and I think I'm staring at her like she's grown a second head. The amused expression on her face is leaning me that direction anyway.

"What?" I ask. "Just like that?"

Mom smiles around her tea, taking a sip before placing it down in front of her.

"Do things have to be so complicated or are we as humans just more likely to make them that way?"

I think I'm staring again. God, mom is really smart sometimes. All right, all the time really. But she's my mom so I guess I'm probably a bit bias.

"Now. Would you like to tell me what this was about?"

I sigh. This is going to be a long talk.

I'd thought that after more than an hour of listening to me bitch and moan, mom would have stopped me at some point and told me to 'grow up'. But it never happened. She listened the whole way through, interrupting only to ask a few questions on certain points and to get a better understanding of what I was saying. By the time I got up to yesterday and Yuki walking out on me, she'd grown pretty quiet.

"Well, I think we've pretty much established that you love the man. Don't shake your head at me young man. From everything you've told me it's as obvious as that pimple forming on your cheek."

I throw my hand up instinctively, searching my face for anything unusual.

"Got you."

Dear God, how did I live through puberty with this woman again?

"Funny mom, thanks."

"Well, you're being such a sourpuss. Honestly Shuichi, when you think of spending the rest of your life without Yuki, how do you feel?"

…With…out…Yuki?

"Alone."

"And that's exactly how I've felt every since your father died."

Oh.

"Actually, now that I think about it, Yuki sounds a lot like he was. Cold, almost emotionless sometimes."

I'm sure curiosity is pretty much plastered on my face. "Really?"

"Really. He was hard to get along with at first. There were quite a few times I almost left him. One time I did, right before you were born."

"What made you go back?"

"My mom did the same thing to me that I did to you. Word association. Once I started thinking about it some more, I realized that I really did love him. Not just for him on his good days, but for him on his bad as well. The good days may not have been as numerous as I would have liked, but they were all the more special to me because of that fact."

"I guess…I guess I never thought of it that way."

She nodded, finishing her tea and taking both our cups to the sink. "Mind you, I didn't put up with it. We bumped heads plenty over his attitude actually. But once he realized that I really did love him for him, he just naturally started to lighten up more. By the time that heart attack took him, he was like a whole other man."

I think my brain's getting overloaded now. There're so many things I haven't even thought about. I just kept seeing things from my point of view and how I felt; I never stopped to consider Yuki in this really. He acts the way he acts for a reason: Yuki Kitazawa.

"Here you go."

I shake out of thoughts and look up, a bit surprised to see mom holding my coat out to me.

"You're kicking me out?"

She grins as she leads me to the door and opens it.

"Same thing my mom did to me after we talked."

Pushing me outside, I hear her last words before the door shuts.

"Think of it as tradition, snuggums!"

Great. I need to go somewhere and think now, somewhere no one can find me for awhile so I can just get my head on straight.

Come to think of it, there's something I need to do, too. I whip out my cell phone and call a cab.

I know just what to do now.