The Horrible transformation of Doom
Aka Zim becomes Human
But first a word from the character Dib. Some things have come to his attention that he wants to rant…I mean speak about. Now Dib DO YOUR THING! (This means I don't have to write dialogue! He's just gonna rant! Score!)
The room is completely dark except for a single beam of light shining from some unseen light fixture. A boy with a rather large head steps out of the shadows and in the light. He clears his throat, "Erm. Excuse me! Excuse me! Hi, uh my name is Dib, Mothman to some of you. Okay. Let me just start by saying I've gotten used to it, mostly…the stuff you people put on the Internet. But the other day I came across not only a Dib suicide but also a Dib cutting himself while listening to Emo music and crying story! I know I can't say this on Nick but I'll say it on the net. What the hell?
"Look even if my schedule did permit enough time for me to gain an interest in music it sure wouldn't be Emo! I've got way too many things to do; I've no time to sit around crying about how miserable my life is. I mean I am way too busy protecting life to trying to take my own! Okay? I mean really!" He twitched a little, "And another thing!" before he could finish a purple claw wrapped around his middle and yanked him in to the darkness, "Yargh!" he screamed then fell silent.
A green skinned child looking being stepped in to the light, "Hello Earthworms! It is I, your beloved future ruler, ZIM!" he began to pace leaving the spot light every now and then. He began his ramble, "There has been a lot of FILTHY talk about the Dib and Zim. Or about The Dib's scary sister and me or a female calling herself "Mary Sue". They are all LIES!" he hissed turning his claws into fists, "LIES I SAY! Zim does not love and now finally, finally the filthy author of this story has gotten proof! PROOF I SAY!" he faced the darkness, "Filthy author! Tell them, tell them all!"
A simi squeaky voice in the darkness responded, "Stop calling me filthy! I just took a shower!"
"Hideous Author Girl! Do as Zim commands!" there was a sigh and in a monotone voice the author read, "Quote: If I were able to love, Mini Moose, I might love you! But I cant. End quote, excerpt from the unaired episode Nubs Of Doom, the introduction of Mini Moose."
"Good Writing Slave!" he complimented then shouted, "Now be gone!" there was a quiet thump, thump from sneakers hitting the tile floor as the writing slave went back to her computer. Zim turned back to face the reader, "Now Stink Monster, prepare yourself…prepare for a horror like no other…prepare for," Zim shuttered, "For the beloved Irken Zim, to become," he twitched, "A miserable filthy stinking dooky filled h-h-human." the spotlight faded.
Zim sat in his lab and sighed, "Oh look at them and their filthy joy!" he was watching several monitors where his classmates were frolicking. There was one of Gretchen skipping rope and laughing before her foot became entangled and she fell on her face. Slowly she raised her head revealing broken braces. He sighed again and looked at another monitor. Kids were holding hands and swaying, "We love being human, being human, being human, being human is great!" they sang, "Humanity, humanity, Yay humanity! Any alien would kill to become human, cause being human is fun! Yay!" Zim began to think, "Hmm. It would help my mission to become human. That way I would really look inconspicuous!" he hopped out of the chair and walked across the room and said, "Lucky I just invented this species changer machine this morning. Yup sure is a good thing."
It was a massive purple machine. Some of the wires were almost up to Zim's knee. There was a large computer console and all this lead up to the giant purple chamber with red bolts and stuff. Zim's finger flew over the keyboard and a picture appeared of a him and then one of a human the pictures slid over each other and Zim hit enter. Zim ran up the stair and hit the door close button. As the doors slid shut he heard someone, a girl shout, "Like NO!" but it was too late the doors slid shut completely. Smoke filled the chamber there was nothing they could do. Too late.
"OH GAWD, do I have a god? THE PAIN THE PAIN! THIS SHOULD NOT HURT SO MUCH! ARGHH!"
They stood with their hands on their hips with the ruffly pompoms clutched tightly. They shifted the weight lazily from right foot to left while listening to Zim screaming in agony.
Finally the doors slid open, smoke rolled out as some one fell out and then down the steps. He landed at the person's feet.
"That is horrific." They muttered. Zim was pale, pale like Dib. His, half open eyes were brown almost pink looking. He had short spiky hair with two spikes that seemed to stick out taller than any others, like antennas. The person kicked him and Zim bolted to his feet. Quickly he yanked off his glove and happily admired his new pale ass skin (yeah we're all so happy to see we look like an albino).
"Success!" he shouted, "I'm over come with feelings! Like I want to go find Zita or Gaz and have really retarded romance with them where I end up growing old with them and marrying them! Yes!"
"Gimme an N! Gimme an O! What's that spell? Hell NO!" said a perky yet sinister voice. The human Zim looked up at the person. It was cheerleader! She was tall and extremely thin. She wore bright pink shoes, loose white socks, a pink and black pleated skirt and a pink tee with a V over the right side of the chest. She had pure white eyes and long black pigtails.
"A cheerleader!" Zim asked half horrified, half wanting to get her phone number. He was after all, a human boy, which meant, he was an even bigger idiot.
"Nope, stupid! I'm Senor Satan!" he looked around. Satan? That was part of earth religion wasn't it, "Am I going to hell?" he asked confused. She shook her head, back and forth, "No but your putting the readers through it by becoming a human!" she thrust the pompoms together and cheered, "Stop, stop, stop! You've got to be a freaky stupid alien rah rah rah!" she jumped, "That's why they like you in the first place, if your human you'll be about as liked as Dib!" Zim's eyes grew huge in horror,
"Not as bad as the Dib!"
"Nope! Worse because you'll be o-so boring!"
"But what about a story where I marry Gaz or Zita?" Satan shook his head and giggled, "I think not. The majority of the time you end up having a gay marriage with Dib! Ew!" Zim stumbled back in the steps, "NO!" he shouted, "Not as a human!" his eyes couldn't get any bigger, "Not with Dib! Noo!" He ran up the stairs and in to the machine. The doors slid shut, "Rah, rah, rah! Someone's got to kill this fic once and for all!" the devil lifted his leg and brought it down hard on a big red button activating the machine.
"Well!" she said suddenly the perky girliness of her voice had disappeared. It was replaced with a cool, dark, smooth male's voice, "I best be going. Today is Pepito's birthday and I would not wish to miss it. There was a flash and it disappeared leaving no trace of evidence of his presence except for a soon to be extra terrestrial screaming in blood curdling pain.
"THE PAIN THE PAAAAIIIIIN!"
THE END…THE EEEENNNND!
Any way. I thought that was amusing. I've enjoyed not having to do romance for EVERY chapter. If you can think of another nonromantic story that makes you scream and shake the computer monitor than tell me. Oh and any other characters who can intervene. Alright review please! See ya in the next chapter!