Just Another Love Song
Beat 15: Just Another Love Song

Tohma pulls to the side of the road and puts the car in park. I stare out the window to the apartment building; Yuki's apartment building, with a mixed feeling of anticipation and dread. Once we were in the air Ryuichi took the liberty of calling everyone and their mother to let them know he had 'won'. I then spent several hours talking to Tohma, Mika, Hiro and a few other people I'm too tired to even remember right now. Thankfully not only was the plane fully stocked with food, but Ryuichi didn't bring me clothes that screamed 'come hither'.

Which was a bit of a surprise actually.

After a general consensus of 'you're a complete moron for taking off like that', everyone pretty much understood. Even though I wouldn't explain what exactly I did in New York. I think Tohma, at least, figured it out. Though he was none to pleased by my newly wrapped wrist.

Who needs a father? I've got Yuki's brother-in-law.

Hiro was a tougher nut to crack. He was really, really pissed about me hanging up on him and turning my phone off. But, like I said, he can never stay mad at me. Although I have the feeling that he'll be following me around like a shadow for the next few weeks.

At least, that's what he said.

"He's waiting for you, Shuichi."

I turn and face Tohma, giving him a small smile. It was a bit disconcerting that Yuki wasn't at the airport to meet us like everyone else was. But Tohma assured me that Yuki wanted to talk to me in private. I got the feeling he wasn't too happy about my little excursion either. But I love him. I know that now. After the last two weeks, it's about time he knows it too.

I take a deep breath and let it out before I open the door. After getting out, I turn around and bend over to face Tohma.

"Thank you, Tohma. For everything."

Tohma just smiles and makes a shoo-ing motion with his hand.

"Go on. I'll see you at NG in two days."

I've shut the door and he's already pulling out before that actually catches up to me. Two days? Extended vacation! Thank God. I need sleep. And Yuki. Steeling myself once again, I head upstairs hoping I didn't fuck everything up in the last few days.

The door was already cracked open when I get to Yuki's apartment. Obvious that he's expecting me to come on in, I do so, toeing my shoes off by the door.

"Yuki?"

I'm more than a little nervous. I don't doubt that he's pissed off about this. Hell, I would be too.

"In the living room."

I relax a bit as I head towards the sound of his voice. He doesn't sound pissed at least. Peeking around the corner, I see him sitting on the couch smoking a cigarette. I must have a made a noise or something because he looked up at me. Just like in my dream he looks like shit. Damn, maybe he really hasn't been eating or sleeping well. One more reason to kick myself in the ass later.

I walk further into the room and stop a few feet from the couch. Yuki's eyes follow me the whole way and actually it's kind of unnerving.

"I want to know exactly where you went and why. Don't leave anything out."

I can't help but raise an eyebrow, if not for the question, then for the unusually bitter tone in his voice. What in the hell did he think I did in New York? Damn…

So I tell him; everything from getting on the plane to go there to Ryuichi dragging me off in his private jet back home to Japan. Yuki's quiet through the whole thing, not even giving me a grunt here and there like he usually does. The silence that engulfs us when I finish is almost painful. I watch him stab his cigarette into the ashtray on the coffee table and I can't help but feel like I really did fuck everything up.

"Yuki, I-"

"Do you hate me?"

Well that was unexpected...

"What?"

I watch him stand up and walk towards me. He stops directly in front of me and asks again. "Do you hate me?"

"No Yuki, I-"

"Well, then, do you love me?" Yuki asks, cutting me off again.

"Yes. I do."

"You want to be with me, right?"

I stare at him for a few minutes before I realize what he's doing. He's asking me the same questions I asked him a few days ago. I can't help but smile.

"Absolutely." I answer.

"How?" He asks.

"In all ways."

I can see the beginnings of a smile tugging at the corner of his lip. Yuki pauses for a few seconds, obviously trying to get his traitorous facial muscles under control before he plows on.

"Why does having a relationship with me scare you?"

I pause for a second. I'm choking on my own Goddamn question here! I squeeze my eyes shut, already cursing myself for even thinking about crying. A few seconds go by before a light touch against my cheek causes me to open my eyes again. Yuki's thumb brushes the liquid from my cheek before he leans down to touch our foreheads together.

"Why does having a relationship with me scare you, Shuichi?" he whispers.

"Because I-"

Stupid mouth, work!

I finally answer, annoyed that my voice sounds so small and weak in the silence.

"Because I don't want to lose you."

Leaning down further, Yuki brushes his lips against mine. It's a small kiss, sweet and caring; it's far too short. He leans back, his hand still cupping my face.

"The last question is all yours." He says.

I blink. He's going to answer it this time?

"Are you-"

Crap. At this rate I might as well write it down again. Okay, breathe Shuichi. It's just a question damn it!

"Are you afraid I'm going to hurt you?"

"Yes and no." he says quietly.

All right, that's half of it. It's a fair answer considering there's risk in anything you do. Gathering what wit I have left about me, I push on to the second half.

"Or are you afraid you'll hurt me, just like he did you?"

Yuki freezes when I finish and I'm afraid he's going to walk out again. I don't know if he's ready to even go this far into this yet or not…

"Yes."

I can feel my eyes going wide.

"I never want to hurt you Shuichi, not like that. Not ever. But that's exactly what I've been doing, isn't it? I never wanted to be like him, to be Yuki. I thought if I pushed everyone away I'd never get the chance to do that; to-"

I can tell this is hurting him to get out. God, the last thing I want is to push him back into the hospital again. I don't think I could survive worrying about him like that again.

"Yuki, you don't have to-"

"Yes." He says, interrupting me for the umpteenth time. "I do."

Sighing slightly he takes my hand and pulls me over to the couch. I sit down next to him and wait. I may have mega reserves of energy, but even I can be patient when I really want to.

"Shuichi, do you know why I asked you your own questions?"

I can't help but shake my head. Sometimes I understand what he's getting at, sometimes I don't. But if I understood him all the time, he wouldn't be Yuki. That doesn't really make a lot of sense, come to think of it, but I know what I mean.

"It's because I knew how you'd answer them." He tells me. "I'm like your reflection; I show all the same things, but only you can put them into words."

I can feel more tears starting to form, but at this point I could care less.

"I don't hate you. I want to be with you. In all ways. And I never, ever want to lose you."

Despite the fact that he skipped one answer, I can't help but smile. He doesn't have to say it. I don't need to hear it anymore.

"I love you, Shindou Shuichi."

But it is nice…. I think my heart just stopped though. Before I realize it he wraps his arms around me and pulls me into an embrace. It takes several minutes before I can make myself stop crying; I never thought I'd hear those words from Yuki. As I calm down, I become aware of Yuki's hand rubbing up and down my back and a very gentle rocking motion that's starting to lull me to sleep. Pulling back slightly, I managed to work my way into his lap, straddling one leg on either side of his own and pressing my face into his chest. Much better.

"I can't promise you we'll never fight." He says before lightly kissing the top of my head. "I can't promise that things will change over night. I can't promise that I'll ever be able to get over my past."

Yuki takes my shoulders in his hands and pulls me back to look me in the eyes.

"But I can promise you this." He whispers, another smile tugging at his lips. "So long as you can stand me, I promise that I will try."

I'm sure I'm grinning like an idiot now, but I can't help it. Throwing my arms around his neck I push our lips together in a much deeper and more satisfying kiss. There's no tension, no expectation; just us. We break apart after a few minutes and just enjoy the feel of each other again. It doesn't take long before we start talking; nothing emotional or important, just small talk. Every once in awhile he'd kiss me, or me him; it was nothing like our normal behavior. For the first time I actually felt like we were a 'couple'; and I could see Yuki was trying hard to learn more about me, about us. Just as I was about him. As we continue to re-acquaint ourselves with one another, I can't help but come to an understanding.

This is exactly what I wanted all along.

Not fancy words. Not long confessions or declarations of love. No deep explanations of a tortured past or unraveling of the mysteries of ourselves.

Sure, that's all nice. But what I have with Yuki is something more than that. It's something more than words can really describe. Its arguments and tears, apologizes and laughter, sorrow and hope. All the good things in life and the bad.

This is all I need.

Just Yuki.

Just us.

Breaking apart and coming together; I guess we're fated to be just another love song.

But I can live with that.

So long as he's always by my side.