Chapter 3 Draco Darling
Thingy: I don't any of the stuff. Yeah yeah. Oh yes it's called a disclaimer!
Author Note: WOW! Sorry I took so long. Summer went to fast now I'm back in school! It's all a crazy crazy world. Harry Potter has come out and such. Sorta ruins the whole stuff. Just imagine certain people aren't dead! Obviously this chapter is all about Draco because an overwelming amount wanted him. So without a further a do the reviewer thanks:
Gwenevere, Queen of Slytherin- Excellent idea as it is what I planned on doing. Great minds think alike.
FlairVerona- When I get back to Snape I shall consider using that. Yes Michael Jackson is very fun to make fun of.
j752572- DAVID BOWIE! I shall try to work him in next time. Glad you liked Olaf.
Itwasmyidea- Firenze… that would be intersting :maniacle laughter:
iWILLmarryDanielRadcliffe- I'm thinking Ron next chapter and feel free to write letter.
Crimson Blood Dressed- I shall keep that in mind when I get myself to write to dear Dumbles.
the-book-dragon- I also find mosquito and police officers annoying.
Ali- Alas sorry for my lack of inflatable carrots. They shall be a guest star sometime!
SuspiciousHick- Yipee! OC bashing. But alas I must postpone that until next chapter. Sorry. Hopefully this works just as well.
Aria327- Yes Mary I know you love the OC but I don't. Luckily you can read this chapter and not cringe. Good luck with your novel.
LameyDovey- Draco seems to be a favorite so your wish is my command.
suckr4romance- Tis fine but if you are suddenly struck with the Arrow of Idea and do not die feel free to write a letter.
Mary'sMinion22- Yipee! Those big giant mansions get very cold and boring. Do liven it up in the summer! Yes the tamborine thing made me giggle too
Person with way too much time- 450! Good job. I haven't been able to verify these findings because I'm lacking the proper tools ( a tootsie pop).
RachelTheStrange- Count Olaf rules! Thank you for the nicenss.
Lisa- Glad you figured it out. I am quite crazy. Just don't put me back in the white jacket!
EnchantedBlood- GENIUS! I'm a genius! It must be the apocolypse! Thank you for the extremely high praise! I like you.
iWILLmarryDanielRadcliffe- Projects are evil. Anywhat looks like Ron next chapter so write in a letter!
thehpgang- I think the One Tree Hill bashing was a high point in my life.
Blonk- Thanks for the compliments and sorry for the looong delay.
Lisa- I pride myself on my insanity.
Xox-Rachelle-oxo- Thank you. Count Olaf is quite fun
Lady Sonora The Balck Rose- Blippety bloop
Phishy2- Exactly my thinking!
Marie Teerensky- FREAKY!
Ellieo- AUSTRALIAN! Cool I love you just for that!
Just because I said so- Good my intention
3harry0potter5fan- I like your creative use of numbers
Hyper Pearl Girl- You msut be hyper to review 3 times!
Thank you all who reviewed ! I feel sooooo SPECIAL! Like that. In the review please write a letter or email me them. Also! Vote for who you want next: Ron or Dumbledore!
Also great thanks to PhoenixPlume for writing a letter! Here is your cookie ()…. It's oval alright?
Your Humble Author,
The Pink Flamingo
Chapter 3 Draco Darling
Dear Puff-the-Magic-Dragon,
I have often wondered why you think you are so evil. To be evil and intimidate people, you must play the role. The baby blonde hair just doesn't suit your supposed evil motives. You should get red contacts and have some plastic surgery to make your fingers longer. Long fingers make you look like you have spidery hands, and we all know spiders are creepy--I mean creepy to people like Harry Potter. After the surgery, practice cackling maniacally for ten minutes every day and wrinkling your nose at your parents (maybe they'll abandon you, so you can go murder them later, which will increase your Evilness Points). In a few years, maybe you'll be as good as me, erm, I mean Lord Voldemort. Maybe I'll, I mean, His Darkness, will even deign to call you a passable Lord Voldemort Wannabe.
Bad to the bone,
Tom M. Riddle
Dear Mr. Riddle Me This,
First off I am going to discuss your horrendous taste in names. Let's start with your name first shall we? Tom Riddle. What a common Muggle name. I'm sure the M. stands for something ridiculous like Mark or Marvolo. Marvolo is such a funny name. Anyway as for Puff the Magic Dragon…. What sort of name is that? A magic dragon named Puff. Oh how original right there. That's so cutesy it could even be made into a song…or a drug.
Why do I think I am so evil? Because. I. Am. Hasn't the whole I-Hate-Harry-Potter-And-Am-In-Slytherin thing tip you off? No? Me hating all Mudbloods. Still no? Come on. I'm a big bully! I create drama in Harry Potter's life! Get with it. I'm evil enough for the Boy Who Got Lucky so I think that makes me quite evil.
Now for your remarks about my looks. My so-called "baby blonde" hair is very evil indeed! Makes me look albino to a point. All albinos are creepy. Plus all the vampire shows have all the very evil bloodsucking vampires being BLONDE. Last time I checked vampires were pretty scary! Ok maybe not as scary as Carrot Top but still they are pretty creepy with the fangs. Now red contacts. There is the whole albino thing going again. Red is very stereotypical. All eye colors can be very scary just look at Tom Cruise. That guy is crazy! How do you know that I have short fingers? I could have very long ones! They never mention it in the book. Besides I wouldn't go into surgery because A. I don't believe in modification of the body you live in and B. I have no clue what plastic surgery is.
Now I will address the common misconception of cackling maniacally. Really it's not all it's cut out to be. Sure it's good here and there but it gets old very fast. I try to vary my routine by playing some evil music or giving an evil glare. Laughing maniacally is a classic but to cliché for use all the time. I use it sparingly.
Ok. Wrinkling your nose has nothing evil about it. Really. The only reason would be if I had to sneeze or was trying out for Bewitched…. not that I know anything about that! Anyway, I already have quite enough Evilness Points without the abandonment by my parents and sub sequential murder of them. Usually such clichés are left for the protagonist of the story.
Perhaps one day I shall equal the greatness of the Dark Lord. As of now I am a Death Eater in-training. Now I am done answering your letter you Muggle. Now why don't you go work on a fun anagram for your name?
Sneerily yours,
Draco
Dear Draco Poo,
U r so hawt! OMG I just want to gobble u all up. U trying to be evil makes me lmao. I know you are a deep sensitive guy and probably take long bubble baths with ur rubber ducky Herbert. I would 3 to know more about u though! Sort of like ur autobiography only a lot shorter b/c those get really boring after a while. Anyway, me and my bff we just was waz uping each otha when i came up w/ this idea to rite a letter to u about how AWESOME and HAWT u r. Just so u know. Anywayz, I was justa thinkin wat iz it like at Hoggywarts? R there random hawgs running around? Y is it called Hoggywarts? Ive never read the books b4 because they are sooooo long! I just watch the movies cuz of all the cuties in it!
Now I want 2 no all bout you Draco Poo. Have u ever visited Canada? They have such a cool flag! I wish i lived in Canada. They have loons! Ok so wat is your favorite food? I like pizza a hole lot! Do u really have an English accent? Accents r so cool! I no a guy who is almost as hawt as you. His name is Jon and he is from New England which is sorta like england but newer! Do u no him? I like him butt not as much as u! Ok last ?. Do u like chocolate chip cookies and dancing the Macarena? Thanx for responding cutie!
An Endearing, Adorable Person,
Cynthia P. Age 11
Dear Cynthia P. Age the Second,
What's with you Muggles and odd names? Draco Poo? I am certainly no one's poo. I don't even tan so I have no resemblance with poo! Then there is your name! Anybody with the word second at the end of his or her name is funny. HAHA! I mock your name.
MOCK IT!
Anyway. I can't even read your letter… are you sure that's English? Look there is a whole dictionary of slang, how useful. Now let's see… yes. I was right all along. YOU ARE A MORON! Yes that is in all caps. Apparently that equates to shouting in some way.
Now to first address your hotness comment. I totally agree. I am fabulous aren't I? I am quite evil! There is no doubt…. Slytherin. Come on! Ok about the rubber duckie! Nobody has rubber duckies anymore! No, purple penguins named Humphrey are much more stylish.
Ok it is HOGwarts. I do not know why it is called that nor should I care. Why nor go ask that Mudblood? I also agree with your assessment of the books being to long and boring. I see my part diminishing each book and Potter's incessant whining continuing on. It's so annoying! The school is not filled with pigs unless you count Weasley as one… I would.
I have never been to Canada and I do not intend to though they do have a leaf on their flag, which is rather cool, in an evil sort of way of course. Yes I am quite sure Canada is filled with loons, both the birds and the people. Now my favorite food is pie. Yes just plain old pie. It's rather sinister. It's very easy to burn a pie and make it HORRIBLE! Now I do have an accent but I don't notice it. New England is not better than England. I know nobody from New England nor do I intend to. The Macarena? What the deuce? I'm much more an Electric Slide…. I mean an evil wizard person!
Now go fawn away with the rest of my adoring fans
Draco
Author Note: First off I LOVE CANDA! Don't be offended please! Hehe. I just couldn't resist. Second off I know there is only 2 letters. Sorry. I'll finish Draco another time. My brain is just dead and such. Now vote!
DUMBLEDORE OR RON!
Thanks everyone! Sorry for the wait aaaaaand the very short amount of letters.