Here comes the next bit...

Monday May 9th

8:40 am

Overslept only a little...okay alot. Stocking. Skirt. Blouse. Lippy. Hair. Foundation.

8:55 am

Up the hill to Jas'.
Run, run. Pant, pant.
Jas was standing at her gate looking very miffed indeed.
"Late again." She said.
I didn't justify that with an answer. Stupid Huffyknickers.
Up the hill more to school.
Run, run. Pant, pant.

9:05 am

Hawkeye alert!
"Georgia and Jasmine, you are late." She said in a very Hawkyeish voice.
"Sorry Ms. Heaton." Jas put on a sweet fake smile and fluttered her eyelashes.
"Oh alright, head into assembly Jasmine. Georgia you have detention."
WHAT? This is unfair, unjust, un...er...nice
"I am dreadfully sorry as well, Ms. Heaton." And I smiled my real smile. Tongue not behind teeth and nose flaring like mad.
"Detention." She said more firmly. "Now get to assembly."
"Yes." I grumbled. Never again would I smile with authenticosity, it only caused trouble.
Also, how am I supposed to attract any sex gods when I smile like that? A gorgey foxwood boy, though it is very rare to find a good looking one, could walk by and see my nose throwing caution to the wind and tell all his sex god mates about it (my nose not the wind).

r.e.

2:00 pm

Ms. Wilson is so clueless it is actually quite funny. In class Ellen proved her theory of being able to curl her hair in the middle of Ms. Wilsons lecture on safe sex.
Rosie sent me a note,

Do you think people know about Sven and I?

I wrote back,

No. Only the fab five I'm sure.
By-the-by, 10 on the snogging scale can now also be referred to as 'Rosie and Sven level'

She gave me the special cross-eyed look of approval and laughed.

Soon I had recieved a note from Katie Steadman,

Is it true you were closet snogging with Masimo?

Oh mondieu.

Uh...where did you hear that?

Jas told me at lunch break.

Of course, I should have known that it would be broadcasted all over school by now compliments of Radio Jas.

So is it true?

No. Now please leave me alone, I'm trying to listen to this lecture.

She only looked at me and laughed.
Is it so hard to believe that I would like to pay attention in a class?

3:30 pm

Walking home with the ace gang.
"Jas did you tell Katie Steadman about you and Masimo?"
I asked once the others had left us.
"Yes is there a problem with that?"
Ugh. She is so unbelieveably daft sometimes!
I walked away from her and finished the walk home alone.

6:00 pm

Jas rang.
"Georgia I'm sorry."
I didn't answer her. Prat.
"I didn't think that you wouldn't want it told."
"Did you tell about Rosie and Sven?"
"Thats different."
"How?"
"Thats much more...private than closet snogging."
"It's still my business Jas!" And I hung up on Wise woman of the woods. Who is she to go and broadcast my closet snogging session with Masimo over Radio Jas? Even if it isn't true.

Wednesday May 11th

7:00 pm

At stalag 14 today Wet Lindsay came up to me. She looked especially wet today, and especially angry.
"Keep your hands off my boyfriend." She said.
"How can I keep them off if theyve never been on?"
"I've heard the rumors...you're a cheap little lady of the night."
Hahahahahahahahahahaha Lady of the night!

Thursday May 12th

3:30 pm

Decided to forgive Jas as wedown the hill from school. But only because I had an item of sheer desperadoes to discuss with her.
"What am I going to do?"
"About what?"
"Hamburgeragogo land?"
"Uh..."
"Italiano Pratioisn't there! And that was the only point I wanted to go."
"Well..."
"Should I ask my parents if I can stay?"
"Mabye..."
"I mean do you think they'd say yes?"
"Georgia can I get a word in?
Pfft. Who was she to talk? This was probably the first time I've ever gotten a proper sentance in without Jas interupting me about Hunky or veggies or twigs.
"Fine. What do you have to say?"
"I think you should go for vacation. It's only a month."
I gave her my best disaproving look.
"Fine! You asked for my advice and I gave it to you! Do what you want!"
"Wouldn't you miss me, Jassyknickers?" I put my arm round her shoulder.
"Get off me, lezzie!"
"Oh Jas, you know you love me." I made kissing noises in her ear.
"Ahhh."
"What would you do without me?"
"Lead a normal life."

Out front

5:00 pm

Took Angus and Gordy (and Libby) for a walk on their leeshes. Gordy is getting bigger and bigger every moment now.
"Bad boy! Take us to the fire hydrant-have to pee!"
"Libbs, I'll take you back inside to use the toilet like a human."
"NO! Hydrant!"
And so I took the three loons to the fire hydrant and Libby pulled down her pants, lifted her leg and began to pee. Sadly she is not a dog and is not able to pee on fire hydrants without peeing on herself as well.
Then-OH NO!-Italiano Pratio came around the corner on his scooter.
"Ciao." He said, he looked serious.
"Ciao." I answered back.
He looked briefly at Libby, shook his head and laughed, then became serious again.
Good grief.
"Georgia, have you been telling people we...how you say...snogged?"
"NO!" I blurted.
"Because Lindsay will not talk to me. She says that people at school are saying this."
I gave him my most appalled look (also remembering to suck in my nostrils)
"I can't believe you would even think I would start a rumor like that! Ciao." And I walked away with my nose in the air and shoulders hunched (in pride...er)

6:00 pm

Rang Jas.
"Jas?"
"Yes?"
"Guess who I just ran into?"
"Masimo."
I was suprised for a moment she guessed correctly so soon.
"Yes. And he acused me of starting a rumor about me and him snogging!"
"Well...you did." She said.
Oh thank you very much, fruit and veg queen.
"Did you really do seven and a half with Masimo?" She aske suddenly.
"...No."
"Then who with?"
Should I tell her? Could I trust her after the last Radio Jas incident?
"Dave the Laugh." I admitted.
Silence.
"Jas?"
"Yes?"
"Where have you gone?"
"No where."
"Then how come you are not speaking?"
"Because I don't want to speak to a backstabber."
I hung up on her.

10:00 pm

Decided to ask the ancients if I could stay while they go to Hamburgeragogo.
Its almost 99.9999 certain that their answer will be no. But a girl of my charm could persuade them...(not)

"Mutti?"
"Mmhmm?" She was trying to put Libby in her jimjams, trying.
"I was wondering...if...mabye...I didn't go to Hamburgeragogo."
She stopped dressing Libby and looked at me in a looking at me kind of way.
Silence.
"Well...?"
"That might not be a bad idea."
WHAT! I wanted to yell. But I stay in a state of calmosity.
"Gordy is still just a kitty, he will need looking after. You are 16 afterall, and are...er...sort of responsible..."
I resent that.
"And it would be nice to have a vacation just me and your father."
"What about Libbs?"
"She could stay with Aunt Kath. She is coming here for a visit and is stopping by for our going away party on friday. She could take Libby home with her."
I tried not to look too hopeful, if I did she would for surely take this away from me.
"Tell you what...I will discuss it with your father."
"Thank you Mutti. I will show you that I am a very responsible young woman full with sophisticosity and all that jazz..." And I kissed her on the cheek.

10:15 pm

YESSSSSSSSSSS!
Three weeks in the house-ALONE! No ancients, no Libby! No loons in a loon pack popping round at every moment (ie. Uncle Eddie and 'the lads')

10:30 pm

I can hear mutti and vati downstairs arguing.
"Wouldn't it be nice to have a vacation to ourselves, honey?" Mutti said.
I pictured myself with a giant # 1 finger and a sports jersey sitting in a crowd cheering,
"GO MUTTI!"
"She cannot stay alone for a month!"
"We can shorten the vacation to two weeks."
"Thats not nearly long enough to go to a whole nother continent."
"Well then three weeks. C'mon, Bob, think about it."
"lets get it onnnnn." I heard Libby sing downstairs and tried very very hard not to laugh.
And failed.
"She is not responsible enough. She is a sixteen year old girl. All she cares about is makeup and boys and friends. Can she really be trusted to manage a household for three weeks?"
"She is a young woman now."
"She is a child. An irresponsible child."
Cheers. Thanks Dad.

Friday May 13th

8:00 am

YESSSS! Fabbity Fab! Double cool with knobs!
Mutti finally convinced Vati and I am going to have the house to myself for THREE WEEKS!

"You have to promise us no parties while we're gone." Dad said over breakfast.
"I promise." I said.

8:10 am

Think of the fab parties I can throw!

9:00am

Told the girls the good news in assembly.
"That's amazing, Gee! Think of all the parties!" Rosie exclaimed.
"Just what I was thinking." I said.

Blodge

1:00 pm

Said hello to Rover my pickled vole friend. I told him the good news.
"Three weeks alone, Rover! Is that not the fabbiest new you heard all your life?"
He bobbed around a little in his jar and I figured that meant yes.

4:00 pm

The fly in the ointment is that tonight Mutti and Vati are throwing a going away party at our house and that means the loons will soon be arriving. Including-erlack-Cousin James.
If he tries his incestual moves on me I will be forced to kill him.
Mutti said I could invite a friend.
I thought of Jas.
But then...I should invitea friend who could be intimidating to James.
Jas would be able to bore even him to death, but not beat him up. Which is sad because he has the strength of a sickly hamster.
Then I thought of Dave the L. He had scared Mark big gob so much once that he had come to apologize personally for the basooma incident.

4:30 pm

Rang Dave.
"Dave?"
"Hey, sexy. Whats up?"
"I was wondering if you would like to come round for a party at my house."
"Ooer, you just cant get enough of me can you? Alright, let me do my lip excercises first."
Haha. He is such a laugh. And very groovy looking. But a friend only. A friend with benifits?
"Well, this isn't that sort of party. Its a going away party for my parents and my mutti said I could invite a friend."
"Oh. Where are your parents going?"
"Hamburgeragogoland."
"Oh yes...you're going too arn't you?"
"No! Not anymore!"
"Alright, I have something to do at home. Can I come round at 8?"
"Sure." But I wondered how I would keep James off of me for three hours.
"See you then sex kitty."

5:00 pm

Uncle Eddie and 'the lads' arrived. Along with Aunt Kath, Grandpa and a few of Muttis short skirt clad friends.
It was a crime to humanity for people so old to be wearing such provacative clothing.
I looked at mutti with a miserable expression.
"Dont worry, Gee, James will be here soon. Then you can have fun."
If only you knew Mutti. If only you knew.

5:15 pm

Cousin James arrived. The first thing he did when he walked in was lick his lips at me.
Erlack a pongoes.
He has gotten incredibly spotty and greasy. Triple ew.
"Hey Georgie!" He said. "We are going to have fun!"
Lord Buddha save me.

Mutti told us to go up to my room and find something to do,
For once in my life I wanted to stay and chat with uncle eddie and even...grandpa.
Chatting with the criminally insane is much better than incest.

6:00 pm

Oh no.
The second we entered my room James asked to play tickly bears.
"No." I said.
"Please."
"We're too old, James."
"No we're not. You're never too old for tickly bears."
"NO!" And I took out a magazine. Mabye if I ignore-voused him, he would go away.
But he came at me anyway and began to tickle me.
"Leave me alone James."
Tickle. Tickle. Tickle. Laugh. Laugh. Laugh. "Leave me alone". "Leave me alone". "Leave me alone".
Then he did the most horrifying thing. He rested his hand on my left nunga!
Merde.
I jumped away as fast as possible.
My nungas were getting out of hand. They attract too many unwanted people such as cousins, mimes and math oberfurhers/part time lesbians.
"Don't touch me James!"
"It was a mistake, my hand slipped."
HAHAHAHA-yeah right.
After that he turned off the lights and we played chase in the dark. I only agreed to this game because I knew that if I found a good hiding place he would never be able tofind me in the dark. I hid in my closet, behind my old Sex god shrine.

6:15 pm

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
I am scarred for life! I am traumitized! I am going to be ruined and have to be shipped off to a loony house to live with grandpa!
James kissed me! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
After a long time of searching the room he came into the closet and somehow found my mouth. He put it on mine and even tried to stick his tongue in my mouth-erlack!
I shoved him off and ran out of my room. Now I am hiding in the airing cupboard.
"Georgia!" He yelled.
"Georgia come out!"

7:00pm

I came out when I was sure James was downstairs. It smelled of dust and Libbys pooey knickers in there. Probably because it was Libbys favourite hiding place as well.
I wentback into my room and shut the door.
I wish I had a lock.
Would itbe so much for my parents to buy me a lock?

7:30 pm

So bored.There is alot of noise and music coming from downstairs and I can hear Libby singing, 'Lets get it onnnnnnn." To all our guests downstairs. How nice. Mabye James will think its a come on and move on to his other cousin.
Erlack! Incest and Pedephilia!
I want to go downstairs as it is incredibly boring up here. But I have no choice as James will be down there. So I just have to wait here until Dave shows up in half an hour.

7:45 pm

Forced to do German homework.
At least my traumatized mind was able to take a break as Ireminded myself of Herr Kamyers pasty legs and tartan socks!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Then I remembered the horny cousin downstairs and stopped laughing.
I wonder if our children would have problems like three eyes andtwo toes or something?
SHUT UP BRAIN-SHUT UP!

8:00 pm

FINALLY Dave the L. Arrived.
"Hi gorgeous." He said, as I answered the door. He handed me a big bouquet of flowers.
How sweet.
"Thank you so much Dave, theyre beautiful."
"So are you. Is all your family in there?"
"Pretty much. Even my incestuous cousin."
"Incestuous cousin?"
I told him the story.
"Erlack! Do you want me to tell him off?"
"No...but...you could. You know, mabye..." I was dithering like Ellen for gods sakes.
"...Pretend to be your boyfriend?"
"Yes."
"Sure. As long as I can come in, its quite nippy noodles out here."

We walked into the front room and everyone looked over.
"Who is this lad Georgia?" Uncle Eddie asked.
"This is Dave." I said to everyone, smirking at James who was glaring at Dave.
"Hi Dave, how are you doing?" Mutti asked, her face was a little red. Oh great, a drunk mutti was on the way.
I sat down beside cousin James on the sofa.
"Georgia, Im sorry about earlier but-"
Dave sat in between me and James, put his arm around me and then turned to James and smiled smugly.
James back off looking angry.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Fantastic. I love you Dave!...er...in a friendly way (I think).

9:00 pm

Mutti suggested the three of us go up to my room. I was a little nervous, Dave had never seen my room. Before I let them up I quickly ran up and checked that nothing embarassing was out and about. Such as knickers, sanitary towels or Libbys pooey things.
"So this is your room." Dave said, looking around and smiling.
"Ive been in it many times." James blurted.
"Well of course you would have because you are her cousin." He put alot of emphasis on the word cousin and I thought I could kiss him (Dave not James).
And I did.
While James sat in the corner I took Dave onto my bed and began snogging, we didn't go past 4 (kiss lasting for three minutes without taking a breath.) because my disgusting cousin was there. I just wanted to make a point. Not give him a porno.

9:10 pm

James left!
HAHAHAHAHAHA. YESSS!
"Thanks so much, Dave."
"No prob."
Silence.
"Wanna snog?" He asked.
"Ok."
And snog we did. Snog we did indeed.

1:00 am

The ancients friends and family (including cousin james thank god) have all left. And so has Dave. Tonight turned out to be really nice.
I got up to 8 on the snogging scale! (Upper body fondling-indoor in bed)
And I may add another level to the scale. Dave didn't just snog my mouth. He snogged my shoulders, neck, ear lobe, forehead and on my collar bone whatsit. I would add that as 8 and a half but I don't know what to name it. Let me sleep on it.

1:45 pm

I've got it! Body snogging. Its perfect.

Saturday May 14th

11:30am

Rang Jas.
"Hello?"
"Jas?"
"Gee?"
"I had Dave the laughround last night."
"Why?"
"To intimidate my disgusticamus incestual cousin."
"Oh yes."
"And..."
"...and what?"
"And we snogged."
Silence.
"Jas?"
"What?"
"Don't be mad...I know, I know. I'm a backstabber. But Ellen should be over Dave by now, it wasalmost asquillion years ago!"
"Not that long, we wouldn't be alive."
Honestly, sometimes she is so dim.
"ANYWAY,I've added a new number to the snogging scale."
"Another one? You just added 7 1/2."
"I know, I know. But I just keep getting suprised.Boys are suprising."
"I guess...Ok what is it?"
"8 1/2, Body snogging."
"Ooer...sounds cool."
"It was. He snogged my neck, shoulders, collar bone whatsit, forehead etc..."
"Woah."
"So, spread the word to the ace gang."
"Okay-wait!"
"What?"
"What am I going to tell them? Theyre going to want to know how you came up with this one. Should I say Masimo again?"
"No! You got me into trouble with that one."
"You shouldnt've said it in the first place."
"Jas?"
"Shut up."
"Fine." Oh no, here comes Huffyknickers.
"Just tell them you and Tom did 8 1/2."
"NO!"
"Why not?"
"Cause I'm not a lady of the night!"
I hung up on her.

12:00 pm

So Jassyknickers thinks I'm a 'lady of the night' eh? Hmpf. Lady of the night, shes become as much of a drip as Lindsay. I'm going to start calling her 'Wet Jas.'
Or 'Wet knickers.' Yes thats a good one.

12:45 pm

I snuggled into bed again and got a nasty suprise. Apparently Libby ate something that didnt settle with her well last night andI have a pukey-bed now. Fanbloodytastic.

5:00 pm

Emergency snogging scale update:
(1) Holding Hands
(2) Arm around
(3) Good-night kiss
(4) Kiss lasting for 3 minutes without a breath.
(5) Open-mouth kissing
(6) Tongues
(6 1/4) Lip Nibbling
(6 1/2) Ear Snogging
(7) Upper body fondling-Outdoors
(7 1/2) Closet Snogging
(8) Upper body fondling-Indoors (in bed)
(8 1/2) Body snogging
(9) Below waist activity (b.w.a) and
(10) The full monty (ie. Rosie & Sven)

Hey I hope you liked it!
Review if you did!
More coming soon!