A/N: I know it's been a super long time since I last updated, but I haven't given up on you guys! I've just been updating my other story, Ich Will, and focusing on my very important school grades!
For the disclaimer, please read chapter one!
In spite of not having anything to sign or to kill the previous night, Integra was absolutely floored with paperwork. Killing things was fine with her, but paperwork was what worried her.
A certain red marking on one of her letters caught her eye over the tower of paperwork and she grasped quickly, gritting her teeth together tightly and screaming a very common curse word that shook the very house.
"BASTARDS!"
Down three floors below Integra's office, Alucard suddenly awoke, snorted, propelled himself forward, and hit the lid of his coffin. He decided it would be best to not trouble his master and to just fall back to sleep.
Walter was humming a cheerful tune and sipping his morning tea whilst looking at the daily newspaper when Integra's curse startled him.
Drake was happily jumping up and down on Integra's bedroom singing, "Five monkeys jumping on Lady's Bed! One fell off and bumped his head!" Before he coincidentally fell off when the house shook and bumped his own head.
Seras and Pip sighed happily; glad to be back home from Paris when the house shook. Pip side stepped over and "accidentally" groped Seras, receiving a very painful smack. The next minute, a cursing Walter with a big wet spot in front of his pants ran up the stairs and disappeared into Sir Integra's office.
Seras and Pip sighed before saying, "It's good to be back."
Later…
In the Afternoon…
About Tea Time…
"ISCARIOT! THOSE DAMN CATHOLICS!"
(It's always about Iscariot these days…)
Walter had a fresh change of pants on and was calmly listening to Integra's rambling, "WHY ON EARTH ARE THEY ASKING ME FOR PERMISSION TO COME INTO ENGLAND? THEY'LL DO COME HERE WHETHER I WANT THEM TO OR NOT! AND I DON'T WANT THEM HERE AT ALL!"
Her butler cleared his throat before asking, "Why do they want to come here, Sir Integra?"
Integra fell silent, "I haven't read the rest of the letter…"
Walter kindly grabbed the letter, cleared his throat once more and read out loud,
"Dear Lady Integra,
We find it highly appropriate to ask of you a simple favor and those is for my leagues and myself to journey into England and have a simple vacation with my daughter. We thought it best if someone such as yourself, who knows everything there is to know about England, to be kind enough as to give us a grand tour of all the attractions. I request a simple reply of yes or no, either way; we'll still come and bug the hell out of you.
Your Lover, err, Friend,
Enrico Judith Eliza Ross Tempus Mark Luke John Maxwell
Or
Honey
Or
Sweet Heart
Or
Kitten
Or…"
"AH HA! I KNEW THEY'D COME ANYWAYS AND---WHAAA?" Integra snatched away the letter and read and reread it several times before screaming once more, "ENRICO HAS A DAUGHTER?"
"What a coinkydink," Walter murmured.
Integra continued to shout and scream when Drake walked in. The room went quiet and Walter gazed at the teary eyed boy, "Something wrong, Lord Drake?"
The woman brushed past Walter and gripped the boy tightly, "Walter, call Dr…whichadigit…don't know his name any more! AHHH! The world is coming to an end!"
Drake tugged gently at Integra's sleeve and she returned her attention to him, "I hit my head…"
Walter was already dialing for the doctor when Alucard phased through the floors with a wide grin, "And what were you doing to get hit?"
Drake hesitated before whispering, "Lady's bed did it…"
Integra's eyes widened, "Alucard…"
Alucard's grin grew.
"Alucard…"
Alucard, slightly confused, moved closer to his master.
"Alucard…"
Alucard, more paranoid, tapped his foot impatiently.
"…Al…u…card…" Integra giggled slightly, pronouncing his name slowly, before snapping out of her doze and screaming random things.
The most clear of her screams was, "SEARCH AND DESTORY! SEARCH AND DESTROY!"
Alucard stared questioningly at Walter, who smiled grimly, "I spiked her tea…she should fall asleep in just about…five…four…three…two…"
Suddenly, Integra dropped to the floor. Drake became alarmed and started shouting incoherent words, before running into Alucard before he too passed out.
"That was…odd…why'd you spike Master's tea?" Alucard questioned.
"I figured she needs it to get some sleep," Walter replied.
"Why?"
Walter coughed slightly, "Drake kept her up for the first hour by repeatedly saying he has to go potty when he really didn't then said he saw dead people, and then he started drooling and acting like the swamp thing…"
Alucard glared daggers at the boy who stirred slightly.
"Shall I continue to call Dr. Trevaltie?"
"No, let's watch the little brat die in a slow…painful…agonizing…death," Alucard grinned and poked Drake with his gun.
Walter called immediately for the doctors when the door burst open and three men stepped in.
"I am Dr. Seward!" chirped one man.
"I am Dr. Van Helsing!" chirped the middle.
"And I am Dr. Trevaltie!" The last one shouted.
They broke out in dance and a short song, before Alucard shot Drs'. Abraham Van Helsing and Seward.
"What was that for?" Walter cried out, "I paid them to do that!"
"Yeah, well, it's close enough to revenge as I'm gonna get!" Alucard snapped back.
Dr. Trevaltie looked slightly pale, but other than that, unfazed by the vampire's actions, "Okay, who's the patient?"
Walter pointed to Drake.
"Ah…well apparently Sir Integra has an obsession with tea and will die of cancer in two months," Dr. Trevaltie declared.
"That's unexpected, but the butler meant the little boy not my…" Dr. Trevaltie's words hit Alucard like stupid kid playing on a rail road, "WHAT? MASTER HAS AN OBSESSION WITH TEA?"
"WHAT? SIR INTEGRA HAS CANCER?" Walter screamed, pushing Alucard away.
"I believe so," Dr. Trevaltie sniffed and pulled out a hankie, "I will mourn for her loss! She was such a good kid, actually, she was a bitch her whole life but…" he stared nervously at the gun aimed directly at him, "she'll always be my favorite patient?" the Jackal slowly lowered.
Drake had just woken up and yawned.
Walter sniffed, "Can…can you please check Lord Drake out?"
Dr. Trevaltie smiled, "Sure! Oh sure!"
He yanked Drake forward by the hair and started digging through his hair, pulling out a bug and eating it. Finally, he found a certain area on the kid's head and looked up, "He fell off the bed by singing, "Five monkey's jumping up on Lady's bed, one fell off and bumped his head."
"How do you know that?" Walter asked.
"All kids do it…" Dr. Trevaltie narrowed his eyes and looked around anxiously.
Alucard sighed before slapping himself.
"Well, I must be off! People to see, things to kill, you know!" Dr. Trevaltie stepped up to Sir Integra's desk before dropping a knife, "I'll leave this here so that she can have her very own suicidal weapon!"
He left the room hastily. Alucard waited a few minutes before grabbing the knife off of Integra's desk and throwing it out the window. He grinned when moments later a male scream pierced the air.
"You are just full of hatred today, aren't you?" Walter stated.
"Yep," Alucard scooped Integra into his arms and left Walter to attend to Drake.
He happily hummed to the dozing woman in his arms, even though she was dieing of cancer.
"Oh yes, you'll be mine won't you my pretty?" Alucard chuckled happily before noticing Seras and the dim witted human running up the stairs.
"Master! What's wrong with Sir Integra?" Seras squeaked.
"Master! What's wrong with Sir Integra?" Alucard imitated in a girlish voice, "NOTHING! LEAVE ME BE!" He attempted to phase through a wall, but ended up dropping Integra. "Damn humans." He muttered before picking her up, jumping over the railing and running away.
"Ze vampire is bloody paranoid," Pip mumbled.
"Shh! He can read your thoughts!" Seras hissed.
The next second, "I'LL KILL YOU WHEN YOU DREAM TONIGHT YOU FRENCH BASTARD!"
Pip went wide eyed and Seras became aware of the fact that he soiled himself.
It was quiet…too quiet.
Integra opened one of her dark blue eyes to see nothing but darkness. Below her was something soft and fuzzy, making her groan. "Stupid vampire," she muttered before falling back to sleep, grasping whatever the soft thing was.
Drake, with a band aid of his head for whatever reason is unknown to the author, was seated in Hellsing's kitchen, eating Cheerios and watching the tele when Alucard's familiars gathered together in a corner. But the child paid them no mind.
He swore silently and turned off the tele, receiving a cry from the boy.
"Now that I have your attention," Alucard started off, seating himself across from Drake, "let's get something clear!"
Drake moved his bowl towards the vampire, "Cheerio? They lower you chocolate!"
"That's cholesterol, you dummy!" Alucard snapped, "And I don't eat human food."
Drake scowled and grabbed back his bowl of cereal almost possessively.
"I don't like you, and you don't like me, right?" Alucard said, folding his hands neatly over the other.
"I like you, Mr. Alucard," Drake stated.
"I don't care! SHUT UP AND LET ME FINISH!" Alucard slammed his hands down on the table in a very Integra like way. Drake sat in silence.
"Alright, you think that you can have "Lady" all to yourself, don't you? But didn't the police teach you it was nice to share!" he screamed.
"Uh, no," Drake shook his head. "What are you talking about?"
"But she is mine!" he went on,"And I will have her by the end of two months, you spoiled brat! In the mean time, I will let you enjoy her presence and I'll accept the fact that she has adopted you as her ward and heir to Hellsing, but you cannot touch her! NO TOUCHY!"
Drake was very confused, but he still listened.
"And you may not call her "Mommy" or whatever you human turds call their mothers! She is not your biological parent and never will be! So "Lady" and "Sir Integra" is fine! AND DON'T CALL HER TEGRA OR TEGGY! I WILL MURDER YOU IF YOU DO! And Master is my nickname for her, so it's off limits for you! Do I make myself clear?"
Drake nodded.
"Great! Now that we have resolved that, we can now solve the rest of our problems by acts of violence!" Alucard disappeared leaving behind a very, very, scared Drake.
Seras was walking through the dungeons of Hellsing when she noticed the door to Alucard's room left ajar. She curiously went into the room and saw his coffin in the middle of the room with his chair and table behind it.
"I've always wondered what Master's coffin looks like from the inside," Seras said aloud. She smiled and opened up the coffin.
Her smile slowly disappeared when she saw Sir Integra in a night shirt and boxers clinging to a teddy bear that had one eye missing.
"S-SIR INTEGRA!" She screamed.
Immediately, Integra woke up. The frightened vampire backed away, covering her eyes hastily, "I-I NEVER SAW ANYTHING! I SWEAR!" She was gone before Integra could blink.
"What's her problem?" Integra asked to no one.
Alucard appeared beside her, "I don't know. The Police Girl has many, many problems."
The two exchanged looks before Alucard stated, "Oh, so you found Winnie?"
"Winnie?" Integra asked, before noticing the teddy bear she clung to, "Oh? This old thing?"
Alucard practically screamed, "Winnie isn't an old "thing"!" He grabbed it and hissed.
Integra rolled her eyes, "Right…why am I in your coffin, servant?"
Alucard seated himself beside her in his coffin, getting comfortable, "Dr. Trevaltie says you have an obsession with tea and you're going to die of cancer in two months."
Integra grew pale and almost fainted.
"So I'm going to make your last days the best ones in your life! See, my last days were miserable and I had to put up with Turkish scum invading my territory and the last thing I saw was a stupid assassinator who killed my beloved Elisabetha," Alucard feigned a sob.
"That's…lovely," Integra whispered.
"You look pale, my dear? Is something the matter?" Alucard asked nicely.
"Alucard, I'm going to die and you're acting as if…oh…wait…that's exactly how you're acting…" Integra thought for a moment, before saying, "You're happy that I'm dieing!"
"Not exactly happy…I wanted to wait a few years before turning you, but I suppose it can't be helped," he sighed.
Integra grabbed him, slapped him, and screamed, "I REFUSE TO BECOME A VAMPIRE!"
"I love it when you're abusive, Master," Alucard inhaled her scent briefly before releasing a sigh.
She screamed out her frustration and left Alucard and Winnie to return to her office.
"Yes, you love her too, don't you Winnie? It's okay…she'll be ours soon enough…" Alucard stroked Winnie gently, a Cheshire grin spreading across his face.
To Be Continued…
Next time: Alucard has a fight with Winnie, Drake FINALLY gets to be told about what the Hellsing business is, and Walter finally trades off a tissue for an episode preview. Thank you very much, Walter!
Walter: YOU STOLE MY TISSUE! AND THAT WASN'T AN EPISODE PREVIEW!