(same day)
11:30 am

Ohmigiddygodstrousers. My parents just had a talk with me, the talk. I am traumatized. Will I ever be the same? Never. Georgia has left the building.

It was a moment of pure traumosity.

Mutti and Vati sat me down and Vati had a twenty minute long nervy b about Dave being in my bed. I swear my parents do not trust me, I told them at least a thousand times that nothing happened but they didn't seem to believe me until they got so tired of arguing they gave in.

Then, the talk, reared its ugly head. The ancients spent quite a bit talking about girly parts and boy-y parts and what your supposed to do with them.
Then I made a casual joke, and quelle supris (not), they didn't find it funny or "appropriate".

I clapped my hands over my face and exclaimed, "Thats what happens? What happened to the stork?"

They obviously did not understand the hilariosity of it all and so I explained to them,

"I know that the two of you are incurably old and therefore it must be hard for you to pick up on things, butI'm sixteen going on seventeen in a few months. Even Libby knows what sex really is, she sees enough of the pornographic lives of you two."

Then Mutti began blabbering on about how much her daughter had grown and how they still think of little old moi as a child sometimes when really I was poised on the brink of womanhood and yadda yadda yadda.

Anywho, I made a quick escape from the madness and dashed back up to my room and now I'm lying in my bed of pain trying to blank out everything they just said to me from my mind.

11:45 am

Mmmmm, my bed smells yummy scrumboes like Dave the laugh. I shall never wash these sheets again...unless Libby happens to bring in some pooey knickers or what not, which she undoubtably will.

8:00 pm

I was just about to put on a mask and lie down for some beauty sleep when Mutti entered my lurrrrve beaudoire...excellent (not).

"I'm sorry we yelled at you this morning, Gee, it's just that we were worried. Any decent parent would be worried if they found a strange boy in their daughters bed."

"Dave isn't strange...well...for the most part."

"You know what I mean. And well, a girl at your age...you have to be...well...uh, you know, careful...you know this right?"

I nodded like a nodding head thinger-ma-jigger.

"And if you want Dave to sleep over, It's fine with me...just as long as we know that nothing-er-risque is going on."

I snorted. Risque. hadihahahahaha.

There was a moment of awkward silence and I thought it was the the perfect opportunity for one of my witty jokes,

"Mutti, if letting Dave sleep over more means that I will have less scuba diving barbies andhaggus in my bed then I am certain he will be staying every night."

This turned her face immediatly white.

"Er-I'm joking."

"Oh, er-good-I mean, ok. Yeah. Uh...So well, your father wanted me to come tell you that Dave is invited over for tea after you get home from school one day this week. How about Wednesday?"

OhbloodyNo.

"Uh...that sounds-er-fine, Mutti."

She smiled, "Good. Goodnight sweetheart."

"S'later."

11:47 pm

What am I going to doooooooooooooooo? I have fallen into a pit of DOOM!

Tuesday May 31st

r.e.

I looked for Dave the L. after school all yesterday and couldn't find him. He may be avoiding me after that moment of severe disastrosity.

r.e. is bloody boring. Miss Wilson is so into our production of McDuff that shes paying even less attention than usual to the class, I mean it. The Bummer twins are at the back having a fag and Nauseating P. Green has her hamster, Prince Oliver IIII, out on her desk and he is scampering around while astonishly dim monica watches and giggles. It is quite amusing.

All the while the fabs and me are passing our fabbity fab notes,

Jools wrote, So you havn't found Dave yet? Poor bloke...he doesnt know whats going to be waiting for him wednesday...

I wrote, I know what's going to be waiting for him; El beardo in a Ach-aye-land kilt and possibly his legalet ears, and Mutti in her American flag skirt and matching haulter top...

Rosie wrote, Yes...indeed, poor bloke.

Ellen wrote, So...Dave slept over at your house hmm?

Honestly, this is the fifth time shes asked me this.

I wrote back, Yes yes and squillion times yes, he slept over. What is the big deal?

Jas wrote, If i say it you will be mad at me again.

I wrote back, What are you going to say Jas.

Jas, Nothing.I told you I'm not saying.

I wrote back, Well, I'm angry with you for not telling me now, Jas so there.

Mabs wrote, Oh brother.

That about summed it all up.

3:15 pm

Walking home with the fabs, I ignored Jas with all the power I possessed.

We were in the middle of talking about mascara or something or other when I spotted Dave, he was hiding behind a bush. I saw the top of his head just hovering there, thinking it was well hidden.

"You lot go ahead, I found Dave."

"Oooer." They all said and walked on.

"Dave!" I yelled but he jumped like a jumpy thing and hid more. What in the name of Satans speedo was he doing?

"Dave!" I yelled again but he stayed hidden, I chased after the little minxo and cornered him.

"What are you doing hiding from me?"

"Uhh...nothing." He said, "I'm more hiding from your Vati."

I burst out laughing like a laughing loon.

"What?" He asked.

"I'm sorry..." I panted through laughter, "It's just I can't picture anyone actually being scared of my vati. You should know all about his ways by now."

"I guess," He said, and he too began to laugh. The two of us laughed like laughy things until we forgot what we were laughing about and went snogging on a park bench.

Just then Mark big gob walked by, joy unbounded. Hewas oggling us like an agog gog...

He actually looked scared of me, or perhaps he was afraid of Dave. Mabye if it hadn't of been for Dave here he would have gotten revenge on me for my feminist rampage at the park a while ago. I saw him then walk off into the distance still watching us agog. He was probably off to one of his new midget girlfriends.

Dave walked me home when it was beginning to get dark, but insisted on dropping me off a few houses away from mine as to avoid the Vati factor.
We were about to say goodbye when I asked him about tea tommorow.

"What?" He jumped.

"Please, Dave, you know that I of all people do not want you anywhere near El beardo, Loon handmaiden and the sex bum, but they asked me and if you don't come It'll all be my fault. Please. Do it for me."

A cheeky look came over his face, "What will you do for me?"

"Something nice..." We are such a minx/minxo couple!

"Oh, fine then..."

My girly charms succeed again!

We hugged goodbye and as we did his hands slipped down onto my bum, I think he is more of a minxo then I am a minx...which is saying something.

Wednesday June 1st

Geoggers

Cannot be bothered to learn about osama-a-go-go land right now because I am much too worried about tonight. Jas gave me what she must have thought was a caring look, I'm still angry with her.

3:15 pm

The fabs and me were walking home when I found Dave.

"You ready?" I asked, linking arms with him. He looked white and looked like he had not slept in a squillion hours.

"Dave, if your going to be sick on my new boots, I must warn you I will be forced to kill you."

He gave me a dirty look and didn't open his mouth. Oh nice, I'm trying to be responsible and warn him ahead of time and this is the thanks I get.

"Dave are you alright?"

He nodded, "Yeah I'm fine, Gee. Just...nervous."

"Tell me about it, I'm nervous everytime I see my parents and I live with them." I said, trying with desperosity to lighten the mood. He laughed a little bit.

Rosie suggested that all us girls and Dave should do a round of 'Lets go down to the disco' for good luck.

Dave seemed to be back to his old self when he was animatedly disco dancing with us.

10:00 pm

Holy knickers on a hot day!...Dave only just went home. And my parents "discussion" part with him only lasted half an hour. The loon leader sat across the couch from Dave and twirled his el beardo in a way which he thought must have looked menacing. It didn't, it looked like my vati twirling his el beardo trying to look menacing, thats what it really looked like.
Dave was really jittery and nervous at first and kept looking at me to make sure hewassayingeverything right.
But eventually he calmed down and mutti brought him a fizzy drink and they all began talking about the Beatles.

10:05 pm

Yes, the Beatles.

10:07 pm

I didn't know Dave was in to the Beatles, but I guess being his girly partner I'll be learning loaods of new things about him.

10:10 pm

Oh god. This means that Dave is going to learn loads about me as well. I must go hide my old nose hammock.

11:00 pm

I am wearing the nose hammock again, I was just about to take it outside where I have a pile of my old embarrassing things ready to be burned when I decided that I should try it on again, for old times sakes.

11:02 pm

After all my nose is getting quite out of hand, it sort of droops over my upper lip, I think. I asked Jas this and she saidI was mad and quite stupid. Cheers, thank Jas.

11:30 pm

Gathered up all the old an embarassing including: Nose hammock, calvin and hobbes poster, boy toy of the month calendar that Rosie gave me for my 15th as a joke (though you never know with her do you?), my old baby blanket and my former-sex god shrine. (I also found a few of Libbs' pooey knickers that I thought were too "used" to be washed so I'm burning them as well)

11:45 pm

I've started the fire in the backyard a safe distance away from Vati's "shed" where he does "DIY", although if it did burn down it wouldn'tbe that much of a shame would it?
Its quite nice and toasty around the fire. I really hope it doesnt wake the ancients though.

3:00 am

The shed burnt down. The entire thing was up in flames! I was running for my life, and the the ancients with their super human parental smelling powers came out and mutti screamed and ran to call the fire department. Soon the whole neighbourhood including the fabs were huddled in their jim jams around my house watching, as was Dave the L, Mark big gob, Spotty Norman, Hunky, Tim the foxwood prat, and...erlack...the former sex god, Robbie.

The fabs came over to me at a run,
"Gee, are you alright?" Yelled Rosie running over to hug me.
"Yes, I'm fine...its just my vati's shed, its not like its a terrible loss anyway."
"What were you doing?" Jas asked, "The fire chief just told the crowd that he found a load of half burnt knickers and a half burnt boy toy of the month calendar, he couldn't tell what the rest of the stuff was."
Oh great, where is this fire chief? He should be expelled from the fire brigade immediately, now everyone in the neighbourhood is going to think I was doing some sort of ritual burning or something.
"I was burning everything embarassing in my room so that Dave would never find it in a h & h snogging session."
They were all oggling me, I pushed past them and went towards the crowd to Dave.

"Hey kitty, what happened?" He asked.
"I was burning stuff and..."
"-Are you a pyro?" Spotty Norman (wrongly) felt it was his time to interject.
"No, spot-I mean-Norman, I am not a pyro whatever the whatsit that is."
"It's when your obsessed with fire." Said Robbie from the other side of the line the boys had formed.
Cor, he looked groovy and yummy scrumboes and all that jazz in his jim jams. They were the button up kind and he had left the last two buttons undone in a casual way...mmmmmm.
NO! I will not think of the former sex god, he is old news. Dave the laugh is the only one for me from this moment forward.

3:05 am

He just ran his hands through his hair...his gorgey porgey hair.

4:00 am

Everyones gone home by now except for the fabs and Dave. He's such a cutie, sacrifice his own beauty sleep to make sure that his poor Gee is safe and sound. He's a proper boy, not like the former sex god who left me to snog sheep and maori women. Grrr.

I had hoped that he would have gone away and be ravaged by a rogue bore like my vati almost did and come back with a deformed face, but he didn't. If anything, he looked better.

Anywho, musn't get side-tracked. I was cuddling with Dave whilst Jools, Rosie, Mabs, and Jas rambled on and on about the fire and Ellen watched Dave and I silently. SHE HAS BRENDEN FOR GOD SAKES!

4:15 am

The fabs and Dave have gone home now as well because we all have school tommorow. I was alone now with my parents, who would undoubtably be slaughtering me in a moment.
They stood sternly infront of me, trying to look menacing AGAIN, and failing AGAIN ha! I could not take vati seriously when he was wearing his tartan jim jams and matching sleeping cap with a tassle on the end.

5:30am

Mutti and Vati had a stern yelling at me for almost an hour. They told me I was grounded to my room until stalag 14 got out for summeron the 15th andI was to not see my friends outside of school and no Dave the laugh until then. Then they sent me up to my bed of pain and told me to sleep, but I can't because of the events of tonight and the fact that I have to be up in an hour and a half anyways.

I cant believe I'm grounded until the end of stalag 14! That's two weeks! Two weeks without Dave the laughand the fabs and everyone! I wonder if my "mates" will all forget about me and Dave the laugh will decide he can't wait for me that long and go off nib libbling with Ellen the dith.

This all started with my vati, dave and the beatles. Damn you Vati. Damn you Dave. Damn you John. Damn you George. Damn you Paul. And you too Ringo, don't think I'd forget about you.

Authors note:

Hey! Sorry for the wait, end of the year exams -groan-. I'm gonna post another chapter soon, mabye even tonight if your all good little children and eat your spinach.