Daylight Day

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Hey everyone, just wanted to say thank you sooo much for your ace reviews. You're all so nice and write long feedback. Love you! There will be one more chapter after this and then no more! Sorry. If you want to bug me about writing follow up chapters to 'Tolliver's Class' that might work. Or tell me off for not finishing my huge, long Kandy fic – I need a kick up the butt to get that finished! But I definitely will do the last chapter of this quickly…the other fics may be a while coming – dumb coursework and I have to start preparing for uni interviews – I got one letter yesterday! Is it normal to be scared already?)

OK will stop babbling. I guess this scene is after the golfing bit in 'The Blaze of Glory.'

Ch1 – night end of 'The Mallpisode'…Ch2 – next morning in 'TBOG'…Ch3/4/5 – that day/night

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The phone rang mid-morning in Kirsten's office. Three argumentative investors had just left and she sank down in her chair with a sigh to answer it.

'Hey baby.'
Sandy's voice travelled down the line and immediately made her feel a little better. Not the inherent comfort that was usual, but something.

'Hi, what's going on?'

Her tone wasn't exactly suspicious but there was a note of wariness.

He never used to need an excuse to phone his wife, and for the thousandth time Sandy cursed himself for doing this to her, to them.

'Just calling to say hi,' he said nonchalantly, 'see how your morning's going, ask what you want for dinner, tell you…tell you…I love you.'

There was silence on the other end of the line and Sandy bit his lip. 'I haven't said that enough recently, I know that and I'm sorry.'

'I know,' Kirsten said at last. 'I love you too.'

His sigh of relief was audible and Kirsten took a deep breath before asking, 'H-how about lunch?'

He smiled. Lunch sounded great.

'Yeah, it sounds stupid but I miss you.'

'Same here. I want…need to see you…this morning…' she trailed off, not sure how to explain.

'This morning…' Sandy echoed, 'and now…'

She didn't need to explain. He felt it too.

This morning everything had seemed simple, ok. Now, not being face to face it made things feel less certain somehow.

Kirsten needed to see him when he said 'I miss you'.

Sandy needed to see the 'I love you' written across his face.

Looking in someone's eyes was how you knew; hearing it on the phone wasn't the same.

'Do you…' he began to ask.

She knew what he was going to say. 'No, why don't you come over here?'

Sandy's office was the last place she felt like going right now.

Rebecca's face haunted the place, haunted her.

'Yeah; good idea,' Sandy agreed. 'Need to get out of this office. Any requests?'

The conversation felt too normal, they were sliding almost effortlessly into routine and as much as she missed it, Kirsten wasn't sure she was comfortable with that yet.

How could anything be normal when you were talking to your husband who may or may not have cheated on you?

He didn't cheat.

The thought was forced.

He loves you.

How much?

'Kirsten?'

'Um…anything's good,' she said quickly, suddenly desperate to get off the phone. 'See you at one.'

Dial tone.
Kirsten was gone.

'Oh hello Sanford,' Caleb said jauntily, striding into Kirsten's office with a pile of files. 'See you're distracting my daughter again.'

'Just making sure she eats between being overworked,' Sandy quipped back.

His father-in-law looked concerned for a moment. 'I'm not am I Kiki?' he asked abruptly.

'What?'

'Overworking you?'

'No, it's fine dad, honest. Don't worry about me.'

'Well, as long as you're alright.'

'Yeah, keeping busy is the best thing; stops me thinking,' she added in an undertone.

Caleb glanced at Sandy and then back at his daughter. 'He's sorry you know,' he told her as he left.

They were left open-mouthed.

'Well,' Kirsten said at last, 'that was unexpected. My dad taking your side? I wonder if he's feeling ok.'

'As much as he hates me, he knows how much I love you.'

'Still…'how comes this gentle concord in the world?'' she quoted.

'Perhaps he's mellowing in his old age; nothing like a heart-attack to put things in perspective! Plus we did spend a lot of time over the weekend having heart-to-hearts, not something I ever expected to do with your father.'

'Yeah you told me. Dad was upset about Lindsay, you were upset about Rebecca.'

'I never said that.'

'You said you were upset.'

'But not…ok I can't lie to you; I was upset about her leaving but...'

'No 'buts' Sandy, you were upset about Rebecca, that's all I need to know.'

'Kirsten. That was part of it but not all. I was upset about you, about us. Angry I'd let you down, upset you, hurt you, made you doubt how much I love you.'

Kirsten twisted her fingers in her lap as Sandy continued.

'I've lived without her for twenty years but it was like losing her all over again. I miss her, but I miss you more. I miss the connection we used to have, our 'moments', your smile. I miss my wife. I miss my Kirsten.'

Sandy's voice was hollow, his eyes earnest.

'I'm still here,' Kirsten said quietly, 'You were the one who wasn't.'

He deserved that comment.

It was true.

And he hated it.

'I was upset about your ring too. The irony that it felt like our marriage was crumbling, the symbol of it lost.'

She swallowed nervously; it hadn't occurred to her that Sandy would think that deeply about it.

Or had she wanted him to? Wasn't that what she wanted?

Him to notice, realise something was wrong between them.

Know that she wouldn't just lose her rings. They weren't her most expensive piece of jewellery, but they were the most important, most precious, most loved.

It meant something that he noticed their absence, spent all day searching for them.
That was the point wasn't it?

She didn't know.

She hadn't noticed that though.

She'd run off to the office; her favourite hiding place.
She hadn't stayed home and tried to work things out, spend some time with Sandy now Rebecca was gone.

Sandy reached out and took her hand, his thumb running over the metal bands that adorned her fourth finger.

How naked her finger had looked without them.

How strange it had been not to have them there.

'I'm glad you found them.'

She couldn't keep eye-contact, dropping her head to get away from his penetrating gaze.

'Me too.'

'Who'd have thought they'd be behind some cushions?'

'Mmmhmm.'

Her own lie sounded false to her ears.

Did he know? Suspect? He was a lawyer after all; he could detect a lie from a hundred paces. Seth bewailed the fact daily.

Plus she was a terrible liar.

'You know,' he continued, his eyes focussed on the ring, 'if-if you didn't lose them…'

Shit.

'I mean, you did, but just say you didn't, if there was some other reason…I understand.'

'Sandy, I-'

'I'm not saying…anything, just…I haven't deserved to have you wear my rings the past couple of days, so I think I know why they were lost.'

'But…'

'But hey, you found them.'

'Yeah…I found them, and we'll find our groove,'

'God I hope so,' he said, holding her tight for a moment. 'I gotta go but I'll see you at home tonight.'

Tonight.

They had the rest of the day to get through yet.

Julie found Kirsten in her office early that evening. She was obviously putting off going home. 'How are things?' she asked quietly. Anyone could see Kirsten wasn't herself and after the revelations of that drunken afternoon Julie was worried about her.

Being worried about someone other than herself or her reputation; a mean feat for Julie Cooper Nichol.

'Oh,' the blonde woman said, surprised by the author of the question. 'Things are…things are…how's Marissa?'

'Still gay if that's what you're asking. But you weren't, you were just getting out of answering my question.'

'Guilty as charged.'

'Still bad?'

'No, not exactly,' Kirsten conceded. 'It's just…hard.'

'But you're talking again right?'

'Yeah, this morning and then he came over for lunch.'

'Well that's good right.'

'I-I don't know. Feels…strange, us being like this.'

'What's he said about it?'

'Nothing happened, he's sorry, he loves me.'

'Do you believe him?'

'On which count?'

'Any, whichever matters most. If you believe the last two, the first should be a given.'

Kirsten nodded. 'I trust him.'

'Sounds like you're trying to convince yourself.'

'At some point you've got to trust the other person, that's what love is. It just isn't the greatest assurance.'

'He's half of 'Sandy-and-Kirsten', he has to be telling the truth; can't have my moral centre slipping.'

That raised a half-smile.

'Go home,' Julie told her. 'Go home, get drunk and have wild, rampant sex,' that'll solve all your problems, trust me.'

The older woman looked somewhat horrified. 'Right Julie, thanks for the tip but I think I'll stick with just heading home.'

'I'm not fighting about this Kirsten,' he said loudly.

She smiled coyly, 'Oh you're not are you?'

'No. I don't want to do this. You said you didn't want to fight, I don't either.'

'I didn't mean we couldn't argue over take-out.'

They were stood in the kitchen, close together in the limited space between counter and sink.

Close, close enough to be touching.

It felt good to be so close.

It felt good to be fighting over something so trivial and stupid, not have to shut doors and lower their voices.

It felt good to know they were both joking.

Both on the same page again.

Mock fights, real making up.

They were at that point when the boys came in.

'Ew! Excessive and unnecessary tongue action way too close to my Moo Shu Pork,' Seth complained.

Ryan just lowered his eyes, a smile playing at the corners of his mouth, and grabbed a plate.

No awkward silences at the dinner table tonight.

Still wasn't perfect though.

With one eye on his two oblivious sons, Sandy continued to eat using the fork in his left while his right slid cautiously beneath the table to caress his wife's leg.

Kirsten jumped about a mile, hands flailing and toppling her wine glass so it spilt across the table and into Sandy's plate.

'Sorry,' she said, shooting Sandy an apologetic glance as she hastily righted the glass.

'No worries; I was almost done anyway.'

Ryan appeared with paper towels, he and Seth clearing the table while their parents began to mop up.

'I'm sorry,' Kirsten said again, becoming flustered, 'I'm obviously desperate to stain your shirt, first coffee, now this.'

Sandy caught her hands which were flapping distractedly and pressed the paper in them onto the table. They watched the red liquid soak the towels for a moment, their hands tangled above it.

'It's going to be ok,' he said.

She wished she believed him.

Why was daytime so much harder?

What was it about the light that dissolved her faith?

It had been a difficult daylight day but there was always tonight.

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Yeah I don't think Sandy twigged really but hey, I wanted him to, bit of ad lib there! Please review!

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