Breakfast at Tiff-Any's…
I've been in Australia barely a day and already I've noticed things I wasn't expecting. Like no one is like 'The Crocodile Hunter' and yells 'crikey' at every living thing nor do they appreciate it when you attempt an impression of Mr Irwin with an inflatable crocodile. The other thing that's become painfully apparent is that while Australians can be very laid back, they can also be very, very cruel.
"Turk your foot is in my face," J.D groused shoving Turk's big toe away from his nostril.
"Blame the damn Australians and their no hotel policy," Turk huffed trying to get himself comfortable despite being wedged between J.D and the wall.
"No, I'll blame your foot for being way to close to my facial orifices if its all the same," J.D announced nonchalantly as he threw back the covers and clambered out of bed.
"Yeah well your hand was on my ass all night," Turk declared sitting up amongst the pile of covers.
"It got trapped," J.D said defensively and fled the room. He turned in the direction of the bathroom only to find Dr Cox waiting outside looking very, very pissed off.
"Good morning," J.D said gingerly.
"It may be morning Candice but there sure as hell ain't anything good about it," Dr Cox snarled, his arms crossed tightly across his chest.
Oh god, this is uncomfortable.
"So did you sleep well?" J.D piped up after several seconds of uncomfortable silence.
"Oh I just went out like a light," Dr Cox sarced before his face fell into a frown. "Let's just keep the morning girlie chit chat between you and the other women in the room ok?"
"I kept waking up at weird times," J.D smiled. "Must be the jet lag."
Dr Cox looked at J.D hopelessly before turning and banging on the bathroom door. "Todd you better get your ass outta there in the next five seconds or I'll come in there and flush you down the plug hole."
"Wouldn't that just take up more bathroom time?" J.D asked and was growled at for the effort as the door opened and Todd appeared.
"Did you say something Big Dog?" Todd perked as he stood there butt naked.
"Oh for the love of God," Dr Cox groaned storming into the bathroom and slamming the door behind him. "What is wrong with these people? I shouldn't have to deal with this. I'm a respected doctor not their mommies…"
"You should probably locate your pants," J.D swallowed. I can suddenly see why he talks about his penis a lot…
*******************
"Remind me again why we're going out for breakfast," J.D asked as he, Turk, Dr Cox and Todd headed for the closest café they could find.
"Because Dr Cox saw a cockroach," Turk sighed feeling tired, grumpy and now incredibly hungry.
"I did not just see a cockroach children," Dr Cox retorted. "I saw what should have been condemned by a team of health inspectors a long, long time ago. In fact, there was so much infection in that kitchen that if it were my patient I'd suggest death as an easy alternative."
"I agree with the Big Dog," Todd nodded everyone stopped and looked at him shocked.
"Y'do?" Dr Cox said suspiciously.
"Dude, cockroaches are gross especially when they're going for it on the stove," Todd chided and Dr Cox shook his head.
"He never comes out with us again," he sighed opening the door.
The group quickly found a booth at the rear of the café and hailed a waitress to order. Their breakfasts were soon delivered along with an apology for Todd.
"Isn't this great," J.D perked. "It feels like we're one big family."
"If you start to cry I will throw my coffee over you," Dr Cox groused stabbing at a piece of bacon.
"Oh thank god," Carla gasped appearing beside Turk. "We've been looking everywhere for you guys."
"Good morning baby," Turk smiled as he and Carla shared a quick kiss. "We would have invited you for breakfast but we were kinda in a hurry."
"Oh?" Carla said blankly. "How were your rooms?"
"Room," Turk countered. "We got one room."
"You're kidding me?" Elliot piped up. "All of you guys in one room?"
"Him in one room," Carla added motioning to Dr Cox.
"Trust me when I say I'm not exactly thrilled to my panties about that one either," Dr Cox sarced and grabbed his coffee.
"Turk and I are sharing a bed," J.D beamed. "It's a bit squishy."
"It's a cockroach infested hell," Dr Cox grumbled to no one in particular.
"So what's your room like?" Turk asked as Carla started to help herself to his breakfast.
"Its nothing special but we have bed each which is apparently more than you have," Carla mused nibbling on a bit of bacon.
"And we don't have any cockroaches," Elliot nodded. "We have mice."
"Big mice," Carla pouted.
"We spent an all night vigil on top of a table," Elliot nodded absent mindedly.
"So buy some traps," Dr Cox shrugged.
"And hurt them?" Carla gasped.
"Yeah, I just couldn't be that inhumane," Elliot agreed.
The men all looked at each other and then went back to their breakfasts. The café door opened, making a hidden bell tinkle and the group's attention swung to the new arrival.
"Hey, isn't that Gina," Turk pointed out.
"We should ask her if we can do something about the accommodation," Carla suggested.
"Does anyone actually know what she does at the hospital?" J.D asked looking around the table.
"No," Todd began. "But I know what I'd like her to do."
"She'd eat you alive man," Dr Cox breathed glaring at Todd.
"So you gonna talk to her?" J.D asked grabbing his juice.
"Why on earth would you think I'd want to talk to her Germaine?" Dr Cox groused trying not to look in Gina's direction.
I don't know if Dr Cox could have actually been any further in denial about Gina but I decided that since we were in a foreign country and surrounded by witnesses, I'd try and help him a bit.
"Hey Gina, over here," J.D called to Gina who was in the middle of paying for her breakfast.
"Well if it isn't my favourite little group of exchange doctors and nurses," Gina mused and wandered over, a plastic cup in one hand and a paper bag in the other.
"And you're just our favourite," Dr Cox paused. "Hold on, we don't even know what ya do Blondie other than make this whole trip a living hell."
"That living hell thing is mutual, really it is," Gina chided. "I'm the media liaison for St Thomas's. Y'know, I'm the person they turn to when someone is accidentally killed or misdiagnosed."
"Phew," Dr Cox perked. "You had me worried there, for a moment I thought they actually let you near sick people."
"Y'know I thought the same about you," Gina smiled. "I mean I'm surprised you can see far enough past your ego to do anything really."
"I like her," Carla piped up smiling.
"Don't you side with Ava Braun," Dr Cox huffed. "You just can't do that."
"I think she just did Dr. Kevorkian," Gina mused and turned to leave.
"You don't have to leave," J.D piped up. "Stay and join us for breakfast."
"Newbie you let the wench go back to her dungeon if she wants to," Dr Cox scowled.
"I'd love to but someone misdiagnosed some chest pains earlier and now there's a guy taking up slab room in the morgue. So I have some intense media cover up to deal with, that and I may leap across the table and stab Perry in the head with a fork."
"You should really stay," J.D nodded eagerly as Dr Cox sat there vaguely stunned by the idea of a very hot woman threatening to attack him with a utensil.