Treatment and Treaties…
The upside to going to the hospital after what was an awful day yesterday was that today came with hope. Hope that the sight of so many unattended sick people wouldn't be so startling, hope that we would settle in better and hope that Dr Anderson wouldn't make me discompact any more bowels.
"I really hope I get to do some real work today," J.D sighed looking at Turk.
"You and me both," Turk agreed as a nurse appeared and quickly dragged him and Todd away.
Wonder where I start?
"Morning Dorian," Dr Anderson declared distracted as he wandered into the waiting area.
"Good morning Dr Anderson," J.D perked as Elliot sidled up beside him.
"Please, quieter," Dr Anderson scorned. "I have a mild hangover."
"I understand," J.D nodded. "I know what it's like to have one too many beers."
"Beer? I've been drinking tequila you wuss."
"Oh, what's a wuss?"
"Hey nurse can you get me some aspirin," Dr Anderson asked looking unenthusiastically at Elliot.
"I'm not a nurse!" Elliot declared. "I'm a doctor, internal medicine."
"Congratulations," Dr Anderson sarced. "Still get me some aspirin anyway will you babe."
"Babe?" Elliot said aghast.
"Would you rather Chickadee?" Dr Anderson asked raising an eyebrow.
"Chickadee," J.D giggled and then stopped himself as Elliot glared.
"I could report you for sexual harassment you know," Elliot huffed crossing her arms. "Then what would you do huh?"
Dr Anderson looked at Elliot curiously for a moment and then at J.D, "Is she always this neurotic?"
"Like a gerbil trapped in a box," J.D nodded as Elliot frowned deeper and then stalked off. "A very small box."
"Right," Dr Anderson nodded. "Come on, you've got more bowels to discompact."
"Oh, yay," J.D mumbled sarcastically as he followed obediently.
***************
"Oh that's disgusting," Turk groaned as he looked down at a woman who'd been involved in a car accident. A piece of metal had pierced through part of her abdomen.
"Yeah," Todd agreed. "But she's still pretty hot."
"Do you ever listen to yourself?" Turk spat looking disgusted at Todd.
"Hey if you don't think she's hot just say," Todd groused looking offended.
"What I think is, that if we don't start operating soon she's going to die," Turk hissed.
"And we don't want a babe like that to die right?" Todd grinned. Turk shook his head and let out a frustrated cry. "I think the T-Dog's still got lag."
***************
"…So you see Dr Bruce I'm the kinda guy who's into saving lives and administering medical attention and not some glorified typist who's crossed the Pacific to sit behind a damn desk all day," Dr Cox explained as he paced Dr Bruce's office. He'd recently discovered his day's work entailed a stack of unfinished paperwork that belonged to the other doctors.
"That's a sweet little story, really it is," Dr Bruce smiled and then frowned. "But while you're working at my hospital you'll do whatever tasks I assign to you and if that happens to be a mass of paperwork then so be it."
"But there's people in your waiting room close to death, there is and I could help them if you'd just let me…" Dr Cox's voice trailed off as there was a knock on the door. He looked to see Gina and let out a low groan.
"Hello Poppet," Dr Bruce perked. "Get that whole misdiagnosis thing cleared up did you?"
"You know me Allan," Gina said half heartedly and shot Dr Cox an understanding look. "I wouldn't want the hospital to get a bad name now."
"And the family know nothing about our little mistake?"
"No, they just think their beloved father keeled over of his own accord," Gina nodded.
"Good girl," Dr Bruce smiled. "You always come up with the goods."
"Yeah," Gina agreed with a sigh. "Tell it to my conscience."
Dr Cox watched her leave while trying to remember he wasn't in Dr Kelso's office but some equally evil bastard in another hemisphere.
"Is there anything else you wanted?" Dr Bruce asked not looking up from the cream bun on his desk.
"No, I think you've sucked enough of my will to live for one day," Dr Cox groused. "Allan," he added as he marched out of the room.
***************
"I'm so tired of everyone thinking I'm a nurse," Elliot whined as she met up with J.D in the corridor.
"Ah they're just not use to having a female doctor about," J.D soothed. "Or doctors in general it seems."
"They keep giving me bedpans to empty," Elliot pouted. "It doesn't matter what I say."
"Well I've successfully discompacted every bowel in the hospital," J.D groused. "Well, apart from the staff…"
"If one more person treats me like a nurse, I'll, I'll…"
"Cry?"
"And then I'll go see Dr Bruce."
"Yeah, I'm sure that'd help," J.D mused. "Anyway, you haven't seen Dr Anderson have you?"
"No, I've been too busy scrubbing bedpans," Elliot huffed and stalked off.
"Where the hell is he?" J.D frowned looking up and down all the corridors closest to him. Oh here comes Gina, I'll see if she knows. "Gina!"
"Make it quick muffin I've things to do," Gina declared as she kept walking. J.D hurried to catch up to her.
"Did Dr Cox tell you to do that?"
"Do what?"
"Nevermind, have you seen Dr Anderson?"
"What makes you think I would have seen him?"
"Well I just assumed…"
"Yeah, you probably would," Gina sighed as the reached the on-call room. She threw the door open to reveal Dr Anderson curled up asleep.
"Dr Anderson," J.D said quietly. "Dr Anderson."
"Yeah, that's not gonna work," Gina sighed. She marched into the room, rolled up the papers in her hand and belted Dr Anderson over the head. "Get up and do your job you lazy arse."
"Hey, quit the violence mad woman," Dr Anderson hissed rubbing his head.
"There you go," Gina smiled. "Sorted."
"Thankyou," J.D nodded and then looked at the fuming Dr Anderson. "She's so kind and caring."
***************
"I'm so bored I'm thinking of taking up comfort eating," Dr Cox sighed frowning at the computer monitor in front of him.
"Now that would be interesting," Carla mused. "I wonder what Gina would think if she found you too fat to move from your chair."
"Why would I care what she thinks?" Dr Cox chided. "And besides I couldn't destroy something so beautiful."
"What Gina?"
"No me!"
"Of course, why didn't I think of that?"
"Because you hate to admit the truth."
"Don't flatter yourself."
"Whose flattering, I'm just being honest."
Carla shook her head. "You shouldn't be sniffing around her anyway?"
"Well thanks for the warning there Carla but I'm not even breathing around Gina let alone sniffing because if I did, I feel the noxious fumes that emanate from within her body because she's clearly rotting from the inside out would actually kill me."
"You're such a liar," Carla smiled.
"Am not," Dr Cox chided. "The only intention I have toward her would be to drive a stake through her heart and end her evil reign on earth."
"Whose evil reign?" Gina piped up appearing with a mug in her hands.
"You should ask Dr Cox," Carla mused as she grabbed a chart and then hurried off.
"Perry?"
"If you've come to gloat don't bother," Dr Cox groused. "I already feel like a complete moron thanks to the Downunder Dark Lord and his posse of evil henchmen."
"I know," Gina nodded. "That's part of the reason I've brought a peace offering," she added placing the mug beside Dr Cox on the desk.
He looked at it suspiciously and then picked it up and sniffed it. "Coffee?"
"It's probably the only thing that won't kill you in this place."
"Are you sure? Because I will not be happy if you laced this fine brew with some sort of poison."
"Trust me, the only person who'd be liable for that would be Bruce," Gina groused. "I'm sorry he's forced you behind a desk all day, and I'm sorry you had to witness the whole cover up thing," she paused. "This hospital, the way it runs just makes me so sick and I hate having to be Bruce's little puppet who makes it all better."
"So why do it?" Dr Cox asked trying not to show that the coffee was actually damn good. "Why be that evil little monkey's saving grace?"
"Oh I don't," Gina laughed. "I told that family exactly what happened and I hope they sue the bastard for everything."
Dr Cox laughed. "You really are full of surprises aren't you?"
"More than you know," Gina smiled and they locked their gaze for a moment. She broke it and looked at the computer monitor. "How about I help you finish that lot and then you can go and do your job huh?"
"Are you serious?" Dr Cox mused. "You're not schizophrenic are you? Because I can't handle more than three personalities at once."
"I don't think my personalities are the problem," Gina chided. "It's that big old ego of yours that needs to be swiftly escorted from the building."
"There's nothing wrong with a healthy ego pumpkin," Dr Cox mused.
"Oh please, you've so much ego it's a surprise you haven't overdosed yet," Gina smiled before they both started to snigger.
***************
"Don't you have something better to do?" Dr Anderson groused as J.D stood glaring at him.
"Y'know actually I don't," J.D sneered. "I've discompacted every bowel in this hospital apart from yours and I'd really like to do some real work now."
Ok, now look like you're serious, don't show him any signs of nervousness and no crying.
Dr Anderson narrowed his eyes. "You want real work huh?"
"Yes I do," J.D replied defiantly.
"Right, come with me," Dr Anderson ordered and J.D followed him into a room where a young boy was lying on his bed, his mother looking as white as a ghost sat in a chair next to him. "J.D this is Josh he was bitten by a funnel web and we're waiting for the…"
"Funnel web?" J.D asked curiously and Dr Anderson smiled before picking up a jar and thrusting it into his hands.
"It's a spider, they come outta holes in the ground and attack you," Dr Anderson declared nonchalantly.
J.D looked at the jar in his hands and the large spider that was doing laps of the bottom. "Oh my god," he yelped dropping the jar which shattered letting the spider scuttle off out of the room.
"You realise you've just let loose the second most deadliest spider in Australia," Dr Anderson frowned. "And we don't have enough anti-venin in the hospital should it bite more people."
"Oops," J.D said weakly as a shrill scream was heard somewhere down the corridor.