The Reign of Nurse Nightingale…
"Dear god how many more people have to die before I can unchain myself from this inhuman excuse for work?" Dr Cox groused as a gurney with a body bag was wheeled past.
"Despite what you may think you're not actually God Perry," Gina sighed, herself bored of the mountain of paperwork.
"I'm thinking more Florence Nightingale actually."
"Yeah, you'd look just lovely in a pinny."
"Damn right I would," Dr Cox declared. "My legs are actually quite fantastic…Oh lord there's another one."
"What's the tally Florence?" Gina chided as the both looked over at yet another body bag being wheeled toward the morgue.
"Four corpses in the last hour," Dr Cox breathed. "And don't ever call me Florence again."
"Sorry Nurse Nightingale."
Dr Cox looked at Gina gruffly. "You have to stop before I'm forced by the powers of deduction to start hating you again."
"The powers of deduction?"
"Well, it's more whether the fact you annoy the hell outta me can be overridden by that great rack of yours."
"Oh that's heart warming, really it is."
"I thought so."
"Excuse me," J.D panted as he hurried over to where Gina and Dr Cox were hunched over a computer in an otherwise empty nurses station.
"What is it there Dorothy?" Dr Cox mused, finally glad of some entertainment. "You haven't lost Toto have you? Or are you just stuck looking for the courage to even talk to the lion?"
"Perhaps he can hunt out a heart for you Tinman while he's at it," Gina jeered and Dr Cox shot her daggers.
"Actually he's quite a kitten when you get to know him," J.D mused and started purring.
"Newbie you better have a damn good reason for being here or I'm going to start throwing stationery supplies at you," Dr Cox groused.
"Well, actually I do have a good reason," J.D perked. "I accidentally smashed a jar that contained a deadly spider and now the spider has escaped and if I don't catch it we could all die."
"Oh great one Dorothy," Gina groaned. "You do realise you've just increased my workload tenfold right?"
"Oh bad Newbie," Dr Cox frowned. "If she turns back into a evil faerie changeling again, so god help you…"
"It was an accident," J.D pleaded. "Dr Anderson kinda shoved it into my hands and it caught me by…" his voice trailed off as a pencil smacked into his forehead. "Ow."
"Hey I was gonna do that," Dr Cox huffed as Gina reached for an eraser and lobbed it at J.D.
"I said ow!" J.D yelped and ducked as Dr Cox decided to join in and lobbed a pad of Post-it notes at him. "Children!" J.D huffed and hurried off to look for the spider.
"Newbie come back," Dr Cox called. "I was starting to have fun."
****************
J.D skidded into the elevator as a pencil sharpener flew past. He took a couple of deep breaths before he noticed he wasn't alone. The maintenance man was standing there with a mop and bucket. "Good afternoon," he swallowed as he rubbed his shin.
"Why is it good?" the maintenance man asked. "I've got to go clean up a pool of whatever bodily fluid decided to leak from another human being. Tell me what's good?"
"That it's going to be clean?" J.D said weakly as the maintenance man stepped closer.
"You're lucky I don't smack ya," the maintenance man said through gritted teeth. He raised his clenched fist as the elevator doors opened and Dr Bruce stood there looking unsurprised. "Next time," the maintenance man hissed and scurried out of the elevator.
"Ah Dr Dorian," Dr Bruce smiled a rather cold smile. "I'm hearing rumours that you let a poisonous spider loose in my hospital."
"No, never," J.D lied shaking his head in a rather over the top fashion. "I've not seen or heard or even smelt any arachnids anywhere."
"Good," Dr Bruce mused. "Because if I find out you have then I will have you locked in the morgue freezer for an afternoon."
"But that might kill me sir."
"Win some, lose some," Dr Bruce perked and marched off in the other direction.
"Thankyou, I feel so much more at ease," J.D breathed. How the hell am I supposed to find a spider in this place?
A piercing scream rang out from a room down the hall.
There we go!
****************
"Would it increase your workload if I burnt the rest of the paperwork in some sort of pagan cleansing ceremony?" Dr Cox mused as he rested his head in his hands.
"Y'know it probably would," Gina nodded as Carla reappeared.
"Back home he would have just told Kelso to stick it," she remarked. "I mean he's been suspended and still spent every waking second at the hospital."
"Really?"
"Yeah, he refused to stop working."
"I only did it to piss off Kelso," Dr Cox piped up.
Gina crossed her arms and looked at him sternly. "Man, you really need to get a life."
"I have a perfectly…" he flustered a moment. "Tolerable life thank you."
"Ok then, stop being such a girl and go and save lives Florence."
"Florence?" Carla asked bemused.
"Nightingale," Dr Cox replied. "Fine, I'll go and perform a few miracles but don't think for one second I'm doing it because you told me to," he added and stormed off toward the waiting room.
"He's doing it because I told him too," Gina shrugged looking at Carla.
"You don't have to convince me," Carla agreed as J.D dashed past in a blind panic. "Poor Bambi."
"I'll say," Gina nodded as Dr Anderson appeared sniggering as he jotted something down on his clipboard. "That spider wasn't poisonous was it?"
"You honestly think I'd let him anywhere near something poisonous?" Dr Anderson mused. "It was just Josh's pet huntsman."
"You're such a arse," Gina sighed. "Josh'll be devastated Franklin's gone."
"Oh my god, the spider has a name?" Carla gasped and shivered at the prospect.
"Ah he'll come back," Dr Anderson shrugged. "He always does."
"Is someone going to tell J.D?" Carla asked curiously as she sat down to deal with some paperwork of her own.
"Hell no, I'm kinda enjoying watching the kid race around the hospital like a cat on speed," Dr Anderson laughed and then yelped when Gina hit him with his own clipboard. "Must you keep beating me?"
"Yes, of course, you deserve it," Gina scorned. "Go and apologise to Dorothy…I mean J.D!"
"If it means you'll refrain from hitting me I'm already there," Dr Anderson hissed as he stalked away.
"Wow, you really know how to dominate men," Carla mused looking impressed.
"Yeah doesn't really help with meeting them and having a normal relationship though," Gina sighed and went back to Dr Cox's paperwork.
****************
By early evening Dr Cox had taken over the admitting of patients. It was made easier by the fact all the other doctors feared him and his wrath. He strutted about pleased the waiting room was near empty and that the steady stream of trips to the morgue had been cut by the attempts to actually heal people.
"E…excuse me," a young intern that Dr Cox had been referring to as 'Bianca' all afternoon appeared.
"Why Bianca, you're back and you better be about to tell me that Mr Houseman's vitals are improving or I'll start hitting you with this clipboard until ya do," Dr Cox groused and looked up from where he was writing, "Are you crying?"
"Dr Cox," Dr Bruce boomed, storming into the room. He looked oddly at the intern who was glued to the spot sobbing.
"G'day there Bruce," Dr Cox jeered as he fell into his best Crocodile Hunter impression. "As you can see, we've managed to get the hoards of sick people some medical attention. If you look over there, just past Bianca you can see Mrs O'Connor who we had to treat for pneumonia, isn't she a beauty, crikey."
"I thought I told you, you were to do paperwork," Dr Bruce snarled as Dr Cox crossed his arms across his chest and looked bemused.
"Well now gee Allan, I did some of that mountain of crap you gave to me but then as I sat there watching your patents get a free trip to the freezer. I decided that it might be a good idea to and I'm going out on a limb here, give some of the poor people medical attention."
"Actually Dr Bruce, what Dr Cox here has done will look great for the hospital," Gina piped up as she appeared beside him. "And it'll reflect well on you too. I mean, you'll be referred to as the guy who increased international relations by allowing foreign doctors the opportunity to work in your hospital."
"Hmm," Dr Bruce mused and then smiled coldly at Dr Cox. "Fine, you can continue your little crusade once that paperwork I asked you to do is finished."
"Actually, he finished it earlier Dr Bruce," Carla smiled wandering over after dealing with a patient. "You can check it's all there on the computer if you don't believe me."
"Yeah," Dr Cox said looking at Carla suspiciously.
"I might just go do that," Dr Bruce muttered and turned on his heel.
"Bye Allen, thanks for that chat," Dr Cox called and then looked at Carla and Gina.
"You can thank us now," Gina mused crossing her arms. "Seeing as how we clearly just saved your arse and all."
"Yeah, we finished all your paperwork," Carla added.
"Well gee aren't you two just like my own personal guardian angels or flying monkeys, I can't quite decide," Dr Cox chided. "I'm not thanking you for something that I didn't even ask you to do. In fact I couldn't give a damn if that paperwork was finished or not. I would've been quite happy to take it to bathroom with me and use it to wipe my ass."
"Oh that's charming," Gina scorned. "I hope Bruce kicks your insubordinate arse back the States," she added and stormed out of the room.
"Oh you handled that well," Carla sarced from across the room. "All you had to do was say thankyou."
Dr Cox growled and then turned to the intern who was still glued to the spot. "Please don't hurt me," the intern pleaded and began to sob again.
"What did you do to him?" Turk asked appearing after being paged by someone.
"Nothing," Dr Cox fumed. "Yet…"