Pairing: Susan Kennedy/Tom Scully
Spoilers: Episode 4508
Disclaimer: Grundy own everything Neighbours. I own my imagination. Don't sue.
Unravelling
Susan has scrubbed the whole house. She's surrounded by sparkling surfaces and plates that reflect her despondent expression. She wants to throw the spotless china at the wall, wants to rip the perfectly fluffed cushions apart, wants to scream with frustration: he has made his choice. He said 'I love you' and then chose the Church over her.
She's unravelling. She wonders how much rejection she can take, how long before breaking-point passes her by. Then she thinks of their return from the Amnesty conference and his words haunt her. "Let me do something for you, just so I don't feel like yet another useless male hanging around the ever capable Susan Kennedy."
She sits down - they all think she's infallible and it makes her want to cry but that would be too easy, too much like giving in and the one thing she's not is a quitter.
She hates feeling this helpless, then remembers what Lyn said – that she was clouding Tom's judgement and it pains her to think that by being around him she's making things worse. She doesn't want to be the cause of his self-doubt but he had stood in front of her and there was no confusion in his eyes as he said 'I love you'. The confusion came from what to do about those feelings.
She's slowly unravelling, maybe because Tom was so unexpected. She hadn't seen it coming until it was too late to run away and maybe she could have fooled herself; maybe she could have lied about this… if they hadn't kissed… she could have pretended it was one-sided, had no meaning, no possibility…
Susan stands and picks up a cloth, she starts on the cooker-top again. It still has a layer of film left, so she scrubs: tries to drive her restlessness away. She didn't expect to be hurt by him, not like this – rejection by default is unbearable. She finds herself running over and over their conversations, tries to hear what he wasn't saying, tries to uncover the clues she missed.
She stops for a moment and looks around the empty house, wondering why she always drives away those she loves most. Maybe it's a defective gene. Maybe she makes it easy for them – only expecting them to give what they can instead of demanding what she needs.
She wants to call Tom, wants to force answers from him: it's the uncertainty that's driving her insane. But she doesn't want to put her heart on the line again, doesn't want to act unscathed as he tells her he's decided to stay in the Church, that she was a mistake, that what they had was transitory, an error, and weren't they fortunate it hadn't gone too far?
She doesn't want to hear that because she knows it's probably true. Knows this whole thing is sheer lunacy. He was supposed to be a safety hold – steady and unobtainable – not her soul mate in-waiting.
She decides to phone him; to be assertive. She approaches the phone as Sindi walks through the front door.
"Hi," greets the cheery blonde.
Susan smiles. "Hey."
Sindi looks around the house. "Wow – this place is immaculate!"
Susan feels uncomfortable, as if all her secrets have been exposed. "I had some spare time," she explains.
Sindi looks unconvinced.
"Fancy a cuppa?" Susan offers.
"I'm fine thanks, just have a little work to do and then I think some serious vegging-out is in order."
Sindi spreads her work out over the dinning table and Susan heads back to the cooker; cloth in hand.