Revised: 5 August, 2005
Title: Behind Cold Blue Eyes
Written by: ChaosMagicianGirl
Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh. Though, I wouldn't mind getting it as a present on my birthday :P
A/N:
Only two reviews for the last chapter...I'm a little disappointed, but I figured as much.
Thanks, Nkitty 29, for your nice review! You're right, she had it coming!
To LazerWulf: Too bad you don't have time to be my beta-reader anymore. I was a little bit angry at your review...but well, no hard feelings! Thanks for being my beta-reader and I hope you'll still continue to read my ficcies! I'll try to read the new chapter of your story as soon as I can find time!
CMG
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Chapter 4: I love you, I just don't like you
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Ouch, why did the sensei have to torture me?
Shizuka let out a huge sigh, more limping home than walking.
Only a few more blocks separated her from her house. As she continued walking her thoughts roamed back to what she was about to do. To confront her mother with the letter her brother sent her. She had already thought out how she was going to do it. She was just going to give her mother the letter and just wait and see what kind of a reaction she'd get. Not the most brilliant of plans, but maybe it would work…….
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Shizuka's mother, Teana Kawaii, was sitting at the kitchen table again when Shizuka got home. She was sipping on a much needed cup of coffee, after she had come home from work about half an hour ago. The chicken she was preparing for dinner was baking in the oven behind her. The soup was boiling on the stove, almost ready, when the door suddenly swung open and Shizuka came in.
Her mother looked up from the book she had been reading in and greeted her daughter.
"Konbonwa, Shizuka," she greeted her daughter and took off her glasses, rubbing her eyes.
Shizuka, taking off her coat and kicking of her shoes, saw her mother let out a huge yawn. When she noticed the dark circles under her mother's eyes, she expressed her worry by saying: " Mom, you really should go to bed early…"
Her mother smiled a weary smile and replied, "I guess you're right"
"I am right. You really should cut back on the night shifts, mom," said Shizuka, while grabbing a diet coke out of the fridge and opening the can with a pop.
Her mother groaned when she noticed what Shizuka was doing and before she could say something, Shizuka stopped her and said, " I know, please don't give me THE lecture again."
She had expected this reply from her mom, and honestly didn't feel like arguing over it again.
"Shizuka, don't you use that tone with me!" said her mother, angry at her daughter's disrespect.
"Ashikarazu, mom…..," Shizuka apologised.
"You know why I acted that way, honey," her mother said in a more friendly tone again. "You have to keep a close watch on what you're eating. You should try to eat as healthy as possible. You drive a lot of sport nowadays and have to stay in shape, if you know what I mean."
"I know what you mean, but hey, who said it would hurt me to gain a few pounds?" Shizuka joked.
Her mother smiled a bit at her remark
"I guess you're right, but you catch my drift, don't you?" Her mother asked her.
Shizuka nodded, drinking up the last of her diet coke and throwing it in the bin next to her.
"Hey, mom? I'm going to take a shower, alright? I'll be down in time for dinner."
Shizuka sighed as she walked out of the kitchen, and up the stairs to her room.
"Why does mom have to worry so much about me?" she asked no one in particular.
Sure, her mom was right in a way. But her mother was always so over concerned. She still wanted to baby Shizuka. But she wasn't a little kid any more. She could take good care of herself without her mother's help. Something she might need to prove in the near future or at least she hoped she would.
Her mother was right about her eating habits, though. She should start to eat more healthy. The coach of the school swimming team had told all members of the swimming team to try to eat healthy and balanced to keep in shape and not gain too much weight.
Not that Shizuka really had an opportunity to gain weight. She had 3 hours of Martial Arts class a week, 4 hours a week swim practice, and 2 and a half hour advanced dancing class.
Yup, she was one busy girl. Her sports took up a lot of her spare time. Not to mention the loads of homework she had to make. The rest of her spare time that was left was filled up with her passion for music mostly. She didn't really have much time to meet or hang out with friends. Now that she met Takakura however she would try to create more time in her busy agenda to hang out with him.
Shizuka threw her schoolbag on her bed and reached up to pull her hair out of the two pigtails she had made this morning, before she left for school. She yawned once, surprising herself and blinked a few times with her eyes.
Hmm, I guess my weariness is catching up with me at last…..
Shaking her head she opened her schoolbag and searched for her brother's letter. She rummaged through her stuff.
It has to be in here somewhere, she thought
Finally, her fingers grasped a neatly folded piece of paper and fished it out of her schoolbag.
Got it! she thought happily.
It was a bit crumpled from being in the bag all day long, but at least she had found it.
She laid it on her nightstand. She would confront her mother with the letter after dinner. For now she wanted to take a much needed shower, to relieve some of the tension in her sore muscles and joints.
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After dinner Shizuka had cleaned of the table and was now doing the dishes. She was still summoning up the courage to tell her mother about the letter. She briefly touched the outside of the pocket she was keeping the letter from her brother in at the moment. She placed the last remaining dishes on the counter and turned around to take a look at her mother.
She was reading one of her many romance novels. Shizuka didn't really like them. She found them too sugary sweet and overly mary-suish most of the time. She once read one that was so bad, she almost vomited, when she had read only a few sentences of the first few pages of the book.
Once Shizuka had summoned up enough courage to ask her mother about it, her mother did the work for her.
"Say, Shizuka. When I was checking the mail this morning the weekly letter of Katsuya wasn't with it. You know something about it?" her mother asked her suddenly.
"Huh?" Shizuka's first response was. "I, oh yeah, I forgot to tell you I already took it out. I read it on the way to school when I was on the bus," she answered her mother, stumbling a bit over her own words.
"Oh, so that's why.."
Okay, Shizuka…it is now or never ….go for it
"Mom?" Shizuka started, hesitantly.
"What is it, dear?" said her mother, looking up from the book she had been reading in before Shizuka interrupted her.
Shizuka reached into her pocket and took out the slightly crumpled letter and gave it to her mother.
"Nani? You want me to read it?" her mother asked, slightly confused at Shizuka's actions, taking the letter out of Shizuka's hand.
Shizuka only nodded, and watched as her mother unfolded the letter and started to read it.
A few minutes passed in utmost silence. Shizuka was shuffling with her feet and nervously wringing her hands together, while she looked at her mother's face concentrated on the letter.
She could read emotions on her face going from happy, to annoyed, to angry and so on. It was impossible for Shizuka to determine what her mother was thinking.
When she was done reading the letter, after another minute, she calmly folded it again and put it on the table. She knitted her fingers together and was silent, contemplating on the newly processed information.
When her mother said nothing for a long time, Shizuka got impatient and broke the silence, feeling a little bit angry.
"Well?" she demanded "Why won't you say anything?"
Her mother finally looked up and locked her gaze with Shizuka.
"Well, what do you want me to say?"
"How about saying how glad you're for me?" said Shizuka, hurt and disappointed at the reaction of her mother to the letter.
"Of course I'm glad, honey…. I'm extremely happy for you….."
"Well, then you certainly display it in a strange way." Shizuka crossed her arms, annoyed frown visible on her face.
"I'm sorry honey, but it's just…..I think..," she stopped after that, not sure if she should continue.
"You think what?" Shizuka demanded to know, waving her hands in the air in an impatient gesture.
Her mother hesitated for a moment before she continued. But not before she heaved a sigh. Her fore head creased in concentration for a few moments, wrinkles becoming more pronounced.
"I just don't think it's a good idea for you to go to Japan to move in with your brother."
"And why is that?" Shizuka wanted to know, having expected this type of reaction already.
"Don't you use that tone with me, missy!" her mother reprimanded, getting angry at Shizuka's behaviour.
"I don't care what tone I use! It's my good right to behave this way," snapped Shizuka, having lost patience with her mother.
"You want to know why you can't go? Well, the answer is standing right in front of me. Your behaviour is just the reason I won't let you go. You're still so immature!"
"I beg your pardon?" said Shizuka, outraged at her mother's answer.
"You heard me the first time, Shizuka!"
Her mother picked up the novel she had been reading before and turned to the next page, to resume reading. "Subject's closed, as far as I'm concerned."
Shizuka startled her mother by slamming down her fist on the table.
"I'm fifteen, mom! And you know damn well, I can take good care of myself, without your help! If it wasn't for your over-protectiveness, I would probably be living on my own by now!"
"You're only fifteen, a child! And as long as you're under my care, you will listen to me! I know what's best for you and that is staying here in America.."
Before her mother could finish her " speech", Shizuka butted in.
"Oh, cut the crap!" she nearly screamed now, boiling with anger.
"It has nothing to do with how old I am or how mature I am! This is all about your resentment of Katsuya! You just don't want me to move in with him! If it would be somebody else, you wouldn't have had a problem with me going! Just admit it!"
Shizuka's mother said nothing after her daughter's outburst for a long while and just stared blankly at the wall in front of her.
Shizuka was trying to calm down, but that proved to be a difficult task indeed.
Only a few persons in her life could drive her up the wall like this and one of them happened to be her mother.
Breathing in and out, she started to count to ten and felt her anger curb in a bit, but she was still very angry.
What her mother said next however made her blood boil like never before.
"You're not going, Shizuka, and that's final!" She returned her attention to the pages of her romance novel.
"YOU KNOW WHAT? JUST TRY AND STOP ME ……Mother," Shizuka roared at her mother, venom dripping of the last word of her sentence.
She never called her mom mother, only when she was extremely angry, like now for instance.
This mother was used as a mocking word then.
"Shizuka Serenity Kawaii!" her mother now yelled at her.
"Go talk to the wall, because I've had it with being your verbal partner," Shizuka snapped back at her, snatching her brother's letter off the table.
"Come back here! I'm not done with you!" she said to Shizuka, who made an attempt at stalking out of the kitchen.
"Too bad, but I'm done with you and that's final," Shizuka screamed last at her mother, before she slammed the door shut behind her with a loud bang.
She ran up the stairs to her room, her mother's voice calling out to her, but she gave it no mind, as she was too angry to even think straight. Once she reached her room, she threw the door shut behind her and locked it, as to prevent her mother from getting in. And if she would be smart, she would stay out of her way, or there would be hell to pay.
Crawling onto her bed, she curled up into a ball. Finally noticing something in her left hand, she opened her hand palm which contained her brother's crumpled letter. Looking at the piece of paper, she closed her eyes shut, trying to prevent the first angry tears which started to leak down from her eyes.
When the first tear managed to slip, rolling of off her cheek and onto the bed sheets, she crumpled up the letter again and threw it against the wall. Hugging her arms around herself, her body started to shake, the tears now freely making their way down from her eyes, causing stains on her blankets.
I hate her! I hate her!
She sat like this for a few minutes, the tears silently falling from her face. When they stopped falling after a long while, she wiped them away with the sleeve of her shirt. She didn't know how long she had sat here on her bed and how long she had cried, she didn't care anymore. She got up from her position on the bed and reached over the ledge of her bed. She looked under her bed to search for her comfort; music. She finally spotted her guitar and took it out from under her bed.
Her fingers started to dance upon the chords and she started humming the melody from a song she really loved. The words from the song she knew so well, started to pour out of her mouth.
I used to think
I had the answers to everything
But now I know
That life doesn't always go my way
Yeah
Feels like I'm caught in the middle
That's when I realised
Her clear, beautiful voice rang through the air.
I'm not a girl
Not yet a woman
All I need is time
A moment that is mine
For a while I'm in between
Her voice started to gain in volume and she continued singing.
I'm not a girl
But if you look at me closely
You'll see it in my eyes
This girl will always find her way
I'm not a girl
don't tell me what to believe
I'm just trying to find the woman in me
Yeah
All I need is time
A moment that is mine
For now I'm in between
The music was functioning as an outlet for her feelings. Her anger was slipping away from her, carried away like the words that rolled of off her tongue so easily.
I'm not a girl
Not yet a woman
All I need is time
A moment that is mine
For now I'm in between
I'm not a girl
Not yet a woman….
When she was finished her calm, serene nature had returned to her. But also the strain of today's events caught up to her. Before she knew it, her eyelids started to droop, her grip on her instrument loosened, and it slipped out of her hands.
Her head fell back on the pillow and she sunk away in a deep slumber.
A person, who had been watching her for the past few minutes, stared through a crack in the door with a guilty, sad look on her face.
I'm sorry, Shizuka….
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A/N:
First up….I referred to the fact that Shizuka wears lenses when on school in chapter one. So, don't think she went to sleep with her lenses still in! She changed her lenses for her glasses after she had taken a shower. Sorry for not mentioning this fact. Furthermore, I know that Shizuka closed the door, so that her mother wouldn't get in…….but let's just pretend that her mother had a key, okay?
Okidokie!
Review and let me know what you think? What it crappy, too emotional? Or was it good and did I describe the feelings of Shizuka well? I don't have a clue! Please...let me know what you think by leaving a review? Pretty please:: uses the puppy dog eyes on the readers:
ChaosMagicianGirl, signing out!