Behind cold blue eyes Chapter 6: Believe, a yu-gi-oh fanfic

Title: Behind Cold Blue Eyes

Date: 13 August, 2005

Written by: ChaosMagicianGirl

Fandom: Yu-Gi-Oh!

Pairing: Seto Kaiba X Shizuka Kawai

Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to Yu-Gi-Oh! I only own this crappy story plot. So, no need to sue me or anything….(shifty eyes)

A/N:

First up, I apologise for this late update! It's absurd really….Anyway, I want to thank the readers for giving me encouragement and support! Mayor thanks goes to the peepz who reviewed this story and those who put me on their favourite list or author alert. I want you guys to know how much I appreciate your input, opinions and support. Once again, I'm sorry for this late update. But, better late than never, right? That's what I thought! Now, without further ado, onto the story!

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Chapter six: Believe

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The kettle on the stove whistled, signalling that the content inside it was boiling.

After pulling two tea cups from a closet above her, Shizuka poured the hot water into both cups now standing on the kitchen counter. She put the teabags in both cups, and set them down on the mahogany kitchen table.

Sitting down, she took the pot of sugar, and dumped two spoons of sugar in her tea to sweeten it.

Her mother, sitting opposite of her on the table, repeated the same gesture.

For a long few minutes it was silent. Shizuka was stirring her tea absentmindedly, trying to muster up enough courage. When she could no longer stand the awkward silence that reigned between the both of them, she decided to breach it.

"Mom?" she spoke up hesitantly.

"Yes?" her mother answered her, her voice unusually timid.

Shizuka drew in a deep breath. "I'm sorry for all the things I said to you. I didn't mean them, at all…," she apologised, looking her mother directly in the eyes. She found it difficult to admit that she had been wrong, but one of them would have had to apologise sooner or later. And it might as well be her.

Her mother let out a sigh and rubbed her pounding temples. She knitted her eye-brows together in thought. "No, if one of us should apologise, it would have to be me..,"

"But…," Shizuka stammered. Her mother raised a hand to silence her.

Her mother's gesture was somewhat aggravating. But, for once, she decided to keep her mouth shut and listen to what her mother had to say.

Cradling the warm mug of tea in her hands, Shizuka brought it to her mouth, taking a sip. Meanwhile, she patiently waited for her mother to continue speaking.

"We both said things that we regret. But what's happened, has happened." Shizuka nodded, her eyes trained on the content of the tea cup she held in her hand. "But it's my fault for starting the argument in the first place. If I hadn't reacted to the letter the way I did then…"

"Mom….," Shizuka interrupted her mother. "I shouldn't have been so impatient. So, it's not like you have to take the full credit…" She offered her mother a wistful smile.

Her mother gave her a wry smile in return. "I know, but still…..Some things you said ….were just that…the honest truth…."

"Even if that is the case. It still wasn't fair to you. I had no right to just throw those insults and accusations at you…," Shizuka pointed out.

A brief silence enveloped the cosy little kitchen again, in which her mother, as well as Shizuka herself quietly sipped on their tea.

"You know, Shizuka…about my resentment towards Katsuya….," her mother uttered quietly, in a soft and hushed tone. "Do you really believe I hate him?" A sad, rather solemn smile was visible on her face.

Shizuka, startled by her mother's question, looked up swiftly, locking gazes with her mother again.

No matter how her mother acted, no matter what she said about him, no matter how bitter she was towards her brother, Shizuka knew, that deep in her heart, her mother loved Katsuya unconditionally. And she believed that it was likewise on Katsuya's part. They didn't hate each other. It's just that time…distance…circumstances had torn them apart.

Although there isn't that bond that exists between my brother and I, there is still love in their hearts for each other….Maybe….sometime in the future…they'll be able to let go of their bitterness of the past, and embrace each other as mother and son once again.

It was one of the, albeit shallow hopes that Shizuka clung to, that she willed herself to believe in, no matter what. No matter what….

"No," Shizuka stated firmly, sure of herself.

"That's good to know…," her mother mused, talking more to herself than to Shizuka.

A half hearted smile crossed Shizuka's face features. "Deep in your heart you love him unconditionally, and it's the same for him. Even if we don't always show the ones we care about that we love them no matter what. Deep inside you both care for each other, even though you or he won't dare to admit that anytime soon…"

"I do care for my son. But all those years that have gone by……" She paused, looking up at a picture, hanging on the wall behind Shizuka.

Shizuka turned around, to find out what her mother was looking at. She found her brother Katsuya staring back at her, when he was only a little boy, about seven years old. A mini version of her was on his back, grinning cheekily into the camera, the moment the picture was taken. Her brother wore the trademark goofish grin on his face. All though he had grown his smile had always remained the same. She remembered it like yesterday. It was their last trip with both their parents to the beach, together, as a family…….

Not long afterwards that family was torn apart, brutally and painfully…..

No, she didn't want to think about the past anymore, and so she forced her mind to return back to the present.

"We haven't seen each other for so long. So, we grew apart. I only knew him as a little boy. But that little boy has grown into a young man, under the roof of that….that man. And I guess, now, he is nothing more than a stranger to me. If he were to stand in front of me right now…I don't even think I would recognise him…."

Shizuka didn't know what to say to that. She opened her mouth, but no words would come out, so instead she bit her bottom lip.

Her mother continued gazing at the picture, a thoughtful expression on her face. She was recalling a fond memory that was held within that picture, somehow, some way.

"Sometimes…I wish things would have been different….," mumbled Shizuka.

"I know what you mean…," agreed her mother with her. Drawing her gaze away from the picture, she sipped up the last tea in her cup.

Shizuka eyed her cup out of the corner of her eyes. It was getting cold…

She was snapped out of her reverie when her mother unexpectedly clapped her hands together.

"But, enough with this remescising of the past. It's doing us no good to think about events that can't be reversed, no matter how much we would like to." her mother commented. "Besides, the mood is getting way too depressing, wouldn't you agree?"

This last comment of her mother made Shizuka arch an eye-brow. That was typically her mother's way of "lighting the mood".

"I guess you're right…."

"No, I am right," her mother corrected her, as she got up from her seat on the table, placing her now empty cup on the kitchen counter.

Shizuka only let out a loud snort, making sure her mother heard her. "You always have to be right about everything, don't you?"

"Of course," her mother stated in a matter- of- fact way. This only earned her a small glare on Shizuka's part.

Her mother only chuckled at Shizuka's annoyance. "Don't take everything in life so serious, Shizuka. Lighten up once in a while,"

"Easy for you to say," Shizuka scoffed.

Her mother only shook her head. Meanwhile she was searching through the cupboards for something to eat for dinner.

"Mom?" Shizuka spoke up, trying to get her mother's attention. "You weren't deliberately trying to change the subject, were you?"

Her mother frowned, which went unnoticed to Shizuka, as she was staring at her mother's back.

"No….," her mother answered, after she turned around, leaning against the counter.

"Oh…okay..,"

"I did it….because if you would take a look at the clock, you would see, you should be getting ready for your dancing class,"

"What," was Shizuka's intelligent response. Her mother motioned to the clock on the wall, as a way to clear up the misunderstanding.

Clearly, Shizuka understood, as when she whipped her head around, read the time on the clock, she got up in a hurry.

"Great!" she exclaimed. "Couldn't you have announced that some time sooner?"

"Well, you didn't ask…"

"ARGH!" Shizuka resisted the urge to pull out her hair in frustration, as she left the kitchen to go upstairs to get ready.

"Dinner will be ready in twenty minutes," her mother called after her cheerfully.

This time, Shizuka resisted the persistent urge to roll her eyes at her mother's mannerisms.

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Later that night, Shizuka was tossing and turning in her bed. Sleep just wouldn't come to her. Normally, she would be fast asleep by now. But tonight was an altogether different story.

Heaving an annoyed sigh, the now would be insomniac, tossed back her covers.

Opening her eyes, she was met by the ceiling, hundreds of stars, the moon and all kind of planets that you would encounter in the milky way. She glared at the collection of glow in the dark stickers above her, as if they were the cause for her discomfort.

Not that they had anything to do with her current situation of obvious insomnia.

Drat it! Why can't my mind just shut up! I wish their was some kind of an off-button that I could press, so I would finally get some much needed sleep done.

Alas, her pondering and busy mind wouldn't grant her tired body any form of rest. At least…not for a LONG while.

Her thoughts were jumbled and confused. She felt like she was taking a ride on a rollercoaster. And that was putting it lightly.

She was worried about what would happen at school tomorrow. She didn't know what to expect. But knowing Mandy and the other two of her group of dim-witted cheerleaders, it wouldn't be good. At this part, she groaned.

I wish I was in Japan, I wish I was in Japan already!

But thinking about Japan, made her thoughts drift back to the conversation she and her mom had, before and during dinner. And still she had no answer to her brother's letter. The question about whether she could go or not still hadn't been answered. Her mother had waved her off, saying she needed more time to think about it.

Why did she need more time? To let her head get stuck in the past again, before she would be able to reach a decision?

Talking about the past. Today had stirred up old memories. Fond as well as painful ones. She especially remembered that trip to the beach.

She shook her head. She really had to stop thinking about this stuff. After another few minutes of unsuccessfully trying to shut out her memories, she reached a decision. She knew she would get no more sleep, also because she was wide awake by now.

She had quite a struggle before she could extract herself from the warm cocoon that happened to be her bed.

She lowered herself into her computer chair, and turned on the computer. She put on the headphones lying on the desk next to the computer, so they covered her ears.

With her mouse she clicked on the icon that indicated windows media player. After it was done loading, she pulled up a list with all the audio clips she had stored on her own computer.

She let the cursor of the mouse hover above several songs, before a certain song caught her eye, as if it was begging to be played. She clicked on that particular one. It was an old one. One she didn't remember hearing for a very long time.

It was titled: Believe, by Nikki Black, a famous singer and musician from the eighties.

As the music started playing, the atmosphere of the song was instantly recognised. It settled in eerily well with her own mood.

A sudden shiver ran down her spine, and goose bumps crawled over her skin, as she continued listening to the song.

How I long back to those days

When everything seemed so simple and carefree

Where I was an innocent child

Seemingly as happy as I could be

But as I got older

The pain and grieve grew more bolder

I lost my only shoulder to cry on

Ominous clouds darkened the sun

Depicting that a new time arc had begun

Return love, don't create more hate

Don't lose your hope to cope

Reignite your faith

And believe once again

This bitterness of the past

How long will it last?

Time can't be turned back

But you can change today

You can change your ways

You can follow the path to brighter days

If only you would forgive

Return love, don't create more hate

Don't lose your hope to cope

Reignite your faith

And believe once again

Embrace one another as loved ones

Don't let anger cloud your judgement

You spend all this time procrastinating, alienating

And for what?

You can't give me a valid reason

If there is no one in existence

Return love ( don't create more hate)

Reignite your faith ( Learn to forgive)

Believe in each other once again….

As the song ended, she stared out of the window at the upcoming sun, a blank look on her face, shrouding anything she might be thinking or feeling in layers of uncertainty.

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A/N:

I'm not sure what to think about this chapter. It isn't really a bunch of crap, but it isn't that good either. Ah well, I guess this is the best I could manage. Don't hate me, please! I tried my very best, it just wasn't good enough!

Thanks to:

Fairy-GYAKUTENNO-MEGAMI

Now that you mention it, that was kind of confusing, I guess. Ah well, what's done is done. :shrugs with an "innocent" smile plastered on her face:

Ileana DuBaer:

Uh, she ate her cereals with milk.(sheepish grin)

pixiegirl100:

Yeah, it was pretty harsh, wasn't it? But the bitch had it coming.(sadistic smirk)

…:

Uh, thanks…I guess? Although I don't know who you are, thanks anyway…

But please, people! Don't give me countless reviews saying: update soon! It's kind of annoying and most of the time it doesn't make me write faster. I take my time on writing the next chapter. I write at my own leisure and at my own pace. You can't force me to update fast, just because you think I should. I really appreciate your input and everything. And I'm not trying to talk down on you or scold you. I just wanted to point out something that was nagging at me. So, hopefully you guys will understand. In my bio I specifically state that I'm a slow writer and that I update sporadically. Hope you guys can cope with that. And I'll try to keep the updates coming at a pace that is fair to you as well as for me.

Okies? Capish?

Great!

Then I bid thee farewell! And I'll see you on my next update (Don't forget to leave feedback by pressing that pretty little button that says: review!)

CMG, signing out!