Chapter 13: Hesitation
My life is like a picture about to be painted…with no lines to guide me…and an artist who'll do everything to change it…
We made it back to our dorms and I walked back up my staircase to my room, remembering to hold onto the railing so I could keep steady. I turned my head to look back at the guys. Max was seeing me up the stairs, probably making sure I could actually make it up the stairs. I…don't feel so well…m-maybe…I'll just…skip a few classes…yeah…that's…that's it…
Or maybe I'll skip all of them…
I don't know…
I don't seem to know anything anymore…I've been dubbed so many things in this school…but….
This is the first time that I've ever been dubbed…
Unforgiven…
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I lay in bed staring at the cold stone ceiling in my room…
Yeah, I've changed I won't deny it…maybe…maybe the old me will come back…some day…
"Oi! Come on buddy, you're missing lunch!!!" Max called to me from the doorway. I turned my head to meet his gaze. And I don't think he noticed…but I saw him wince.
In this world…human or demon…no matter what…you still have the capability of having emotions…human emotions. From what I did…I'm now feared by everyone…even my friends. And…the sad thing is…I don't want to be.
Max gave me a smile then reached into his pocket to pull something out. "Goshujin-sama?" A tiny voice squeaked. What the hell…?
"This is my friend Rini…" Oh yeah…Water Sprites always have pixie companions "if you're gonna come down to lunch, take your time…she'll keep you company while you stay up here…" Max gave a smile then walked over to my bedside…a little more cautiously then usual…then placed his pixie on my nightstand and exited my room.
"Hi Goshujin-sama's friend! I'm Rini Tamayoshi!" She giggled and flew around my head.
I remained silent…
"Hmm…the silent treatment right? But I don't know what I did…" she spoke again.
Again silence…
"I won't be able to help you if you leave me in the dark…" she spoke softly. But if she's in Max's pocket all the time wasn't she there.
"You shouldn't be here…" I finally answered.
Her face seemed to brighten almost immediately.
"But I want to help and Goshujin-sama is letting me so why let this opportunity pass ne?"
"You were there I don't need to explain it to you…" I growled under my breath.
"I saw what I saw…tell me what you saw…" She giggled and twirled around again.
"I saw a bastard who was pushing his luck and got what he deserved…" I growled louder and my fist clenched tightly.
"Oh really? Me too…" she nodded "though I also saw a lonely boy who lost control…"
"What the hell do you know!?!?!" I screamed at her.
"I know what I see…" she grinned like a Cheshire Cat. This pixie…talks in riddles…I don't get it. "Care to tell me why you're such a lonely boy Mr. Dragon?"
I finally…had someone who was willing to listen…
Giving her a weak smile I began my story. "You know…how there's two ways to become a demon…"
"Uhhh…" She looked around trying to think of something…she wouldn't know.
"To become a demon you're either born that way…or you sell your soul…"
"Ahh I see…" she nodded, "continue, please…"
"Hitoshi and I…our family...wasn't always paranormal…back in the 1800's we were a simple family of farmers just trying to survive in life. Then one day, Hitoshi and I wandered far away from our home…we got separated--"
"YOU'RE OLDER THAN KAI-SAMA!?!?!?" She squeaked.
"Nah…Kai's older…he's 90-something…in Phoenix years…in human years that makes him like 400 or something like that…" I laughed lightly then looked to the door as it slowly opened a crack…but no one entered.
(o.o);;; "Wow…" she said staring at me with big eyes.
"So…Hitoshi and I got separated…and somehow…he got sucked into the darkness. I searched the forest for days. But…I never found him. There were countless nights where I lay awake going over the forest in my head trying to think of anywhere I hadn't looked. I couldn't eat…I couldn't sleep…it haunted me, how I lost my brother…how innocent and reckless I was…"
"But…you still seem so happy and innocent now…" Rini interrupted me.
"It's a mask…that I've perfected…" I answered.
"Go on…" she nodded.
"Days passed, weeks, months, years…our mother died…I found out that she was slowly killing herself on the inside because of Hitoshi's disappearance…" I paused to close my eyes and tried to remember our mother, but the memory was just too far away "soon our Father died of grief…after that it just seemed like time slowed down…I forgot who I was…and I too slowly gave in to the darkness.
I awoke the next day…again in the forest…although…it wasn't my forest, this one was different. I needed to move…but…I couldn't…my trip through darkness…was killing me…but it didn't hurt. I told Kami-sama…that I would sell my soul if he could just give me something…that would tell me who I was…"
"And he turned you into a dragon…and brought Hitoshi and you back together…"
"Yeah…except…it wasn't that simple…see…we both met…when Hitoshi was a werewolf that night and I happened to be in dragon form…"
"So you both didn't have control over yourselves…" She watched me intensely.
"Yeah…the next morning though…it changed everything…Hitoshi told me…all about our past, at least…what he remembered…and he welcomed me to this school he was teaching at…a school that he was also learning…and he promised me…that I could always depend on him…for everything…cause that's what brothers are for…"
I heard a muffled sniffle then a hiccup. "T-That's so sweet…"
"Yeah…even though Hitoshi and I hardly see each other anymore...we're still close…that's why…I hate it…when anyone judges him before they actually know him…"
"But what about you aren't you upset when they make fun of you?"
"Sticks and stones…little Pixie," I answered with a small laugh. The door then closed gently, only I noticed though. "Know what Rini I think…I feel better now…let's go down to lunch…"
She smiled happily, "Yay!!!"
Getting out of bed, I opened my jacket pocket and let Rini sit in it as I traveled downstairs to the Dinning Hall.
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Once there…I received many mixed emotions from my classmates. All who received death glares from many people from my castle.
"Welcome back to the Dinning hall, buddy…"
"Nice to see you're better…"
"Glad you're ok…"
I put on my happy mask and gave everyone a smile. Hell, even Brook and Tala seemed pleased that I had returned.
I sat down in my seat and checked my pocket, only to see that Rini was gone. Looking up I saw Max give me a knowing smile and some sparkles flew out of his pocket.
Trying to act like everything was ok again I grabbed a serving spoon and grabbed everything on the food trays that I could reach. Everyone gave a small chuckle then went back to eating their meals as well.
And for a while…everything seemed…peaceful…sure some of my friends were avoiding me…and some now didn't trust me as much…but everything seemed back to nor—
"Hey look everyone it's the homicidal dragon…quick run before he calls for his loser brother!"
No…not…not again…I've got to…stay in…c-c-contro—control…
I watched a student get out of his seat then pretend to stab himself with a butter knife.
I started to shake in fury again…and my eyes turned to slits.
I could feel the dragon in me wanting to escape…but…a hand on my shoulder stopped me. Since when did Kai sit next to me?
"Don't…leave this to me…" he spoke darkly "Max…take Takao upstairs again…"
A surge of white hot fury flashed through my mind. Kai shouldn't fight my battles!!!
Suddenly I transformed again and I tried to rush at the student, I longed to see his blood…only…I couldn't move again. Kill…kill…kill…I must kill him…LET ME KILL HIM…LET ME RIP HIM!!!
Only…I couldn't listen to the voice in my head…I only heard the laughter…the laughter of my classmates…
And then nothing…
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I woke up in my room again…this time with a pounding headache…
"You're awake…good…" H-Hitoshi?
"B-Brother…how did I…?" I couldn't finish my sentence…I feel so weak…
"Max made a force field around you…and then you passed out…so I had him bring you to the Infirmary…"
"O-Oh…"
"Get some rest before your next class…I'm going to tell Johnny that you'll be attending my class tonight and not his…"
I nodded weakly and watched my brother leave the room.
The silence…it's always comforting…but…it always makes me feel so alone…
The door opened again…and Kyo, my roommate entered. I sat up and closed my eyes tightly.
"Are you here to make fun of me too? Or...maybe...maybe...you're here to yell at me like everyone else." I felt Kyo's presence moving. So she was going to leave me...just like all the others...
Suddenly a set of arms wrapped around me. My eyes snapped open only the register that…that…she was…hugging me…
"Stop putting words in my mouth you, stupid dragon…"
I smiled weakly and brought my arms around her to hug her back. So she was the one listening in on my conversation with Rini...
"It…it doesn't matter…who you are…or what you've done…but…just remember…you'll always have me, so…you don't have to be lonely anymore, Takao…"