This story takes place pre-PoA.
The loneliness is worst at the full moon. That's when we four were closest. It makes sense, really. None of us were solitary animals. Wolves and dogs have their packs, deer have their herds, and even rats live in colonies with other rats.
That's what we were to each other. The pack. The herd. The colony. The Marauders.
And that's why it's so lonely when the full moon comes. Because I've lost my pack. There's no one left to roam under the moon with, playing pranks and causing trouble.
Prongs was the first to go, of course. Brave, handsome Prongs. The athletic one. The one who found true love. The one who was betrayed by the one person he trusted with his life, and the lives of his wife and child. Poor Prongs.
Sirius was next, of course. Padfoot the prankster. Every girl's dream—girls always like the bad boys. It's really inevitable that he was the one who got blamed for the deaths of James and Lily. He was a Black, after all. It made sense that he'd join the Dark Lord, being what he was. At least… it made sense to those who didn't know him. Those who didn't know how much he hated his family and what it represented. Those who didn't know that he was as loyal as the dog that was his animagus form.
After Padfoot went to Azkaban, that only left two of us. Moony and me. But of course, Moony didn't know I was still alive. I couldn't let him know that. Moony was the clever one, you see. He would have figured out the truth. And even if he hadn't, the deatheaters in hiding would have done for me if they knew I was still alive. So I went into hiding, and Moony withdrew into his shell. It would be easier for him if he knew the truth, I think. But I won't be the one to tell him.
And that leaves me alone under the full moon. Peter Pettigrew. Wormtail. The traitor. You're wondering how I came to be in Gryffindor, aren't you? Gryffindor, home of the courageous. It's simple. I have courage, yes. Rat's courage. I'll do anything, brave anything, as long as I'm not alone.
It was hard when we got out of school. All my friends spread out. James got married. But somehow that only made the three of them closer. I got left out more and more. It felt like being abandoned. And then the Dark Lord came. He tortured me. I gave in to him. Because as long as I was with the Dark Lord, I wouldn't be alone. Rats get their courage from numbers, and here I was being offered the chance to join a colony that was so much larger than the Order that there was no comparison. The only catch was that I would have to serve a Master. And betray my friends.
It took him several weeks to wear me down. But the outcome was inevitable. He wouldn't have been able to take the others. There was no way he could have talked Moony or Padfoot into betraying Prongs. Padfoot blamed me for that. For what I'd done. But he didn't understand.
So, in the end, here I sit. Alone, by my own hand. Watching the full moon inch across the window, and listening to the snores and night sounds of the redheaded family I live with. Hiding, as I will be hiding for the rest of my life, most likely. Because of the one thing Prongs forgot when he made me his secret keeper. The thing that made me different from Padfoot or Moony. Rats live in colonies, yes. Rats like the company of others.
But rats are not loyal.
And there you have Wormtail's innermost thoughts. I actually started out writing Moony's chapter, but I liked the flow better with it being Wormtail's. Tell me what you think.
And if anyone spots any spelling or grammar errors, please tell me. I don't beta these, because I'm enough of a grammar and spelling nazi that I catch most of them myself, but I do welcome constructive criticism.