A/N: Okay, I just recently started watching Stargate, and I have only a general grasp of what's going on at the present. However, by systematically borrowing the box sets from a friend, I know the first two seasons backwards and forwards. Therefore, I'm going to say this happens some time in season two, one of those random event episodes that doesn't really tie in with anything. Any mistakes are the fault of my unenlightened symbiote. Freaking humans.

Carter was staring at several complex equations, waiting for all the nonsensical squiggles to meld in her brain into some cosmic meaning of life stuff. She was almost there when the moment was swept away forever by the door that abruptly swung open, revealing the Colonel and a couple of hovering grunts.

"We have what may be a situation, Captain."

She stood, closing her notebook in resignation. "May be, sir?"

"A state of affairs? Circumstances? A condition? I got more."

Carter cracked a bit of a smile and joined him in the hall. "I was sort of hoping for information, sir."

"Something's up with the iris. General Hammond just sounded irritated, so it's safe to hope we only have to save the world a little today." He held the door to the gate room. "After you."

Shaking her head with a Mona Lisa smile, the Captain spotted Teal'c looking on in what appeared to be great distress. Of course, that was his natural expression, so she wasn't unduly worried. "What's going on?"

"General Hammond says that the computers have crashed. They appear intact to me, however." Sam made a mental note to coach Teal'c in basic technogeek.

"We can't close the iris or dial out until we get them back up?" she guessed. "But we can receive an incoming signal. That could be bad." She looked around for someone who might actually know. "Daniel! Hey, Daniel, what's wrong with the computers?"

Daniel waved and had to maneuver between three uniformed grunts and two science grunts to reach them. "Tried to do too many things at once, froze, and it's being stubborn about rebooting." He shrugged. "And it was much more spectacular than when my computer does the same thing. This is our tax dollars at work." He shook a fist in the air for emphasis.

"Well, it should take ten minutes, tops, to get the system back up, right?" Carter felt an almost unconscious knot of worry relax. A Goa'uld attack in that kind of time window was infinitely improbable.

"The more impressive our technology, the more catastrophic a malfunction." Daniel took on his "about to yammer on indefinitely about the nature of the universe" expression. "I mean, think about it. There was a time when a malfunction meant someone's finger got burned, and that was because the fire gods were angry. The wrong short circuit could literally blow up the world now."

"Yes, Daniel, and we'll talk about that in our group session later," said Jack, who had wandered up looking jaded. "I think we'll make a real breakthrough today. Is this an emergency or are we just wasting time here?"

"Someone didn't have his coffee this morning," Sam said wryly.

Teal'c looked around. "Who?"

That was when the Stargate roared to life, provoking a technician to hurl himself off the ramp in the nick of time, landing on a broken probe. The memory would be funny later. Before his mind even processed the information, the Colonel started barking orders to whoever was in hearing distance. Everyone did exactly what common sense and standard practice told them to do, anyway, but it made him feel better. The science grunts got out of the way, looking consciously not at fault, and the armed grunts immediately struck formation around the gate.

A figure in a black cloak rushed through the open gate and promptly tripped over the hem of the oversized garment, saving his or her life by spilling onto the ramp in a heap of superfluous black stuff as the army guys blasted the space formerly occupied by the cloaked head.

"Damn it, knock that off!"

Sam stared at the still unidentified person sprawled on the floor. The voice was male, and sounded more irritated than anything else. Though he made no attempt to get up or even move, his tirade went on.

"I mean, I of all people understand paranoia, specially in this galaxy, but shooting anyone who comes through your event horizon is a little extreme. Seriously, I'm in no position to hurt you or anyone else. If I were armed I'd have no idea what to do with a projectile, and my swordwork is absolutely abysmal. Less with the shooting! Can I get up now? Oh, and would anyone tell me where I am? I thought I might be insane for taking directions from a necklace and it's looking like I am, but a little information wouldn't go amiss. I'm getting up. Look, there my hands, empty and everything. Unless I were a pyrokinetic of some sort you're perfectly safe. Do you know, I actually heard a pretty report of a pyrokinetic a year ago? From a scientist, I mean. Behavioral psychologist, colleague of mine. Smug, but a nice guy after a few drinks. Information hasn't been flowing very freely since the whole Goa'uld invasion incident, and all, but I've always been very interested to find out if it was true and what kind of mutation could cause that. Oh, I digress. Let me know if I talk to much. It's a bad habit. My wife has plenty to say about that, let me tell you, or she did, before those bastards shoved a damn superintelligent insect up her abdomen. But, yes, about getting up? I'm harmless. Can I? Oh, wait, do you understand me anyway? Er… Kunt u me begrijpen? Pode você compreender-me? Just tell me I'm okay to get up if you get any of this. Oh, come on now, who shot that last one? I was hoping you were out of bullets. Можете вы понять меня? Mag ich oben stehen? Throw me a bone, people."

Jack raised an eyebrow. "Daniel, do you have a brother we don't know about?"