"You didn't turn the lights off last night," said Beth when Henny came into the kitchen at one o'clock the next afternoon.
"Oops," said Henny, and shrugged.
Beth clenched her teeth and, with an effort, held her annoyance in. Her conversation with herself from last night's dream was playing on her mind in a big way, and she was having problems interpreting it. Did it mean that she had feelings for Launchpad, above a platonic level? Certainly, if she did, she'd know... And think of all the problems that could cause! Even more then there were now, with her loving Drake! The whole situation was too frustrating, and it was putting her in a terrible mood. She couldn't think it over with Henny around, that was for certain. "I'm going on a walk," she decided aloud. Henny had raided the fridge and come up with bread and three different jars of jelly. She nodded from where she was standing. Beth paused a bit as she went out the kitchen door. "And don't use all the jelly while I'm out just to spite me, okay?"
"Like I would," said Henny. She made a face as Beth left the room, and then sighed angrily and put two of the jelly jars back.
About fifteen minutes later, she was sitting on the couch enjoying the silence of not having Beth around when someone rang the doorbell. "Aw, where is she when I really need her?" whined Henny, and tried to think of a way to get the door to open without moving from the couch. Finally she slid herself off the couch and onto the floor. From there she pulled herself up and made it to the door, which she unhappily pulled open. She brightened as soon as she saw Launchpad on the other side of it.
Launchpad's face fell when he saw her. "Er, hi," he said, looking away from her. He had thought that Beth had said that Henny never answered the door- in fact, he was sure that Beth had complained about it for nearly 20 minutes. "I just was wondering if Beth was here?"
"Oh, she's here somewhere," said Henny, and grabbed him by the arm. "We'll just have to wait for her, won't we?" she said as she pulled him towards the couch and slammed the front door after him.
"I can't like Launchpad! Gee, I'm not even really attracted to him!" said Beth out loud as she walked up and down the street parallel to her own. A few people had stopped to look at her, but as usual when she got into a really pensive mood, she was unaware of the looks she was getting. "Well, not really. It's not to say that he's NOT attractive, because he is, but... I mean, it's not like the way I am about Drake. I don't feel for Launchpad the way I do for Drake, either! At least, I don't feel like I do..." She stopped on the street corner, turned around, and went back the way she had come. This was the eighth time she had done this. "But why in the heck else would I be jealous? It doesn't make any sense at all!"
She came to a complete standstill and squeezed her eyes shut, thinking hard. Why, she wondered silently, does the Domino Thinking Process never start when I really need it? Launchpad was her friend. Henny was coming on to her friend. Maybe it was a sort of maternal, guardian instinct? That didn't explain the actual jealousy she was feeling. "I've never even seen Launchpad with other women," mused Beth out loud. Suddenly her eyes snapped open. That was it! "Hah! I'm just weirded out because Launchpad has never taken an interest in anyone while I've been around! Geez... Dumb me! I can't believe I was letting myself get so upset over this whole thing!"
Beth started walking again, towards her house now. Her bad mood had lifted, and even the prospect of seeing Henny didn't bother her too much. "I'll bet my jealousy is a subconscious manifestation of my fear that Launchpad will desert me if he gets a girlfriend! That sort of fear would be predictable... Being the only adult woman who's really a part of his life, I'm used to getting a lot of attention from him. But if he were going out with someone, a lot of that attention would be diverted, and it would be a big change for me." It was a relief to think that all of her feelings were platonic, after all. For once, she was in control of herself.
"Yes, that's certainly it. And the best way to deal with this frustration of mine is to force myself to confront it, to let him go out with a woman and get over the whole thing. I can't just be possessive, that's silly! I have no claim over him," she said to herself. Now that she had completely rationalized her feelings, as she did about everything at least once a month, she felt much better, like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. She held her head high as she walked, filled with new resolve.
"Er... Ms. Chickstein, I really don't think that we oughta be--"
Henny, sitting very close to Launchpad on the couch, silenced him by holding a finger to his bill. "Don't be silly. Beth has no claims over you. You have nothing to be worried about." She smiled in what she assumed was a reassuring way, but which actually gave the impression that she was about to go for Launchpad's throat.
He gulped. "Well, actually, I..."
Henny interrupted again. In fact, she hadn't let him finish a sentence since she'd dragged him into the house. "You know something silly?" she said with a well-rehearsed laugh. "Beth tried to tell me last night that there was nothing between us!" She burst into a fit of overly-happy laughter, and looked at him pointedly.
Launchpad desperately wished that Beth would come into the room. "Well, heh heh, if you'd back up a little, we'd have a couch cushion between us..." he said nervously. He wished that she would move. She was making him extremely nervous.
However, instead of moving away from him, Henny cried, "Oh, Launchpad, say you feel it too!" and threw herself at him. She missed his lips and instead fell crosswise over him, with her head on the arm of the couch. She tried to turn this back around to her advantage, so she turned over and lay across his lap, looking up at him. Then she threw her arms around his neck and tried to pull his head down towards her. He resisted. Infuriated, she pulled harder, and it took all his strength for him to stay where he was. If he hadn't been nervously sweating before, he would have started now from the sheer physical exertion. "Launch-pad...," said Henny through clenched teeth.
"Uhhh, listen, Henny, I don't think I'm- urk- ready for this right now...," he choked.
"Don't be silly! I won't bite... unless you want me to," she said with a wink.
Launchpad began to feel a little sick to his stomach. "N-no... what I'm tryin' to say is that... I'm not lookin' for a relationship!" She was actually starting to pull harder. He wondered with amazement- and no small amount of fear- just how strong she was. "Not with-"
She cut him off before he could say that he didn't want her, specifically. "Umph- But Launchpad-- I'm just what you need! I'll teach you what love is all about! I'll--"
"Henny, I have feelings for Beth!" he blurted out.
"You-- WHAT?" Henny stopped pulling him towards her, but didn't let go of him or loosen the pressure she had him under.
Launchpad swallowed. She looked dangerous. "I-- I love Beth," he said.
"That... That smug, stuck-up, temperamental, worthless goody-two- shoes? You're in love with HER!"
"Yeah," said Launchpad simply, then thought about how the question had been phrased. "Heyyy, wait a min--"
He stopped short as the front door opened. Both their heads turned to look as Beth walked halfway through the door, saw them on the couch, and froze with her hand still on the doorknob. She looked at the two of them for a matter of moments, her eyes very wide. Finally she managed, "Oh." Henny rolled her eyes, disgusted. Beth's attention seemed to be riveted on Launchpad. "Excuse me," she said, and stepped backwards out the door, shutting it in front of her.
"Beth!" shouted Launchpad. He was dismayed to notice that she apparently heard him, but took no notice whatsoever. He detached himself from Henny's arms, then stood up. Henny, who had remained motionless on his lap, slid right to the floor with a shriek. Launchpad took no notice and ran out the door after Beth.
"Isn't that just like a man," said Henny, rubbing her bum as she stood up. "As soon as they have one thing, they jump up and chase after another."
Outside, Launchpad caught Beth's arm. "Beth... That wasn't what it looked like."
She turned around and looked at him brightly. Too brightly. "Oh, I don't care," she said cheerfully. "No, I mean it, Launchpad. Actually, I was just thinking that you should try and find a girlfriend. After all, you of all people deserve someone... Someone better than Henny, of course, but well, whatever floats your boat..."
"Nah, I mean it! That was sorta an accident. I came here to see you, and she kinda took over. C'mon, Beth, I mean it. I don't like her. Not that way. ...Not very much at all, really." Launchpad looked at her sincerely, and her phony cheerfulness cracked a bit.
"Really?" she asked hesitantly.
"Yep."
"Thank goodness! I'm so glad you don't have such bad taste!" she said, letting out a huge breath of relief. Once again, she felt uplifted, as though the weight of the world had been taken off of her. He doesn't like anyone, she thought with a warm feeling in her heart. I mean, he doesn't like HENNY. That's what's important. Mustn't be possessive, she reminded herself, and turned her attention back to the important matter at hand. "This is it. We have to do something to get her out of here. But-- I just can't tell her to go. I can't just kick her out. Then I'd feel awful. We need to find a way to get her to want to leave." A flash of brilliance struck her all of a sudden- one that was just as out of her nature as being blunt. But suddenly she wanted to try it. A slow grin formed on her face.
"What a dork," said Henny, sprawled across the couch. "And he's got lousy taste, too. Beth has no personality whatsoever." She picked up the remote control and pointed it at the TV. A loud scream filled the air. Annoyed, she hit the mute button, but it continued. It gradually dawned on her that it was coming from outside. She sat up and looked at the front door curiously. Suddenly the scream broke off, and Launchpad came running in and slammed the door behind him. His clothes looked torn up, like he'd been in some sort of fight.
"Beth, oh, Beth, how could you?" he said, covering his eyes with his arm dramatically.
Henny was supremely unimpressed. "What? She snub ya, you playboy?"
"No! She tried to kill me!" he exclaimed, terrified. He ran to her side and took her hand. "I told her about us and now she's FURIOUS! She's unstoppable! Yonder is armageddon! O, we are all doomed!" Henny rolled her eyes. He broke his dramatic pose and said, "In any case, Henny, if you run right now you can still escape!"
Henny just looked at him calmly. "Uh-huh. Beth is a raving maniac. That'll be the day," she said. "Beth doesn't get mad, she just gets a little snippy. I'm sticking around, the accomodations are too good to give up just cause she's jealous."
"Suit yourself," said Launchpad, and let go of her hand.
At that moment the door was flung open so hard that it slammed into the wall loudly. Beth came into the room, looking quite composed and very alert. "LAUNCHPAD!" she yelled, rather manically. "Why'd you run away like that?... Oh, hello, Henny. Can I get you anything?" she asked, her tone doing a complete 180. "A Koo-Koo Cola, perhaps?"
"No, I'm fine. Listen, Beth, what's all this about you threatening us?" asked Henny, giving Beth a look of distaste.
Beth worked the innocent bit for all it was worth. "Threatening?"
"You don't know anything about how Launchpad's clothes got ripped up? You didn't try to kill him just now because you were jealous?"
"No!" said Beth, and shot a nasty look at Launchpad.
Henny echoed the look. "See, I told you, you big crybaby," she said to him. Launchpad looked sheepish. "On second thought, I would like that Koo-Koo Cola after all," said Henny to Beth. Beth nodded, as if she'd expected this. She took out a pair of scissors and started for the kitchen, saying, "You come with me, Launchpad. I'm gonna give you that haircut you've been wanting!" LP whimpered, but followed her.
They'd been in the kitchen for about a minute when Beth shrieked, "STOP SQUIRMING!" A huge scream, louder than the first, erupted, and then died out abruptly. Henny had taken the TV off of mute, and took no notice of the sounds at all. A few moments later, a hand popped out from behind her holding a can of soda. Henny took the can, and some thick red liquid smeared off onto her hands. She looked up to see Beth looking at her darkly, with the same red liquid all over her hands, arms, and shirt. "Launchpad says hi," hissed Beth.
"That's disGUSting," said Henny, for lack of anything better to say.
Beth held up her other hand, which was still clasping the scissors. They, too, were literally streaked with red. "These... are for you!" she whispered fiercely. The scissors were raised above her head, and held for a moment in the air. Henny opened her mouth, but for once, no sound came out.
"What is going on in here!" said a voice from the front door. Drake was standing in the doorframe with his arms crossed. "You can hear screaming all over the neighborhood! I thought you were... Ew. That's disGUSting," he said as he noticed the red stuff.
"Drake!" said Beth, shocked to see him. She lowered the arm that had been holding the scissors. Henny breathed a sigh of relief, then her vocal cords kicked in and she shrieked for about thirty seconds. Having gotten it out of her system, she fell backwards onto the couch, drained.
Beth took no notice of Henny. All she thought of was what she must look like to Drake, standing there covered in 'blood' and about to stab her houseguest to death with a pair of scissors. He was a crimefighter by his very nature- it was one of the things she loved about him. Of course he wasn't going to take this well.
"What is that?" he asked, in reference to the red liquid.
Beth turned lightly pink. "It's... blood. I, um, I killed Launchpad."
"You what?"
"Ew," said Henny from the couch. It came out like a whine.
"You know... I 'killed' him," said Beth, winking at Drake. He didn't catch the meaning of it, only stared at her in disbelief. "Fine, fine, it's ketchup! It was the only way I could think of to get rid of Henny!" she yelled.
"Ohhh," said Drake, understanding perfectly now, only a bit too late.
Launchpad came in from the kitchen, unharmed. "Hey, DW," he said.
Henny sat up on the couch and looked at the three people before her."Hey! What the hel--"
"Oh, come on, just cause we're a little more conniving than you are doesn't make us any worse, Miss 'The Accomodations Are Too Good Here'," said Beth, with an edge of irritation to her voice.
"Oh, you could hear that?" Not surprisingly, Henny didn't seem especially bothered.
"DUH."
"Oh well. I guess we're even now. Well, I'm going up to my room."
"Wow. How stupid is she?" asked Drake.
"Hey, I never did anything to YOU! This means war!" exclaimed Henny furiously.
The three of them gave each other a look. "Guess we'll have to spell it out for her. C'mere, Henny baby," said Drake coolly. He looked at her through half-lidded eyes and said, "It is time for you to go. There is not a place for you here anymore."
"Sure there is. I stay in the guest bedroom."
"Oh, brother." Beth covered her eyes in frustration. "That's it. I'll be blunt now. Henny," she said, and looked right at her guest, "I want you to leave. You've been taking advantage of me, and I'm not going to let you do that anymore. I'm sorry you don't have any place to stay, but you can't stay here. You've made your opinion of me quite clear, and now I'm going to be honest and tell you that I don't like you, either. I want you to be gone within an hour."
Henny was speechless. Unfortunately, it didn't last. "Well... Fine then. It just so happens that my apartment people called, and I can go back there. So I don't need your cruddy house, anyway." She stormed upstairs to pack, leaving Beth, Drake, and Launchpad giving her looks of utter disbelief.
"Oh, wow... That felt so good!" said Beth. A nervous smile spread across her face, and she laughed a little.
"I knew ya could do it!" said Launchpad, patting her gently on the back.
"You're learning," said Drake. "I wouldn't have been so polite about it, but then again... Your way may be better in the long run."
"Beth...?" called Henny from upstairs.
After a pause, Beth called back, "What?"
"As long as you're down there, could you get me a soda?"
Beth stood utterly still for a moment, in silence. Launchpad and Drake watched her curiously. Then, reluctantly, she sighed, gave the others an embarrassed smile, and went to the kitchen. Her friends looked at each other for a moment, disappointed, and then ran after her.
Copyright Rebecca Littlehales, 1996. Beth Webfoot and Henny Chickstein created by me, R. Littlehales; all other characters are owned by Disney and are used without permission. This story may be duplicated as long as it is not sold or altered in any form, and I am given credit for it. It may not be sold in any form, or altered without my expressed permission. This story may not be allowed to express itself in any way unless I am given altered permission. Good night and may the cow protect you all!