Chapter Five
It was a Saturday afternoon when Hermione stood outside Harry's flat door. When he opened it, he looked more than a little shocked to see her standing there.
"Why didn't you just use the floo?" He asked her.
"I felt like going for a walk," she answered.
He had a feeling the real reason had been because she was afraid to run into Ron. Since it was his place, she stood a better chance of him answering the door.
"You don't have to knock, Hermione. That's why I gave you a key."
She shrugged. "It wouldn't feel right just walking in." She handed him the bag of books in her hands. "I meant to give these to you sooner, but..."
She didn't need to finish the thought. She had spent the better part of the last two weeks angry with him, so he knew why she hadn't come around before then. But it was ridiculous having her stand in his doorway like this. "Hermione, come in."
"No, I can't," she said quickly. "I have to get ready – "
"Ron's not here," he said quietly.
She looked to have run out of excuses at this, and took a tentative step inside. He closed the door behind her and led them both into the kitchen, where he dumped the bag of books onto the table.
"Can I ask why you wanted me to take these out for you?" She said, sliding into a chair, opposite him.
"I just thought it would look a lot less suspicious if you did it," he said, reading the cover off one of the books, entitled Power of the Mind: Learning to Trust Your Instincts. "These might be the sort of thing you would check out for the line of work you're in."
"That's not what I meant."
It was bad enough he had to confess everything to Lupin. He was really hoping he wouldn't have to do the same with Hermione. "I just don't know enough about these abilities I have. I barely understand them and I need to make sure I'm not a danger to anyone around me."
"Harry, I know you've been using your powers more lately, but you're not hurting anyone – except for yourself maybe because I know it wears you out to use them for a prolonged period of time."
"What if I am, and I just don't know it?"
Her forehead creased as she considered what he was saying. "You mean subconsciously? I suppose it's possible," she conceded. "But for you do be having this kind of impact on another person and not even realize what you were doing would require an enormous amount of power. I thought Snape said your telepathy would only be limited at best."
"He did, but he's never actually trained someone like me before, has he? I'm not even sure he completely understands my abilities. If I can project thoughts into someone's mind willingly, what's to say I can't to the same thing by accident?"
Hermione looked thoughtful. "The mind is the most complex part of the human body. What you can do with yours goes against all the laws of physics, and is still completely different from someone who has the ability to perform wandless magic. I'm not even sure if Occlumency is actually helping you to control them – it's just the only option that's out there. Can you think of any specific incidents where you thought you were influencing someone without even trying?"
He nodded, fighting to keep a blush from creeping into his cheeks.
"What happened?"
"Hermione, I'm not going to tell you that," he said, embarrassment evident in his voice.
"It might explain a lot," she said to him. "Like when your mind is most vulnerable. If these events are somehow connected we might be able to figure out a solution."
He had asked for her help, and now he was faced with having to divulge everything to her. "Ginny," he mumbled, staring down at his hands.
"Oh," said Hermione, her eyes widening slightly. "Oh," she repeated much louder this time. "That's why you stopped coming around Remus's, isn't? Even before everything that happened with Ron and I?"
"I've already talked to Remus about this, and he thought it would be best until we figured out what was going on."
"What happens when you're around her?"
Harry's head shot up. "Shit, Hermione, I'm definitely not telling you that."
"Harry, there's a reason you can't shut yourself off when you're with her. Are you empath abilities strong around her as well?"
He nodded, and trying to rid himself of feeling awkward for discussing the matter with Hermione, said "look, I'm sure these books will explain what's going on," he said, tapping his finger against one of them.
"You sure you're not just looking for an excuse to stay away from her?"
"No, I'm not," he said sharply.
"Harry, what's going on may have nothing to do with thought projection or mind control. You may just experience things more intensely around Ginny because of your feelings towards her – and her feelings for you," she added.
"Hermione, I don't even know what my feelings are."
"Then you should probably figure that out," she said. "I have to go now," she said, rising to her feet. "I told Ginny I'd help her with her hair." She grabbed his hand, forcing him to look at her. "Promise me you're not going to go jumping to conclusions before you talk to Remus or Snape about what you've read?"
When he finally nodded, she let go of his hand.
"I'll see you tonight, Harry," she said and walked out of there.
"I hate these damn robes," Ron muttered, looking at himself in the mirror.
"I thought you'd be used to this sort of thing by now after having to wear your Auror robes day in and day out," said Ginny from where she sat on her bed.
"My Auror robes are comfortable," he said, turning around, "and they don't itch my neck like this," he complained, tugging at the collar of his dress robes.
"Did someone say itch?" Said Fred, poking his head into his sister's room.
"If you want to know what a itch feels like that lasts for days, we can help you out there," George said, pulling out his wand with a grin.
"Sod off, you two."
"Temper, temper," George admonished him.
"You better change your tune, Ron, or else mum's gonna have your head tonight," Fred said to him.
"You lot are to be on your best behaviour tonight," said George, imitating their mother. "There's going to be representatives from every department of the Ministry, and I want your father to be proud of his family, not humiliated. It was kind of insulting the way she was staring at Fred and me when she said that last part. It's like she thinks all we're capable of is causing trouble," he finished, pretending to sound hurt.
"You two do kind of have a bad track record with her," Ginny said grinning.
At the same instant, the twins put on their best innocent faces, looking like Sunday school boys instead of professional pranksters. Ginny burst out laughing and Ron had to admit the picture of Fred and George looking almost angelic was rather amusing.
Hermione appeared in the doorway then, saying, "are we leaving yet?"
The twins whistled in unison.
"You look smashing, Hermione," Fred told her.
"Yes, very hot," George said in agreement. "Doesn't she look hot, Ron?"
Ron's eyes had been following her since she appeared in Ginny's room, wearing the midnight blue dress robes that bore a striking resemblance to the ones she'd worn to the Yule Ball in fourth year. They fit every curve of her body perfectly, while her hair was done up in tight curls with a few stray ringlets hanging around her face. He thought she was beautiful when she woke up in the morning and her hair was a tangled mess, but standing there in front of him now, words couldn't do justice to how gorgeous she looked. But he couldn't say any of that. He gave a shrug of his shoulders in response to George's question, and pretended to fix his robes in the mirror.
"I'm going to see if Harry's here yet," Hermione said and left the room.
"I see she's still pissed at you," George said knowingly. "But it couldn't have hurt for you to tell her how good she looked."
"Fuck off," Ron rumbled, turning away from the mirror.
Fred made a mad dash to the bed to cover Ginny's ears. "You need to watch your mouth around our baby sister's ears," he cried, looking aghast.
Ginny swatted her brother's hands away. "Please, that was actually quite charming for Ron. He's usually a lot more vulgar."
"Fred! George! Ron! Ginny! We're leaving now!" Their mother's voice rang from downstairs. "Your father's expecting us shortly."
"And the fun begins," said George with a grin as they made for downstairs.
Ron was certain he was being sarcastic. If the last ball he had attended was any indication, they were in for a night that would be anything but fun.
The Ministry of Magic had a wing on the main level dedicated to housing a variety of functions, including wizarding conventions, guest speakers, and the occasional formal event, such as the Minister's Ball. The room, which was easily large enough to fit a couple hundred people or more comfortably, had flashing streamers hanging from the ceiling that changed colours every few seconds. Two long buffet tables were set up against one wall, containing more than fifty different dishes that magically refilled whenever they got too low. A band Ron had heard his mother mention a few times over the years, called Magical Intrigue was set up on stage, playing music to the delight of those on the dance floor.
He found Hermione effortlessly, standing in a small group that consisted of her boss, and three other Ministry employees he didn't recognize. They looked to be engrossed in what was undoubtedly a conversation about something he would never understand. Hermione appeared to be enjoying herself immensely, fitting right in with the upper Ministry echelons.
"Having fun yet?" Bill said on his left.
"Oh, yeah, loads," Ron said with a roll of his eyes.
"I think if I have to have one more family picture taken, I'm going to smash the camera of that Prophet reporter," Bill said with a sigh.
"Mum seems to be enjoying it," said Ron, momentarily taking his eyes off Hermione to watch their mother laugh at some joke their father had told her.
"She should be. Her and dad deserve this."
Ron knew there were few people that worked harder than his parents. Though he had protested coming tonight, he knew what this meant to them and he was happy for them.
"I heard you actually get more results with talking than staring," observed Bill, following his youngest brother's line of sight.
Not if the person won't talk to you, Ron thought to himself. "I guess you're here to give me the big brother knows best speech?"
"Ron, I understand why you did it, even though I think it was a bad idea. You wanted to give her the best – you just didn't count on her not wanting the same thing."
Ron didn't answer. He hated how Bill always turned out to be right just like their mother.
"This ought to be good," Bill said with a grin, turning towards the entrance. "Charlie's girlfriend just showed up."
This news was enough to drag him away from his brooding over Hermione. "Charlie has a girlfriend? Since when?"
"Since after Christmas when Dumbledore sent him across Europe to call up some old Order contacts. He met her in France when she went home to visit her parents."
Ron's jaw dropped when he saw Charlie approach the young woman by the entrance. "Fleur Delacour? He's dating her?"
Bill nodded. "We had a thing a while back, nothing too serious. I guess she likes Charlie better. It must be that whole thing about working with dragons. I just wasn't dangerous enough for her. She's not my type anyways."
Ron gave his brother an incredulous look. "Gorgeous French girls aren't your type?"
Bill just shrugged, watching their mother come over and fuss over Charlie's date.
"You want to come watch?" Bill said to him.
"Nah, I think I'll just find Harry," he said, knowing that once Fred and George got a hold of the knowledge of Charlie's girlfriend, it would be ten times more entertaining to watch.
"Suit yourself," Bill said and walked off.
It didn't take long for him to locate Harry, as he was sitting at a table by himself, looking as sullen as Ron felt.
"Did you see Charlie's girlfriend walk in?" Said Ron, knowing they could both do with a bit of cheering up.
"I didn't even know he had one," was the reply.
"It's Fleur," said Ron, watching as Harry's expression mirrored what his own had been. "Fred and George are going to be disappointed they're too wrapped up with Angelina and Alicia to notice."
"I'm sure they'll make up for it," said Harry, leaning back in his chair.
The cheerfulness that Ron had felt at learning about his brother's love life was fading fast. It was replaced with the knowledge that he had single handedly managed to make himself miserable at another ball.
In fourth year, even though he hadn't fully understood what his feelings for Hermione meant, he knew he didn't like seeing her with Krum. When they had that heated row afterwards and she had screamed that he should have asked her first instead of as a last resort, it had taken him a good year to figure out that she had wanted to go with him in the first place, but he had been too daft at the time to realize his feelings for what they were. Instead of using this ball to make up for the mess that the last one had turned out to be, he was once again watching her enjoy it with someone else, and sitting alone at a table, just as miserable as Harry.
He was sure how close Anderson was standing to her counted as inappropriate for employer-employee relations.
"Is this table strictly for brooding wizards, or can anyone sit here?" Ginny said eyeing her brother and Harry.
Ron scowled. "Shouldn't you be off dancing with that prat Dean?"
"He's not a prat, and he's actually dancing with someone else."
"So you're just lending your boyfriend out to other girls?" Ron said to her.
"Actually, he's not my boyfriend anymore," she said, letting her voice drop.
Harry choked on the butterbeer he had been drinking and went in to a coughing fit.
"You all right, mate?" Ron asked, when his friend collected himself.
"Fine," Harry croaked.
"He didn't hook up with some other girl, did he?" Ron turned back to his sister, after seeing Harry was all right. "If he pulled some stunt like that again, I'm going to – "
"While I do appreciate your big brother protectiveness," she cut in, "that's not it at all. We just decided we make better friends."
"Are you sure?" Ron grilled her. "It's not like I would hurt him unless you wanted me to."
"That's very sweet, Ron, but I swear it was mutual. No one got hurt."
"I think I need to get some air," Harry announced, standing up.
"I'll go with you," Ginny said brightly, standing up as well.
Harry looked like that was the last thing he wanted but he didn't protest as Ginny followed him back out to the Atrium.
The thought that kept repeating itself over and over in Harry's head was that there was nothing wrong with what he was doing. Ginny and Dean weren't together anymore so he wasn't hurting anyone by having her backed against the wall in a corner that obscured them from sight from anyone who might happen to walk out of the ball.
He kissed her deeply, pressing his tongue against her own. One hand clutched at his robes, pulling him closer, while the other tangled itself in his hair, guiding him down to her neck. With expert hands, he deftly undid the claps on her robe and pushed the openings aside, desperately wanting to feel her. The fact that he was supposed to be staying away from her didn't enter his mind until her hands reached inside his own robes. He grabbed them and held them at bay.
Ginny's own breathing was ragged, and she was hoping she wasn't going to have to slap him for apologizing for kissing her again.
"I have to go," he said, his breathing erratic.
"I don't understand," she said, her voice filled with confusion.
"No, you wouldn't," he said, taking a step back from her. "You need to stay away from me."
"That might make a bit more sense if you weren't the one who started this," she said coyly.
"I'm not safe to be around," he said, his voice thick with emotion.
She should have known what this was about. He didn't want her to become a target like her brother and Hermione were. "Harry, it doesn't matter that Voldemort is after you. I'm not asking you to protect me," she said, closing the gap between him and laying a hand on his arm.
"Don't touch me!" He shouted, yanking his arm free from her touch. "You're just making this worse."
She was actually afraid of him then. He wasn't making any sense. She had never seen him like this, so close to falling apart. "Tell me what's going on, Harry," she pleaded.
"I'm making you do this," he said, his voice shaking.
"Do what?"
"Coming out here to kiss me – being with me. I'm using my mind to make it happen. I don't want to, and that's why I tried staying away."
"I think I would know if there were thoughts and feelings inside of me that weren't my own."
"Haven't you ever wondered why everything is so extreme when we're together? Why neither one of us can seem to pull away? It's called subconscious mind control – I project what I want into you and it happens."
She was shaking her head. It wasn't – it couldn't be true. "You don't believe that."
"I've done the reading. What I'm doing to you is as bad as rape."
She was shaking all over now. How could he say that? He was making what they were doing sound vile and disgusting.
"Why did you follow me out here?" He demanded of her.
"I don't know," she said, feeling the first sting of tears hitting her cheeks.
"Then what does that tell you? You came after me because you were drawn to me!" He yelled, not wanting to frighten her but needing her to understand what he was doing to her. "I'm so sorry for all of this, Ginny. I wanted to keep you from my fucked up life, but I couldn't even do that. I promise it won't happen again. I'll stay away from you."
He forced himself to walk away, pretending that seeing her cry had no affect on him. He was finally going to start doing the right thing. He might have hurt her terribly now, but he knew it was better this way. Once she saw the kind of person he really was, she would realize she wanted nothing to do with him and would be better off for it.
It was almost one in the morning when the Minister's Ball had wound down enough that Hermione didn't think anyone would mind if she and Ginny left. She had known something was wrong with Ginny for a while now, but the younger girl had refused to talk about it. It was obvious that it had something to do with Harry, but Hermione wasn't about to force it out of her. She figured the best cure for whatever was bothering her would be ice cream. It wasn't long afterwards before Ginny spilt everything that had happened with Harry. It came as no surprise why was so upset after everything he had said.
Ginny was a lot calmer now, and the two of them sat across from each other in the kitchen, sharing the container of ice cream between them and flipping through recent copies of Witch Weekly.
"Listen to this one," Ginny said, barely able to contain her laughter. "His girlfriend left him for the lead singer of Majik, so he put this charm on himself so he could sing in order to get her back. The problem is, he can't stop singing and the Healers at St. Mungo's haven't figured out how to cure him."
"It sounds like he was quite desperate," said Hermione.
"I guess he just couldn't stand being single."
"Being in a relationship isn't always fun either," pointed out the older girl.
All joking aside, Ginny put down her magazine and looked at Hermione. "Do you think Harry's right?"
Hermione frowned. "I think Harry's jumping to conclusions."
"The more I think about it the more it makes sense. I've been pining after him since I was eleven, and even though there was Michael and Dean, I was never attracted to them the way I was to Harry. It's always been Harry for me. What if all those years, Harry had these abilities and didn't know he had them but was still able to use them? That would mean I've never actually felt anything for him. I just followed him around because I couldn't help myself."
"Ginny, we don't know what's really going on," Hermione said, trying to comfort her. "This is all new to Harry as well. He doesn't understand what's going on and it scares him. He's pulling away from you because that's what he does."
Ginny didn't think it would be affecting her this badly, and yet it was. To be faced with the possibility that none of her feelings for Harry were real – that they were just an accidental manifestation in her mind made her feel empty inside. "Ron misses you," she said, wanting to get off the topic of discussing Harry. "If it helps, I know how guilty he feels for what he did."
"I'm not doing this to hurt him," she told Ginny.
"I know," the other girl said in understanding
"It's definitely a lot easier being single," Hermione said with a sigh. "Everything's a lot less complicated too."
Ginny nodded in wholehearted agreement. "That's why it's good to be single again."
"You girls are way too young be sounding that cynical already."
Both girls jumped a mile at the sound of Tonks voice. She was standing in the doorway with Remus. They hadn't even heard the front door open.
"Tonks, what are you doing here so late?" Ginny said.
"Well I wanted to walk Remus home, you know, make sure he was safe," she said grinning.
Lupin's face was actually reddening after that comment. "Now that I'm home safe I think I'm going to head up to bed," Lupin said to them. After a short chorus of goodnight's he was on his way upstairs.
"So what's this rubbish about being single is better than a relationship?" She asked when Remus was gone.
"It is," Ginny insisted. "Look at you, Tonks, you're single and happy, and free to do whatever you want without being tied down," Ginny said, trying to emphasize her point. "But maybe you'd be happier if a certain someone were to say they had more than platonic feelings for you," she ventured boldly.
"This someone who happens to not be himself a couple of days out of the month," Hermione added.
"I think you girls have been reading too many of those trashy muggle romance novels because you're seeing something that isn't there," the Auror said smoothly.
"Or maybe he's just as oblivious as a seventeen year old boy who can't see what's right in front of his face," Ginny muttered.
"Ah, would I be correct to assume this little pity pajama party has to do with Ron and Harry?" She said, grabbing a spoon and digging it in the ice cream container. Seeing that the two girls were suddenly a lot less talkative, she knew she was right. "What you have to understand about boys is that they're basically clueless when it comes to us. They don't understand us. We say one thing when we really mean another and it drives them mad. Harry and Ron are no exception to that trap. They try to do the right thing but it doesn't always turn out the way they think it will."
This time they did hear the front door open and Ron came walking in. He mumbled a goodnight before trudging upstairs.
"I know you and Ron are having a hard time of it right now," Tonks said, watching Hermione eyeing Ron going up the stairs, "but you'd feel a lot better if you talked to him. Even if it's just to yell and scream at each other, that's better than nothing. At least everything will be out in the open where you can deal with it."
Hermione wasn't so sure about that. Screaming and yelling had done nothing to help solve things between her and Ron and the past – a lot of the time it had just made it worst. While she didn't think she was ready to forgive him yet, the fact that they were both probably exhausted might keep the fighting to a minimum. Making up her mind, she decided to follow Tonks advice, only because of how awful it felt keeping everything bottled up inside.
She found Ron upstairs in his room, tossing clothes into an open duffle bag.
"What are you doing?" She asked him.
"I'm staying at Harry's for a few days," he answered without turning around.
"Why?"
"Do you really have to ask me that?" He shot at her, turning around.
Maybe it wasn't such a bad idea after all that they give each other some space, but that didn't mean she was okay with him leaving.
"So was he your date tonight?" He asked, pulling his backpack out of the closet.
She knew who he was referring to. "Ron, Jack is my friend and not to mention my boss, so, no, he wasn't my date. I wasn't even aware that suddenly it was okay for us to be seeing other people."
"Maybe you would have had more fun if he had been," he said off handedly.
"I saw Fleur there, maybe you would have had more fun with her," she shot back.
"She used to be with Bill but now she's with Charlie, so I don't think I'm going to have a go at my brother's girlfriend."
"It looks to me like she's making her way through the Weasley line, maybe you'll get your chance with her after all."
"Hermione, that was fourth year. I don't know why you're still on about that."
"Krum was fourth year too, and you still haven't let that go."
"That's because he's a professional Quidditch player! You know what athletes are like."
"Viktor is a nice guy, and if you stopped being jealous of him for two seconds you would realize that!"
Ron opened his mouth to shout back, but just barely restrained himself. He didn't want to waste any more breath on Krum. "Why are you here? Because I have this vivid memory of you telling me to stay away from you. So which is it?"
"I don't know," she admitted, hugging her arms around herself.
Ron threw his hands up in the air. "You know what, I understand you less and less these days. Not that I ever really understood you to begin with."
"Why are you making this harder?"
"No, I'm making it easier," he said slinging his bad over his shoulder. "Don't worry, after tonight, I finally get it."
"What are you talking about?"
"Forget it. It doesn't matter."
She grabbed his arm to stop him from leaving. It had the desired effect and something else she wasn't expecting. They were both upset and exhausted and it had been far too long since they had been in contact with each other. Ron dropped his bag on the floor and captured her lips in a bruising kiss. He wasted no time in picking her up and sitting her on his dresser, her arms still locked around his neck as he set her down. He ripped open her pajama top, not even hearing the buttons hit the floor. They both knew what they were doing had nothing to do with love. It was about need, and wanting the other to feel a fraction of the hurt and pain each were feeling.
Ron pulled away suddenly, breathing heavily, knowing that he couldn't go through with this. Hermione pulled her shirt closed and stepped down from the dresser, so she could flee the room. Once he heard the door to her room shut, he didn't think twice about leaving.