Chapter 3

I lay sprawled on my bed. How long could I hide this? Should I even hide it? I jumped up. What would happen if I told Matt? Oh yeah, that would go well! He'd never speak to me again! I buried my face in the pillow.

"Mary!" Oh great, Lucy's coming. Lucy the boyfriend stealer.

"What's wrong with you?" Lucy looked at me concerned.

"Just tired."

"Come on, you're in love!"

I sat up startled. "What did you just say?"

"You're lying around doing nothing all day."

"So?"

"Mary, you hate that! So who is it? It must be someone you can't have."

Wow, Lucy amazes me sometimes. "I'm just trying get over my last boyfriend."

Lucy smiled sympathetically. "Well, dinner going to be ready in an hour. Are you going to come down?"

"Okay"

I really didn't want to eat with them, but if I don't they'll think something's wrong. To make things worse, Matt was there. I spoke very little and stared at my plate.

"You're really quiet" I looked up at him. No I shouldn't have done that!

"I'm really tired." Matt nods. I handled that a lot better than last night. Maybe I can get over him.

I can't sleep. I keep playing the scene with Matt over and over in my head. Questions popped into head. Does he hate me? Does he think I'm mad at him? Does he even have a girlfriend… I better just take a walk.

I heard someone as I go downstairs. Who is that?

I screamed. My brother was slumped against the wall and looked filthy. His eyes flutter open and he moaned. Oh he's just drunk. I walked up to him and he pressed me against the wall.

"What the hell are you doing?" I stammered. He then did the thing I've dreamed about for so long. He kissed me. Hard.

In stories, the girl is usually drunk and the guy is all noble. He won't take advantage of her because he loves her so much. I am not noble. I've wanted him for so long this could be my only chance. And tomorrow morning he'll wake up with a hangover and remember all the things I've done. I pulled back. Matt could remember what happened. But I shouldn't risk it. I guided him to the sofa and throw a blanket over him. How could I be so dumb? He will remember. And then what will happen?

It's been nearly a month since I saw Matt. He got up in the morning and just took off. No one has heard anything from him. It's my fault. If I hadn't been so stupid… I had worked so hard to avoid anything like this from happening and I blew it. I can't live without him. I love Matt more than ever. If he doesn't come home, what's the point of living?

Why am I still alive?

It would be so easy to shove a bunch of pills down my throat and end it all.

Or take a knife and slash it across my arms. Make it look like someone murdered me.

Yes that's what I'll do…

I don't really like how this chapter came out so I might redo it. I think it's too rushed.

Thanks to everyone who reviewed!