Author's note: Well, it did start out as a Mary Sue parody after all. I think I'm entitled to at least one Unlikely But Amusingly Cliché Deus Ex Machina. The quote hanging off the end of the chapter is from a favorite classic game boy game of mine, and one worth checking out. The plot is intriguing and has some interesting philosophical allusions for those so inclined.

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'That mad kiss episode', as Tess referred to it in her own mind, seemed to have been a fluke. No more incidents followed over the next week and within a few days she was dragging him about with her without worry again. Even Oro seemed to have forgotten the incident.. Erik suddenly began talking one day though, but mostly just mumbling under his breath, speaking to someone who seemed to exist only in his head. He still did not speak directly to either Tess or Oro.

At first Tess had thought he was trying to say something to her, but while he was looking at her, he continued a conversation with some shade in his mind. He did this often now, talking at her when he was really addressing someone named Christine, usually to berate her on her singing technique. Tess didn't sing at all. Sometimes Erik talked at Oro too, calling him Giovanni or Daroga. She'd been upset by it the first time she realized what was happening, offended even, that he seemed to prefer the company of a woman who wasn't even present to her own. She knew it was petty and illogical, but she couldn't quite help it.

It continued day after day, and she was seriously starting to think she'd eventually go mad from it. The night she woke to the sound of his voice in her room, to find him sitting by her bed in the middle of a breathtaking song about an angel of music, it had taken all her will not to punch him. Indeed, if it had not been for the hypnotic effects of his exquisite voice, she likely would have. After the moment had passed though, her anger was replaced by an unsettling sense of despair and she'd rolled over and allowed his song, a precious gift clearly meant for someone he thought more deserving than herself, to lull her back to sleep.

Oro, Tess and Erik were sitting in the library one rainy afternoon. Oro was reading from a book to Erik, as he often did now, occasionally passing the book to him in futile efforts to get his grandson to take an interest in reading again. Oro eventually put the book aside and sighed in frustration. He pulled Erik to his side and put his head back against the couch cushion. Tess came over and sat on the other side of him.

"This isn't working, is it? Is he getting better or worse? He talks now, but not to us."

"I don't know, Tess… If he is making progress, I hope that it will not be affected by… Well Endo is coming back later today."

Tess frowned. Oro glanced at the clock.

"Any time now, actually. It's later than I thought. I suppose I'd better go greet him."

"You're letting him back into your home after what he did?"

"Yes, Tess. He is still my son, even if he is a fool, and even were he not my son, he is still my business partner. We lost many clients when word of Erik's existence and the disaster of getting him back got out. There's work that must be done and I need Endo here."

"If he so much as looks at Erik too hard, I'll beat him senseless."

Oro laughed.

"Oh you needn't worry about that, Tess. We've had a long discussion on the matter and he knows that any misbehavior on his part will not be tolerated.

Tess wasn't convinced.

"Well, still. He'd better not try anything while I'm around. I may not look like much, but I can hold up my end of a fight."

"I'm sure you can, child. I don't think he will consider giving Erik any grief with such a vicious guard with him all the time. It does my heart good to know he has you watching after him, you know. I worry less."

"Well good. Because Endo won't come near him if I have anything to say about it. He's been abused enough as it is."

Oro laughed and stood.

"No, I don't think anyone who valued his neck would challenge your love. Now I must go wait for Endo and deal with a few urgent issues. I will see you and Erik at dinner."

Oro left and Tess stared after him, trying to understand what he meant. Challenge her love? That was nonsense. She liked Erik, she had found him fascinating when she first met him, still did, but she loved no one.

She spent the rest of the afternoon in the library, wasting Oro's paper and ink sketching pictures of random objects laying around the room, including a few of Erik, making detailed studies of the odd angles of his scarecrow body and face. She pointedly ignored him the few times he spoke at her. He didn't need her reply anyway; his madness provided the other half of his discourse well enough.

She found herself pausing in her drawing when his usually inane nattering gained a desperate edge. He begged this ever-present Christine person to stay with him and be his 'living wife', telling her that he'd be gentle as a lamb if only she'd stay and he would not kill anyone else. She blinked owlishly at him as he stared at her imploringly while kneeling on the floor beside her. He was clearly on the edge of tears and becoming quite distraught. Tess glanced at the open door of the library, praying silently that Oro would appear. He did not. What was she to do? He never seemed to hear her when she replied to him.

He stood suddenly and glared at her, clearly now angry with Christine, his voice rising until he was practically screaming at her.

"If you don't turn the scorpion, you must turn the grasshopper. I tell you, it hops jolly high! We will all die, the powder will ignite! Do you despise me so, Christine?Would you rather all of us were dead? Save your little Vicomte and turn the scorpion, Christine! Choose me lest I die of grief! Does my death mean nothing to you? No matter, wretched child, you will DIE WITH ME!"

Tess slapped him, hard. The rage drained out of his face and he suddenly looked lost and a few stray forgotten tears dripped down to his chin.

"I… I'm sorry Erik. I didn't mean it, you just scared me…"

"Yes, I always scare you, Christine. I know I'm a devil. That's why you left me. That's why I had to let you go. Christine, I love you..."

Her regret dissipated like mist under the morning sun, again replaced by a sudden mad fury. She grabbed his shirt and pulled his face to hers, staring at him from less than four inches away.

"I'm not Christine, damn you! I'm Tess! I'm TESS! Who the hell is Christine anyway? She's not here! I am here! Me, Tess! Talk to me, Erik, not her, ME! Why the hell can't you just TALK TO ME!"

She began shaking him and he suddenly grabbed her wrists, wrenching away from his shirt and twisting them over her head. Pain blossomed in her shoulders but she could not pull herself from his grasp as he pinned her to the floor, throwing all of his weight over her. He switched her right wrist to his other hand, holding them both tightly in one long-fingered hand. He stared down at her with hard burning eyes, the muscles connected to his jaw twitching on the side of his head and a vein popping out in the middle of his forehead. He put his other hand at her throat, gently at first but slowly beginning to compress her windpipe. He was going to strangle her!

Tess panicked and sucked in a deep breath quickly before he had a chance to cut off her air and jerked her head forward with as much strength as she could muster. Her forehead met his with a sickening crack and he slumped over to the side, slipping off of her just as she blacked out herself.

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Tess woke stretched out on the couch in the library with a medic standing over her, shining a small light into her eyes. She shoved his hand away and looked around. Erik was still out, but someone had perched him in a chair across the room and a second medic was tending to him. Oro was standing in the room with Endo next to him. He waved off Endo, who left reluctantly after giving Erik and Tess each a sidelong look. Oro walked over to her after the medic left her side to go help the other with Erik. He looked extremely annoyed.

"That's a rather severe concussion you gave yourself. You didn't do Erik any good either. Would you care to explain how this happened?"

"I didn't mean to hurt him. He tried to throttle me, he would have killed me!"

"It's generally best to begin at the beginning, child. Please."

Tess rolled her eyes and started over.

"He was talking to Christine again and started getting upset because she wouldn't agree to marry him. Started yelling about a grasshopper and blowing things up... I… I slapped him and yelled at him and then he grabbed my hands and pinned me down and tried to strangle me. So… I cracked his head open with mine…"

Tess rubbed at the sore spot on her forehead.

"Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time, anyway."

Oro stepped away, looking troubled.

"He tried to hurt you?"

Tess didn't answer, thinking the question to be too obvious to even bother. Oro turned and walked over to Erik as the medics roused him. Erik blinked and looked up at his grandfather, squinting at the sudden light. He groaned at the pain in his head and rubbed at the bruise above his eyes. The medics packed up and left, telling Oro to call the hospital if there were further problems.

"What hit me?"

Oro held his breath for a long moment. Erik looked up at him, confused.

"Grandfather, what happened?"

"Tess hit you."

"Tess? She is here?"

"Yes Erik. She has been here for weeks… You don't remember?

Erik noticed her across the room and squinted at her. She watched him closely, wary of some trick.

"I… remember something… I think. Strange dreams. A man with a cruel laugh..."

He shook his head and laughed.

"Just nightmares, I suppose."

"Do you not remember anything of the last three months? The kidnapping?

Erik startled in surprise at the amount of time he seemed to be missing, then tried to think.

"Three months! I… not really… I don't think they were pleasant, though, grandfather. I feel like I was being kept somewhere dark."

"I suppose that's one way of putting it."

Tess rubbed at her head again and glanced around, looking anywhere but at Erik. She was still mad at him, for many reasons, not all of which she could even name. He wouldn't remember most of them, though, so it was pointless. She stood up and walked toward the door.

"Tess? Where are you going?"

"The kitchens. I missed dinner, obviously."

"You don't want to talk to Erik?"

"No, I don't."

She stepped out of the door and stomped off to the kitchens. Oro stared after her for a minute and turned back to Erik, who did not seem to know what to make of getting Tess's cold shoulder.

"Don't take it personally, Erik. She's just frustrated with you. You've confused her terribly lately, I'm afraid of. She's rather fond of you, actually."

Erik huffed and rolled his eyes.

"I rather doubt that. I've never met a woman who was 'fond' of me in the slightest. They like young handsome men. Especially soft little blonde-haired ones. I am, at most, an amusing novelty for her."

"I haven't met any other Tellurian women, Erik, but from what she's told me of them, I seriously doubt any of them are much like Tess. Don't underestimate her. She may well find you amusing, but I truly doubt she considers you trivial. Either way, I'd better go make sure she isn't tearing my kitchen apart in a fit at the moment. Stay here and rest. I will have a servant bring you something for your headache soon."

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"Sea bears foam, sleep beards dreams. Both end in the same way – Crasssh!"

-The Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening