Holy shneikey, Imma... What am I?
By Warren Peace's girl.
Chapter 1.
My mom has got to be one of the most annoying people on the planet. As soon as I get to like my school, tucked away safely in nice, SAFE Oregon, she moves me across the country to freaking WESTCHESTER NEW YORK because of malpractice. Not only that, but now I'm going to a 'Prestigious, girls-only academy' for the rest of my natural high school life! Now, if you want to know me, here's what to know. My name is Caitlin Turner, I have short brown hair that goes to my shoulders that curls under slightly, same with the bangs, and bright blue eyes that change to purple when I'm sad, slightly red when I'm angry, and white when I hate life in all it's natural and unnatural forms. As of last weekend, I learned that I have to wear a school uniform that has PETTICOATS! WHAT KIND OF SCHOOL MAKES THE GIRLS WEAR PETTICOATS? Eh, so here I am, minding my own business with a bright blue plaid skirt with PETTICOATS, a white blouse and a blue plaid sweater vest on, my black and blue studded arm socks on and my hair up in pigtails, sitting on the curb with my backpack, waiting for the bus. I pulled on my DJ style stereo headphones, listening to Martini kiss by Senses fail, and pulled out a copy of the book Rakkety Tam. I started to read as I saw bus wheels roll up, and the door opened. Without looking up from my book, I got on the bus and walked to the back, sitting in an unoccupied row of seats. I could feel stares directed at me, but I had learned to ignore them a while ago, so I shrugged them off. After a while I felt the seat next to me depress, but I didn't even look up. But then, something weird happened. Seatbelts yanked me back onto the seat, and a lap bar sprung out of the seat in front of me. I looked around and finally noticed, there were GUYS on this bus! Everyone started to scream, and I just screamed along with them.
"WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!" I shrieked, but nobody heard me. Oh yeah, I hate my life.
The 'bus', if you could even call it that, finally landed and I ran for the exit, getting off and collapsing to my knees, kissing the pavement. A bunch of people around me probably didn't think I was very sane but hey, that's their problem. I jumped up suddenly, shaking my head and looking around. The school looked like a museum, and a bunch of freshmen were heading towards what looked like the gym, so I followed them. I joined the back of the group as it went into the large gym, and we pretty much just grouped in front of a podium. The Principal didn't show up, so I didn't know whether or not I was even in the right place. Should I be in a class? Or finding out how to get to Ravenswood girls academy? I wondered, but didn't have much time left to wonder as a large white comet streaked into the gym, and took the form of an old lady in a suit. At that, I sensed a speech coming on, so I pulled on my headphones and set my I-pod on 'Everything about you'. After about five minutes of this, in which I thought about contemplating murder in all of its forms, the Principal turned back into the comet and flew away, and the entirety of the freshies, including me, had this foreboding sense to turn around. A teacher, I assumed the one for gym, was standing on a podium that somehow sprang out of the floor. He said something that I couldn't, and didn't, want to hear, and then pointed at me. A couple of kids pushed me to the podium, and I wondered if my life could possibly get any worse. The coach yanked my earphones off my ears.
"Show me your power." The coach said to me, and I looked at him like he was crazy.
"Power? Like a superhero? I'm not X-Factor positive! I got on the wrong bus!" I said, and the gym teacher laughed.
"The bus only lets X-Factor positive kids on. Nice try, now show me your power!" The teacher said, and I glared at him, my eyes slightly flecked with red.
"Get this past your thick skull. I. Have. No. POWERS!" I yelled at the teacher.
"SIDEKICK!" The teacher boomed out, and I pulled my headphones back up on my head, closed my eyes and turned to the teacher. I raised one arm, palm forward to him.
"Javoul, mien fhurer!" I yelled, and the guy nearly pushed me off the platform!
"Wes McCoy!" The teacher yelled out behind me, and a small kid with bushy mouse blonde hair bunched up in a green knit hat that looked like it came from a Beatles music video set walked onto the platform, carrying a camping water bottle full of what looked like dirty socks.
"I shake the water bottle and make a wish, then sniff the socks and it comes true for an hour." Said Wes, and he shook the bottle and said 'Super strength'.
"CAR!" The teacher yelled out, and a large rusted out jalopy fell from the ceiling. The kid caught it on one finger, then chucked it up in the air with both hands, and hit it across the room.
"I call 'em sockoids." Said Wes, and the teacher gave him a funny look.
"HERO!" The teacher yelled. Five heroes and seventeen sidekicks later, in which a black girl shrunk in size, grew gossamer wings, and fired twin electrical bolts from her hands, a boy turned off a holowatch to show that he was in fact green, and then shape shifted into several different animals lightning fast, a boy with a mullet stomped on the ground and sent a shockwave across the floor and a girl with green hair and skin that she wasn't afraid to show used a green energy construct to catch the car and throw it across the room, I was still bored, scared out of my mind, and extremely happy at the same time. I looked around, bored, and spotted a guy about halfway up the stands, sitting completely alone. He had long black hair and appeared to be wearing black, black and more black. I raised my eyebrows, slowly wiping a small trickle of drool off my chin with my arm sock.
"Woo, hot guy." I said under my breath, and I slowly slid away from the group, getting off the gym floor and heading up the stands, stopping at the end of loner-boy's row. I sat down and looked over. From here, I noticed that he had a red streak in his hair, his jacket appeared to be leather, and he had cut off gloves on too. I seriously reconsidered sitting anywhere near him, but I figured 'Hey, compared to what mom is going to say, this'll be a walk in the park.', so I sealed my fate with a snap of the elastic around the edge of my arm sock, and went over and sat in the seat next to loner-boy.
"Get away from me." Loner-boy growled out, and I felt just a little bit creeped out.
"Typical Loner-boy snobbery." I said, tossing one of my pigtails over my shoulder and fixing loner-boy with a glare. The glare was returned full force, letting me get a glimpse of one hell of a nice looking face, and he was TAN. That was a bonus, I thought to myself.
"Alright. Get away from me or I'll roast you." Said loner-boy, just as a redhead, a black kid, a blonde boy dressed like a rapper poser, the poster boy for some army school and a girl in all black and purple sat down around us.
"HI! I'm Layla!" Said the redhead, holding a hand out to me. I kind of looked at it, then grabbed the hand and shook it.
"good to hear it!" I said, giving the girl a glare. She seemed unfazed, like she was used to it or something.
"Yeah right." Muttered loner-boy. Layla shook her head and laughed.
"Don't take his evil demeanor seriously, Warren's just like that." Said Layla, and I grinned. Hey, I can grin if I want to.
"Good to know that under that crusty, weird shell, is a total softie." I said sarcastically, and then put a hand over my mouth in mock-shock. "Oh, I'm sorry, I just described an old loaf of bread, didn't I?" I asked, earning a few snorts of laughter from poser boy, poster boy and black and purple girl.
"Nice one!" Said poser boy, holding out a fist, which I reluctantly bumped with my own. hey, I gotta make friends somehow.
"Thank you, thank you, I'm here to harass Warren here until Friday. Then I'm back on Monday. Oop, wait, no... I just got on the wrong bus this morning. Shoot." I said, realizing that I was doomed like a snowball in hell when I got home.
My first 'class' was something called 'Bad puns 101', and I took that as a bad sign. the classroom looked like a large collage, with multiple flags on the ceiling, posters of everything from Yoda holding a book to the cover art for the Beatles 'Abbey Road' CD. A large mobile made of driftwood, string, bumper stickers and a globe hung in front of the teacher's desk, and the teacher himself was a sight to behold. He had curly black hair, silver rimmed glasses and an earring in both ears, and was wearing a dress shirt and tie. I sat in the very back of the class, wondering if my mom had put out a missing person report yet, when the teacher hit a button on his desk. A TV screen popped out of the ceiling, and a projector in the back of the room started playing a blue screen.
"Class, I am Mash. This year, you will be learning the fundamentals of bad puns, such as, say, if you caught someone turning old racehorses into glue, you would say Holy horse shoes, Batman, Superman, or whoever it is that you are sidekick to." Said Mash. He looked directly at me, and pointed. "You, girl in the back in the blue and white dress. If I was the villain and I was a pyrokinetic, what would you say while your hero used their powers against me?"
I stammered for a minute, then thought of something totally rude, degrading and evil to say to a pyrokinetic that was funny to the user, but not the receiver.
"Uhh, 'Curb his fiery temper?'" I half asked, propping my feet up on the desk. Mash nodded, and hit the button on his desk again. The TV blared into life, showing the Commander pummeling a guy in a 17th century English Baron costume. A guy was standing off to the side, in a red, white and blue costume. He was shouting encouragement to the Commander.
"Curb Baron Battle's fiery temper, Commander!" Yelled the sidekick, as the TV crew got a close-up of the Commander hitting Baron Battle under the chin and sending him flying. I beamed, because I thought I was right and so much better than everyone else.
"Very good. However, you could have seen this back in '90, when Baron Battle was captured." Said Mash. I let my mouth drop open for a minute, before responding.
"HEY! That film is dated to a month before I was born!" I yelled, pointing to the date of the TV recording in the bottom left corner. Mash nodded, then continued.
"You could have seen a recording, like this one here." Said Mash, and I stood up.
"THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS! You say good job, then accuse me of copying something that some strongman in spandex said before I was born?" I yelled, and Mash motioned for me to sit down.
"Please, miss... Please! Sit down!" Said Mash.
"NO! I'm not gonna sit down because you just outright LIED to me!" I yelled. Mash's face turned so red I thought he would explode, until I was grabbed by the back of my shirt by nothing and nobody, and was hauled out of the class. I kicked and screamed, but I was forcibly pushed into an extremely white room. I fell onto the ground on my face, and heard the door whoosh shut behind me. I slowly stood up and looked around at my surroundings. No escapes, not even a window. There was one other tenant of the detention room, a guy in a striped shirt, blue jeans and a red sleeveless hoodie. his hair was about as long as mine, curled under like mine, and had long bangs like mine. Hell, his hair was the same color as mine!
"Watcha in for?" Stripsey asked, and I shrugged.
"I expressed an opinion contrary to the teacher's." I said, and took a seat next to stripsey.
"Eh, I 'back sassed' the secret code development teacher." Said stripsey, and I laughed.
"Aren't you a bit old to be in high school?" I asked, and stripsey shrugged.
"I was forced to repeat senior year because I spent nearly all of it in juvenile hall." Said stripsey. I nodded, making an 'oh' look at him. The door slid open again, and Wes, the kid with the 'sockoids', was pushed in.
"--and leave that Bozo clown at home!" Someone yelled, before the door hissed shut again. Wes pulled a small white happy meal toy out of his green hat and blew it up, taking the form of a Bozo the clown blow up toy.
"And yet they can never take, pop or in any way destroy Bozo." Said Wes, before sticking the clown doll back in his hat. Weird day much? I didn't know the half of it yet.
Mah first story... Do doo doot do...