Love...
He didn't know its definition even when he was younger. Back then in what could be called his youth, he lived a life unknowing of a way free of the sword he kept at his side. Though far from naïve, he didn't expect the outcome that came about from his listening to the clan he joined, the clan that sent him out as an assassin... He was thrown into a situation he didn't quite know how to handle.
And as a result, he fell in love. The woman with whom he was told to live was a kind, quiet woman of a grace that caught his eye. Her eyes were mostly downcast, avoiding his face whenever she'd speak. Yet the times when they'd lock gazes, his heart would break. He wanted to frown, ask her what it was that bothered her already troubled soul. Yet he continued to watch as sorrow darkened her already dark eyes. She seemed... lonely.
And yet their love brought that about in him... a loneliness that plagued him more with each passing year, each one reminding him of her death.
He loved her with a love outside of himself, for in his mind he was incapable of such a tender emotion... Something so gentle coming from a ruthless killer like himself; it was unheard of.
His heart had been buried with what he remembered of her... That side of him was kept safe over the years, allowing him to learn and feel other things, new emotions.
For ten years he wandered around, no thought of loving anyone again coming to his mind...
...At least, not until now. He saw now, more than ever, the need to seek possession of his heart once again.
Kenshin sat, his chopsticks sounding a succession of nervous taps against the dinning table. It was lunchtime and a few people arrived every so often, most of the Aoiya's residents finishing up their work for a chance to enjoy a meal together. The long table spanning the length of the spacious room was large enough to seat the large number of Oniwaban, including their guests from Tokyo. Yet through it all, Kenshin's eyes kept watch over the door, and, simultaneously, the spot next to him at the table. Without even turning his head, he reached to his side and placed his sword on the cushion beside him.
Sano entered the room with a scratch of his head, a smile forming on his face upon seeing his redheaded friend.
"Hey Kenshin," the tall man greeted, about to make his way over there. "Ouch!" He cried the next second, his foot in mid step as a hand came out to grab hold of his ear, making him wince. Megumi wasted no time in pulling him over to the area where she was going to sit.
"Don't be such a stupid rooster-head." She said with a roll of her eyes. Sano's brows knit together in confusion. "Kenshin's saving that seat for someone. Just sit here next to me."
"Oh... Who's he saving it for?" He asked, a clueless look coming to his face.
Again, Megumi rolled her eyes, giving her beloved a quick slap upside the head before answering. "Who do you think?"
"Oh..." Sano said again, "I'm guessing it's for the little Missy."
Megumi simply sighed to herself as she hung her head. Sano shrugged, taking his eyes off the doctor for a moment to glance over the spread of food collecting before him. His pink tongue darted out as he licked his lips in anticipation, his stomach responding to the images his eyes took in… Before he knew it, his hand came up from beside him and started to inch its way toward the plate of ohagi steaming in front of him.
SLAP!
With a yelp, Sano yanked his hand back and cradled it to his chest. Wide eyed, he snuck a glance at who slapped him and found Megumi glowing, a smile upon her face that said 'You should know better…'.
The exchange between the doctor and the street fighter caught the attention of everyone at the table. Okina was staring at them too but he, with a mischievous smile, was glad Sano's antics drew the attention of everyone around him. His own hand made its way toward the plate of rice balls nearest to him. Yet another resounding slap came in response with an annoyed Omasu glaring down at him. Things resumed normalcy and the table began filling up with the food that kept on coming. It began piling up, the smells of the delicious items wafting in the air and mesmerizing those hungry souls.
But Kenshin wore the same far away expression as before, his eyes never straying from the doorway.
"Hey Himura, what's with the lost look on your face?"
Kenshin jumped out of his daze when Misao spoke, her head a couple inches to the right of his. He smiled sheepishly in response.
"Oh, no reason." He said, turning his eyes to the chopsticks gripped tightly between his fingers. He looked at Misao who had noticed the strain he was putting on his eating utensils and she frowned at him, her eyebrow quirking up in a childish manner. With a small, embarrassed laugh, he placed the chopsticks safely atop his bowl.
Suddenly a familiar sound caught his attention, ringing out among the rest of the noise moving about the room. The sound was of a sandal's step, one he came to recognize as unique.
His hands began to sweat when he finally caught sight of her, her body adorned with a dark green kimono, ocean blue obi tied around her thin waist. Her hands, cream against the dark of the kimono, were clasped in front of her. With eyes cast down, she perfected the look of a meek, quiet spirited woman. But Kenshin knew there was more to this woman than the mere eye could see. He silently asked to see those eyes that clung to his memory…
Please, he asked in his one word prayer. He wondered if he would be able to continue with what he decided, the slip of his determination depending on the strength behind her eyes.
Lashes fluttered and blue lifted to fall against violet in an instant, his prayer being answered. It was for but a whisper of a second that her eyes meekly met his, only to sweep to the floor within a heart beat. With her head still down Kaoru found her feet leading her around the table and those already seated there. She didn't notice the sudden silence that lay siege on the occupants of the dinning room due to the feel and sound of her pounding heart jolting through her body. All other senses were put out of commission for those few seconds.
Kenshin's eyes never left her form; each movement and nimble step the woman took recorded themselves in his mind. The palpitations of his heart increased a notch with every second she drew near, and he found his breath catch in his chest as she stopped beside him.
"Hello… Kenshin." Kaoru said with a voice somewhat softer than he had remembered.
It took him a second before he responded, his hand quickly grabbing his sword from the place he saved beside him, making room for her to sit.
"Thank you," she replied, sitting down with her feet neatly tucked underneath her. With that, they both turned their eyes down and away from each other. It took a few seconds before they finally felt the weight of everyone's eyes quietly watching them. Kaoru blushed under the attention and averted her eyes to the chopsticks set across her bowl.
Clearing his throat, Okina broke through the heavy silence. "Let's eat before this wonderful meal goes cold."
Sano, Yahiko, and Misao agreed wholeheartedly as they pounced on the food nearest to them. Yahiko and Misao went for the same plate of fish, their chopsticks bumping into one another's. The petite ninja gave the swordsman in training a glare that would turn one's hair white, but the hungry boy wasn't fazed at all by it.
Kaoru noticed this and found yet another thing to scold the young boy about.
"She's a lady, Yahiko. You should be kind and let her have first choice."
Yahiko made a face that let Kaoru know that he was ready to whine and make a rude comment. She shook her head wordlessly, and since Kenshin mimicked the action, Yahiko knew better than to disagree. The boy turned narrowed eyes to Misao in defeat before gobbling down what he already had on his plate.
Kaoru sighed under her breath and turned to look at her own food. In the corner of her eye she could see that while he was eating, Kenshin would sneak glances at her. She brought a piece of fish to her mouth and could feel the rurouni's gaze, making her smile as she finished the food in her mouth.
"You said earlier that you wanted to ask me something." Kaoru slowly turned and found Kenshin still staring at her.
"Um… yes." He said with a cough, focusing his eyes in front of him. Just ask her already! He yelled at himself silently. He took a breath and brought his attention back to her seeing a look of anticipation on her beautiful face as it came into view. This sight of her made him swallow the lump forming in his throat.
"Yes, Kenshin?"
"Well, it was… uh, I mean, it is something…" Loosing his nerve he licked his lips, trying to get the words out passed his lips. "It is quite important to me, that it is."
"Uh huh," Kaoru urged him to continue, finding herself leaning closer in eagerness. What had he to ask her that was "important" to him?
"I wanted to know if you would do something for me." Kenshin glanced at his hands for a moment, smiling to himself at his question. "Would you--"
Suddenly, Kenshin's face froze and his next words fell dumb on his lips as he sensed a familiar ki. He turned his light hued eyes to the door where a large, muscular man stood, a white, red collared cape draped over his broad shoulders.
"Okina, Lord Aoshi! I tried to ask him what business he had here but he just rushed on in." Someone's voice sounded from behind the stranger.
"That's quite alright, Shiro." Aoshi said, his eyes fixed on the rurouni's face the entire time.
Kaoru saw Kenshin stiffen in his place and began to worry. She let her eyes wander until they fell upon the imposing figure of the man filling the doorway. His eyes bore deep into her own as they met from across the room, and yet she sat still, meeting his gaze head on.
"Hiko Sensei, what are you doing here?" Kenshin's voice squeaked out, the sound of it more timid and childlike than normal.
"I heard you were in town and had the decency to come and say hello, something you still lack, Stupid apprentice."
Kenshin's frowned in embarrassment, as his face flushed and brows pinched in a crease.
"And since when is calling people names decent?" Kenshin muttered under his breath as he rose from his seat, leaving Kaoru to watch on in a stunned silence.
That's his sensei? That man doesn't look at day over Aoshi's age. Her blue eyes moved back and forth between Kenshin's retreating figure and the man waiting for him at the door. What is going on here? She wondered silently.
"We need to talk." Hiko said softly, yet his voice boomed over the dead silence he created with his arrival. Just as soon as Kenshin reached the taller, more muscular man, Hiko grabbed him by the arm and dragged him outside.
"It is good to see you too," Kenshin said dryly, his light eyes rolling at the lack of response from the man. Hiko walked a couple of paces and stopped, his sharp eyes holding the rurouni in his spot.
"You're presence hasn't gone unnoticed here in Kyoto, you know." Kenshin's eyes went dark at hearing the truth behind his master's words.
"I know sensei."
"The 4th Urakami were a group of thugs with nothing but time on their hands. They weren't the Doshisha's only enemies." Kenshin knew better than to ask how Hiko had known of the Doshisha and Urakami and his business with them. Yet his master's words struck deep, causing the redhead's frown to deepen…
"If that is the case, I will stay and see that the school will be protected."
"…stupid as always, I see." Hiko threw behind his back, his long hair swishing as he turned his back to his former student.
"What is that supposed to mean?" Kenshin asked turning a questioning glare upon the man's back.
"You're of the same mind that you were back when I was still training you. You were eager to help with the revolutionaries and now you're eager to help the Christians. I see no sense in your actions, boy."
Kenshin's head lowered, his eyes closing. Instead of with anger, the rurouni spoke these words softly. "This is… different."
Hiko turned his head and studied his apprentice silently, his dark eyes roaming over the calm sag in the rurouni's shoulders and the peace in the eyes that lifted to regard him as well. A quiet moment passed between the two who hadn't seen each other in years.
"Have you visited her grave, Kenshin?"
Kenshin nodded his head. "The first day we arrived." Hiko smiled softly, his mouth twitching a twinge with the action. "And yet I have placed it upon my heart to tell her goodbye before I set one foot to leave."
Hiko's smile didn't fade as he turned around, walking away without a word. Kenshin looked to the side, wondering to himself many thoughts before opening his mouth once more.
"Do I have your approval in this matter?"
Hiko stopped yet didn't turn around. "Since when have you needed my approval?" He paused. Kenshin turned away, thinking that his master would just leave with those words. "The fire in that girl's eyes burns strong. Don't let it burn to nothing." Kenshin averted his attention back to the older Hiten Mitsurugi master. With those as his last words, Sejiro Hiko walked away and out of Kenshin's sight. The rurouni shook his head, a smile coming to his lips as he thought of the words he just heard.
There is a fire in her blue eyes, that there is. And I'll do all that I can to keep it burning. Sandals scrapping across wooden floor woke him from his thoughts, bringing his mind to the present.
"Kenshin?" The voice made him turn with a smile, his eyes softening as they fell on her face.
"It is nothing, Miss Kaoru. He was just an old friend." Kaoru saw that there was more behind his smile, yet made no inquiry of it.
"Okay… but you missed the rest of the meal. I think Omasu said that she'd save you some of the leftovers." Kaoru began to giggle to herself at the end of her sentence, drawing a curious look from Kenshin. "Omasu was being so silly after you left. Everyone started talking and she, without knowing she was saying it out loud, said that she hoped your friend would stay longer and maybe eat a meal with us."
Kenshin shook his head and started laughed at the thought of the woman gushing over his sensei. When he looked back at Kaoru he found her staring down at her hands as she fiddled with her fingers.
"You, uh, had-something-to-ask-me, didn't you?" Kaoru spit it out in a rush.
He wanted to spit it out and have it done with, but he felt the trickle of sweat going down the side of his face and came to notice his hands were sweating too. He was nervous, and the more he told himself to relax, the more intently Kaoru would look at him.
"Y-yes, I did." After a couple coughs into his hand, Kenshin's eyes glanced back down the way Hiko disappeared. He was happy he got the man's blessing, even if it was given cryptically. "I was wondering if you would—". Kenshin began, finding the momentum until Kaoru refocused her gaze beyond his shoulder, her eyes filling with unease in an instant. Yet again, he felt someone's ki and he turned around, rather impatiently this time.
Saitou looked at him with slight amusement, his cigarette hanging loosely from his thin, smirking lips.
"I'm sorry," Kenshin started apologetically.
"I know." Kaoru sighed, her eyes narrowing into blue slits as she regarded the lanky man approaching. With a curt bow, she turned around and rolled her eyes as she walked back into the house.
"I've interrupted your tender moment, I take it." Saitou continued to smirk.
Kenshin chose to ignore the man's words, finding his tone of voice rather harsh to his ears. He found it easier to get to the point, and he did just that.
"What is it, Saitou?"
The former Mibu wolf's smirk dissolved into a serious line, his voice low severe. "You should leave, tonight."
Kenshin's eyes questioned the man's words, yet he stayed silent, awaiting more of an explanation.
"Most of the Doshisha's students have come back to the institute, yet some of the Christians are still missing." Saitou watched as the shorter redhead soaked in the information, the wheels of his mind turning behind his grave, purple eyes. He gave nothing to add, leaving his words as were for the rurouni to mull over.
"And you think there is something foul about it, correct?"
Saitou didn't answer yes or no, yet he stood there, holding the other's eyes in response. Kenshin knew it was true. But what could he do? He wanted to help; he wanted to stay and make things right for the Christians meeting at the Doshisha. They were the reason that he came to Kyoto in the first place, were they not?
"If that is the case, I need to stay longer."
"Stay and do what? I've seen you fight, and you are nowhere near what you once were, Himura." Saitou gave him a look of slight disgust. "Besides, the declaration of faith these Christians make end up bringing them more enemies. It's like a moth to a flame, the flame being their Christian faith. It's something that can't be stopped, even by you, Battousai."
These words were like echoes of something Hiko had told him many years ago. Yet, he didn't want to listen then and he didn't want to listen now.
Saitou noticed the beginnings, or rather the continuation, of an internal battle raging behind the rurouni's grave expression, his violet eyes betraying nothing to the outside world. He wasn't set on his decision, and Saitou knew the damage that came with an indecisive soul… And yet Kenshin fought the words out despite the unease creeping into his mind… and heart.
"I want to do what is best, Saitou. Not even you can stop me from doing that."
Saitou let out a small chuckle at the comment, drawing a more heated glare from the shorter man. He shook his head at the rhetoric he could only expect from the former hitokiri. He really is a changed man, but his ideals are still where they were so many years ago. It will take a lot to convince him to leave…
"Fine… but if you interfere with my work in any way, we'll have to take up the fight we left unfinished these past ten years."
"I understand," Kenshin held the other's gaze sternly, receiving just as grave a glare in return. No one said anything for a good second or so, until Saitou grabbed the cigarette from his mouth and dropped it on the ground where it landed a couple inches from Kenshin's left foot. The wolf, with an unwavering smirk, stomped on it, crushing the remaining embers to nothing.
"I wonder if your newfound faith is the reason for your stay. Your actions aren't righteous, if that's what you think."
The rurouni nearly lost his resolve at the mention of the faith he adopted… yet Kenshin didn't flinch at the man's action, challenging him just like he had in the past. He felt a sense of nauseous nostalgia when around the former Shinsengumi leader, and a piece of that flame that warmed his blood during cold-hearted battles surfaced, stealing the warmth from his eyes just like it had back then.
Saitou, noticing that his actions didn't faze his former enemy, left without a look back. He's returning, inch by inch. His eyes speak of it...
Kenshin chose not to watch the man leave, knowing no unspoken threat existed between them. Besides, he didn't want to see him more than he had to. He his chest began to hurt, and without knowing it, Kenshin let out the breath that he didn't know he had been holding.
Clenching his jaw, Kenshin shut his eyes… Pull yourself together. Things are finally falling into place, yet… He couldn't keep the thoughts of the Doshisha being in danger from coming back to his mind. He felt like he had to help, just because he knew his skills would, and could, benefit others… He wanted to help protect life rather than take it. For the past ten years he was using his sword to protect others, keeping them from tasting death whenever he could. He was only human, but his skills made him stand out among everyone else. What it came down to was this: Kenshin wanted to appease and put to rest his guilty mind, living with the mentality that saving lives would reverse the curse he had upon his soul from taking them. Yet I don't believe that any longer. I don't need to do anything to win forgiveness… He glanced down at his hands, the palms facing up. No matter what I try, I am still at the mercy of someone greater… at His mercy. From his hands, Kenshin sent his eyes upward beyond the wooden ceiling that hung over his head. Kaoru's told me so much, and yet I want to learn more. I want to understand about this God that can forgive without a moment's thought. He continued to think to himself, allowing his mind to speak freely as he kept his gaze upward.
That's how Misao and Megumi found him, staring at the ceiling with a clouded look upon his face.
"Hello, Himura?" Misao said, waving a hand in front of his face the instant she arrived in front of him. In the other hand she held a large basket of sheets, many of which needed to be washed as soon as possible. Megumi hands were wound around something similar and the tap of her toe told her impatience with the young girl with her.
"Leave him alone, Misao. We have work to be done, remember?" The doctor said with a shake of her basket. The petite ninja in return gave a big smile and nodded her head with enthusiasm.
Kenshin, having been pulled from his thoughts by Misao's waving hand, bowed slightly at the women passing by him. But Megumi caught a glance of his expression, and it didn't look to be one of contentment. The tall women stopped just as soon as she reached his side and nudged him with her basket. Inquisitive violet eyes met mischievous ones of burgundy, allowing for the doctor to speak up first.
"You didn't get to talk to Kaoru, did you?"
The look of surprise that flashed upon the rurouni's face made the woman laugh. How could Megumi have known about his desire to ask a question of the young Kamiya. I bet she knows what I want to ask Kaoru too, but how?
"You are correct, that you are." Kenshin sighed, the breath coming out despairingly. Things seem to come up whenever I manage to open my mouth, that they do." Unfortunately, for the rurouni, he missed the spark of light that shined in Megumi's eyes at his admittance.
"Well, I think Omasu took her along to the market in town. I'm not sure when they're going to be coming back."
With his normal, polite smile, Kenshin nodded his understanding. "Yes, I see. I just guess it'll have to wait, that it will."
"Don't wait too long though, Kenshin. An issue such as this shouldn't be left unattended." Her eyes missed the sudden crease that came upon his brow as he thought about her words, wondering again of how she could have known his question.
Knowing that she had made the man think, Megumi sauntered out into the courtyard following the path that Misao had took but a minute ago.
With mind still mulling over things, Kenshin walked back inside. The only ones who knew what he wanted to ask were him and his sensei Hiko, and no one else. At least until he exchanged those last words with Megumi, that was what he thought. That's okay... There's no harm in her knowing. He stopped just as soon as he entered the building, his resolve solidifying that very moment.
"I'll ask her to come with me… To come and visit Tomoe one last time before I move on, my heart in my possession once again."
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"I can't believe that little girl is going to be married before I am." Megumi muttered to herself as she tossed a white sheet over the laundry pole. A tingling sensation pricked her neck, her attention being drawn down and to the left of her. There, Misao stood, staring at her with mouth ajar.
"Are you talking about Kaoru and…?" Shaking her head a little violently, Misao stopped to stare once again at the doctor who wore a smirk.
"What else could Kenshin have to ask her that is so important?"
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Okay, I know… and I'm sorry. I am alive, and that is why I've updated, you see? Anyway, with the first quarter of my college sophomore year done, I have harder, more focused courses to take these next coming quarters. But that doesn't mean that I am not going to devote time to this story… as you can see, I do spend time writing other things besides my school assignments. Anyhoo, I think I'll respond to your comments from the last chapter right now… As for the next one, I hope to have it out before my 20th b-day, k? That gives me a little over a month to finish writing this situation I just threw out before you at the very end of this chapter… I hope you enjoyed what you read! And review if you'd like…
GoldAngel2: I am touched to know that you are still finding my work inspirational. I'm glad to hear that my portrayal of the Christian persecution during that time is an accurate one. Oh, I need to finish reading your first story… I can't wait to jump on reading the next one though! Take care my friend, and I pray your holidays were and continue to be blessed!
Yannick: Thanks, I need to get back… even though I took yet another (unwilling) break from this story yet again.
JDFielding: Hiya! It's been waaaay too long since I last updated, but I pray that this update was okay. All the little scenes I threw in the last chapter were fun to write, especially the situation between Kaoru and Yahiko. I was inspired by one of my bratty nephews and an argument we had over something trivial. Anyway, I hope you do continue reading… you are one of the few faithful readers/reviewers that I have.
Chell: You know how painstakingly long I've been slaving to get these past two chapters out…I wonder if this chapter will work out as well as the last one had, the absence of both character and author included. If not, I just hope this turns out to be a nice Christmas present for those of you who continue to pay attention to my little story.
Misumi kanegawa: Thanks for the nice note! I was glad to be back then, and even happier to return now.
Mato-ko: I will press on and finish this fic, I promise! And I'm glad you liked the last chapter, I hope this one is just as satisfying.
Kik-ting: Yes, Kenshin needs to have the courage to say something to Kaoru… Too bad for him in this past chapter though, he had the courage but never a free opportunity in which to display it. And yeah, the drop in reviews was on the weird side, but I guess it goes with all the clean up that has been doing for the last year or so.
Alli: Yes, I am alive… barely, heh heh. Anyway, the WAFF was on its way, but the other characters didn't really give our favorite couple the chance. The next chapters will be different though, that much I'll tell you. I hope you will not join the throng of readers that are about ready to burn me up at the stake for disappearing yet again… I have my reasons and lack of time was one of them. Hope you like this last chapter though ).
Ari and Kat: Yay, I have another loyal reader! Please know that I am very grateful for your fidelity. There was a weird thing that happened with Kenshin's thought… this new program from fanfiction jacked up my document, and I hope that doesn't happen again. Anyways, it wasn't too important at the time, and I'm sure it'll be addressed in the future (Kenshin's thought, that is).
Ariliana: I'm glad you find my story different, and in a good manner, no less. I pray the rest of the story continues to flow as well as what I've already written. I'm in a constant state of change, praying that my work doesn't come out as dry as I believe it to be at times. Thank you for your encouraging and kind words.