Okay... trying to get back into the weekly update thing, but life's still a bit hectic around here. But... here's the latest chapter for you. I hope it's not a disappointment for one reason or another... please keep the reviews coming in.

Chapter 12

I woke up the next morning feeling more rested than I had in weeks, even months. It was the most wonderful feeling… as if every trouble I ever had was a dream and nothing at all was wrong with my life.

Then, obviously, that fragile illusion shattered. My body felt better, but my head was still very much in turmoil over every little thing from school work to the news I had received only last night. Not even the sound of Erik's voice, which seemed almost like a dream too, could rid me of the realities I had to face.

But I had little choice but to face them. Another day in bed, doing no work and not attending lessons… wallowing in my own self-pity, was out of the question, unless I wanted to drag myself further down. I didn't want matters to get even more out of my hands.

Not that I felt things could get much worse than they already were.

So, in spite of my mood and everything else, I dragged myself out of that bed, dressed like a brain-dead zombie and shuffled off to the dining room for breakfast, praying that nothing else bad was going to happen to me today. I swore that if I had to deal with one more problem I was going to snap.

My less than cheerful disposition was duly noted by everyone else at the table, who leaned forward to hear what exactly was wrong. I related the story to them and although I could see the sympathy in their faces, I noticed that none of them offered to help me out by inviting me to stay. I wasn't particularly motivated to try and find an alternative to going home and spent the entire day in a sulk, only explaining it to a few who pressed me to find out why I was upset. But I was sent into a panic the next day because the housemistress said anyone living abroad had to report to her about their plans for half-term and I still wasn't sure what I wanted to do. Secretly I hoped that Meg would offer to help me out, but before I could work up the courage to ask her, she gave me an unfortunate reminder.

"I wish I could help you out," she moaned as we walked back from class. "But I guess if you can't afford to fly to Rome you can't afford to fly to Germany with me."

I cursed silently in my head. That's right… Meg lived abroad too. And I couldn't really expect her to pay for my flights. In fact I didn't really expect anyone to take me in for that holiday. Not because I thought they disliked me... more because I assumed they would all want time to themselves for the holiday and I didn't want to intrude. I would probably feel the exact same way if I were in that position.

Unfortunately, on this occasion, I was left with the short end of the stick, and time was running out. Pretty soon I would have to inform my housemistress of my plans for half-term, and at the moment I had no idea as to what I might do. My last resort would be to stay with some of Paula's family, an idea that was not wholly appealing to me. Not because I disliked her family, but the fact that I didn't know them perhaps as well as I should, and it was liable to be an uncomfortable week if I did end up staying with them.

"Any idea what you're going to do instead?"

I woke myself out of my thoughts and shrugged in answer to Meg's question as we walked back from class.

"I don't know. If nothing else comes up I'll be staying with my step-mum's sister and that…" I trailed off and made a demonstrative slitting motion across my throat. Meg made a sympathetic face before focusing her gaze over my shoulder somewhere.

"Here comes trouble," she said with a wink. "I'll make myself scarce."

She darted off with a quick goodbye before I could work out what she meant, but when I turned I saw Richard heading in my direction with a look of enthusiasm on his face that confused me. It wasn't in keeping with his initial expression of concern when I told him about my half-term holiday crisis. I'd only managed to briefly explain to him what was going on yesterday and he'd looked upset and worried for me.

"What's up with you?" I asked as he got close enough to kiss my cheek, and I could see clearly the gleam of excitement in his brown eyes. "You look like you've won the lottery or something."

"Not quite," he beamed happily. "I've got some good news for you though."

"Oh good…" I muttered, though without much conviction. "I like good news."

He shot me a pretend scowl and then took my arm, leading me quickly away from the other students rushing around the busy courtyard. I was intrigued by his inexplicable fervour and itched to hear whatever it was he had to say. Once we had found an empty classroom Richard shut the door behind us and turned to look at me.

"Okay, come on. What's got you grinning like a Cheshire cat?" I asked, unable to hold back my own smile.

"You're going to love me for this," he insisted. "I called my parents last night and told them how you couldn't go home for half-term. And I asked them if it'd be okay for you to come and stay with us. They said it'd be great, since they haven't seen you for years. What do you think?"

For a few seconds I could only stared in surprise. He was still grinning as if he had come up with the solution to world hunger, and I was temporarily speechless at the generosity of the suggestion. But quickly my gratitude was supplanted by the strange realisation of how unappealing the offer was. My initial reaction was to be happy that someone was offering to take me in at all, but this was clouded over by the fact that this was Richard, not one of the other girls. Richard was a guy… and even though I was touched by his offer, and wasn't adverse to the idea of seeing his parents again after so long, I couldn't help feeling concerned and more than a little hesitant.

Richard must have seen something of my feelings written in my expression, because his excitement died down a little and his handsome face contorted into a frown.

"Are you okay?"

Realising that I had to say something, even if it was a polite refusal, I swallowed and tried to smile.

"That's really sweet, Richard. I really appreciate it."

The frown remained in place. "But?" he prompted when I hesitated again.

"But… I just don't know if it's a good idea. I don't know if I'd feel comfortable with it."

"What are you talking about?" he asked disbelievingly. "You always liked my parents when we were little."

Inwardly I winced, and saw the danger of the conversation that was sure to follow. How was I supposed to tell Richard, my boyfriend, that it was staying with him was what would make me feel uneasy. Even if we had been going out for over a month, I wasn't ready for the pressure I was sure would come from staying with him in his home for a week. Even here at school I sometimes felt pressured to take our relationship a step further… something that I did not feel ready for.

But how could I tell Richard this without hurting his feelings?

"It's… it's not your parents…" I began.

Almost immediately he caught on to what I was thinking and I saw his expression slowly change to one of intense hurt.

"You don't want to come and stay with me?"

Hastily, I tried to undo the damage I had already done. "It's not that I don't want to. I just don't think I'd feel comfortable with it."

I realised I was repeating myself, and that this wasn't doing anything for the situation. Richard seemed to be forming his own misconstrued explanation of my emotions and when he next spoke, it was with pronounced bitterness.

"You think I'm only doing this to get you in bed, or something? You think that's the only reason I want to go out with you?"

I was too shocked to respond for a few seconds. It was barely a question at all… it was more like a statement of fact. He actually thought that was my reason. But I didn't believe for an instant that Richard was that kind of guy, and had not meant to imply that I thought as such. Yet, at the same time, just because he wasn't pushing for a more physical relationship to the extent where we were having sex didn't mean there was no pressure, whether it was intentional or not.

"I don't think that," I insisted.

"Seems like it to me," he remarked snidely before I could finish.

"Don't be like that," I said, feeling more than a little exasperated by Richard's unnecessary sulking. "I know you're not deliberately trying to pressure me into anything… but I just feel weird about the whole thing."

My hopes of placating the sudden rift that seemed to have unexpectedly appeared between the two of us were dashed when Richard laughed bitterly.

"Well if you feel that way, what the hell are we doing?"

I stared at him, disbelieving. Did he really just say that? And did he mean what I think he did? He never gave me the chance to ask, because he went on almost instantly, making assumptions that only made matters worse.

"I suppose this is the real reason you've been avoiding me? All this work is just a convenient excuse for you, right? I mean… for god's sake, Christine… if you feel 'weird'… like don't want this relationship to go anywhere… then why did we even start going out?"

Now it was my turn to be hurt. He was actually accusing me of deliberately avoiding him… when he knew I wouldn't do any such thing. He knew I had a lot of work and how important it was to me that I do well… so to me this accusation seemed horribly selfish. I didn't understand why he was being so unreasonable about it, and even though I knew it wouldn't help matters in the least, I responded angrily to the indictment.

"In case you haven't noticed I have a hell of a lot of work to do, Richard. I don't think it's very fair to accuse me of avoiding you."

"Then why, when I ask you to come and spend some time with me, do you say no?" he asked nastily.

"I told you why," I pointed out, exasperated beyond belief by Richard's behaviour. "I know y-"

But before I could finish making my point Richard raised his hands to silence me. "Let's just forget about it," he said angrily. "Forget I even asked." And with that he turned and stormed out of the room.

Staring after him, unable and unwilling to follow after him, I leaned against a nearby desk and wrapped my arms around my stomach. It was hard to believe what had actually happened. Richard and I had never had an argument before, and although this was really a series of misunderstandings and badly explained feelings, it seemed to have highlighted a hitherto unaddressed flaw in our relationship. Up until now I had never addressed the reasons why I was so reluctant to go the extra step with Richard, despite how much I liked him. But it was clear that, if we didn't reach some understanding soon, things were going to fall apart.

If they hadn't already, of course.

Later that day I told Meg the whole story while we were sitting in her room drinking tea. Her opinion of the argument was somewhat divided. To her, it appeared we had both been pretty unreasonable and, as much as I hated to admit it, she was right.

However, when she offered to help smooth things over between the two of us, I asked her not to.

"Why not? Don't you want to get back together with him?"

I shook my head. "It's not that. I mean… he had a point. I didn't feel comfortable moving on with him. There must be some reason for that."

I saw Meg nod in understanding, and then a flicker of suspicion in her eyes.

"It's not because of… you know who, is it?"

I stared at her, and for a second had trouble figuring out who she was so enigmatically referring to. Then I remembered what she knew, and finally caught on.

"Oh no…"

"Oh come on, Chris. Look, I know you're not the kind of person who'd cheat on their boyfriend… but that doesn't mean you can't feel attracted to someone else. You're only human."

I shook my head hurriedly. Even if it were true and I did feel some kind of romantic attraction to Erik… I didn't think that was the cause of my relationship with Richard coming to a standstill. I knew now that Erik had some romantic intention behind his frequent calls and, more recently, his visits… but it wasn't fair to blame him or whatever feelings I might or might not have for him for my problems with Richard. And I wasn't even ready to admit that there were feelings there worth contemplating.

"No," I said firmly. "It's nothing to do with him. I just need to get my head round a few things. You know… work out whether I want to be with Richard in the girlfriend sense or just be friends."

I looked at Meg's raised eyebrow and knew she wasn't entirely convinced, and dreaded the thought of what little ideas might be working their way inside her head. By some extraordinary stroke of luck I had managed to avoid talking to her in any great detail about Erik, but obviously she had not forgotten about the "Italian hunk". I hoped she wasn't going to start asking questions now… I really was not in the mood to dodge around, trying to work out how much I could safely tell her.

Instead of defending myself I simply returned her sceptical look with a deadpan one that eventually wore her down. We managed a small giggle between ourselves, and then, finishing the rest of my tea, I left, feeling a little insecure in myself.

Even though Meg knew little to nothing about my friendship with Erik, I couldn't help wondering if she had a point. She was quite often right about things like this… reading people's emotions and seeing what was going on in a situation even when the people involved couldn't.

The outsider sees most of the game.

For the next two or three days I wished I was the outsider. It certainly would have made things easier. Richard avoided me most of the time, and when we were forced together in lessons he was coldly polite and the atmosphere was tense. Meg continuously hounded me constantly, saying I should try and make things work with him, but I refused her help in the matter and as a result we did not reconcile with each other. Meg insisted that if one of us just apologised it would make the world of difference, but I stubbornly refused to do so, and apparently so did Richard.

I also began to worry about where Erik was. I had not heard anything from him since the night when he sang me to sleep, and while I still had Meg to talk to I felt, in his absence, I felt more and more isolated from the world. I also couldn't help wondering whether, if I were to see him again, I might finally start to work out what exactly was going on between us, now that Richard and I were all but finished as a couple. Maybe, if Meg was right, seeing Erik again would finally allow me to sort my head out about everything else.

I certainly hoped it would.

Finally, only six days before the holidays were due to start, it appeared there was no other choice left to me, I was prepared to tell my housemistress that I would be staying with my step-mother's sister and her family. Then all I would have to do was check with my father. I had pretty much resigned myself to the fact that there would be no last-minute miracle. I wasn't going home… end of story.

I was only just returning to my room, having finished my final lessons for the day and anxious for something to eat. It was already dark outside and I quickly went to shut my window to stop the bugs getting inside.

It was then I saw the pristine white envelope sitting on the window ledge. It looked as though someone had dropped it through as they passed by. There was no name written on it, but it could only be for me and, confused and worried, I slipped my finger under the seal and worked the sticky flap open carefully. When I pulled the single piece of folded paper from inside my hands were trembling, but I bit my lip and spread it out.

I felt my eyes widening as I read, over and over again, the words printed in bold black:

Christine,

I have some very urgent news. Come to the Assembly Hall as soon as possible. Do not, under any circumstances, fail to be there.

Sorry... no Erik in this chappy and a bit of a cliffhanger to finsh off. I'm so cruel, aren't I?