Here's the new chapter. I feel so tired at the moment... so I'm sorry if it's not up to usual standards. I'll probably redo it later... some of this story needs tweaking, IMHO. Like the changing perspective in chapter nine... thank you to the reviewer who pointed that out! It has now been corrected.

Anyway... on with the story.

Edit: I did a bit of rewriting of this chapter since last night. Not much has changed... I just felt it needed fleshing out a bit more, if you see what I mean. See you in a few days for the next update!

Chapter 14

The knowledge that I was going to go home, after the certainty that I would be stuck in England, away from my family, carried my mood happily through the rest of the week. I was barely daunted by having to explain this strange turn of events to my dad… who was delighted I was coming home, but curious.

"Where'd you get the money from?"

"I had some saved up… and then some of my friends pitched in." God, I hated having to lie… but telling the truth would mean telling him about Erik, and I knew that would be a huge mistake. I'd spent last night thinking up ways to dodge around the question of where the money had come from, and decided that I would come as close to the truth as I could safely get.

"You've got some very generous friends there," he said, laughing.

You have no idea, I thought privately, still hardly able to believe for myself what Erik had done. Just thinking about it… about him… brought a smile to my face that everyone at school noticed. Especially Meg.

"You're lucky," she told me. I had to tell her a slightly different story… that my dad had changed his mind and decided I could come home after all. I didn't like lying to Meg any more than I liked lying to my father, but even though she knew a little about Erik I didn't need her jumping all over the fact that my mysterious friend was now buying me trips back home. God only knew what sort of conclusions she might draw from it.

Of course, now I was faced with the rather embarrassing truth that Meg had probably been right all along. Maybe I had been kidding myself about Erik and my feelings for him. My thing with Richard was…

"Yeah… it was pretty lucky," I said, avoiding thoughts of Richard for the moment.

But it looked like Meg wasn't going to allow that to happen, because next she said as casually as possible; "So you weren't at all tempted to stay with Richard?"

I looked back at her with a raised eyebrow. "You talked to him… didn't you?" It wasn't really a question. Meg had guilt written all over her face and I threw up my hands in frustration. "Ahh… Meg! I told you to leave it."

"Hey… if I left it to you two, nothing would be happening at all."

"Well maybe that's the best way," I snapped, without thinking. Instantly Meg's interest was piqued and I gave an inward groan at her expression of curiosity, knowing what was to come.

"You don't want to get back together with him?" she asked. To her credit, she did look genuinely upset and I couldn't help feeling guilty that all her worries and effort had been for nothing. She'd always been adamant in her opinion that Richard and I were perfect for each other and I could remembered going along with it at first, even being flattered by the idea of what a perfect picture the two of us made. But maybe this picture perfect situation was not what I wanted after all…

"I think it's for the best," I told her simply, not really wanting to elaborate on my reasons, which were barely my reasons at all.

"You're not even going to talk to him?"

I sighed. No… I was going to talk to him about the whole matter. Even if we did not get back together I still wanted to set a few things straight. I didn't think being his girlfriend was the best things… but at the same time I didn't want to lose his friendship, which I still valued a great deal. If I could salvage that at least from this mess then I could be happy, and relatively guilt-free. Besides, Meg would never let me get away with not talking to him.

"When?" Meg prompted impatiently.

"Before I go home," I said, almost confirming it with myself more than Meg. I wasn't exactly looking forward to that difficult conversation.

"When you next see him?"

I gave Meg a suspicious look. "You're not going to drop this, are you." She gave a grin and a little shrug, causing us both to break into giggles. I was so glad to have her around recently. She gave me a kind of support I had not quite encountered before, even in Erik. Meg's friendship was unconditional… but sometimes I felt that Erik's was not. It didn't take much to upset him… whether it was intentional or not, but Meg had a calmness about life and everything in it that I envied. Maybe it was because my life had been so chaotic recently… I rarely had time to be calm and relaxed anymore. It almost made me wish that my life was back to its usual, boring routine.

But I did as Meg said, and shifted nervously all through English class that day, waiting until the end to pull Richard to one side. As glanced across to him, I couldn't help wanting things to be back to the way they were. Just over a week ago, we would have been sitting together, giggling quietly behind the teacher's back… holding hands under the table. I might not want to be his girlfriend anymore… but I still missed him as a friend. But now he was on the opposite side of the room, acting as though I didn't exist.

Finally the bell rang, and we were dismissed. I packed up my things in a rush to get outside before Richard, ready to double back and catch him as he left the classroom. When he walked past me, I grabbed his arm firmly, determined that he wouldn't pull away.

When he frowned down at me, I didn't know what to do. I couldn't even offer a nervous grin.

"Can I talk to you for a second?"

He looked ready to make some bitter, smart-ass comment in reply, but seemed to think better of it, because his mouth set into a grim line and he nodded. I pulled him down the corridor and into an empty classroom, hating the horrible sense of deja-vu that was coming over me. I hoped that this time we would not end up in an argument.

"So?" he asked, stuffing his hands into his pockets and giving me the look of someone whose patience would probably not last long.

I took a deep breath and, choosing my words carefully, began to speak. "I think we both owe each other an apology." I watched his face carefully, but he only raised his eyebrows and waited for me to go on. "I didn't mean to imply that you were only after me for… well, for sex. And I don't think I gave you a good enough reason for saying no about staying with you. So I'm sorry."

He lowered his head, and I looked on as he sighed, and appeared to consider my apology. I hoped he would accept it, and give me the one I felt I deserved in return. So, when he looked up, and I saw that some of the steeliness in his gaze had vanished, I felt a glimmer of hope.

"Well…" he said after a pause, "I guess that's something. And… I guess I overreacted a bit." He grinned suddenly. "Maybe a lot… if Meg's anything to go by."

Even through my surprise at seeing him smile, I felt a twinge of annoyance. "Meg's been talking to you?" He nodded, and I gritted my teeth, making a move as if to strangle the absent Meg. "Oh… that girl is dead when I get hold of her."

Richard continued to smile at me, and I forgot about Meg's little match-making antics in the face of his new good humour. I smiled back at him and, before I realised it I found myself saying; "I miss you, Richard. I hate fighting with you."

What I said must have hit a nerve, because I saw him swallow painfully and could have sworn he was holding back tears. I couldn't remember ever seeing him so hurt… not even when we were shildren. For a second I had a horrible image of him shouting at me that I had betrayed him… that somehow he knew about Erik… that Meg had maybe let slip about my strange friend, and I would be forced to confess things I really didn't want to confess. But then he appeared to recover himself and swallowed again.

"I know. Me too. And I'm really sorry, Christine."

The rush of relief was invigorating, and I felt myself break into an uncontrollable smile. Without a second thought I went to my childhood friend and put my arms around him holding him tight against myself. There was a tense moment before he responded and wrapped his own arms around me. We stood there for minutes, saying nothing… just enjoying the feeling of being friends again, before I began to pull back.

That's when it happened. I pulled away, but his arms stopped me from going too far, and before I knew it, he was leaning in to kiss me. Oh god, I should have seen it coming… I shouldn't have allowed him to think that just because we had made up we were back to the way we were. But I hadn't made it clear… and so when I turned my head away, I expected and saw the hurt come back into his expression.

"I'm sorry," I said hastily, not wanting to undo everything. "I just…" This was going to have to be a phenomenally good explanation. "I just don't think we should… be together that way."

His forehead creased, and his expression remained hurt and confused. "But you said…"

"I know… and it's true. I missed you, as a friend. I don't want to lose your friendship, Richard. And… maybe the best way to avoid that is to stay friends. Friends and nothing else."

Inwardly, I braced myself for an angry onslaught… a hurt outburst… but instead I got a pained, hurt silence that was much worse. Guilt welled up, even as I acknowledged that this was probably for the best.

"That's all you see me as?" he asked quietly. "Just a friend?"

I faltered. How did I see Richard? I couldn't be sure… all I could remember… and all that made sense to me, was the conversation that had taken place between Erik and I only two nights ago, during one of our little, late-night music practices in the Assembly Hall. I could still feel his hands touching my long curls, weaving them between his fingers as he spoke to me, coaching me through my scales.

"Erik?" I asked when there was a break in our music.

As often happened, he only murmured to show that I had his attention. It had been so hard to concentrate on my question though… with him stroking my hair so tenderly, and the way he was humming hadn't helped in the least. The tune wove into my thought pattern and seemed to want to lead it in other directions of its own choosing… but I refused to give in to that spell at that moment.

"It's about Richard."

Both the humming and the soft caresses stopped abruptly. I knew that I should have expected it. We had never spoken about Richard before in such a direct way, and certainly not my relationship with him. But I had needed his opinion on something… I was too confused to figure it out by myself. Still… I felt nervous knowing I had touched on a delicate subject, and feeling his gloved fingers so close to my neck made me extremely wary.

When he didn't speak, I decided I would have to go on… anything to put an end to the stony silence that had descended on us. "I don't know what to do about him. I feel bad that we had a fight and everything… but I just… I don't know if I…"

I had trailed off, feeling stupid and frustrated at being unable to articulate my thoughts properly. But to my surprise, Erik seemed to understand. From behind me, he spoke softly and evenly…

"Perhaps you see him in a different way to how he sees you," he suggested reasonably. "I've seen you with him - your reluctance…"

I awoke a little from the trance-like state I had been lulled into. Even though I readily admitted to what Erik called my 'reluctance', I couldn't help being disturbed by the idea that he had been watching me and Richard together. How long had he been watching? I could hazard a guess at why after what had happened between us but…

Erik's fingers brushed my forehead as they resumed their tender caresses over my skin and hair, and my train of thought grew hazy once again as he continued speaking.

"Perhaps… he is merely a part of your past. A memory… best left in peace."

I tried to question this… it sounded such a strange thing to say, but Erik's caresses seemed to prevent coherent speech and I barely managed a questioning murmur.

"He reminds you of a time when your life was simple… when your family was complete and your world was a safe place. He is from that memory when your mother was alive… that memory you want so much to be a reality."

In spite of so many things wrong with this view, I could feel myself steadily beginning to see the point behind Erik's argument. Perhaps it was just some repressed feelings from all those years ago… mixed with the nostalgia I felt at remembering those times – like when Richard and I had gone swimming in the river near my house and both come down with a fever… which my mother had nursed me through. Or all the time when she used to sing me to sleep when I woke up from some horrific nightmare. Just thinking about those times now brought to the surface that deep sense of longing. It wasn't that I regretted the way my life was now… not all of it anyway. I loved my family… Paula and Joseph were part of my family now.

But this didn't mean that, now and again, I didn't wish my mother was still alive.

"Perhaps you shouldn't see him anymore," said the soft voice behind me. "It's unhealthy for you to think like that."

My exact thoughts towards this advice had been confused and hesitant… I wasn't entirely sure how correct this guidance was. After all, Richard was my friend if nothing else…

"Christine?"

Richard's voice brought my speeding back to the present time and I shook my head. For some reason my thoughts felt all foggy… as if my brain were full of sticky cobwebs and I had to really concentrate to see clearly through them.

"Sorry…" I mumbled like someone who'd just been woken up from a deep sleep. "I just don't think we see each other in the same way." Almost instantly I realised I was starting to reiterate Erik's own words, and I put a stop to that instantly. I had wanted Erik's opinion… not a prepared break-up speech. I remembered something that I had wanted to say. "I think it would be better if we just stayed friends… at least until I get my head sorted out. You said yourself we never have enough time together. It's not fair for me to tie you down like this."

There was a pause as my words sank in, and I watched his face carefully to see his reaction. It had seemed reasonable enough to me and as I saw Richard nod slowly, I knew he saw the reasoning behind it too. He even, to my astonishment, smiled down at me.

"So this is more like a break?"

I faltered. That wasn't precisely what I had had in mind and I braced myself for a possible misunderstanding.

"It's a bit more than that, Richard," I told him as gently as possible. "I need some time to myself… no commitments. I just can't deal with so much at once… it's running me into the ground."

To my relief, and slight guilt, my point seemed to sink in this time, but even though the disappointment was clear on his handsome face, there was a warm friendly understanding that I welcomed the sight of.

"We still get to be friends though, right?" he said just before I left.

Even as I remembered Erik's words… his recommendation to stay away from Richard to avoid complicating my emotions, I knew that I couldn't do any such thing, and I readily agreed that we would still be friends, no matter what. I didn't care if Erik was right about my feelings for Richard being just the product of nostalgia… he was still a good friend; one that I didn't want to give up.

As I sat in the coach the next day, on my way to the airport, with Chopin's Waltz in C sharp Minor playing softly in my ears, I felt more at peace with life than I had for some time. Relaxed and ready for a week of doing as little as possible, I couldn't help smiling at the possibility that everything might, after all the fuss and drama, turn out okay in the end. I had time to get my head straight now… time to be with my family…

And, an errant little thought told me slyly, time to be with Erik.

Sorry... not muchErik. But don't worry, he will be appearing much more over the next few chapters. I hope Christine's little flashback of the conversation with Erik was clear enough. I didn't think I needed to put it in italics... but if that would make it easier for some people, please let me know.