Yeah, I know... late update again. I should have mentioned in my last update that the last week and next week are going to be pretty busy and I won't get much time to write anything. Hopefully in two weeks or so I'll be back on track. Until then, please bear with me... and enjoy this new chapter.

Chapter 22

I was starting to get the impression that my life had hit rock bottom. As if I didn't have enough problems… enough things to worry about without the police being added into the mix. On my way back to the boarding house I looked up at the sky despairingly.

"What did I do to deserve this?" I asked, as if God were hovering up in the clouds, listening. Somehow I doubted it. Given the state of things, I was beginning to wonder if He had ever been there at all.

And the police being here… it would probably make matters worse between me and Erik. He was already suspicious of me. What would he think now? That I would betray him again? As I thought about our last meeting, the way he had behaved, then I could well imagine him growing angry yet again, even if this was technically his fault. But now I knew just how unreasonable he could be, especially when his temper was up… the very thought of it made me reach up to my throat yet again.

Well, at least hopefully I would not have to face him anytime soon. For all I knew he might not even be in England yet. He had said he would follow me 'soon'. Maybe that meant he had something to do back in Italy that would keep him there.

Hopefully that would at least give me the opportunity to try and solve this new problem, and, of course, talk to Richard. There was no way I could avoid him after what he had seen before. Angry and distressed, I twisted that infernal ring around my finger, and pulled it off. Looking at it, lying on my palm, it was hard to believe that I could regard something so simple with such loathing, but it represented so much to me… so much that I didn't want to have to think about.

I wondered if I dared hurl it away from me… drop it in a gutter somewhere. But no sooner had that thought entered my head that tears sprang to my eyes and I closed my fist around the little gold band. I couldn't hurt Erik by discarding this gift. More importantly, I couldn't bear the thought of what he might do to me if he saw it was gone.

All through the rest of the day I waited for some word from Richard. Every single one of my lessons, even Music, seemed to drag by. I looked at the clock, and only a minute would have passed, but it would feel like an hour. My music teacher couldn't understand what was wrong with me, and even tried to wheedle my problems out of me.

"You do know you can talk to me if you need to?" she said, her arm around my shoulders.

"I know," I replied, almost choking on the lump that had risen in my throat. If I told her anything that would just be another innocent person in danger.

"Is it boy trouble?" she asked unknowingly.

I left the room in tears.

Finally, as the end of the afternoon approached, I ran out of patience and sent a message to Richard's mobile. It read: I REALLY NEED 2 SEE U. MEET ME BEHIND THE GYM AT 5:00. My heart felt like it was going to explode as I pressed the 'send' button. I was aware of the monumental betrayal I was about to commit against Erik. But telling Richard was a necessary evil now, and all I could hope was that Erik would not be here to witness it, and would never find out what I had done.

I started when my phone buzzed and beeped. A text message… and it was from Richard. It said, quite simply: SEE U THERE. The blunt coldness of the message made my chest tighten, but I had to content myself with the fact that at least he was giving me a chance to explain things and not just cutting me off.

Waiting for Richard to arrive behind the gym was like waiting for some kind of death sentence, and I varied between pacing back and forth to leaning against the wall, fidgeting. Two younger boys rounded the corner, and I nearly panicked, but then settled. They both gave me strange looks, obviously bemused by my attitude, but I lowered my eyes to the ground and waited for them to leave. I only looked up again when they were out of sight.

"Christine?"

Richard's voice made every muscle in my body go rigid, and I turned almost like a doll on a music box, stiff and robotic. He didn't looked good… pale, worried but, I noted with surprise, not angry. I just hoped he wouldn't be angry after hearing what I had to say.

"Hi," I said, biting my lip when there was only a long, uncomfortable silence. "I… er… can we go for a walk?" I asked nervously.

He shrugged, and that only made me feel worse. So we set off for the woods, where hopefully no one would hear or disturb us. Most people were out on the sports pitches, playing rugby or whatever. I had excused myself from sports for the day, and I guessed Richard had done the same. We could hear the coach shouting as we moved away, until gradually there was only the nearby birds in the trees to hear us.

I was still wracking my brain for something to say, wondering where the hell I was meant to begin with my explanation, when Richard suddenly spoke up.

"I guess all this is pretty serious."

For a second I stared at him. Part of me wanted to tell him, angrily "well of course this is serious, you idiot" before I realised that he didn't yet know how serious things were. When I frowned in confusion he went on.

"I got called into the headmaster's office this morning, probably just after you." He waited a second, allowing the meaning of this statement to sink in. And it did, slowly, the reality tightening around my chest until I couldn't breathe. Now at least I understood what the detective had meant by the question "would anyone choose to act on your behalf?" Did they actually think that…?

"Richard… I…" I couldn't think what to say.

"I though it was bad enough… finding out about…" he trailed off, but I knew what he was referring too, and the ring on my finger seemed to burn against my skin suddenly. "But now I'm being interview by the police for god's sake! Do you know what they think I did? Do you have any idea how bad this is?"

Tears were coming already and I knew it was useless to try and fight them at this point. "It gets worse," I choked out before bursting into loud, noisy sobs. I covered my face with my hands as I cried, allowing myself this breakdown and knowing it probably wouldn't be the only one that would occur as I tried to explain things to Richard.

A pair of warm arms went around me, gentle and comforting. Richard pulled me against his chest and cradled me, one hand holding the back of my head, entangled in thick brown hair. For a long time I just let my sobs come as I clung to my ex-boyfriend, grateful for this comfort he was offering, even when he should have been angrily yelling at me and walking out of my life for good.

"Come on, Chris… you've got to tell me what's going on."

I nodded against his chest and pulled back a little wiping my eyes. It took a few deep breaths and lots of sniffing for me to get myself under control. I almost lost it again when I saw how genuinely concerned Richard was, but sucked in another breath.

"I… I know who did it. I know who poisoned Charlotte."

His eyes widened a little. "What? If you know then why didn't you just tell them?"

"I can't!"

"What do you mean you can't?" He was nearly shouting now. I flinched at his expression of outrage, but I really couldn't blame him for being angry. "Or would you rather I got blamed for this? Or you?"

"You don't understand," I replied frantically. "If I tell them who did it then it'll just make things worse!"

"How the hell could things get worse?"

My desperation reached a peak, and finally, unable to articulate my dilemma in words, I pulled my hair away from my neck and peeled back the collar of my shirt, knowing all too well what would be revealed to Richard. I watched the colour drain from his face as he reached out and touched the purple marks on my throat. I winced as he pressed one a little too hard, and he drew back in shock.

"Jesus, Christine… who did this to you?"

I shut my eyes and took a deep, shuddering breath.

"Erik."

There it was. The real betrayal… telling someone his name. It was like the world held its breath with me as I waited to hear what Richard would say now, with that look of horror now mixed with one of confusion.

"Who… who's Erik?"

My god, I didn't want to have to explain all this, but it was far too late to say I couldn't. Nothing could make Richard forget what he already knew and what I had just shown him. But Erik…

"He's…" I began, then had to stop to get my sobs back in check. "I met him in Rome."

I could see this piece of information sinking in, and watched it being added with everything else I had already told Richard. Even in my own head I knew how it sounded. In fact I found myself growing aware of just how despicable my behaviour had been over the past few months. Now I realised just how stupid I had been… how childishly romantic and naïve. I should never have gotten involved with Erik… never let things get so out of hand.

Suddenly I hated myself more than ever.

"So is he the one who gave you… that too?" Richard asked, gesturing towards my left hand with a look of such loathing I wanted to cut off the offending limb.

"He's the reason for everything," I said miserably. "This…" I held up my hand, "these…" I gestured at my throat, "even Charlotte."

Richard's expression stiffened ever so slightly. "Is he the reason you broke up with me too?"

Guilt welled up painfully. "I don't know," I said, which was partly true. "He… I was confused. The things he said to me about us… I don't know. Maybe he was the reason." From the expression on his face, Richard was not happy with this explanation, so I resorted to the truth. "I thought I loved him."

"And now you don't?"

I shook my head. "I don't know. Maybe but… he scares me. What he did to me… even what he did to Charlotte." Again I gestured to the marks on my neck helplessly.

"Why did he do that to her?" Richard asked.

"To get her out of the way. So I could perform in the concert instead of her."

He still looked confused. "But that's crazy… why did he need to do that?"

"I don't know… maybe because Charlotte had been picking on me all the time. And he thought I deserved to sing. He…" Another tightening around my chest. "He knew how much it meant to me." I gave a sad little shrug.

"He did it for you?"

Nodding, I lowered my eyes, unable to look him in the face as I replied. "He's in love with me."

Richard visibly stiffened at this, and I could only imagine what he was thinking. I waited to see what he would say next, and was surprised that it was concern, not anger, that lay in his words.

"If that's true then what about these?" he asked, indicating the marks on my throat.

Swallowing hard, I began to explain what had happened between me and Erik over the half-term break. Obviously I left out certain details, hardly able to bear the thought of telling Richard every single intimate event. It was hard enough to deal with the memory of just how much I had been in love, and how blissfully happy I had been with Erik in the time before I removed his mask.

"He was so… gentle," I said, leaning up against a nearby tree as I recounted certain events. "And then suddenly he was like a completely different person. And I know I shouldn't have done it but…" I trailed off again and lowered my head. It was no use declaring how much I wanted to reverse time… far far back…

"What did… what did he look like?"

Bile rose in my throat at the question, regardless of how inevitable it had been. "He… oh god, Richard… it was awful. I didn't believe anyone could look like that." New sobs threatened to rise as I remembered poor Erik's face, twisted with pain and misery at my betrayal and then filled with such anger… "He looks like… like someone who's been dead for a year. Like…" Unable to go on I simply shook my head, and felt two tears slide down my cheeks.

There was a long silence and finally I had to look up at Richard. He was just standing there, watching me cry, and I saw how pained his expression was.

"You still love him, don't you."

It was more like a statement than an actual question, but I shook my head in response to it. "I told you, I don't know. I mean… I suppose I do, but now I'm scared to even be near him. I hate being so scared… not being able to trust him like I used to."

Yet another long, painful silence. I was aware how much it must hurt Richard to hear all these things, since he felt so much for me. Part of me knew that my feelings for him had not died. I was still unsure whether Erik had been right in his belief that my feelings for Richard were only nostalgic memories of a childhood crush. Wasn't that a form of love after all? And an emotion such as that had to be strong to survive all this time.

Without thinking I went to him and put my arms around his neck. Holding him tight, I said, quietly, "I'm sorry… I'm so sorry for everything."

After a few seconds I felt his arms go around me and I nearly cried with relief. It was nice, even for such a sort time, to feel safe and protected, knowing that Richard would never ever put his hands on my neck and try to squeeze the life from me… never frighten me so terribly…

"I'm so scared," I whispered into his shoulder. "I'm so scared of what he's going to do. I don't want him to hurt me, or my family… or you."

There was a pause as we simply held each other, lost in our individual thoughts, before Richard finally spoke again. "You really think he would do that? Hurt the people around you?"

"Maybe… if it meant keeping me with him."

"He's that obsessed?"

Wincing at the word 'obsessed', but unable to disagree with its use, I merely nodded against his shoulder and clung tighter to him, feeling him squeeze me in his arms.

"Christine, you've got to go to the police. Tell that detective… they'll get you some help. They'll protect you."

I shook my head. "I can't tell them. I just can't… I can't turn Erik in."

"Because you love him?"

I gave an exasperated sigh. "It's not just that. Richard… you know what they'll do to him if they catch him. The media… his face will be all over the news. The tabloids would tear him to pieces! You can't ask me to do that to him."

"Christine," and here he took me firmly by the arms and shook me a little. "Look at yourself. No matter how this guy looks he's got no right to do this to you. He deserves to go to prison for what he's done."

Looking at him despairingly, I shook my head. "I can't. He doesn't deserve to suffer anymore than he already does."

"He can't use his face as an excuse! People get born with all kinds of deformities all over the world. You hear about them on the news. And they don't do around threatening and hurting people. They get help. Maybe if we turn him in he can get some help… deal with his problems."

A hearing these words a jolt of understanding went through my body. I stared at Richard and then felt my head slowly nodding of its own accord as my thoughts began to rush forward. He was right, in a sense. No matter the deformity… it didn't excuse actions like the ones Erik had committed. But there was an element of it that might help me to understand Erik… understand the way he thought. Richard was most definitely right about one thing: people born with such deformities… more often than not there was some media attention. Perhaps…

"What? What are you thinking?" Richard asked, seeing my expression.

"You just made me think of something," I said, shaking my head dismissively. "And… I do see what you mean. But I still can't turn him in. Even if I could, I don't think it would do any good. He's managed to avoid the police in Italy."

"What do they want him for over there?"

"That's the point!" I said frantically. "They don't even know he exists. Hardly anyone does. They all think this man committed suicide, but I know Erik had something to do with it. So how do I know telling the police about him will help? It might just put more people in danger. They might not even believe me!"

Richard, I could see, understood this. Even as I went through the scenario in my head it sounded ridiculous. What policeman in their right mind would believe some fantastical story about a masked man who lived beneath the city of Rome? They would probably just think it was a made up… a convenient lie to cover up the fact that we poisoned Charlotte. And then Richard might go to prison… and then who could I go to? No one could protect me from Erik… even Richard. The risk I had taken letting him in on the secret might have been foolish and unnecessary, but the strain of dealing with this alone had become too much.

"But if you don't then what happens? What's this Erik going to do to you?"

"I don't know," I said quite honestly. I had no idea what Erik had planned for me. Maybe he planned on hiding me away with him forever in that underground labyrinth. God, I hoped not. Or, maybe, that would be a mercy. If it meant hat no one else would be in danger then maybe it would be best jus to give in to whatever Erik wanted.

But what about what I wanted? A normal life? A career? To become a famous singer? How could I have any of that living underground?

"Well…" Richard said, a look of determination spreading over his handsome face, "I'm not going to let him do this to you. I'll help you… somehow."

This sentiment was heart-warming and at least succeeded in bringing a smile to my face. I highly doubted Richard could do much to protect me, but just knowing that he was there for me and willing to help made me feel just the slightest bit better. And who knew… maybe he could come up with something. Maybe he could save me from this nightmare.

Feeling so indebted to him, I again put my arms around his neck and held him tight. Once again I revelled in the safety of his arms, but was struck by a wave of sadness as I remembered that Erik had once inspired the same feeling of safety in me, sometimes just with the power of his voice. Trembling, I fought back tears as I hugged him tighter, wishing there was some way for me to understand my true feelings not just about him and Erik but about everything that was happening.

And perhaps there was a way to do that.

"We should get back," Richard said suddenly, and when I looked at the time I realized he was right. I had to go back to the boarding house. Nodding, I pulled back from him, but not before he placed a soft, reassuring kiss on my forehead. Even though it startled me to feel this, I sound myself smiling, tears brimming in my eyes. He really did forgive me for what had happened… for falling in love with someone else.

If only Erik's forgiveness were so easy to gain.

"What are you going to do now?" he asked as we walked back.

"I don't know. I've got an idea… but I don't know if it'll help much. If it does I'll let you know."

"Okay… I'll give you a call tonight."

"Okay."

On instinct, as much in gratitude as anything else, I kissed his cheek. But I wouldn't allow myself any more than that. I didn't want my thoughts and feelings to get any more confused than they already were. And besides… allowing myself to feel something for Richard again… something that was more than friendship… that would be too great a danger to his life.

I walked back to the boarding house, full of a new determination. Talking to Richard had helped a little, not just with giving me an idea, but my attitude felt somewhat better. Got it off my chest, I thought to myself with a small smile. Well… obviously not completely. The problem was still there… and it wasn't going to go away just this minute, as much as I wished it would.

That was the thing… I realised. I cried and complained about all my problems with Erik… saying how miserable I felt and how despairing… but I had been dealing with all this for barely a week. Erik had dealt with it all his life. This mistrust of people… his anger at the world in general. How could I possibly have the nerve to cry about how bad my life was going when Erik's was infinitely worse. Even though Richard was right when he said that other people with deformities didn't go to the lengths Erik had, I couldn't help feeling a little understanding about the things he had done, no matter how terrible.

And if other people didn't go to those lengths… then why would Erik? There had to be some explanation, I told myself. Somewhere in his past…something must have taken place that turned him into this distrustful and violent man. He had told me that he wanted to leave his memories of France, the country of his birth, undisturbed. But now I felt that the only way to understand Erik was to go back and unearth whatever it was he had been hiding. I didn't know what my search was going to throw up, but it was all I could think of to do.

I was shaking just thinking of doing this… but it had to be done.